Is this song any good? Just wrote it and recorded it in around 10 minutes

Is this song any good? Just wrote it and recorded it in around 10 minutes.

youtu.be/OlNvvdjkEO4

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vocaroo.com/i/s1zYqZultgqE
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why are you such a fat fuck

also learn your lyrics instead of reading them off a screen

Why do you love in
a trailer?

Poor diet and lack of exercise.

Good point. I had just wrote the lyrics and I didn't wanna mess them up, although I messed them up at the end even while looking right at them.

What could be improved?

I don't want to spend ~2000 a month on rent. Where I live it's very expensive so I live in a camper in my parents backyard.

I reported this to the authorities, enjoy you time in the pokey, faggot.

Why are you posting nigger dicks all over Sup Forums?

Is this another liberal meltdown...?

Sounds decent enough, practice to sound more confident in your playing and singing, the chords progression isn't half bad either. Also you look like a nice person.

is that fucking Dangies
jesus christ

it's not too bad, but the melody isn't that special. Probably the voicings are the best part, but this song would need workshopping to be special.

My singing is quite bad, but is improving over the two months I've been doing this. Hopefully in another two months I will see more improvement.

I am not nice.

Yea, hey.

Help me out lol.

I like it, keep going with this.

hard to explain. unless you have a knack for melody, you'll have to work at it. Think "does this stand out? does something like this already exist? do i find myself thinking about it or have it playing in my head out of nowhere?" those are signs of a compelling melody. melodies should usually feel natural too, which isn't an issue here, but the best melodies will be compelling (eg stuck in your head or thought-provoking), new, and natural (not forced sounding). This isn't forced, but it's rather generic, and there isn't enough going on to elevate it.

If you want to try to write a better melody, just play the chords and improvise by singing or whistling over it. eventually melodies will start to present themselves.

Maybe I need to learn some new chords. I only know 8 or 9.

What you've described is how I write all the songs I have so far (11). Just messing about on the guitar or thinking up something in my head while going about my day.

You're a nobody who likes to browse a music board yet is too insecure to make music himself.

yeah you should definitely learn more chords. with that few, it's really really unlikely that you'll have enough options to create something great. Sure, some songs only have a couple chords, but the musicians that wrote those songs all knew pretty much all the chords, in most cases.

I would spend more time on the melodies. Unless you're more concerned with the lyricism, in which case i would focus on that and work on your vocal delivery, which atm is not strong enough to carry your lyrics.

as far as composition goes I've heard worse, you've got a decent voice, but you were pretty flat throughout, id work on that more than anything

and move out of your parents backyard

Like others said, I would work on hitting notes better vocally. Sounds like you could have a nice voice if you weren't so flat. As for the song I can't say it was bad but it didn't do much for me. Pretty good for 10 minutes though. Keep going, you definitely have potential m8.

>memorize the lyrics to the song you wrote 10 minutes ago

What a miserable cunt you are. Also he looks kinda big but not a fatty. Go back to /fit/ you ass

Just listened to your other upload nostradamus. I gotta say I enjoyed that one a lot more. Keep it up

If you like Joy Division you're a fucking moron.

I don't get it

If he liked Joy Division then wouldn't he be encouraging him to keep singing out of tune?

>that's the joke

Oh, it wasn't funny at all and you should feel bad faggot

Good advice. As for the moving out part, I probably should. Only thing is the feasible places to live are out in the middle of nowhere. Which might not be too bad.

Thank you.

Yeah, that song is a lot catchier. That's the one song I've wrote where I pictured someone who sings really well and a band accompanied...and I feel that could be a pretty well received song in the mainstream.

Not sure what this means but I've never listened to Joy Division.

My musical influence would be a combination of Bob Dylan, Neil Young, Brand New, Alex G, Townes Van Zandt. I doubt I sound close to any of them though.

Song of the year right here guys

You're going places, my friend.

I can tell you guys are serious, so here's a serious song I just wrote. It's about a bird.

vocaroo.com/i/s1zYqZultgqE

paulie wants to walk
ill take his crutches off
ill throw him through the room

he doesnt know what hit him
the secrets he was given
spill out from his wounds

that beak of his is bruised
he lays there all confused
now paulie wants to talk

he stares at me in silence
i gasp and look for guidance
he waits for his command

paulie has his problems
hes forced repeating poems
or whatever else i say

spends time inside a small cage
acts out just to misbehave
or when he's out of food

Voice needs work. keep at it.