Sup Forums, I could use some help if you want to

Sup Forums, I could use some help if you want to.

Are any of you legit suffering from depression? Or are familiar with what it's really like?

My SO (am not sure if I'm significant or not to them anymore though) is sunk in bipolar (1) depression & wants little to do with me. We're long distance, & he won't see or speak to me. He will read my texts though, everyday. & sometimes respond. If I'm lucky.

What the fuck should I do? What helps YOU, when you're in that place? I mean clinical depression, more like a deadening than a sadness. Anyone willing to share about this?

Pic unrelated. It's just my fave pic.

Will bump a bit with more fave pics.

I suffer from severe depression. My advice, bail. I was with someone for 13 years, and she suffered for it. You can't save him. She couldn't save me, and her love turned into resentment, anger and hate. Don't let it happen to you OP. You deserve to be happy, not shackled to someone who will make you miserable. It sucks, but it's true.

Nothing helps when I'm in that place. I'm sorry, but there isn't much you can do beyond being there for him imo. If he is anything like me, he hates himself for dragging you down with him. It sucks, but you seem like a good person. Best of luck to the both of you.

Get out while you can

I know I should. But there ain't no fucking way. I love him like she loves/d you. He's already resenting me a bit. I can't see myself doing that. I'm just about begging to deal with his bullshit.

Am sorry you're in that place. I know what it's like now. I used to think it was oh boo hoo. Fuck no it's not. It's a horrific void. That punishes you for not having the will to do anything.

Did anything EVER help you in those 13 years?

Do you have depression alone or bipolar depression? How long does it last for you? Only time helps? I've heard it can go on for years & years.

I want to be dragged down with him. I can handle it. I know this. But he'll not let me back in.

Thanks for what you said. Am truly sorry you're in that place when you go there.

You have experience with it huh?

I like raccoons

Fucking nothing helps, just sucks. I have Bipolar 1 as well. The only thing that helps me tough it out is knowing that the depression will eventually fade. Don't think you should worry about him losing interest in you if hes only started acting like this during a depression cycle. There's really nothing you can do other than what you're already doing.

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Honestly, no. I was angry and upset almost all the time. I'm from Canada and she's from the UK. I moved over there, and as a result of my depression I let her take care of me. She helped me through some tough shit (my mom died), but in the end I was an anchor around her neck, dragging her down. She had to cut me loose for her own mental health. You can't save him, no matter how hard you try or how much you want to. He has to do it himself. Meds, therapy, whatever. He has to do it. If he won't, in a few years time you'll be where my ex is now with me. We went from talking three times a day to now, where she's filtered my emails so she doesn't see them and we haven't been in touch for over a month. I'm begging you OP, end the relationship. Tell him you love him, but unless he wants to get help and stick to it you can't be with him. I'll be thinking about you, sending positive vibes.

Hey. I'm so fucking sorry. I thought bipolar was just being a moody fuck before this started. I didn't even know there were types. That type. Is terrifying. His mania was fun as hell too, but terrifying too. When were you diagnosed? Are you in an episode now or inbetween?

How long does your depressive cycle last typically? Your mania?

He keeps telling me he doesn't think that person that loved me will ever come back. It's hard not to take this hard. This is his first major episode though. He's totally lost.

One more question. Do you push people away too, when you're there..?

...

Sucks so much about your mom, am sorry to hear it user.

Holy shit. I can't. I can't end it. I feel like I was fucking made to love him. I don't wanna save him. I just want to accompany him. Quietly. Am strong enough. I know it.

He's on meds, I doubt therapy. He's hanging with his fam & ex (I srsly don't mind, whatever gets him well) a lot & that seems to help.

But is your depression more controlled now? Maybe she doesn't have to filter you out no more?

Thanks for your responses, your thoughts. You & everyone so far.

Weed, forgiving myself for periods of time when I'm in a depressive state and fall behind on everything, changing my routine, drinking or tripping with friends if I feel up to it, physical activity, rest, water.

Depression. I have bipolar in my family but I am not full blown as far as I know. I've only really experienced hypomania.
Only time helps, I honestly have never kept track to accurately answer how long it lasts. I would say at most a week. I'll go from feeling like I can do anything and everything is possible to not having interest in ever doing anything again and just trying to figure out how I can kill myself without destroying everyone around me.
I don't want to hurt ones close to me, but then I end up acting like a total fucking asshole to them and just want to be left alone. It's a balancing act of trying to judge if it's hurting them more or less if I stay around.

I don't know about your situation or anything about him. He might just be a cunt. If I was acting like that it would be because I don't want you to suffer with me. I would push you away like that partially to get you to move on so you can be happy, but also so there is nothing to keep me around anymore.

Regardless, it doesn't matter if you want to be dragged down with him. It sounds like he doesn't want that for you either out of some goodness or he just doesn't want you around. You would know better than me.

...

Diagnosed exactly a year ago when I went manic. Doing just short of perfect due to some medication side effects.

How long episodes last is different for everybody, but I've only been manic and depressed once. Mania lasted like 2 weeks, depression around a month.

>He keeps telling me he doesn't think that person that loved me will ever come back. It's hard not to take this hard. This is his first major episode though. He's totally lost.

Holy shit please try to reassure him that it'll come to an end eventually. It 100% will.. The first time it happens that's what everyone's thought is; holy shit please kill me this is my life now. I talked to another gal that was BP1 and she's been going strong with it for 8 years without any medication, which is nuts.

He used to do lots of weed to treat a more chronic lowlying depression before the bipolar shit hit the fan. Now he's stopped. I wish he wouldn't. He thought it wasn't helping or something.

Yeah, forgiving when you only have the energy to do so much. Makes so much sense.

Is there anything a friend or SO has done that helped you too?

Ops, dunno why it did that thrice.

I've been home for 8 months. I can't work. I'm burning through my savings. I cry a lot. I won't say anything against you for wanting to be with him and I hope to god you help him. I only know from my own experiences, depression can destroy someone you love. It can even if you're not the one who's depressed.

If you do stay with him PLEASE go see a therapist or counselor yourself. Don't feel that you have to shoulder it all alone. Be honest with him, and with yourself. He will say and do the most horrid, awful things when he's down. He won't mean them, but once done they cannot be undone. You owe it to you to stay healthy. Don't let his bipolar disorder destroy two lives. Be there for him but accept that you may have to leave for your own sake.

You know your pain hurts those you love, so you avoid them to protect them from this. They will misinterpret and abandon you. You will consider this a noble sacrifice on your part while everyone hates you for it.

It's been 4 months for him now. His manic episode was 4 months too. Am expecting this will take about double the time.

What you said kinda sounds like bipolar II. I've devoured as much info as I can on this stuff over the last few months. You got the hypomania. Sometimes I think bipolar II is way worse, because it's depression & mild mania. Whereas bipolar I mania is just. Wow.

Yeah. I wish he was the clingy kinda depressed. Not the pushaway.

Do friends have any role for you, during that time? Or just to leave you alone..?

Microdose psilocybin mushrooms.

I did feel like I was being destroyed & unfortunately, I vented a lot of this grief at him. He read every word. Was responding at first, then tapered off, now has stopped entirely. I know it was horrible of me to do this, but I didn't understand what the fuck was going on. Now am better about not doing that. He shouldn't have to deal with my bullshit in addition to his. Did your British girl do this to you too..?

But your deadening will come to an end, won't it? It can't have been 13 years ongoing? Then you can work & when you cry, cry for reasons? I know now that nothing I say can ever make a person in that horrible place have any hope. If anything, it's annoying huh.

I know I should therapy. I do feel very alone. Esp. when we were so fucking connected. Am way too honest about things. Sometimes I think I should be more fake happy. I can't do that shit though.

Why these awful things when down? Just to push away? What if that person refuses to leave, like me?

I hear you though, & thank you so much for your words.

I have these issues. Basically my life is trying to stay busy all day doing something productive, lots of gardening, otherwise negativity takes over. At night is when I drink and smoke weed. Its all I look forward to. I'm trying to be better for my partner and myself, because I know where this is headed if I don't try. I'm 27.

You are a great person. Probably should leave. I hope you find your way. Peace.

I was considering that. But his form of depression is bipolar 1 with psychotic features. Might make things interesting again in a horrific way.

I could use some shrooms though for sure.

Thank you for saying that. It kinda makes me emo, when you guys say am nice.

I know I should leave. But I know I won't. Ever. Not unless he tells me to.

What you got going sounds so good. How does your partner help..?

...

:)

She helps by being the only one providing income right now, which makes me feel very guilty, which is more motivation for me to be better for her. It really is a constant battle, and if you don't try, it will take over.

My partner was in your position 5 years ago, asking anons on reddit for advice.

Its very hard, but everything is. You're a great person, anything is possible, and I hope you get what you want for the both of you.

I guess I should go to bed. Thank you all, so much. I won't give up on him though.

& I hope you guys don't give up on yourselves.

Pic is fave pair of tits. G'night

You can only take so much, and you have to release it. My ex didn't vent on me as much as have passive-aggressive snipes at me. I think that hurt as much as a full on rant. I've been depressed as long as I can remember. I'm 44 now. The dead feeling never went away for me. I hate myself more than I can describe. I don't think any language has words to show what hate and loathing I have for myself. I feel that I am worthless, and go to great lengths to make sure everyone knows it. I don't do it on purpose, it's the depression influencing my actions. I isolate myself, which is what I did with my ex. She wanted a partner, not a dependent/child. I loved her more than anyone or anything I have ever known and it still wasn't enough for me to get help. I'm in counseling now, trying to get "better" but it's not working very well. I know it's only a matter of time before I kill myself. Right now, I don't want to. I want to go back to school, get my GED, maybe go for more education, work in a museum...but it's all a shitty pipe dream and I know it.

When you're depressed you feel like you have no worth. Someone staying with you, saying they love you and want to help you disproves that. It's called cognitive dissonance. You can't deal with the new info (someone cares) when you feel so worthless. So, you disregard it, and push away the person giving the info to you. You don't consciously do it, it's just a reaction.

I gotta go to bed (sleeping meds. Depression gives me severe insomnia), but I want to say keep your chin up. You seem like a very good person, too goo to let this sink you. See a doctor/therapist, keep yourself well, mental health wise. Look at it like this; if you're suffering, you can't be of help to anyone else. Goodnight!

Peace

As someone who suffers from bipolar disorder, all I can say is keep showing support.

And then when the mania kicks in you'll get high praise.

heheeh

I want to do that! I told him c'mere, lemme float you until you sort shit out? He won't budge. But I would do it happily. Like she does for you I bet. & it motivates you, good. Good good.

It gives me hope that she was where I am.

Thank you so much. That made me kinda choke up. I hope so hard he'll let me help him.

I. LOVED. THAT MANIA. It was SO FUN. Until he walked into traffic.

Fuck.

That hypersexuality though.

I don't wanna go to bed just yet now, I wanna know. Do you have I or II? Do people ever show so much support that it annoys the shit out of you?

Not this guy OP, but this user is right. I myself am 12 years into this depression of mine. Each year for me it has gotten worse. I actually have no one to talk to and mask my depression. I can't let the few people around know I have depression, because that will more than likely lead to a therapist. I do want/need help, but I'm not sure how.Your SO will more than likely drag you down if he/she doesn't want to try and get better. That current feeling that you have about wanting to be their crutches/support will slowly fade and you'll end up hurting yourself. As rough as it may be, you're going to have to let go. GL on your future, but know there is only so much you can personally do.

I've heard all you say. From him. I hate it. I fucking hate this thing. It makes someone magnificent feel like they're NOTHING. When they're fucking amazing.

I think will see therapist. Will at least try. You're right, can help him more by sorting out my own shit.

Thank you. So much. Best of dreams. I hope so much you wake up from your living nightmare.

Thanks user. But. 12 years. Maybe therapy WOULD help? I'm seriously not a fan. I don't want a fucking shrink. But maybe worth a shot. Esp. with nobody to talk to & nobody pestering the shit out of you like I do to my depressed one.

The consensus is that I should let go for me. But I wouldn't only let go if he wanted me to. I hear you & everyone, but I'm not giving up on him. Wherever it leads me.

Depression is masked grief. Stop masking it, you may gain a feeling of sadness, so much better than depression!

Would only let go if he wanted me to*

Okay Sup Forums. Thanks. Truly thanks. It made me feel nice to know am being good person. Didn't really think I was. I just love. G'night for reals.

Accepting help is definitely not the easiest thing to do. That is one thing a lot of people don't understand. It's like you want help, but not sure how to accept help/look for the right help. Your SO is extremely lucky to have you. Not many people keep this good stubbornness that you have. I do end up hoping everything working out for you.

We will likely never be happy, give up on us.

I'm going to be homeless because of my depression and anxiety don't ask me for shit

PS:

Thank you so much user. You too.

Never. I wish I could fucking take it away from both him & you.

Okay. But I still hope for better days for you. I hope you find a way out of that void.

Thanks but there is no way out. I've tried for 16 years, family won't help, they just insult me put me down and tell me it's my fault that I was sexually and emotionally abused as a kid. No one else cares either. I'm just being used by my mom so she can milk me like a cow by claiming me on social security as a dependent so she gets money from the gov. I hate my life and my family.

how far away are you from eachother?. because meeting him might help him with his Depression, Because if you only sit inside alone, you sometimes dontt feel worthy of other people, but if people contact you, want to do stuff irl you might be cheered up a lil

It sucks. It constantly feels like everyone is against you. Even if people agree with you, you still want to dispute them just to distance yourself from others. You constantly look for forms of escapism like drinking or drugs. It's like being yelled at 24/7, but worse and you can't stop the person yelling at you.

honestly its only a matter of time before I kill myself.