Here's my story

Here's my story

>last year
>25y/o kissless virgin
>but also never asked someone out
>basically a fucking loser, but not into vidya
>don't really like people, going outside and stuff
>get invited to a weeding in another part of the country
>whatever, decide to go
>meet amazing woman, nice and solid 7/10
>turns out she lives in my town
Fast forward a year
>ended up together after 3 months
>never met someone this awesome
>basically living together (I haven't been in my own flat for more than half a year)
>met each others families
>everything is amazing
>she loves the piece of shit that I am
>growing with her love
>she has to spend 3 months abroad because of work
>she returned two weeks ago
>needs distance
>only met twice since then
>she told me with tears in her eyes that she is not sure about her future
>not sure if we can be together
> in our relationship we had a few arguments (when I was a total fucking idiot)
>were really strong and "brought out the worst of here"
>she thinks we can try to fix it
>but needs some distance right now
>apparently the work abroad was hell

I can fucking feel it. She will break up with me, she always talked about wanting a "perfect relationship without doubts".
She was my only chance at a normal life. Should I just fucking end it right now?

she cheated on you obviously. that's how b*tches roll.

you probably were a shoulder to cry on from her last relationship. move on, boi.

I'm pretty sure she didn't.

There is nothing for me to move on to, just going back to the pathetic life I had before.

get tinder and use some bitches that wanna get use such as whores who recently got out of a relationship

yeah suicide seems like a sound option

And we're pretty sure she did.

Man OP I get you’re devastated and all that. But dude this was your first ever relationship. People who go through this the first time take it really hard.

I took my first breakup really bad. Was totally beta and still wanted and tried to be friends with her. Took me like a year and a half and half to get over her and still talked to her.

Realized once i got over her that she was a huge bitch to me in the last. Didn’t sit well with me. Blocked her on Facebook and she went nuts wondering why. Blocked her number and made it impossible for her to get a hold of me.

Felt good to do that

Your denial is straight up funny dude.

Here is an interesting fact for you: women totally cheat all the time. It isn’t just men who cheat.

She's been sleeping around on you, dump the whore or live your life knowing that you're a little bitch and lesser of a man for it.

Idiots on the internet can't tell whether she was cheating or not. And that is not the thing we want to find out now.

What helped me was coffee. I started drinking coffee when a girl broke up with me. It gave me relieve, as I wasn't used to it.

Doing sport helps, too. If you're not too lazy, exhaust yourself. Gives also relieve. But you sound like a couch potato, so this might not be an option for you.

I think that pain is a chemical thing in your body and it just needs time to dissolve. I can promise you, no matter how hard it is to get over a girl. after a while (and it could really take a while) you do not rellay care about it anymore. So, patience helps.

Ending it turns off the pain, but it also takes all the fun stuff.

Regard it this way, you got nothing to lose, so you are free to do whatever you want.

To be honest, from my point of view I doubt that men and women work together. So don't expect to get what you are missing in life from a woman.

Can confirm this. I've personally seen with my own fucking eyes quite a handful of female friends literally "go home" with some random guy who wasn't their boyfriend.
I've been with my current GF for a relatively short time (about 2 months). So far, I don't think she's ever cheated on me, but I'd be a fool to rule out the possibility of her doing that in the future. The same goes for me, of course: I have never cheated, not on her or any of my previous GFs, I don't even have intention to do it, but it's possible that I may, someday.

This so much.
Getting over a girl is usually very hard, no doubt about that.
However, there hasn't been a single instance where time did not heal, eventually.

Whoa, I've been single for a few years, but this is the third time I post relationship advice today here. What's happening with this board?

Anyway,
1) There's the chance that she's being honest. If she needs some space to let her mind settle, let her have it. Everyone is clingy when their first relationship comes so late in their lives; try to spot it and try to avoid it for now.
2) If things end, remember that she's not your last hope. You did it once, you can do it twice.
3) Ask yourself if you actually care about her, or you just care about having someone. The latter is harmful for any relationship. You don't *need* a girlfriend; it's okay to be single. Don't mistake loving the person for simply loving company.
4) It takes a lot of time to get over a significant loss, but you eventually will. If it happens, in the meantime, look after yourself: eat well, sleep well, keep your job/studies/whatever, and so on. It will help you stay away from falling into a deeper, unsolvable depression.
5) Finally, remember: don't burn bridges you don't need to. Staying in friendly terms with people in general is always a good call, regardless of whom — you don't need to have a breakup full of drama, hate and blame games.

Thanks for the encouragement. I don't know I always imagined myself being a father. buy a house, have a couple of kids.. you know the good quite life. I think she is/was the only possibility for me to not end up spending my life alone in my flat. I don't really care for other people at all, most just annoy me. But she took my heart by storm and showed me the sweat life.
I don't know how I will ever be able to find someone I can love and that loves me. She was my 1 in a million chance.

Well, some sound advice. I do care about her, she can have her time. But this feeling of uncertainty is taking its toll an me..

Hey OP, you experienced having a girlfriend
stop whining

and looking after myself is the biggest issue. At the moment I have 20 days left to finish my masters thesis, so I can't just bum around and think about other thinks. I need to numb the feelings to work, I'm not eating, I can't sleep (got somthing to help with that today)..

She's not your 1 in a million chance.
If anything, having finally had a relationship should give you the confidence to find someone better. Now you KNOW you can get a gf, because you already did once.
I hope your current gf didn't cheat on you and doesn't want to break up with you, but since there is no guarantee, you're better off assuming the worst case scenario until the situation progresses: yes, she cheated and yes, she will eventually break up with you.
In this case, you already know the solution: move on.
Work on yourself (improve your appearence, perform well at your job/college, engage in meaningful hobbies) THEN, if you *want* (not need) a new gf, focus on finding one.

You can't focus if you don't eat, drink and sleep properly. Take care of that. Even if you're not hungry, not thirsty and not sleepy. This is separate of any relationship issues you might be having.

Other than that, there's no useful way of "numbing the feelings" without hurting yourself, so try not to think about it for a while. Keep your mind busy.

>beta male foreveraloner gets gf
>gf likely cheats
> beta male thinks he's foreveraloner again when he can never be that as he has proven he can get gf
>beta male tries again and finds love again
>beta male either become alpha or beta male cuck
choose dumbass, you're not some broken flower only a pity filled loser bitch would pick up you got a real girlfriend that loved you, you've proven you've got at least 90% of what girls want in a bf. Gitting gud at vidya games (showing to yourself you can be skilled at something when you practice enough) and getting your confidence up will help with that last 10%

You're far better off than all the guys in your position that never had a gf and many of them never will because they lack a lot more than the 10% your gf/ex looked past to be with you.

truth, my ex is my best friend and I had to block her and avoid her for over a year and a half before my feelings finally ebbed away. Now she's trying to have a baby with her husband and I couldn't be happier for her. I felt bad for vanishing on her for so long, but I know that her husband and I would be on terrible terms and there'd always be frustration and sadness from me whenever I heard about their future family plans if I didn't give myself a break and find other women to fall for. Now I couldn't feel love for her like I did that long ago even if I wanted to and I'm so grateful for that because the jealousy was literally killing me even though I knew then there was 0% chance we'd ever date again. Time truly does heal all wounds, even love that causes crippling suicidal depression.

dude, it's not worth being in a relationship where your love isn't reciprocated. As much as it fucking sucks, people fall out of love and move on sometimes. Trust me, I've experienced it on both sides.

It's not worth beating yourself up over. You had nothing to do with it. She's the one that has to make the determination whether she's gonna spend her life trying to find a "perfect" man, or settle down and make it work with the great man she has now. It takes time to come to a decision like that.

My recommendation? Give her the space she needs. Don't force someone to come back to a relationship they're not fully invested in. That's just asking for it to crash and burn.

Best of luck to you man, I hope whatever happens you are able to be happy in the end :)

dude, that numb feeling is completely normal. As much as it hurts, the ONLY way to cure it is with the passage of time. Don't fight the feelings, just work on coming to terms with them. There's nothing you can do to change her decision, whatever it may be. Let her have her space, and try to focus as much as you can on other things.

Don't look at her old text messages. Don't look at her pictures. Don't look at her facebook. Don't contact her at all. Give her her space. When and if she makes her decision, she will 100% contact you, guaranteed.

never thought I would get some encouraging words on the board.. thanks.. but you guys are wrong in one point, I am rotted human being beyond redeemability, no goals, no dreams, I don't care about my college degree or anything else.. everything feels completely meaningless to me.. but everything felt like falling into its place and making sense, when she appeared in my life. now all meaning is gone again

Why does Op need a female to get his shit together? When a girl is 100% your reason for living they will leave you. Male or female, people want to date someone with a life.

I know that feeling exactly. Speaking from experience, you're being entirely too dramatic. You haven't even begun to live your life.

Having her fall into your life was a blessing, no doubt. And the time you spent together was probably extremely gratifying. I was in the same boat. I was with my ex for 7 years, through the end of HS and all of College. We literally had conversations about what we would name our children and starting a family.

Same thing ended up happening to me that happened to you, she just fell out of love. It happens. Doesn't mean you can't be utterly devastated by it, but trust me when I tell you that time really does heal all wounds.

My advice would be to take things one day at a time. Close down your worldview and focus on the present. Don't think of future plans or what could be. Take things day by day. You have some tests in a few weeks you're working towards right? Try and focus on that daily. Know that she's gonna creep into your thoughts and dreams. It happened to me too. Accept those memories and feelings and push forward. Your meaning isn't gone from life, if anything you have the capacity to make your own meaning out of life. Don't let a single person hold that much power over your future.

Sorry for sounding so sappy, but I've literally been in your exact same situation in the past, and your current thought and feelings echoed mine so clearly I felt I had to respond.

I think this guys gets it..

How the fuck did you survive this? Are you happy now? Do you have a family?

>How the fuck did you survive this? Are you happy now? Do you have a family?
Time, mostly. Those shitty feelings don't go away quickly, they linger, and doing things like looking at old messages or pictures (she used to write me handwritten notes and hide them in my room so I'd find them later) seemed to instantly put me back in that gloomy mindset.

The best thing you can do is weather the storm. Know that each day that goes by it'll get marginally easier and easier to cope. But you can't sabotage yourself by looking over your old pictures/messages/facebook, shit like that. My advice would be to store those things away and hide her posts on facebook or social media. Then you can really begin the healing process.

I would say I am happy now, yes. You learn to live and function without them eventually. I don't know if you have any support systems (friends/family) to turn to to talk about this stuff with, but you don't necessarily need it. I wasn't fortunate enough to have those. She was literally my best friend, so I had to start from scratch. It wasn't easy, but it's absolutely possible.

I don't have a family yet, but I was able to get back in the dating scene, albeit not really enthusiastically. It's a continual process.

The one positive I see from your situation is that she doesn't seem like she had any malicious intent behind her actions. She wasn't intentionally trying to hurt you. I was in the same boat. She clearly communicated her feelings to me when she made her call. Count that as a blessing.

Well here: If you're prepared to die, to give up on Everything that could ever possibly happen to you, maybe you can take that same impulse and dial it back a little.

Give up on her. Let her go.

Work up a little bit of derealization and start viewing life as a game. There's an environment and a set of interactions available to you, and if you pay attention to cause and effect, you can kind of puzzle out the mechanics and steer the game in a direction you want. Key thing is not being too attached to any of it.

I mean, you're gonna die either way. You could hit fast forward or you could hit play.

I'm sorry for you, this sounds terrible.. How much time passed since then?

I'm still waiting for her call, she seems to be very confused.. she mentioned that she feels like she doesn't deserve me and I would only lose years of my life on her, because she thinks she is a train wreck.. ironic, isn't it?

Whats the point of doing anything if I'm not attached? If it doesn't matter if I do it or not?

about 2-3 years have passed. I finally felt ok with everything after maybe 3-4 months, maybe a little longer.

Don't stress about the call, especially if you don't have a timetable as to when she'll call you. The one thing you need to figure out is if she is 100% invested in the relationship and making it work. Communication is THE most important part of the relationship. If/when she calls, let her get her feelings out, and try to be as non-confrontational as possible. Try to get her to realize that no relationship is perfect, but you both clearly have feelings for each other and should try to make it work.

Realize though that no matter how much you may want to continue things, if she isn't into it, then the relationship is over. It would be the same if the situation were reversed. Be prepared for that.

I'm willing to let her go if she isn't into this anymore. And you are right, I don't have a timetable, when she will make the call. I don't hold any grunge against her. I know that thinks like that happen, by I am terribly afraid that it will happen to me and I will lose the most important person in my life. What makes it even worse, is that we are pretty good friends. And she told me that the months abroad were hell and she struggles right now to find any meaning in her life.. and also in our relationship.. and I can't be fucking there to support her..

*things, goddammit

I think the distance is killing us. She did not want me to worry/suffer when she was gone and kept it a secret, that everything there sucked. I am afraid that during this process she distanced herself emotionally too much from me..

It is a terrible feeling man, she was the most important person in my life as well. It's good that you're willing to let things end if she's not into it, that's a really important part of moving on.

is she gonna be abroad for much longer? She might just be in a really bad place emotionally, and just needs time to get herself back on track

she's returned two weeks ago, met two times since and she told me about the time abroad, keeping it secret from me and doubting everything in her life, including 'us'
I'm really sorry for what happened to you, thanks for sharing.

and yeah, I know for a fact that she is in a really bad place emotionally.. and I would do anything to help her and support her.. and she would do anything to keep me safe.. she kept her problems abroad as a secret because she had to go through them alone and didn't want me to worry when I have to focus on college.. and now she keeps me at a distance because she can't make promises about our future and doesn't want to keep my hopes up..