Excluding guns, knives, explosives and animals. What weapon would you use for home defense...

Excluding guns, knives, explosives and animals. What weapon would you use for home defense? Something realistic and commonly found, easily bought, and affordable.

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Metal baseball bat never fails.

a crowbar off course

Can never go down with a good wooden baseball bat

A petrol chainsaw, while it might not be the best choice because it's hard to swing around accurately, I think just the sound and sight of a man running at you with one revving up would scare most people away

Taser

Anything long and hard.

Any long weapons like bats or crowbars are difficult to swing in closed areas. You need a long claw hammer....

Thousands and thousands of bees.

Nerve gas

Nail gun! Though it fires projectiles it technically is not a gun and it will still fuck your shit up good.

a system of pulleys and trebuchets

>Excluding guns, knives, explosives and animals.
>explosives and animals.
>and animals
>animals.
>bees.

I use a wooden stick with the top half of the stick bored out and filled with lead to make it heavier

taxidermy animals to make them think i have real animals

lucifer the god of tricksters

A car

there are those really effective alarms that uses something like a smoke cloak but with mace

very effective

not legal in all countries thou

I've got a souvenir wooden tiki head. It's about a foot tall and four inches thick. The wood it is made with is pretty hefty, so it would make a decent one handed club.

jacks, blow tortch and string. paint cans and rope. hey it worked in home alone

Hairspray and a cigarette lighter
Spray bottle with raw bleach
Extension cord with two male ends on it, one side plugged into a wall. 220v

Maybe some sort of short spear/pike? If you're in a hallway there's no way someone with a knife will get to you.

In a more open area any blunt object that gives you longer range than a knife wielder will probably do.

Over-under, bottom barrel is shotgun, top barrel is .22 rifle. Single-fire, breach loaded. Not to fancy, but effective.

a thermos with hot water

A pencil.

A Fucking Pencil.

>home defense
>effective alarms that uses something like a smoke cloak but with mace
>smoke cloak but with mace
>but with mace
>mace
how to feel like you are cutting onions whenever you are inside your home after your first break in

I filled an old curtain rod with concrete and welded a spike to the end. I had to get rid of it though because the landlord threw a fit

That seems like a lot of work. Just get a heavy guage piece of rebar

Nvmd, didn't read correctly. Nothing wrong with a nice lead pipe.

Frying pan/skillet.

Haha, ome Op asks about home defence, other asks how to break into house.

Caustic soda and a water gun

bear trap

I've been shot many times. They sting but don't do stoppable damage. It's more a mental thing
Pic related

towel with whiskey glass

banana peel. they will slip and fall and break their neck.

Pocket sand

thanks donkey kang

Just a large hammer, that will kill any person that isnt wearing a decent helmet, you probobly already have one. And this imo would be better than a baseball bat because if you are going for damage a hollow aluminum bat wont cut it of course they would be fucked up but a hammer will kill in one square blow to the temple.

Irish brick

Billiard ball in a tube sock.

it's dankey kang.

mustard gas

what about a hammer or two taped to the end of a baseball bat?

lucifer isnt a god, and he is not a trickster either

it's whatever i wanna call you nigger

extremely powerful laser, but not "affordable" to poorfags

the defence of interpretive dance

or is it all just a trick?

I actually use a short sword a friend made. I have armor too (ren faire) but wouldn't use it in a home invader situation lol.

But the sword I would.

>weapon would you use for home defense?

Wasp spray.

>explosives
>home defense
Wat

your moms dragon dildo

That actually makes sense. Better hope your stihl starts on the first or second pull though

didn't know there were so many criminals on Sup Forums... other than pedos atleast

Get a laser pointer and modify it to be more powerful. Don't you guys know this stuff?

Spray deodorant with a lighter and I have a comically oversized spoon in my kitchen. People think it's a decoration but it's my ultimate protection.

Should have melt some lead and poured that into it, much heavier and you wouldnt even need to up a spike because fuck getting hit by that would put your ass on the ground

wouldn't that burn the plastic?

Nah too flimsy

poostick

How about a gun

Alright..I got it
>inb4kek

>Can never go down

Son I think you went full on downs with the structure of that sentence

It would not work the same, with a hammer the center of mass is right at the top and it has a relatively small area where you would hit with

You failed

Fuck off dude, your more of a time traveling mailbox Keanu not a John Wick Keanu

No caustic soda in the plastic you idiot. Just have it neatly wrapped dry in thin plastic wrap and then just have an ordinary water gun

Win

>i watch youtube videos
>now i made a modified nerf gun that shoots concentrated laser beams at people melting their retinas
>they call me nerf burner
>the neighborhood fear me
>cops can't do shit about it out of fear that i will burn their retinas as well
>mom is forced to give me all the gbp or i will melt the shit out of her retinas too
>working on my modified airsoft gun, gustav railgun build as we speak so i can start taking out plebs blocks away
get on my level

Long distance bee spray, and for style points, add a lighter.

This is a really good point

cum rag ftw

So... a cosh?
That's a cosh isn't it?
I mean most of them are rubber with metal on the inside, but a wooden one would just be more damaging I guess

Not poster of original comment, but in a sense that makes it like a larger hammer. Easy to swing because the overall mass isn't that high, but high mass at the point of impact to deliver sizable force

Take the table leg off of an old soon-to-break table.

it still would
>mass it still near the end of the bat, including the heads of the hammers
if hammer heads are at front of hitting face of the bat then it is still that mass at the end of the shaft's force hitting with a small area

This the pressurized cans shoot 6 feet, the vapour alone burns the eyes.

I also keep a wooden Louisville slugger beside my bed. Put a couple of big ass nails through it and just the sight of it turned away a couple of unwanted party guests.

I have this.

Amerifag detected, here in the developed world we have 220v as standard, just saying...

Isn't that the best type of Keanu?

>user hears shit happening outside his room
>Lonely as fuck so it could only be a intruder
>Grabs sword
>Walks out of room to see nigger fuckin with his shit
>user yells "he-ey what are you doing"
>Nigger goes ape shit and runs at you
>user just points sword towards him and he impailed himself
>Mfw this would be great
>Mfw swords are practical

Fishing net

Buckets of paint, bricks, marbles, car batteries, and tar could all be used for home defense

Underrated post

>be me
>have autistic neighbor
>always pointing a nerf gun with a laser pointer in the barrel out his window
>has aimed it at my eyes on a few occasions
>annoying as fuck, wish his mother would just beat the shit out of him already
>cops won't do anything because he is special needs
>lately have been seeing him building some stupid as box fort looking shit out of cardboard in his backyard
>keeps screaming I'm gonna fucking get you chad while adding to it
>it rained last night
can't wait to see the fit of rage from soggy cardboard

I'd recommend teargas over mace, mace will settle on the surfaces and be a bastard to clean off.

Tear gas you can air the place out, take a few days like.

Funny idea though, upon intrusion detection house closes doors, locks, fills with a nonlethal concentration of teargas for like 10 mins and then the door opens.

I guarantee you they will fucking leave.

Elaborate..?

>First go to local pet store and get a cat
> go to home hardware or anywhere you can get a broom
>find the first nigger you see behind a building and buy some meth
> go home and prepare mentally
>stick broom handle into cats bum after giving it the tiniest bump of that speed
>?????
>profit & enjoy new sex slave

those are always fun

what the fuck are you on about?

Are u a real life Ginosaji?
youtube.com/watch?v=9VDvgL58h_Y

OP, if you are going to use a bat, put a sock over the end. that way if someone grabs the bat, they will be left with a sock.

Home alone up in here

>yfw married

>Something realistic and commonly found, easily bought, and affordable.
Golf club. 4-cell Maglite torch. Baseball bat. Hammer. Large adjustable wrench. Crowbar. Rolling pin. CO2 fire extinguisher. Dry powder fire extinguisher. Walking stick. Length of electric flex with a plug on the end (better with a UK plug than a USA one). Tire iron. Broom handle. Pick axe handle.

Let me guess, UK?

People get past a dog.

Micro Machines

Choke up.

(cont)
Pool ball in a long sock