Alright so some shit just went down and I'm arguing with my family and this lawyer

Alright so some shit just went down and I'm arguing with my family and this lawyer.

So here's what happened:
>be me, 6'4", tall well built, 22
>I'm chilling out at the grocery store
>buying food after work for the week
>some clumsy chick dropped something on the floor
>as she bends over to pick it up I check her out like any normal male
>thick and short, easily 8+/10
>as she picks it up the clutz drops something else
>I see an opportunity so I walk up to her and ask if she needs some help as I smile and pick it up.
>she smiles and says thank you
>her face is a smooth 7/10
>I chat with her a little bit
>turns out she goes to school in the area and lives in the area
>tell her we should hang out some time and we exchange numbers
--a day later--
>hit her up after work
>We meet up at a local park in her neighborhood
>We laugh and joke around a bit
>some of the kids in the area say seem to know her
>think it's odd but think she's just good with kids or a local babysitter
>"hey user, my parents aren't home. They went out for my mom's birthday. So maybe we could watch a movie or something."
>I tell her "Netflix?" with a grin on my face
>She smiles and giggles a little then says yeah
--fast forward a little bit--
>we're watching twilight (I'm trying my hardest not to leave at this point.)
>She notices I'm a little bored
>"user, there's something in my room I want to show you."
>finally shitty movie is about to pay off
>"c'mon it'll be fun"
>her room has dolls in it and it's oddly 'childish'
>I'm talking diary, wallpapers of twilight characters, ECT.
>Spidey senses tingling
>I ask her isnt she too old for all this stuff as I laugh to bait her real age
>She laughs as well looking embarrassed
>"Im 18 you little jerk."
>she points to her drivers license card on her dresser
>shrug, Ive seen stranger
>tease her about it a little more
>we play around on her bed and end up fucking
>shortly after we finish she makes me leave before her parents arrive

Other urls found in this thread:

youtube.com/watch?v=ijgh5Hxdrz4
twitter.com/AnonBabble

Cont.

---next week---
>get a call from random number
>"boy you are fucked!, this is femanon's dad and I am going to fucking kill you"
>play dumb
>"don't fuck with me boy I saw all of your messages, she told me what you did!! You think it's okay to fuck kids? I'm gonna fuck you up!"
>claims I raped his daughter and that she's underage
>know he's bullshitting since I saw her license
>hang up in his face
>call girl and find out what the fuck is going on
>"I-im sorry user"
>turns out her parents were suspicious and took her phone so she squeaked
>not only that but her license was a fake she got from her uncle
>turns out she's 8
>at this point it dawned on me how bad I fucked up
>her dad filed a case against me
>family finds out
>dad knows a lawyer
>They tell me their disgusted in me and that my only option is to plead guilty for a shorter sentance.
>try to tell them it was setup
>"No excuse!"

Fuck me, how the hell was I supposed to know she was lying? Dont get me wrong sge was short, but im tall as shit. Everyone is short to me, and she was tall for her age. Not to mention the fact that she had an ID, like how am I supposed to know it was a fake. Shit looked real, why would she even have a fake one?

My penis has gotten me in some deep shit, isn't there some kind of law to protect me?

Happens all the time. Don't fret

LOOOOL. Holy shit. I was all like "damn. This dudes gonna get rekt for diddlin a 17 year old. Then it it cuts to
>turns out she's 8
>Everyone is short to me

Ruined me

c'mon you fuck you couldn't tell she was 8? You deserve to go to jail just for being this autistic.

>turns out she's 8
I was with you up to this point.

Officer Hopps is on duty

Lawyer here

First off great bait I did lol, but assuming the story is real Statutory Rape is a strict liability crime, so you can get convicted even if you didn't intend/knowingly/recklessly/negligently fuck an 8 year old.

GG OP

Hey guys, sup. Guy from comment above you. Just wanted to ask if you can keep your reactions down. Im high as shit giggling at 3am.

Even motherfucking Stevie Wonder could seperate an 8 year old from an 18 year old you motherfucking dumbass bitch OP

hahhahhahahhhaaahhahahahahahaha
hahhahhahahhhaaahhahahahahahaha
*breathes in*
Hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahah

>high as shit
>high
Shit.

Nice copypasta, faggot.

TOPPEST OF TOPKEKS

as

No, you deserve to go to jail for being this autistic

Not even eight-year-olds watch Twilight.

This is true but you could still catch a break from a jury if she recants and says you never fucked her or if the jury buys your story and feels sorry for you. Big risk with an 8 year old, though.

i've read some shitty made up stories, but confusing an 8 year old for an 18 year old...

FFS you've hit a new low Sup Forums

Seek medical attention

I cringed at netflix?

I'm sure fake, but the fake ID would have been due diligence and got you off in that situation. Unless she looked super underage.

Not too quick are ya buddy.

>be me
>8 years old
>get fake license from my uncle
>people think i'm 18
>drive the car and stuff
>realise i need money to put petrol in the car so i can keep driving
>apply for jobs
>get full time work
>junior management at an accounting firm
>everyone likes the twilight stickers on my briefcase
>uncle still makes me suck his dick for the fake license
>opening a 401k on monday

8? If true how the fuck do you not notice!?

... dude... come on dude...

...

You seriously telling me that your penis has never taken control of your thought processing?

Have fun in your new home away from home OP, we'll miss you
Just saying if it all goes to shit, I like your route better than pic related

The whole greentext is bait/satire on how people over 6' can confuse a person under 6' with a child and vice versa. Are you that thick?

i know that feeling
still it is hard to believe
then i remember the cash me ouside girl has the body of a 20 year old but is 14.
i dont know if i should believe you

Hear, hear!

this thread is better than most ylyl threads
and that's making me sad....

Then she opens her mouth and sounds like a 7 year old kid from detroit

My penis isnt 7 Tabs of acid i can tell what a child looks like when even when im horny wtf

Jesus user. You are in some deep sheiße right here. I'm not a lawfag, so i don't know how this'll go, but if you want to make it out alive, use the fake ID to your advantage. If you can get the fake ID in play, you can use that to back your argument. In addition to getting yourself off the hook, it could also lead to the arrest of her uncle, who is likely a professional forger, which is a much better catch than a pedophile like yourself (you sick fuck), and will give the judge a win.

The jury will probably take your side if you use the ID excuse, but the height one has flaws, such as '18 year olds are never that short, and even a giant like you could notice that.'

Best of luck user.

>ITT Rocks

>aw fuck hes not going to jail since she had a fake id and he can just argue he didnt know.

>she was 8


.........

There's no fucking way this isnt a troll.

...

Well done.

Lmfao the last line killed me

she at least has pubes and boobs

Great work detective.
Any other revelations?

my sides have been destroyed.

Again shes not 8 shes 14 thats a 6 year difference which for kids is a lot

Rrrrrrrrrepost
OP is an attention whore faggot
Sage

do 8 year old girls have phones?

"Due diligence" not a defense under US law.

...

So he's supposed to be an expert in fake IDs? He questioned it, asked for ID, was shown, it looked real and it sad she was legal.

A state attorney wouldn't even file the charges. No jury or judge would convict under those circumstances, unless she looked ridiculously young.

QLD or nsw

>unless she looked ridiculously young.
Like 8?
Fuckin mooly

I’m her uncle you fucking faggot

>turns out she's 8
>her dad filed a case against me
Nice try user. If she was 8 and even in the unlikely event the parents went to a lawyer before cops, the lawyer would have told them to tell the cops and they'd be the ones at your door, kicking it in and beating your ass on the way to jail, no matter if you did it or not.

youtube.com/watch?v=ijgh5Hxdrz4
deathly obvious B8 please help with the embedded request

>Not a lawfag
Nope. But you're pretty fucking stupid to think that this shit is real.

refer to

I was super happy when I heard this dumb little cunt got her ass beat, now someone needs to do her fucktard parents

yoy beat dat pussy up?

Same.

>turns out she's 8
>Dont get me wrong sge was short, but im tall as shit

I feel ya Sup Forumsro

When she said she was going to Lincoln elementary school, that didn't seem odd? I mean, where did she say she was going to school, and for what? How did she get to the park and back? And obviously she's from the "area" if she's shopping there. You could of ommitted that, but added it like the opportunity was too good to pass up, I mean, who would have guessed a girl shopping in a store would live in the area. I mean my gosh, what a shocker.

Google strict liability, dipshit.

Statutory rape doesn't have a requisite mens rea beyond "intentional". Unless Casper the ghost possessed OP's dick and penetrated her against OP's will, there is literally no salient point here for a prosecutor/jury/judge beyond 'did he fuck her'.

So yes, the law DOES require you to be an expert on fake IDs when it comes to sex with a minor. Fucking roodypoo.

>turns out she's 8
calling bullshit