Has everyone been praising Ovanubu today? Has his godly glory touched you like a catholic priest touches little boys...

Has everyone been praising Ovanubu today? Has his godly glory touched you like a catholic priest touches little boys? If not, convert to Ovanism as soon as possible.

~High priest Jabbawabba

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youtube.com/channel/UCGsLehcI8ijo8NiW3AlROUQ
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Oh god

Wut

Saving this for next time i'm high

Can you convert me now, Priest Jabbawabba?

Why of course. There’s always room for new followers. Now repeat after me:

Ovanubu krakalou fonishi robunop

~High priest Jabbawabba

Ovanubu krakalou fonishi robunop

So where do I go when I die, great one?

To the great ocean in the sky, where Ovanubu will greet you with open tentacles. All of your loved ones will be there. It’s a personal heaven you get to customize, but can leave to go to the main heaven. Think of it as an apartment. You can put whatever you want in yours, but it’s part of a much larger building where others have their own places. Problem is, only Ovanists get to customize such a room, those belonging to other religions will be stuck with old cement walls and coffee stains. So be sure to convert anyone you actually like if you don’t want them to have such a fate...

~High Priest Jabbawabba

After seeing this I'm officially going to light my house on fire, I'll see you all in hell.

*Ocean Heaven

~High Priest Jabbawabba

Why does your god look like Ultros?

>ovanism

nice try, user

Why does Ultros look like my god?

~High Priest Jabbawabba

I’m afraid I don’t see what you’re talking about. Is there a problem with the name of our religion? I’m afraid Ovanubu named it, and not I.

~High Priest Jabbawabba

>was in catholic school for six years
>hated it
>currently aethiest

But you’ve sparked my interest user, please tell me more.

Why, what would you like to hear? There is so much I can say on this topic, and what I do not know I could surely just ask Ovanubu himself.

~High Priest Jabbawabba

Just tell me everything you feel compelled to tell me

This might sound like some lovecraft shit but damn that sounds sweet sign me up

Is this like Unitology?

Why, there is so much. It started back before time. All that existed was Ovanubu and the Nintendo 3DS. So, Ovanubu played his 3DS forever until he had finally gottem bored. He had played every game afterall. This is when he decided to make something himself. So, he shot out a ball of goo, and formed the world out of it, and the rest of the universe around that. He played with it, causing planets to blow up, stars to form, until he decided there needed to be more. So, he spat down upon the first planet, known as Earth, and from that liquid came the oceans. Then, he cut the tip of a tentacle off, dropped it in, and all life came from this. He gifted it with evolution, and allowed them to take natural shape, but, always resembling him due to his temtacle tip being the origin of life.

That is our creation story

~High Priest Jabbawabba

The ritual was stated prior, just repeat and you will become an Ovanist yourself.

~High Priest Jabbawabba

I’m afraid I did not know what that was, though after a google search, I must say that the answer is kind of.

~High Priest Jabbawabba

Is there a monk type deal for this? Brew some rum, wear some sweet purple a and blue robes? Make some kind of insmouth town so we can change to look more like him?

Nice, do we use the same architecture? That church in dead space 2 looked cash

The robes are more purple and green with a slight silver lining, of course on the rum, and as for acquiring a town? We must try, but with the power of Ovanubu, nothing is out of our grasp.

~High Priest Jabbawabba

Fuck yeah those robes sound sweet. The rum bottle needs to look like undertow from bioshock infinite though obviously

From the images I just looked up again it seems gothic, with giant statues and stain glass windows. So of course, though only one statue, a giant gold one of Ovanubu, grinning in approval as he looks at our holy text.

~High Priest Jabbawabba

Nice

There would be a problem if it didn’t.

~High Priest Jabbawabba

Quite.

~High Priest Jabbawabba

What kind of changes do you think are going to be happening to the people who are course to our God in the town?

Close

According to Ovanubu, anyone opposed to him when we are under direct orders will end up dying as a newt. That way, there will be no body for the family to mourn over.

~High Priest Jabbawabba

Sounds efficient

Why of course. Ovanubu always knows whats best in the end.

~High Priest Jabbawabba

Does Ovanubu believe in another god?

this is a quality bread

Ovanubu believes in himself, as he has proof of him.

~High Priest Jabbawabba

What proof I just want to know

Ovanubu told me to create this thread, so I decided I should. It’s a shame this will eventually 404 though.

~High Priest Jabbawabba

Well, he is himself, so he knows he is real.

What is your feelings on the Flying Spaghetti Monster, High Priest? Surely pastafarians and ovanists can find peace together.

We need it screen capped
Truer words were never said

Why of course. Ovanubu has stated that though we may not share a belief, we still should respect Pastafarians and theirs.

~High Priest Jabbawabba

Agreed. Maybe I will consider making an official Ovanubu YouTube where I will post the content of this and any future threads.

~High Priest Jabbawabba

Ovanubu is a very benevolent and chill dude, by the looks of things.

Ovanubu krakalou fonishi robunop!

Now there is an idea I can get behind though what would it be called

Welcome brother. And of course, after all, Ovanubu and I have enjoyed many an alcoholic beverage in my time as High Priest.

~High Priest Jabbawabba

That is a good question. I’ll work on it.

Whoops, forgot to sign.

~High Priest Jabbawabba

Another question, oh High Priest. What are the motives of Ovanubu? By that I mean, what does he want his followers to do in his name?

It should have Ovanubu's name in it like Ovanubu the great or Jabbawabba's congeration

He humbly requests to confess your sins (sins being taking his name in vain, and doing anything you think he wouldn’t approve of,) whenever you have the opportunity, and to pray to him at least once a month. Basically be an active member of your local Ovanubu community. Sharing the religion with others to get the word out is also a very good deed.

~High Priest Jabbawabba

Maybe something more official, such as The Church of Ovanubu

~High Priest Jabbawabba

That sounds even better

What would he not appove of?

I’m afraid we have no proper logo as of yet. For now, here is the channel.

youtube.com/channel/UCGsLehcI8ijo8NiW3AlROUQ

~High Priest Jabbawabba

Murder, pedophillia, robbery, rape, that sort of thing.

~High Priest Jabbawabba

Does Ovanabu have a Holy Land? And if so, does it need a crusade to retake it?

Does he have a he'll of sorts for those people?

Ovanubu has a few select locations, but he says he is still in the process of narrowing them down. When he has decided, I will be sure to relay the information.

~High Priest Jabbawabba

What are these locations?

Well, that depends on how major. If it’s stealing something minor then you will be fine as long as you confess. If you kill someone, and it is a pre meditated act and you are mentally healthy, then you are to be sent to the Waiting Room.

~High Priest Jabbawabba

I’m afraid he says he will not share them with me until he’s narrowed them to about three. He does say they involve major water ways, however.

~High Priest Jabbawabba

You should update the video to the curent time and also makenjoy a new thread when this one 404 and what is his opinion on SJW's and drugs

I am constantly taking screenshots, so in the end I can edit everything together. His opinion on SJWs is that equality is a good thing to fight for, but don’t try to push one side that was unfairly treated in the past to be better than the others. At that point, you’re not fighting for social justice, and you’re just as bad as the people who actually enslaved others. As for drugs, depends on the effect on health. As long as it’s not hard like herione, meth, cocaine, etc it’s ok. Drugs like weed which haven’t killed anyone are fine.

~High Priest Jabbawabba

Militarize the Amazon when?

What about gun control and politics

I’m sorry, I’m afraid I don’t understand what you’re asking.

~High Priest Jabbawabba

He's assuming that the crusade will be in the Amazon

Politics he tries not to mess with. No candidates are ever the best candidate according to him. As for gun control, he says things are fine as they are. Guns don’t need to be easier to get, they don’t need to be harder to get. Someone will get a gun no matter what laws are in place, so he doesn’t think there’s any reason to fuck with the current system.

~High Priest Jabbawabba

Tell that to Britain

Ah. Well, that’s highly possible. He’ll likely choose somewhere in the Amazon now that you bring it up. Though he is also thinking of a place to start out before taking the holy land, which will likely be in the states somewhere. My guess is somewhere in Florida, or Pittsburgh.

~High Priest Jabbawabba

Also what qualities as pedophilia to him

Closer to his followers I like that

As stated, gun laws in general he doesn’t think need changing. If the system works for Britain, then they should keep it. If it works for the US, keep it.

~High Priest Jabbawabba

Does this really need to be elaborated on?

~High Priest Jabbawabba

Well all aspects of his will should be elaborated on

Well, I’ll elaborate on whatever is necessary, I just felt what was considered pedophilia was obvious. Though, if they’ve never acted upon their fantasies in any way, and confessed, they may be able to get into Ocean Heaven.

~High Priest Jabbawabba

Also I would like to know more about you High Priest Jabbawabba

Well, what would you like to know? I’m not sure I’m a very interesting person, but feel free to ask.

How did you discover Ovanubu

Bitch. Quit trying to steal my followers!
You're not even a real religion until you have your own calendar.
~Discordianism Pope~

And what do you look like I think you look like pic related just a bit though

Well, I had a series of dreams. He told me about how he created everything and how he needed me to found this religion in his name. At first I thought I was dreaming, but the predictions he made in the dreams came true, and one day he visited me while I was awake. He opened my eyes and heart, and I am now eternally grateful.

~High Priest Jabbawabba

Who are ye to enter this domain

I am only trying to spread the word and convert everyone to the truth, I have no quarrels with you or your church, and my followers and I give you the utmost respect.

~High Priest Jabbawabba

I just googled discordianism. Holy fuck. Its a ~real~ religion.

Today is Prickle-Prickle, the 17th day of The Aftermath in the YOLD 3183.

Fuck, I wonder if I can get Discordian on my dog tags.

Well, I sadly haven’t been blessed fully with such beautiful appendages, I still have human limbs, for all but my left arm, which is a tentacle. That tentacle is red, however, and my robe looks similar, just with a different color scheme.

~High Priest Jabbawabba

Tis sad to not be one like Ovanubu isn't it?

According to the Principia Discordia, a pope is “every single man, woman, and child on this Earth.”
Well that simplifies things.
It is 12:20 AM, I have work in 5 hours and here I am debating converting to a new religion based on a reply to a Sup Forums thread.
>My life is good.

I mourn about this fact everyday. I am promised, however, that I will one day be fully like him, in all his tentacular glory, as will my successors.

~High Priest Jabbawabba

Well how did you get a tentacle arm and would Ovanubu not like it if people and animals were killed

Which one? Discordianism, or Ovanism?

~High Priest Jabbawabba

And is it new thread time I do believe so

Discordian.
Better pay and benefits. Plus it comes with all you can eat hot dogs (but no buns).
All hail Eris

I was sent on a great mission by Ovanubu, where I had to begin writing our Holy Book myself. The day after I had begun, I awoke with a tentacle arm.

The killing of humans and animals for sport is frowned upon, due to the innocence of most animals. If you consider it fun Ovanubu will not be pleased.

~High Priest Jabbawabba

Is it? This one hasn’t 404d just yet, but when it does I will post the new thread link to the YouTube channel.

~High Priest Jabbawabba

I’m sorry to hear that you feel this way. You will always be welcome as a Ovanist if you decide to convert.

~High Priest Jabbawabba