Give me the best stories in your life and I'll rate them

Give me the best stories in your life and I'll rate them.
>Fucked up shit gets double points

If i drink tea to a empty stomach like in the morning i get really nauseous and have to vomit. too bad since i really like tea.

>be me
>be shopp
>be see chocolate milk
>SALE
>2 gallons for 5 dollars
>aaaaaaaahhhhhhhsimpsonschoirintro.mp3 glorious crepuscular rays from heaven
>get milk
>drive hoem fast, move bitch get out da way
>begin drinking sweet choco goodness
>first gallon dringking down velvety goodness like a madman
>glugglugglugglug
>glass after glass
>?
>stomach feel funny
>mfw haven't drank melk in years
>ohno
>toilet time do not pass go
>assblast 5000
>literally have diaper rashe
>allergicreaction.exe
>walking like cowboy in old western movie
>owwwwwwwwwwww
>my vegeta is itchy and swollen
>mfw i still have 1.2 gallons to drink
>cheers

about last week I got stalked by an actual fucking demon

>be me
>searching abandoned house with a few friends
>clear every room, nothing
>get to the attic, see a car pull up outside
>I stay to watch the car and others wait in the middle of the attic
>get back and we all hear a sound, like someone tossed a fucking toddler down the staircase
wtf.jpg
>no sign of anything that fell down the stairs, nothing was heard on the first flight of stairs
so yeah pretty spooky. I never found out what actually happened, might have to go back there sometime

you could always eat something with your tea.

dummy.

Was in Dubai for a few years, had some extra cash on me, and decided it was off to the shaggings (there are tons of hot escort girls there). I got one of the most expensive ones for 600$ an hour. This was not a regular experience. This was literally being treated like a king. The girl I was with was a tiny blonde, 19-year old Ukrainian model who was the hottest piece of ass any of you will see in your lives. Pic related (it's her).

Cont?

>Be me
>Wake up on Saturday morning
>Turn on PC and open youtube subscription box
>Mumkey uploaded
>Watch video
>Go on with my day
ye

Got a guy put in prison before:

>>Guy I know is roommates with another guy that we don't really like, but still hang around with for some reason.
>>Guy is moving out soon, so we decide to prank roommate while he is out one day.
>>Gonna put blue koolaid in his shampoo, turn him into a smurf.
>>We do the deed, notice his computer is still on in his room. We've had suspicions of his odd porn obsessions for a while. (Once found a folder of gay porn downloading, he tried to blow it off).
>>Start finding all kinds of weird porn. Simpcest, Sonic the hedgehog, etc. There were also photoshops of people he knew onto nude models. Then there was the CP. Kids as young as toddlers.
>>Take his hard drive, drive to police station. Later that day he starts messaging us freaking out because he noticed the drive missing. He didn't say that was the reason, just that he was panicking.
>>My buddy god audio recording of him freaking out while showering because of the blue, buddy nope'd out of there so he wouldn't be assaulted by smurf.
>>He probably was blue when he was arrested.
>>Saw his court dates later. Was supposed to give testimony but he plead guilty.

2/10
Nothing interesting at all.

Not bad, I'll rate 6/10

6.5/10 pretty nice. I'll bump the score if there's a follow up to this story.

i got caught having sex with a blow up doll in public

...

I doubt this is true but I'll believe you anyway 8/10 good work.

Instant 7/10 you're living the life.

9/10 good story.

7/10 just because it happened. You're such a faggot.

i burned and ate my neighbors cat when i was 7 i'm not sure how dead it was when i lit it on fire either

i started with hurting small bugs and insects
i liked to see them squirm and try to escape before they die and guessing what kind of guts would come out

sometimes i ate ants as well

one time adults found me and told me it was wrong it wasnt wrong to me
i learned new ways to not get punished

I love Mumkey

is that a boko no pico and naruto body pillow and no elliot body pillow is that old mumkey

Lost my virginity at 15 to a 13 year old while her sister was in the room..
Had to sneak through the living room parents fell asleep on couch
Stealth 100.

Will elaborate if people want

Do it