Joke thread wankers, the more offensive the better

Joke thread wankers, the more offensive the better.

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>black baby dies
>goes in heaven
>steps in front of jesus
>jesus grants him wings
>"am i an angel now?"
>-"shit no! u is a bat!"

Little Johnny comes home from school early one day to find his ball and glove that his parents took from him. He hears someone walk in the house, and hides in his parents closet.

He peeks through the closet door to see his mom in bed with another man. The door opens downstairs and the wife panics, telling the stranger to hide in the closet. As mom is downstairs talking to dad, Johnny starts talking to the stranger.

"It sure is dark in here."
"Yeah, kid. Now be quiet."
"I've got a baseball."
"Good for you, now shush!"
"It's for sale."
"Wtf?! Be quiet!"
"Be an awful shame if I made a noise and my dad found you here. He'd be more mad at you than he would at me."
"Fuck! Fine. How much?"
"$500"
"Are you kidding! Fine! Take the money!"

A few weeks later, same thing happens again.

"Sure is dark in here."
"Oh fuck, not this again."
"I've got a glove for sale too."
"Ugh. How much?"
"$300"
"Fine, just stay quiet."

A few days after that Johnny's dad wants to play ball with him and Johnny tells him that he can't because he sold his ball and glove for $800.

"WHAT?! Johnny! I can't believe you! We're going to church right now! You're going to speak with the priest, and give that money to charity!"

Little Johnny is sitting in the confessional both and says, "Sure is dark in here."

He hears from the other side, "Now this time you little fucker, you're in my closet now."

>joke thread
Your life's a fucking joke user go the fuck back to ifunny or 9fag

Made me smile

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You're just jealous that I have more chromosomes

Yea, i guess you're right

A family walk into a talent agent and say you should represent us.

The mother says, "Sir, if you just see our act, we know you would want to represent us."

The agent says, "OK. OK. I'll take a look."

Immediately the father removes his clothing revealing a massive penis fully erect. The daughter goes over and places his balls in her mouth as the massive cock continues to grow. The mother removes her clothing and the son begins to suck on her pussy. She moves over toward father, who is cock slapping the daughter so hard she has a bloody nose, and brings out a large funnel.
The tip is about a half an inch in diameter and the shaft about 8 inches long. While the daughter eats the balls, Mom shoves the funnel into dad's cock hole. She then backs up toward it while the son continues to munch on her twat. She squats over the funnel and releases a huge torrent of diarrhea.
As she fills the funnel, dad's balls begin to swell, soon the size of large coconuts. Mom yanks out the funnel and shoves it down the son's equally impressive member. Once again she sends a river of runny shit into the funnel swelling the son's nuts to the size of casaba melons.
Once done She starts furiously sucking on the son's cock while the daughter does the same to dad. The both suck hard, deep and fast until both cocks spew forth a tremendous fountain of come and diarrhea. Mom and sis take the massive loads in the mouth slurping down almost every vile drop. What they don't eat the faithful dog does, licking the floor clean. As the father and son finally finish there horrific display, mom and daughter stand up and wipe their mouths and reveal twin shit eating grins, They all in unison look at the agent and say, "Taa Daaa!"

For the longest time, the agent just sits in silence. Finally, he manages, "That's a hell of an act. What do you call it?"

And the father says, "The Aristocrats!"

I never did quite understand this joke.

classic!

You can say alot about the pedophiles, but atleast they drive slowly passed the schools

that's the point, kind of. it was a popular joke among comedians back in the day, when they were amongst themselves. there is sort of a comradery around the joke, because each time they tell it to each other they get more and more outlandish. it was made known to the general public through a shit documentary on the matter, and edgy 14 year olds who saw the film thought it was fantastic. to this day, we are haunted by the retellings because cyber bullying wasn't a thing back then so those little fuckers didn't kill themselves.

lmao

kek

shit thread fuck off

Just because you don't have any STDs mate

Thread had potential I guess. RIP

learn english pajeet