I figure I have only one shot at this and if I fail I'll kill myself:
I'm 31 and I've been on a million medications for depression. I've only had two jobs in my life time, I'm overweight by probably 100 pounds, I live at home with my parents and two older siblings (both of which have addiction problems), and I see a therapist every Saturday (for almost a year now). The therapist is on the verge of giving up on me.
I've had one girlfriend, 6 years ago, for about a year and a half. I was very insecure throughout the entire relationship.
I've tried to turn my life around a few times in the past, and around age 25 I succeeded, for about a year and a half. I went to school, I lost 70 pounds, and I got the aforementioned girlfriend. I was no longer a virgin and I was somewhat happy. Unfortunately, I slowly spiraled down into a deep depression, culminating with a night where I very nearly killed myself.
Since then I've done essentially nothing.
So now I'm 100 pounds overweight again, and I'm sitting here after watching a movie I saw before I lost my virginity (one of my favorite memories), and I believe I have to try one more time.
My biggest concern is loose skin. I don't want to look deformed, knowing that every time I look in the mirror I can only thank myself. I don't think I can handle that without slowly moving toward suicide.
What are my first steps? Has anyone ever managed to permanently turn their life around?