ITT: We describe movies badly and others guess what they are

ITT: We describe movies badly and others guess what they are.

Volume II

"Lord of the Rings is about elves and bad guys."

Guess.

>Bitch finds dino bones
>Dude falls in love with dino bitch
>Go down on dino bones with bro
>Go fight Dinos
>go home after with bitch

Clerk's 2

Naw, it was the first one.

But close enough. Your turn.

Gonna copy/paste a few unsolved mysteries from last thread.

Movie 1
>>Be cute shota walking home from school
>>Pedobear in human form appears, kidnaps shota
>>Shota gets butt fucked for years
>>Shota grows up to become alcoholic; dies
>>Based on a true story

More hints

>Takes place in America
>Movie made in 80s
>Shota named Steven, born in 1965
>Kid died shortly after the movie came out

Movie 2
>>A kike beats up a white kid
>>Sex and the City before Sex and the City
>>Is my cunt here?
More hints
>Takes place in high school
>Movie set in Florida
>One kid has big dick, other has small
>Hooker and nigger involved in practical joke

Movie 3
>Have giant cock
>Literally skullfuck guy to death with it
>Everyone dies
>Then more fucking

Movie 4
>American who is supposed to be British
>Brit who is supposed to be American
>Running around in a jungle
>Asians with guns

Movie 5
>Frog and Tonto know kung fu
>Fido wants snacks
>Incest and bondage for good measure

>summer Resort
>50's Chevrolet
>watermelon

>Kid wrecks his car
>Travels to the past
>Comes back, car is truck now

Dirty Dancing

I got Movie one before the update it's a movie called my name is Steven. I remember watching it as a kid it was a sad movie.

Movie 3 is A Serbian Film

...

Correct! I thought that was too obscure a choice but here you are proving me wrong. And yes, it was sad. Even sadder since it was true and the kid died.

Is movie number 2 Fast Times at Ridgemont High

3 a Serbian film

Yes!

Movie 4 tropic thunder?

Correct

Movie 2 is Porky's. And it's not a big dick, it's a deformed dick.

Reposting another two unsolved mysteries. Will give more hints if they're needed but the thread was dying as these were posted, so I bet people ITT get them.

Movie 6
>Niggers take over an entire planet
>That planet is Earth

Movie 7
>A man makes his way to Chicago
>Later, he carries a suitcase


No to 2.

Yes to 3.

Yes. And she says "He's deformed!" to mark her surprise at how fucking ridiculously hung he is. That's why he's called Meat.

No.

Back to the Future

Before I saw the update I wasn't going to waste my time even answering no way in hell someone else had actually seen that movie I thought but after I saw the update I decided to answer

Movie 6 Planet of the Apes

You shouldn't insult Apes such as gorillas and chimpanzees

Movie 6 planet of the apes

>Dinner with gf's parents
>Mom go "gf pergant", kisses me
>kid's a freak
>fuck hot neighbour
>head now part of pencil

You are, of course, right. My apologies to our Noble Cousins.

Yes!

I'm an oldfag and I suspect you are as well. I was here for the original "We describe movies badly threads." The first one I participated in was in fall of 2008 and I suspect they were around even longer than that. Back in the day, we used to use movies even more obscure than I Know My First Name Is Steven, if you can believe it. And people would get it right away! Like, in three posts. This generation of anons is kinda weak at this stuff. People tend to use the same three movies over and over again and then they're surprised when people figure out it's Fight Club, The Shawshank Redemption or The Big Lebowski. In summary, they need to lurk moar.

I used this one the other night but it was around 2AM and most people had left by then. Don't spoilt it if you only know it from that thread, please.

>A shadowy overlord departs
>His servants behave erratically in his absence
>A depraved psychopath tortures people to death, then dismembers and desecrates their corpses as he stuffs his obese face with marshmallows
>A Machine God hovers ominously overhead, reveling in its obscene power. Innocents are crushed to death in a kafkaesque nightmarescape rivaling scenes of genocide from the Old Testament

I got this one before but I'll let someone else get it this time.

>ayy lmao
>Young faggots interpret Freddie Mercury song under moonlight
>Also, telecommunications

this

>Blonde milf has big tits
>There's a plot?
>Something happens?
>More tits
>Movie ends

>Guy in a cave
>Steals bomb
>Bomb go off
>a hero an hero
>not really, went on holiday

American Pie

Jerassic park

That definitely also works but it's not the movie I'm thinking of.

The big titted blonde is the star of my movie and it was made before she was thought of as a milf.

Movie 4
>American who is supposed to be British
>Brit who is supposed to be American
>Running around in a jungle
>Asians with guns


Sounds like Tropic Thunder.

>movie ends
well, that narrows it down

A guy is good with money so he helps get a library built for his community. Then retires to the beach with his black friend.

Gj almost didn't get it. Eraserhead!
Lynch fan here. Lost highway is my favorite movie/film.

Dark Knight Rises

Well we know it's not the never ending story now.

Ghostbusters

Hell mode: activated

>Protagonist is a green ogre called shrek
>Theres a donkey
>A princess who ultimately becomes an ogre too
>A dragon and a mirro

The Shawshank Redemption

Administrative error made him a terrorist, now he's insane

Good luck with this one!

Reservoir Dogs

>mirro

I thought I had it but NVM

Office Space

Donkey get out of my swamp.

>Bad MF nigger pimp
>Fights whitey
>Cleans up streets
>Best friend dies
>Gets revenge

District 9

LOTR

Brazil

If you said Ghostbusters II, that would actually kinda fit.

But no. I'm thinking of a very different movie from the same decade.

That was gonna be my second guess after Office Space.

We're probably both wrong, obv. But still.

I've never even seen Brazil but I read about it and it sounded close enough.

>I was treated poorly way back in the past, so I'm angry.
>I'm going to kill all these stupid college kids
>Maybe I'll bang the ditzy one first before I kill her
>Wear her dad's face as a mask

The Barack Obama chronicles

Nope keep guessing

I already guessed that and was wrong

Yeah yeah. Cut me some slack, jack! I hadn't seen your reply.

I really want to know what this one is
I'll guess Silence of the Lambs.

>Sounds like Tropic Thunder.
No.

Perhaps it is time for some hints.

Movie 4
>>American who is supposed to be British
>>Brit who is supposed to be American
>>Running around in a jungle
>>Asians with guns

Maybe I fucked up by saying the American and Brit are supposed to be each others' nationality. That's an allusion to the book the film was based on, which was, like the film, much darker than Tropic Thunder.

Hint: Stars actor and actress who would both go on to win Oscars for separate films years later. It was also directed by a man who would later win an Oscar for best director. It is hands down one of the worst films any of the three ever worked on.

>I've never even seen Brazil but I read about it and it sounded close enough.
Same. I like the director, though. He's the guy who directed 12 Monkeys.

Sweet Sweetback's Badass Song

>Boy meets girl
>Girl loses boy
>Boy finds girl
>"What about the ROUSes?"

>12 Monkeys

The movie is called "12 years a slave" user, and they weren't monkeys, just black.

Predator

Ding ding ding we have a weiner!

It is 40 minutes to midnight what am I?

The Princess Bride

>Brand new spaceship on maiden voyage, full to capacity with people.
>Spaceship Captain has hot wife on home planet.
>New guy fucks up spaceship, they miss rendezvous.
>Oxygen running low, everyone on board close to death.
>Hot wife on home planet in tears.
>Crew overcome personal differences to work together and save the ship.

OK, #4 is Apocalypse Now.

Dude, how could you? Predator was a fucking awesome movie!

Hell yeah and I haven't even seen the movie.

Kek! Well played.

Yes!

Nope.

Nope.

Bored and watching the clock

Yeah you got it, let's try another tough one:

A Jew saves Hitler from Germans.

Apollo 13

No but on the right track. It influenced my bad movie and the author of the novel it was based on, which was pretty good. On a side note, I can't believe it took this long for someone to venture that as a guess. So many underage fags on Sup Forums, it seems.

That one Tom Cruise movie? Was it Valkyrie?

Pandorum

Just sounds like predator is all

How the fuck?

No

yep. Nice

Nope

I haven't seen it either and that was my second guess, after Office Space. I just remember hearing about it and thinking it sounded cool.

6 men, a woman who might as well be a man and a nigger

Well, that DOES sound like Predator.

Ok, NOW it's Predator!

Before Midnight

Wrong. Here's a hint: they really hate niggers and bounty hunters

That porno where obama and his top brass gang rape caitlyn jenner

No, wait. It's a Conan flick.

Grace Jones may as well be a man.

And there's Wilt Chamberland.

Because I check out a lot of movies on IMDb to see what I want to watch and you pretty much described it the same way imdb did.

Hateful 8. Boom.