Having a hard time here...

having a hard time here, don't really know what to do anymore so give me your opinion on the last previous 24 years of life.
>be me 4 or 5 years old
>parents divorce
>8-12 years old brother molests me
>makes me do things
>ff to highschool like 14-16 hear kids talking about fucking each other a lot
>get jealous and decide to look it up
>with my bro doing shit and kids at school I honestly thought it was normal
>obviously don't find shit on google
>learn about file sharing
>find really fucked up stuff
>never kept any of it never fapped to any of it
>ff 2 years
>sitting at home *boom boom boom* "police department, open up"
>proceed to get raided don't realize what is happening
>detective takes my computer
>almost arrested but I'm freshly 18 and he conducts his investigation first
>given a year to turn myself in
>get driven down to the police station and get handcuffed by detective in front of my mom and stepdad
>spend 2 nights in jail before my parents post bail.
>sentenced with possession and distribution of (you can probably guess)
>plea down to 2 counts of viewing
>sentenced to 5 years probation due to first time offender
>get placed into sex offender list
>get placed into sex offender treatment course
>legit supposed to be therapy to cull my "violent sexual urges"
>meet people who have legitimately raped and fucked multiple of their own children
>instructors constantly tell us we are monsters (not directly but heavily imply, pretty much everyone there was too stupid to realize)
>forced to take polygraph for them to prove I'm not lying (shits not admissible ANYWHERE)
>paid out of pocket>came up inconclusive
>"that counts as a fail user, wait 6 months and try again"
>told the entire truth during the poly
>tell them about my abuse from bro to satiate them
>pass the second one
>BUT! they read the results from the first one again. wasted 6 months because the results were from someone else's test.

>still around 19, probation officer thinks my parents are the cause of me failing the test.
>tells me to move
>no credit+felony=really expensive apartments or really shitty neighborhood.
>alone at 19, officers/therapists don't want me near parents

>given a sexual placement test
(an actual test where they ask me about prior abuse on myself, that I've done to others, and my sexual preference. Then I'm shown a series of pictures that include men women and children in bathing suits and leotards and asks me to give them a sexual arousal level based on 1-10)
>results come back
>read aloud in front of group of pedos
>"Why did you lie about being sexually abused user?"
results actually said that I WAS NOT MOLESTED. My offender was not more than 5 years older than me so it did not count even though it was forced.
>they call me a liar
>the entire group gets the same assignment I try to present mine.
(legit a page long on what was going through my head as I was being molested)
>'no user that is incorrect'
>ExcuseMeWut?.exe
>how can this be wrong?
>it just is, rewrite it
>FUCKIN PEDOS jump in and justify me. How can an assignment like this be 'wrong'
>one dude raises his voice and calls them out for bullying me
>'you're gonna regret that'
>dude never comes back, found out he was sent to jail for 'violating his probation terms due to violent temperament in group.'
>apartment complex finds out I'm a felon
>proceeds to raise rent as far as they can legally go to boot me out
>end up buying first home at 22.
>ff 2 more years to 24
>new probation officer received.
>dude is super chill, says I shouldn't be on probation
>pushes for early release
>JUDGE FUCKING SIGNS OFF ON IT
>attorney takes me into court, get a drop down so I'm not a felon or sex offender anymore.
>decide not to finish pedo camp and more or less tell the therapists they can fuck off
>canttouchthis.wav

f

plot twist, good shit OP

Now I'm sitting in my home at 25, a free man. Been under people thumb for 25 years, teachers, parents, peers. Everyone my age has seemed to skyrocket past me and I'm left in the debris.

Told most of my friends about this, everyone left.

I'm legally allowed to purchase a gun now and I don't know if is should. Mostly likely will push the reset button if I did.

>be me 4 or 5 years old
>parents divorce
>8-12 years old brother molests me
>makes me do things

i mean it WAS getting good


i used to molest my little bro all the time. its what big brothers are for

It's a great story and you are still standing. Nobody rocketed past you – everyone is on their own journey. It's not a race.

There is a saying: where you suffered is where your gift is. Take some time to figure out what you can contribute from what happened to you.

There are people out there right now being wronged the way you were – can you figure out a way to help them?

That would give you a sense of pride and meaning.

whole thing put a cloud over me, don't think I'm gonna be able to get out from under it.

ask questions if you guys want

user, you escaped the draconian sex offender camps. people don't just do that. you're like a superhero or some shit. if you can do that you can do fucking anything. an hero is for chumps, if you put your mind to doing something you can accomplish some shit.

mostly forced me to do blowjobs, must have been bad at them. he never came. think he did one time during a handjob though

Are you any good (or do you think you would be any good) at public speaking?

took a public speaking course in first year of college, first assignment was pick any topic you wanted. Picked how to speak in public, did research while gaining tips and tricks into how to pass my assignment.

stopped going after the campus made me verify which classes I was going to because of being a sex offender

the sex offender program is just plain bad and wrong, and a lot of data shows it does not benefit society. there are organizations who wish to shed light on the horrendous nature of the programs you went through. i know that if you were willing to pursue something like this, they would be very interested in hearing your experiences, and having your experiences heard by the public.

the one thing I pulled from being in the group is that no one there had very much education (including the therapists) I was planning on writing a book about the whole thing, There's obviously a lot of details I missed in this greentext

i would definitely encourage you to document your experience, and i would again encourage you to reach out to one of the organizations who are trying to reform or remove the sex offender registry.
"Women Against Registry" is the one that comes to my mind immediately. I believe it was started by moms of people who were on the offender's registry who were fed up with the lifelong crap they had to deal with, but i'm sure there are other groups as well.

I wouldn't say it needs a removal but definitely a strong reform. There were people with me in this group who were obviously set up by a spouse or girlfriend. There was also one where a guy around my age was provided a false ID by a girl claiming she was 17 when he was also 17, she was developed and looked the right age, but of course she lied and was actually 15. She even told the DA that she lied to him and showed him the fake ID and he is stuck being a sex offender for life

i could argue with you all night long that it needs purged completely. but society needs to be having that argument, rather than some anonymous pedophile and some guy who got diddled and put through the program for looking at cp, and for that to happen people need to be made aware of the flaws and injustices.

look for the name thomas mitchel in about a year. I'm gonna try to publish something under that alias. and at least try to help people going through the same thing I had

i wish you the best of luck in this endeavor, user.

I am gonna tell a few things about my life and time with a sorta similar but way way easier time:
>Have memories of being abused by grandfather at 5
>can't tell for sure if it happened, but it was so well visualised in my head so I never wrote it out of my brain
>ff to about 15, severely depressed from health scares thinking I had a brain tumour when it was a genetic benign lesion (does completely nothing but migraines
>come across *ahem*, felt disgusted but was edgy so I found it slightly funny as well, sent it to some friends and right after I deleted
>browsed Sup Forums alot so inevitable loli appears on webpage.
>never downloaded anything
>ff to late 16 years old, at least a year has passed
>knock knock
>lived at both parents houses after their divorce and mothers was raided bad
>at fathers house and only 2 guys came to collect, only my things cause they're not allowed to touch anything else.
>whole investigation gets my step-dad arrested as well, but he had literally nothing to do with it
>he's a police officer as well and get suspended for 6 months, had a really bad time with the procedure
>I tell the police initially I had no recollection cause I truthfully didn't
>they didn't believe me initially but later realised I wasn't really that accountable
>still goes to court
>Get arrested on 4 accounts of possession and 1 account of distribution
>Police came up with evidence, literally nothing was on my PC, but found deleted cache files
>one was a horse cock I found and sent to a friend, still illegal.
>family was furious not at me but the police
>anyway I get put for 12 months youth probation (UK, dunno if US has the same)
>Don't get put on Sex Offender list cause it would fuck my life up
>Probation officer thinks my entire case is bullshit and really likes me
>After 5 months of coming in weekly for 1:1 session with her, she files an early dis mission
>gets through

All that it can do now is if I go for a job that deals with children or the vulnerable.

hope your friend didn't get in too much trouble over it

All 3 friends who I sent it too wrote statements
all of which back me up to some degree
But it did however fuck over our friendship,
I gave a huge apology and tried for weeks to make it up to them etc but now I have no social life and it is hard knowing there is like 6 people out there that know this secret and could use it against me at any time

10/10 would read again - IGN