Story time

>story time
let's get comfy Sup Forums, just a general story thread, can be something funny, embarrassing, anything goes.

...

gave my first blowjob this month and it was fun, I'm probably gonna have sex for the first time soon as well. my room is dark and I have a lot of blankets and pillows and string lights. it's going to be cozy as fuck

wow, must've been an amazing shit

femanon?

mhm I'm a dickless nicholas

Face with time stamp I wanna see how lucky that guy was

Nice pepe

i'm lurking..
get some stories going

thanks

me too, waiting for the good ol' greeentext

I'mma write you guys a story.

>Be us in this thread
>we all just being bros
>I personally am in my bed with my covers all cozy and such
>My wife is down stairs watching some tv show
>My son just turned 3 nd has a bad cough but will be ok
>Here we are in this thread
>relaxnig
>Getting cozy
>Our rooms peaceful
>Our thoughts calm
>Getting ready to just fall into a nice sleep for the night
>Good Night Sup Forums
>See in the morning

How the fuck do I start this.....

>be me
>Junior year
>annoying jew/indian/something spawn jock asshole picking on mahfren
>wears this fucking bright ass adidas jacket to school every day
>his pride and joy
>asshole stares down me and my friends from his seat at the table of jocks
>someone from that area throws a banana peal at us
>chuck the peel at 60mph
>shatters in his jacket
>he was wearing sunglasses but I could still see the tears
>me and my friends either crack a wide-ass smile or chuckle
>teachers saw it go down, but did not see me
>book it the fuck outa there
>unscaved.png

this made me feel good and cozy and all, we are all just having a great time aren't we?

yeah good story i like it nice and cotch

*peel
sry

Did you swallow?

im about to roll a spliff and i just ate my first rare steak. My rooms cosey as fuck and theres nothing more i could wish for.

wow nice story, reminds me of my school stories, lemme share one:

>be me
>we have ipads today
>be happy because we don't usually get ipads to work with
>am done with work
>be bored
>search up porn xddd very funny
>our school shares a dropbox
>upload some porn i liked in a folder i made because am retard

>next day

>other class teacher walk in and give the whole class a scolding
>everyone new it was me
>but i told everyone to not tell because i'd kill them otherwise
>kek

knew*

mate that sounds damn near perfect.

>be me
>Stats class
>Bored
>Teacher is also my comp sci teacher
>He has a nerf gun for a stat simulation, how far they deviate from the center etc.
>has multiple pics of teacher
>Comp sci is next and I get an idea
>Make something in Photoshop that shouldn't exist
>Finds suitable canvas
>Makes a masterpiece
>He sets it as his school tablet wallpaper
Pic related

>finally chilly out
>in my warm room in sweatpants and hoodie
>all my RGB is flowing in sync
>have hot chocolate next to me
>view outside my window is over a town and I see soft lights in the distance
>supposed to have snow tomorrow
>all the good seasons are coming up
>have a loving and caring gf
>everything is warm and ok

holy fuck this sounds so fucking nice, wish i had some warm chocolate now.

life sounds nice :)

>mum gives money for whole week
>before going to school i decide to gamble some of it
>put 5 euro on slots
>repeat couple of times
>realize i've been in the same position for 4 hours
>hungry as fuck
>cant buy anything
>the fucking japanese slot machine ate all i got

it is man, it is the absolute best and I wouldn't wish for anything else

Please...let me switch lives with you...just for a day...

i realy needed this, thanks man.

I tried to while he was nutting but it was a lot so most if it overflowed out of my mouth

>watching tv
>watching show about dubai
>seeing artificial snow
>mom says "dubai has snow!?"
>i scream internally
>my mom is a dumbass

glad to see Sup Forums being nice and friendly, i'm in a very good mood right now

I lost my shit with this one 10/10

STFU

Glad this isn't you ylyl you lose, or I would have ylyl'd!

Your teacher is a bro!

> met this girl
> me and scruffy older guy helping her with some political activism
> we're all actually working against her dad
> clearly sexual tension between the two of them
> brocode. he saw her first. np
> they get into a fight
> she kisses me
> ok
> thatwasunexpected.jpg
> feelsgoodman.mp4
> end up doing major damage to one of her dad's facilities
> she always talked about how it was destroying the planet
> still never get any more action than that kiss
> feel like such a beta
> run into her dad in the city one day
> he confronts me about damage i did
> ohfuck.mpg
> get into actual physical fight with him
> he's tough
> it's like he's more machine than man
> really fucks up my hand
> end up losing my fucking hand!
> drops bombshell
> tells me he's my dad too
> all i can think about is the fact that i kissed my sister
> me and dad fought later but reconciled
> turns out his boss was the dick
> got dad to come around to our way of thinking
> he died not too long after that

Yeah alright Luke Skywalker, calm dpwn.

40yofag here. You think you have it rough? I inherited 3 - count em, three! - vacation resort hotels from my dad when he passed.

I mean, losing him was hard enough, but I barely had any time to grieve before before I was having to manage the upkeep on these hotels.

You'd think inheriting so much real estate would be a godsend and so did I at first. But I realized that it was getting harder to do the freelance jobs I was working at home, spend time with my wife and kids, AND take care of these resort properties.

I tried to integrate all these aspects into a chaotic single entity. Within the first week, the bank foreclosed on the first one.
Honestly, it was such a wreck and was losing money so I was glad to see it go.

So I was down to two. The second one, I spent an inordinate amount of time fixing it up, but in the end it was also a money pit. In the meantime I lost a major contract.

In the end, that one I had to sell at a loss.
One night last week, I had a faggy little beta breakdown, sitting on the edge of the bed, crying my eyes out like a little bitch.

My wife had told me that morning, "We miss you." My family was starting to dissolve, my day job was crumbling, and this final resort property was slipping away.

But she is a good wife. She's understanding and patient to a fault.

"You're trying to do too much at once with no structure," she said. "You need to compartmentalize. Break it all down into separate, bite-size chunks. I know you can make this last property work and turn a profit, but this is the last chance to do it!"

And it was all clear.

"What you're telling me I need to do is, CUT MY LIFE INTO PIECES. THIS IS MY LAST RESORT!"

How was everyone's day today?

Mine was pretty good. Did some lifting, went to my classes, and walked home with my friends.


...still no gf tho...

I had a hearty chuckle

>I was boyfriend to some whore.
>Decided it was time for payback.
>Got together with some 24-yo girl. A solid 7.
>She was a virgin, so that bumped her 1 point at least.
>She wasn't on the pill, but convinced her to let me come inside her.
>Forced her to take the morning after pill, but that's mostly irrelevant.
>Next day I go to my whore of an ex's house.
>I didn't even washed my dick.
>Bend her over the kitchen counter and fucked her doggy style.
>I came buckets thinking that I just injected that other girl's fluids into her pussy, along with my own.

I met a girl at a goth club last week. She wasn't one of those disobedient avocado body type "real women" but had a slim waist and hips, broad shoulders, and a wide jawline and huge round tits. I guess basically 7 or 8/10.
She had a deep smoky voice and asked if we could go back to my place. When we got to my bed, she punched me in the face (she was strong too) then knocked me down on the bed.
She pulled down her pants (not far enough for me to see her puss tho) and shit on my chest then just walked out the front door.

I *think* that means we had sex.

/comfy/ story
>Be me
>Get kicked out of parents house because i pissed them off
>It's was 8:00PM and it wad snowing outside
>Go to my car and drive to idk where (I don't have friends that i know well)
>Guess i have to sleep in my car
>Park it somewhere far
>Use my jacket as a blanket
>Put some calm music
>Lay down and watch the shadow of the snow falling and the sky
>Feel that comfy feeling
>The feel reminds me of when i was on a school camping trip and i was laying by my crush watching the stars and talking
>That's too much feels.jpg
>Wake up next day to a white light because snow covered the car's windows
>Stayed that way 4 days then found a guy looking for a roommate

Lol why in the hell did you submit yourself to that?

cause he was trying to have sex

Still not worth it.

P.s: don't let the thread die.

>Walking with dog outside
>Nice fresh air
>Walking for 5 minutes with my phone in my hand
>Notice blood on the ground
>Following trace with my dog
>Dog starts to bark to bushes
>Adrenaline, fokkin hell
>Look in bushes
>Can't believe my fukkin eyes
>Dead baby in the bushes wrapped in a towel
>Almost puked
>Hear someone close in bushes
>Instant run
>Dog scared too
>Call police
>Police search bushes
>Baby was real, no Halloween shit

I need this to be my life. Thank Kek I'm not an autistic sperg when it comes to socializing. I've just gotta find the right one.

The story of every relationship I've ever had
>fall for girl
>somehow she falls for me too
>both are madly in love
>spend more and more time with each other
>I subconsciously start being a cunt
>she gets tired of it and dumps me
>I relapse and start doing drugs again
>become depressed and do nothing about it

I jave a autor

This was just now?

I met a girl Who is only into school And studying.I soon became her first boyfriend And once we started fucking she begins to fail horribly in school, she only wants the sex.She realised that And dumped me.

>meet girl on 2d korean mmo
>european server so all you meet is germans
>language barrier too big to make good friends
>she's british too
>get along extremely well
>lots of banter
>we both make eachother laugh without fail
>one day shes about to log off
>sounds like she's in a hurry
>asks me to add her on skype
>cba to open skype so i tell her to add me
>says she can't and she logs
>i go to sleep thinking i'll just ask her her username tomorrow
>wake up
>forgotten her name because of course i did
>she doesn't come on
>over a year later she still hasn't come on
>probably went to uni or something
>thinking about her a whole lot
>go on the game every day just to idle and wait for her to come on
>try to remember her skype name
>no dice
>all i know is her first name and vaguely where she lives
i've been tempted just to travel there and knock on every single door until i find her, i've tried scrawling through the skype directory to find her but i couldn't, it just sucks and i'll probably move on but yeah

Well the thing is I kinda get turned on by women being shot and killed in combat. Just imagining them staggering and whimpering from the pain, slumped against a tree or something, alone in the cold forest in a fierce firefight with blood going all down their legs and hands. Death has always given me a kind of boner ever since I was young, I didn't like watching movies with battles because when people died their death screams would give me a huge erection. I used to dryhump the ground when i was a kid playing "dead" during war games and when i got older and had a sexual awakening I realized I enjoyed thinking about female soldiers getting killed, or executed, imagining them quivering in fear and utterly helpless as their death approaches

I was 5th grade little shitter.I was messing around with a some kind of scarf.I put it around my friends neck And pull it down.He falls on the floor And can't breath, almost impaling his neck with a pencil.I end up being moved to other school.

>be me, back in high school about 5 years ago
>sophomore year
>bandfag
>my school marching band went on a trip to a regional competition
>my friend group consists of a trombone, mellophone, and guard girl
>guard girl is 6.5/10
>would be fuck buddies but not much more than that
>im a beta virgin
>its about 11:30
>we're heading back to the school
>guard girl, who im sharing the bus seat with, says that she wants to cut off the circulation to my legs
>say she wont
>she sits on my leg, really close to my lap
>literally sitting on my dick
>feelsgoodman
>time goes on, about 1:30
>she's already taken a quick nap
>im now holding her in my arms
>extremelybeta.jpg
>she says that she has a starburst
>tell her I want it
>she puts it in her boob pocket
>she knows im beta as fuck, id never go for it there
>but I really want that starburst
>i reach for it
>grab a tiddy
>thankthedivines.webm
>she's chill with it actually
>no one else knows
>but a few people know that she was on my lap
>still could feel my leg after
>my friends start asking if we're dating
>tell them im not into her like that, i wouldnt date her
>they dont believe me
>they always joke about us dating and shit
>i always deny it
>senior year, get a girlfriend, qt 3.14, I still have no fucking clue why she found me attractive
>friends tell her about how on a band trip, a girl fell asleep on my lap
>ask why im cheating on guard girl
>girlfriend breaks up with me
>i explain to her that its all a joke and that im not actually dating guard girl
>she gets back together with me
>mfw one decision made while tired and horny two years ago almost made me lose the best thing that ever happened to me

You need professional help

Everyone going to ignore that there is no damn keyboard???

>be me
>at work cooking fries
>coworker behind me doing dishes
>starts beating the cloth he's using on the edge of the sink
>says "beat me daddy"
>turn around
>fuckingwhat.jpg
>"nothing user"

I lost my shit for a good half an hour.

When I went to leave after my shift was over he says "Seeya later daddy"

That ain't cozy at all

>be me
>junior in high school at the time
>not bad looking overall, been told I'm an 8/10 or so
>haven't had a gf since freshman year
>still a virgin
>almost every girl I meet is lesbian, trans, in a relationship, or just not into me at all
>feelsbadman
>at lunch
>talking with a friend girl, when some of her friends show up
>tranny FtM and a qt 3.14
>I have to mention that I'm so far in the friend zone that my friend girl, who is lesbian, jokes about us dating
>I put up with it because I get to cuddle with her
>though to be fair, she jokes about it a lot with other people
>so anyways
>tranny is “married” to qt 3.14
>I'm “married” to lesbian friend
>lesbian jokes that she's gonna marry the tranny because he bakes, and the qt 3.14 should marry me
>she looks at me
>”Hi” I say
>my voice for whatever reason went down an octave
>she gives me this look
>I've only seen another human this utterly disgusted, and that's when I read this fanfic of her that one of her friends wrote
>she looked like I told her that I fapped to the Holocaust while sucking a creamy log out of Andy whatever-his-name-is’s ass (I don't really go into those threads because fuck that)
>”gee thanks” I say
>”right in the self esteem”
>they laugh
>I don't
>mfw qt 3.14 was repelled by my physical appearance

I just got a new mattress that was £130 reduced down from £1300. Proper sick memory foam goodness and I'm tucked up in bed with the window open to let in the cold air so it feels extra warm and cosy inside the bed. Couldn't be comfier

bitches are crazy

their is something deeply wrong with you and i pray for the saftey of any women or whore within 2000m of you. get help you sick fuck

I feel for you, user.
You're not alone.
Keep do what you do.

He is currently waiting trial for child abuse.

it's under the blanket

Thank you, brother

lame ass virtue signalers, dude. Always shit on the inside.

I’m gonna shower guys. I’ll be right back okay? Keep me a spot on the bed and keep the thread alive. Thanks.

Happened to me this weekend too user, we are blowjob buddies.

Yeah dude is a fuck up worst part is his wife thinks he's Innocent. Kid at two months old had two brain bleeds cracked ribs and a broken tibia. Gave her some lame ass excuse of him falling up the stairs with his kid in his arms.

brain bleeds are caused by child abuse? I thought they were caused by issues at birth.

someone throw this dude's bed out the window quick

I have one...

>Be me
>Started new Masters program at uni this September
>Always been a quiet guy, have friends but see them rarely lately because some moved away or always busy
>Never really had friends in classes
>First day of school comes
>Some sort of initiation olympics and we get split into teams
>Meet a super chill group of 4 ppl that have always been friends before, and we happen to be from the same part of town but they're older
>Start sharing notes in class, go out to bar and chill, have our own group chat on fb and shit
>After Mid terms at uni we get 'Reading week' and usually everyone goes back home, work etc
>Didnt see them for a whole week, barely talked
>Felt kind of weird not talking to them while doing school work, and getting bored towards the end of the week, so I was excited for school to start
>Today was first day backand see all the gang again, sit down and catch up
>Tell them I was getting bored, had nothing to do and it was weird not getting tagged in memes on fb, and that I missed them
>They all reply ''Missed you to user''

I'm happy I made good friends

Shaking baby syndrome.

same here user its a lot harder than it looks

that doesn't sound real

>be me
>heads to gym
>gets big muscles after workout
>walks down street all confident and tough\
>kid walks by and calls me a big weenie
>feels are hurt
>mfw

Good for you user, I hope you maintain contact with some of them after university is over. It's much harder to make new friends in the working world.

>be me
>find out college isnt for me. drop out
>career I want doesn't need it
>still dating girl who goes there
>goto super chill house party one night
>lots of people
>lots of beer
>lots of good music
>GF has some friends there
>they stay in the same dorm
>Dancing and drinking
>Go out to have a cig, GF and her Friend join
>Feeling pretty buzzed from all the cheap beer
>girls have been drinking trashcan punch
>GF and friend are giggling to each other
>I ask em whats up
>GF says that they've tossed around the thought of a 3 way with me
>Ask me what I think
>I say lets get outa here
>go back to GF's dorm
>they both start to take my pants off and share my cock
>shit is so money
>take off the rest of my clothes and lay on the bed
>girls start taking each others clothes as the kiss and grope one another
>friend starts to blow me on the bed
>GF is eating her out from behind
>looking up at ceiling hearing slurping and moaning
>I could die right now and fine with it
>Feel warm all the sudden on my balls,thighs and ass crack
>Look down to see friend puking all over my dick and balls
>smells like death
>friend gets up to run to the bathroom with hand over mouth
>puke spewing every where as she stumbles to get to the toilet
>GF is freaking out and is worried, almost slips on puke
>Friend is now shitting and puking all at once
>2 girls naked in front of me
>I've got puke all over me that isnt mine
>MFW the party stops cause white girls can't hold their liquor

jesus christ, I know a girl that was abused growing up, and that she said she had had a brain bleed when she was a baby. I didn't know the two were connected... it started that young. fuck.

Yeah I hope the piece of shit goes to prison. Kid was only two months old at the time of his head surgery's.

...

YEAH HUH BRO I-I was there!

>be me
>working at Kroger
>get assigned to clean the restroom
>alrightcool.png
>enter restroom
>smells awful imagine a mix of shit,cat litter, and stinky pussy
>walk into one of the stalls
>there is SHIT smeared all over the stall
>it didn't even look like a small child did this
>clean all of shit up
>go to boss and say I quit
>mfw

This shit is hilarious, send more user

I'm just saying its bullshit man
>friend is now shitting
>can't handle liquor
I've been pretty drunk a time or two but I've never shit cause I was too drunk.

contractions from violent puking fag.

if you were quitting
why did you still clean the shit?

...

How hard do you have to puke to shit yourself at the same time? And honestly
>drops out of university
>has threeway in dorm room
at least make the bullshit more believable

My gf (now wife) once puked on my dick while blowing me. She felt so guilty, I just felt bad for her.
Oh fuck..... All these years later, maybe that's why she doesn't blow me anymore.

(Tried to swype out the word "blow" but Android gave me "need" instead. Maybe this phone is smarter than I think...)

this is going to be a fairly long one so buckle up
>be me
>8th grade trip to Austin
>school is super tiny only 9 people in the entire 8th grade
>we were finishing up our museum trip and going into the gift shop
>see rlly cute plush lizard
>imightdieifidontgetit.jpeg
>it's my bday but im broke and cant buy anything for myself
>this one kid (ill call him apple juice) decides to buy it for me
>class gets back into van
>it happens
>apple juice and this other kid (ill call him crawfish) get into a fight
>this has happened before but never this bad
>were on the highway 2 screaming sweaty boys and other kids telling him to shut up
>teacher tells crawfish and juicebox to shut it
>crawfish goes silent but juicebox is still screaming
>still on the highway have to make a detour to calm juicebox down
>teacher continues to yell at juicebox and threaten him that if he doesn't cut it out hell be spending the rest of the trip to the hotel with a chaperone
>silence
>juicebox breaks the silence
>"so user do you like your plush?!"
>OHGODFUCKNODONTLOOKATME.gif
>panic and stutter
>crawfish decides to comment and start a argument
>teacher stops
>"THATS IT JUICEBOX GET OUTSIDE NOW!"
>juicebox refuses
>teacher is fucking done with his shit
>has to physically remove a kicking and screaming juice box from the van
>after hes removed the van goes quite
>a few seconds later everyone starts laughing
>can hear juice box screaming it gets so bad that when he hears us laughing he starts punching the windows
>mfw we still got him to go on trips
>mfw this has happened more than once

thats a good point
i think 16 year old me was just a idiot

I chuckled.

>be me
>3 a.m
>lurking Sup Forums
>suddenly need to drink
>i reach for a bottle on my right
>room is dark as fuck, so i just drank it
>i drank from my piss bottle which i kept in my room for when i wasn't able to go to the bathroom at night as to not wake of my parents
>fuck

Haha thanks user. Right before I drift off to sleep, I'm glad to see you enjoyed that. Have a great night.

Do you suffer from an olfactory handicap?

wholesome as fuck

I only drink water anyway and I didn't eat a lot that day so that's why there was no foul smell.

Fair play.

>shaking baby syndrome
>shaking
Baby Parkinson's
Not dissing or anything, just put a weird picture in my head