Things you've done that nobody will believe

Things you've done that nobody will believe.
And, go.

Bump nigga

Op will start.
Gimme a min.

Stayed the night at girlfriends house woke up to head from her sister.

>be me
>with my mrs for over 8 yrs now
>she has a lil sis lets call her V
>now I've known V half her life
>when that lady hit puberty I fell in love
>she got a bf round 14 and stayed with him for a while till he broke up with her
>she was crushed cause first teen love OP
>during her healing process we got close
>real close
(cont)

multiple threesomes

fucked my ex-girlfriends mom then fucked my ex-girlfriend, they are so fucked in the head that I am still fucking them and they just accept it
no wet dick swapping

and they are both hot as fuck
no pics I ain't going down like that

Elf's arm looks weird.

3 chicks 1 dick ayeeeee

F

Ffs

Had sex and used my niece a lot and got away with it

fucked a 13yo mormon girl

moar

I've had more than 100 three ways... mostly with the same two women... one 5'9 125 lb with double d's age 22 the other 5'4 115 white girl wi th a fat age 30. Both very attractive and out of my league... the younger one is my ex wife and the other was our girlfriend at the time

This is a story about how I got out of a speeding ticket.

>>be me around 25 about 2009
>>skateboarding in college town about an hour from home
>>had some photography friends there
>>killing time skating near courthouse
>>middle of summer sweating balls
>>sit on steps to smoke and down some water
>>sitting off to the side to keep smoke and my generally sweaty ass away from people
>>fucking hate when people interject themselves in obvious lanes of people traffic
>>only a few steps above sidewalk
>>lady comes comes out of bar next door and starts walking towards me
>>she's obviously older but fucking beautiful.
>>black heels black sheer panty hose black skirt tight black jacket and white bluose
>>huge tits obvious fake because they are way to high
>>instant erection. Love big old fake milf titties
>>she has her hair up and is wearing glasses
>>basically Lisa Anne with pale skin
>>she's going to walk right in front of me and I can feel spaghetti spawning in my pocket
>>she gets close
>>I smile but before I can speak she asks me for a smoke
>>literally pull my smokes out and drop them.
>>in slow motion smokes fall down the stairs
Only 4 to go but they hit everyone one
>>I am now the spaghetti
>>she laughs and spins around to pick them up
>>bends over right in front of me
>>I have nothing left to lose

>>escept bowel must not lose control of sphincter
>>we start chatting
>>she's actually being flirty
>>I nervously flirt back
>>I probably looked like my dick does in cold pool water
>>she basically runs the conversation
>>she's now sitting on the ledge dangling one of her heels
>>I'm powerless. Huge foot heel fag so I'm staring directly at them
>>she notices
>>mentions her heels make her feet sore
>>drops her heel and starts rubbing her foot
>>Chad possesses me.
>>well you need someone to rub them lol
(I'm pretty sure I said lol instead of laughing)

It started off a as a joke. One of my buddies got a new gf, we decided to prank another buddy who happens to be a bit slow. Let's call him Steve.

The idea was to convince Steve that new gf is a tranny. That went on for like 3 months, eventually they came clear that it's a joke, Steve got upset, but got over it in another 3 months.

I however was resilient. I kept talking about how it's all a coverup and that it's a dude. I sent him trap images at first, followed by full blown Bailey Jay trap porn.

tl;dr; I made Steve to sleep with a tranny hooker in Amsterdam because I bombarded him with the idea of traps for a full year.

>>I took the bait
>>she immediately perks up
>>maybe you should
>>writes her number on my smokes and walks away
>>no fucking way
>>also thank you Chad.
>>he waves goodbye as he flies away on his golden chariot
>>

>>later that night get pulled over.
>>don't even care.


>>initiate phase two
>>we start flirting back and forth via text
>>make plans to meet up
>>she has learned all my kinks.
>>she called me out on the feet
>>I told her the rest.
>>panty hose garters heels lingerie etc
>>She opens the door in full lingerie
>>I'm fucking speechless
>>she drops her robe as the door shuts and walks to her room
>>candles lit
>>curtains drawn
>>music playing softly
>>I might have told her I would give her a full body massage
>>proceed to massage this woman for an hour while my dick tests the limits of blood loss Mt >>brain can take
>>she is moaning the entire time and stripped of everything except for her pantyhose which are just thigh highs
>>pussy obviously dripping everywhere
>>she rolls over and tells me it's my turn
>>I lay down on my back and she proceeds to straddle my chest
>>her lower legs crossed so that her feet are on my face while she sucks my cock
>>slow sucks like a porn star
>>no fast jerky shit
>>slow and steady
>>moaning the entire time
>>she either likes it more than I do or she's just a really good actor
>>she can tell the moment my balls start to quiver

I've seen Emma Watson's brother's penis

>>speeds up a little and firms her grip
>>she's been mostly silent but out of no where she says very flatly
>>give it to me
>>fucking buckets of semen
>>she gets some in her mouth and most on her face
>>I can't even move she's pressing her feet hard when I cum
>>finally I can't fight and my body goes numb
>>she gets up and whispers
>>stay here
Cont?

We are maybe halfway

Mine is boring. Was at a party and spoke to both Prince William and Prince Harry.
Wow I am just so exciting.

>>comes back and wipes me down with a warm wet rag
>>oddly sexual
>>dick still stiff and pulsing
>>she laughs a bit and kisses the tip teasingly
>>I recoil like a snake but she
>>doesn't stop she climbs on guides it in her and slowly lowers herself
>>we are both covered in massage oil at this point
>>she is fucking glistening
>>she rides me slow
>>I'm talking slow motion slow
>>she's rocking her hips and rhythmically flexing her pussy
>>she's staring straight into my eyes looking for the the reaction
>>I'm fucking rolling
>>this is what drugs are like

i think we need moar of those webms

My best friend had a crush on a girl for about a year I get to meet her about 2 weeks later I fuck her in his sister's bed with him next door sleeping ended up dating her

>>I can barely talk but moaning a lot
>>she is starting to pick up the pace
>>she's done with me and wants hers
>>I brace for the storm
>>she is going hard
>>headboard slamming
>>she starts to scream and I feel her hips miss a few strokes
>>she's riding her orgasm out like a fucking champ
>>three quick pumps and she tightens up
>>loud as fuck clenching her pussy holding my hips so I can't move
>>then 4 more quick bounces
>>she's just screaming at this point
>>finally drops all the way down and collapses on my chest
>>breathing hard and kind of shaking occasionally

Still not to the good part.
Cont?

Created existence.

yes

Me too

I killed a mage as a warrior in vanilla wow

Lol dream on

I've been in a comitted relationship for eight years once.

No one who got to know me after she left would believe I've ever had someone.

I no scoped a deer in the heart in "cabela's hunts 2008" that was hundreds of yards away.

I don't exactly know why I remember that still, its not even impressive

>>we lay there for a while and finally she pulls the blanket up and we cuddle
>>watch the wrestler. It had just come out
>>we laugh and kiss and then get really sad because holy shit that movie
>>it's getting late so I get up to leave
>>she gets up to and grabs my cock
>>blows me again and this time straight to business.
>>milks me in maybe 20 seconds
>>swallows every drop
>>I get dressed and leave


>>this goes on for months
>>I visit once or twice a week
>>we never go out in public she is very big on discretion
>>I literally don't care
>>she lives alone no husband so no risj
>>meanwhile im fighting this ticket.
>>I have a few already and don't need a nother

>>school is back in so we can't meet as much and she starts getting kinda sketchy
>>says she is busy or will be gone
>>not a big deal but I do pass her house every time I come to town
>>notice her car is there when she says she is "out" and there is a nother car there
>>can't be mad. We have never set rules
>>but. Still mad.
>>finally one day she messages and says come over right now
>>I come over and we immediately strip down
>>going at it like animals. It's been a month
>>I'm way more confident with her now so it's a power struggle
>>this time I have her handcuffed to the bed

Story time!

>Ok, so I met my wife 3 years ago at 22, she is 22 as well
>Things get serious and she wants to introduce me to her family
>Meet her parents and her sister
>Nice people etc. but this whole time her sister stares at me in a way I can't place
>Is it awkwardness? Is she attracted to me?
>She's definitely good looking, 16 at the time
>Time goes by
>Been to her parents home a couple of times now, birthdays etc.
>Notice how happy and smily her sister is with her braces, she's kinda cute + she whore yoga pants, and her ass is not too bad to say the least
>I know I'm not supposed to look at her in that sense (I mean 16 is legal, but obvious other reasons)
>She and I start talking more, playing games purposely having her on my team etc. and at this point I'm really falling in love
>I love my girlfriend, but I'd say the feelings are sort of the same + the cute teen thing she's got going on
>Things get progressively more touchy from here, sitting very close to me with a leg on my lap or whatever
>She's 17, and whenever I would see or leave her, whether that is their parents house or our house she would give me a big hug
>During this hug we would jokingly tickle each other's bellies, but really it's just a way to touch each other
>I would sort of tickle/rub her belly and hips and I can tell she loves it
>At this point I know for sure the feelings are mutual
>My girlfriend doesn't seem to suspect anything, she's just happy to see we are getting along well.
>She's 18 now, her birthday
>Things progress to 'jokingly' squeezing her ass, and at some point I walked up behind her, gave her a hug and she could feel my boner press against her ass
>She then pushed her ass against it, let me feel her belly up to her tits
>During this moment it seemed like only us existed and she let out a breath/moan, even though family was everywhere
>No one seemed to notice though
>I could tell she wanted it
>Rubbing her ass or belly becomes a regular thing, she just lets me and likes it.

I started a day gambling with $10. As I got drunk and gambled more, I ended up with over $70,000 in chips. I woke up the next day broke and still a little drunk. My roomie asked me "How much?" I said "I lost $10." and laughed. Don't look at me like that. That's how a gambling high works, you cannot stop when you are ahead. Especially when you are drinking too.

>In the summer I would sneak my hand under her shirt, bare belly
>Get to touch her tits, still in bra
>It’s pretty obvious we both want each other, it’s both love and lust
>She’s not really hiding it from the family anymore
>They joke around with her being in love with me etc.
>My girlfriend does too, I just play it off and they don’t suspect me
>Some more time passes, she’s 19 now
>She’s moving out.
>Me, my girlfriend and parents help her move stuff along with some other family
>Actually lives closer to us now
>Have to be in her house a lot to renovate some stuff, help paint etc.

>One time we’re alone in her house and my girlfriend is at work
>Just moved her bed in earlier and supposed to do some more
>She’s just leading me to her her bedroom without saying anything, pushes me on the bed and sits on top of me
>Lifts up her skirt
>My hand just automatically reaches for her pussy
>Years of anticipation, my boner is HUGE
>Rub her pussy still in her panties
>Move it to one side and start fingering her beautiful pussy
>She’s breathing heavily and moaning softly
>After a while feel her whole body shocking, never experienced anything like that before
>We both undress, unclip her bra only to reveal the most beautiful tits
>Take out my dick and she immediately starts blowing me
>Actually not that good but it’s fine in the moment
>I’m thinking how I’m going to fuck that pussy good in a sec
>Actually cum a huge load in her mouth which she swallows
>Lay down next to each other sweaty and satisfied, just flap out I love her
>”Love you too”
>Spend a good time just playing with her tits, belly, ass and pussy
>Eat her out and she starts moaning again and shocking shortly after
>It’s so hot to see my dick gets hard again and start pounding her pussy while she’s still shocking
>Can’t actually cum again though, just wanted to be inside that pussy
>More time passes
>See her on a regular basis now, because ‘she has trouble living alone all the time’ which is sort of true but I know it is to see me as well
>We don’t get to do much anymore though, usually it’s us three together in our house so no more than a hug or kiss maybe
>I’m starting to realise it’s bad to continue this, because I really do love my girlfriend as well
>Tell her, she says it’s fine and understands
>Get married to my girlfriend and that’s where we are now
>I’m still hoping to fuck her sister good and cum inside her, but also know it’s probably not good to do that.

>no human pounding a chubby orc or a dwarf
Get better taste fam.

Wtf you met royalty

I lied on an anime message board about banging children and having threesomes just to make neckbeards insanely jealous. Shit was so cash.

>do a big fart
>it stinky
>lewl

>>need drink
>>leave her in bed and walk to kitchen butt naked
>>dick waving the whole way
>>standing in kitchen chugging orange juice from carton
>>hear keys
>>panic mode
>>front door swings open and I'm standing there naked
>>in walks a younger girl, probably my age
>>backpack uh oh
>>she sees me immediately
>>doesn't even blink.
>>looks down at my cock and smiles
>>I'm still basically frozen
>>she says hey I'm Adriana
>>I muster a hey
>>she sets her bag down and walks into the living room
>>must get back into room
>>have to walk through living room
>>altho this is kinda hot she is sexy so I walk by cock out and proud
>>she asks where Stacy is
>>I reply "she's kinda tied up"
>>she says oh
>>and grabs it like it's dinner and starts sucking
>>good lord she is good at this.
>>milf is literally tied up so.... Why not

>>hear milf walking her heels clicking around the corner
>>uh oh
>>our eyes meet
>>she has a horrified look on her face
>>screams what the fuck
>>daughter immediately drops my cock and stands up
>>they start screaming at eachother
>>my brilliant ass just stands therr

>be me going to nigger high school just outside of DC
>skip school everyday to avoid getting killed due to my privilege.
>Always find a tour group of kids around my age to hover around so as not to be harassed. Find a group with a qt outside of the white house tour (year was 1991).
>Strike up convo. She knows I'm not with her group but plays along that I am as we pass through the gates.
>I'm right behind her the whole time and she stops on a dime several times and I bump into her...benis begins to swell.
>By the time we reach the center hall I've been strokin through my pocket and rubbing up on qt's ass and about to burst.
>Find a planter with a painting above it and spill my seed in the plant outside the China room.
Been masturbating in public ever since.

Your shitty wannabe erotica better has an amazing payoff

Saw this in another thread faggot poser

>be me
>12 years old asleep in room
>wake up to something poking my leg
>get up and look
>its an alien in my room which is now just staring at me
>pull the covers over my head
>feel being poked more, i am terrified
>wake up in the morning, I have wet the bed
>I had bed wetting issues well into adulthood after this

>>fight escalates.
>>I finally snap out of it and get in between them
>>they keep using each other's names
>>finally milf says
>>hey user meet my daughter Adrianna
>>fuck me....
>>fight continues
>>finally milf grabs me and puts me in the middle
>>fight has turned into a competition
>>mom is angry cause young hot girl gets her man
>>daughter is angry because naked man in house
>>mom starts stroking me and saying she will never get a cock like this.
>>she wouldn't even know what to do with it
>>daughter drops to her knees and starts sucking
>>mom loses it
>>smacks her away
>>pushes me back onto the couch
>>daughter is removing clothes
>>naked gladiator
>>daughter is petite and perfect. Smooth skin blonde hair perky c cups small round ass
>>mom is 50 but way better body
>>still want daughter
>>mom slides down on my cock
>> daughter slams her pussy on my face
>>they glare at eachother for a few seconds then I found her clit
>>Moaning ensues.
>>I'm pretty decent at eating pussy
>>daughter is doing that crying moaning shit
>> still riding asks if it feels good
>>daughter whimpers out a yes
>>mom moans and it's over
>>they start touching eachother and kissing while fucking my face and riding me
>>we then proceed to try every position
>>by the end my dick is numb and I have to make myself cum
>>they share it on their faces.

Not done yet

Nice

Q: What's the difference between royalty and inbred hicks.
A: Royalty have the perks of reputation and privilage. They are privilaged wealthy educated inbred hicks.

I'm not this clever. This is what happened. I'm just shitty at telling stories

I had sex with my sister.

it's not a big deal, but for some reason people on Sup Forums always accuse me of lying about it

Incest is both more common than and rarer than people believe. The perceptions of how much it happens is distorted to both extremes.

I met up with a black guy from Craigslist and let him raw me when I was 15

Did your quads protect you from the monkey aids?

That's trips, Ace.

I like to eat my boogers and my ear wax. I'm 24.

>quads
r u retarded m8

Oh fugg is this a sign I should do it again? I've been playing with my dildo a lot lately.

tits or gtfo

Yeah.. My eyes are watery.
Math is racist.
Stop oppressing me acoustic child.

>>after sexy time we all sit down and discuss things
>>discretion obviously.
>>no one can know and we must all remain exclusive cause disease etc.
>>this goes on for several months and it's spring nkw
>>the daughter and I are publicly dating so we can a go out now
>>we rarely have sex alone it's usually when the other is at school or work and it's a secret. They both think they are being sneaky
>>against the rules but whatever
>>now back to the ticket.
>>I got it exponged but then I get a letter saying I didn't pay court costs and it's valid again
>>have to go to court over it
>>go to court for pretrial explain my case
>>prosecuter says I skipped my original trial
>>there wasn't one I payed to have it removed
>>getting rail roaded

>>final trial approaches.
>>I'm fucked I'm looking at jail time for this
>>small town shit show I have no record and they are going to crush me anyway
>>sitting in court dressed up and pissed
>>shaking in so mad
>>bailiff comes out
>>everyone please rise for the honorable judge milf I've been fucking with her daughter for 6 months

>>our eyes meet
>>she turns ghost white
>>I'm up first
>>calls me to the bench stuttering like a meth head
>>looks over the case and calls the prosecutor
>>whispers something to her and the prosecuter turns bright red
>>immediately starts saying I'm a criminal no respect for law
>>blah blah blah
>>milf tells her a clerical error that wasn't my fault is hardly grounds for this
>>dismisses case
>>I walk out smiling and mind blown
>>shoot her a text immediately that says
>>no worries I won't ever breathe a word
>>also thank you


>>she responds seconds later
>>thank you


>>I moved away shortly after but we still met a few times before.
>>it was a good year for me.

was it a feminine benis?

So... he got AIDS?

I only bench lmao1.5pl8 dude, no tits here

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Lol

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aww shit bitches guess who's back

can't use sound files my ass

it's your boi
massive faggot

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might keep the story going if thread stays alive, will dump best porn till then

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anyone here?

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continue the story

I once caught a cigarette in the smoking position that my mate chucked from 3 stories up.

>smoked weed on a memorial rock after school

I believe you bro.

Question: why did you take human form?

ive done this.

You fucked for months and never asked her about work? Never saw her JD, or pictures of her in judge robes around the house? Horseshit

V has come to

She said she was a personal assistant but basically a secretary. Never had reason to doubt it. And tbh I never looked. I don't know if she did or not. She did have a picture of her daughter but her hair was a different color so it never clicked until she told me who she was

I steal panties from girls i know and wear them while mastrubating.
Pic related(sister of best friend)

>be me
>30 years old
>meet 15 year old girl online
>got molested by her dad's best friend when she was 8
>she has serious daddy issues
>desperate for the approval of older men
>fly to where she is
>fuck her
>fuck her best friend
>have threesome with them
>she wants me to fuck her 10 year old brother
>and her 8 yer old brother
>nope the fuck out of there