At what age did you first realize you were depressed?

At what age did you first realize you were depressed?

I was 15 when I took a nap after school, it was daylight when I fell asleep and I woke up in darkness, literally and figuratively. I've felt empty inside ever since then. 27 now.

24

12

What did it feel like? What was going on in your life at the time? Was there an inciting incident or was it random?

Never knew I was supposed to feel happy so I always assumed that was how everyone felt so I don't have any happy childhood memories, I spent my time alone crying and not knowing why, got treatment at 15 y/o then 6 years later I can deal with it

Nah I just started hating my career and was so in Debt I couldn't switch without becoming homeless. I'm trapped in a job and relationship I hate, and my constant near hikikomori status when I'm home is the only thing that keeps me from hanging myself

when i couldn't move out of bed without having a 150 bpm pounding heart lmfao thanks drugs no drugs for 4 years or alcohol and ...nevermind wgaf dead soon

Any tips for coping? Also, does it ever come back and take over, even briefly?

21.

Had just finished my bachelors and was accepted to master's. Only instead of feeling happy I got more and more depressed until I wanted to kill myself. Sought help and went on pills.

Not the user you were asking, but I went through a successful pill therapy. Was ok for a few years, now it's come back with a vengeance.

Do they work for you?

Interesting. Did the pills just stop working?

No, I only had the pills during my treatment. When I was back to normal they slowly took them off. I don't know what caused it to come back, but in the last year I've slowly gone from the same dose I was originally on, to the maximum they can give and I regularly take them.

They worked well for 6 months now. But now it's getting really bad again and I'm out of options.

I'm the user you asked, never had any coping techniques honestly just wanted to die, every day was constant loneliness and feeling a hole on my chest, always on the verge of crying and didn't knew why, not a single drop of motivation to do anything, didn't get to enjoy anything in life, didn't felt love or appreciation for anything or anyone

I jumped straight into therapy then when that didn't worked I went to a psychologist that gave me pills, he and the pills didn't worked so I went to another doc which actually worked and after a long process of taking pills and diet and exercise I feel normal and even good/okayish

The thing is, I do feel down sometimes or maybe a perpetual state of feeling down some weeks, but nothing compared to what I was before so it's no problem to me anymore

Got hit by a car 25mph at age 12, smacked my face on the curb lost half my teeth.
Flew 10 ft in the air, maby more

Noone came to help me out, they just stood there watching a 12 yo kid bleeding insainly from his mouth

i quickly realized, this is life...

Holy shit.

>just wanted to die, every day was constant loneliness and feeling a hole on my chest, always on the verge of crying and didn't knew why, not a single drop of motivation to do anything, didn't get to enjoy anything in life, didn't felt love or appreciation for anything or anyone
This is how I've felt the last 30 years. Oldfag here

12.
I stepped on a Lego

22
Now 23, I don't know if I'm still in. But I cut all pills and I'm feeling better.

...

16

12. first time i thought about killing myself and never skipped aa day after!

Sounds like depression. Been there, am there.

Look on the bright side, at least you're consistent!

Does the ramifications of the depression depress you as well? Knowing I havent had any fun in 30 years, never loved anyone, was never loved, knowing I'll never get married or have kids, lead a normal life, makes me sad too.

I think you have it way worse than me. And it's not often I get to say that.

I do enjoy life here and there, I'm even working on a relationship with a brilliant girl atm (way too 10/10 for me, but here's hoping!).

I also know how much I've lost due to depression but I like to look forward rather than back. Which is a bitch when I am as I am right now, when I can't see any happiness in the future.

Like with the girl now, I was so happy that she responded positively but today that feeling turned into "you'll drag her down to your level." and "she's so much better than you it's silly to think you will make her happy."

And now I'm again doing a mental checklist of what to do before I an hero to make it easier on friends and family.

Sorry for the long unrequested response. Needed to get that off my chest.

At like 13 years old, ruined my life until I started meditating at 23. Shrooms were the kickstart, it worked like a teacher who brought me to see. Though it hurt worse then every emotional pain I've ever been through, but for a reason. You have to know that there are no "bad trips"(not on proper ones, low visual), only repressed states you don't won't to face. So prepare for battle, for I lay in a fetal position crying my ass off.
To want to experience nothing is to experience death, so just live...anything's better then nothing. And if you have nothing, what do you got to lose?

>before I an hero to make it easier on friends and family
That won't happen whatever you do. Losing someone to illness/accident is bad enough but losing someone to suicide will be much worse for them since they'll think "why didnt i help him? Why didnt i see the signs?" Etc. Biggest reason i didnt hero yet

I think I was 14. So, 20 years ago.

It was around 18 but thinking back on it my depression sarted around 14-15

I have to agree. This is the reason why I haven't killed myself yet. I keep going for everyone around me.

So wait,basically you're grown into somebody with that like depression that cannot be helped?

>Hmm when I was in middle school... I was really depressed and felt dizzy because I was unhappy.. I felt a slight discomfort and I got up and crumpled a paper that my teacher had passed out to me without consciously doing it. The teacher got up and asked me why I did that and I kind of blacked out a biumt and sat down talking to him and I completely knocked out and said something about an ant farm.

>I remember leaving and saying I didn't feel good and ended up being led out of the classroom. I walked and felt super strange and didn't quite know how I felt in that moment but a thought ran into my head.. why does everyone else seem happy but not me?

>I actually ended up watching Stranger Things 2 today (NO SPOILERS I PROMISE)

>I was sad because there were just small moments the kids in the show shared that were turning sad moments into happy and I just cried a bit because I never had those kinds of moments I was always rejected in school and no one liked me.

>Skipping forward a few years after graduation..

>I ended up dating girls from long distance and it felt great each time untill I ended up getting dumped

>All because each person either complained about me not giving them enough attention and some who just wanted to be free to do what they wanted with guys who lived right there next to them.

>Pic related it's my ex she dumped me for that guy.

Her "best friend" James (Now Her Boyfriend).....

around the good age of 16

Sorry for the typos..

I am 21 and I forget how old I was that day..but I was quite young.

realized it at ~20 but it probably happened couple years earlier

18

13 because i had no friends and my family did not give a shit

I feel that right now m8 and I’m 22 and dropping out of college as a senior made it a lot worse. I hope I don’t go down that road of putting a bullet in my head.

cheer up emo duck

Rather sounds like they try to treat his depression with just pills which might work out sometimes but the best bet is pills + therapy most of the time. The pills will deal with the symptoms of the depression not take it away

I know what you mean. My friends and family already know that I struggle with depression so it wouldn't be out of the blue. But I live halfway across Europe from them which is why the checklist could at least make some practical things easier.

>practical things easier.
You could make it easy for them to find you and leave behind some money for the coffin etc, it won't mean shit. I'm talking about the scars you'll leave in their heart. No matter what you do, suicide will hurt them for life. It might even put them into the place you are in right now. I don't wanna do that to my family.

I'm saying the pills worked the first time and worked a bit for the second time.

Therapy worked for a few weeks, then made things infinitely worse. I actually bought a knife solely to use it against me and told my therapist that. Then I was rushed to a psych clinic that did more harm than good (when a psychiatrist start telling you the classic "you have so much to live for,..." you know they're shit). At least they were the ones who maxxed out my pills which helped for a while.

Oh, and the therapy was the classic CBT but that doesn't really work if you're so deeply disappointed in yourself as I am.

yep, the world is a fucking ladder.

Yes, I know exactly what you mean. Which is why I stopped myself jumping in front a train at the last second one year ago and why I haven't yet used the knife I bought for this exact purpose.

Problem is that there are moments when I just stop caring about them. This is my life, and suffering for them sometimes doesn't seem worth it.

As for money, that's part of my checklist. To give them directions & passwords on how to get the bitcoin I have, to make sure all my papers are easily accessible etc...

Around 10 or 11. My sister held a knife 2 inches away from my throat because I wouldn't answer a question I couldn't answer, my mom did literally nothing when I told her about it, I realized that my own family is against me and that I'd be forced to be with them for another eight years, and eventually it became impossible for me to stay happy.

At the age of ten. When i found out that my cousin who was my best friend was raping my older sister since she was 4 :'( ive always wonderd why she would always cry when he came over

Were they tears of joy?

No

>suffering for them sometimes doesn't seem worth it.
that's selfish you know. You are not suffering for them. You'll suffer whether they exist or not. But you need to consider how much it'll hurt them. Aren't you the dude with the 10/10 gf? Man I know lifetime depressed people with wives and kids, they still struggle but those things help a lot. Stick to this gf you found, enjoy it. If she's sticking with you it means she sees a side of you that you can't see that exist. Side that made her accept your offer. She's taking you as you are, although I know you think she hasn't seen your worst. But she's seen your best and she likes it. Stay with her as long as you can, you'll eventually start to see the best of yourslf too, through her.

99. Dubs.

20, am 25 now and nothing has changed

bump for this faggot

> If she's sticking with you it means she sees a side of you that you can't see that exist.

Thanks, user, I needed to hear that. I really mean that.

What terrifies me is that I recently read a book about suicide where the psychiatrist who wrote it mentions how his dad killed himself. He also had a "perfect" wife, kids and all around happy family but he just couldn't live with himself for whatever reason. I guess I'm scared of myself in that sense that I fear I'll do something similar.

When I was 23.
Pulled myself out of it half a year later
So glad I did
Anyone can be depressed, life is hard
The point is not to be.
It's a struggle to survive
You can mope about it and whine that you're depressed
Or you can pull yourself out of the funk and grow as a person
Mental illness is glorified

12

I think you're mistaking depression with self-pity. One is moaning about stuff to get attention, the other is a deep rooted imbalance in your brain.

Hell, during my worst times I get sad and angry when good things happen to me and become happy when I'm in pain.

between 12 and 15

When my dad left, diagnosed with bipolar disorder. So... 12ish

I was depressed from 13 to 17, typical highschool female related depression of course. That being said I'm glad it happened, im so much better off now for it and the world is a much brighter place, it doesn't seem like it but there is a distant light at the end of that tunnel b/ro's.

Now I have bipolar disorder, so every couple of weeks I'm depressed :D

It never ends :'D

Not sure what classifies as depression anymore, I see people complaining about it all around me, while I just deal with my shit on my own.

Ive always concidered depression to be something stupid tbh but about a year ago I realised that I myself havent been happy for as long as I remember.
Sure I can laugh at a given cirumstance, but half an hour later and Ill be in my grim mood again.
Maybe thats what depression really is, but if so it seems rather silly.

Seems like something I could get out of if I only had more sparetime.
Although making time might ve whats wrong.

>I guess I'm scared of myself in that sense that I fear I'll do something similar.
You are over-disastering, if you know what I mean.? That's not the word I was looking for but I'm drunk. You're thinking the worst, by some book you read, without any actual evidence. The evidence you have is that you had a shit life, it doesn't mean you'll continue to have a shit life. This girl could turn this 360 degrees around for you. If it doesn't work out with this girl, at least beware the fact that people see some stuff in you that's wroth sticking around for. Don't fear the future for some book you read, the future is still unwritten, you'll write it the way you want. Just give it your best.

>Thanks, user, I needed to hear that. I really mean that.
No worries. I'm not being extra kind to you user. Someone with depression, I know when someone is lying to me to make me feel better. I'm not lying to you, I'm just stating a fact you might fail to see, if this chick saw something in you, there's a side of you that she enjoys. Side that you don't even know existed. Makes sense?

I think a lot of people say they're depressed when they're really not

probably freshman or sophomore year of high school. I was depressed before and still am in fact it's much worse now. I honestly can't remember not being depressed. I clearly have mental problems but don't have the money to get treatment and my anxiety is so bad that it is a very physical feeling. I feel ill all the time. I don't know where I'm going with this I'm just a depressed piece of shit on Sup Forums with no real friends.

are you still around? I feel like I can help you.

you have the money to get treatment if you have enough to buy a single meal. one gram of shrooms spread out over 4 doses with 4 days in between each and you will notice an insane and undeniable change in mood and overall well being

been thinking about trying shrooms I usually treat myself with pot but that only helps when I'm high

Can empathise, knocked over twice! First by a muzzie who wanted me (14, bloodied and in shock) to pay for his windscreen (went 6 foot in the air after hitting it), 2nd time run over (literally under her car with my bike) she didn't even get out of the car, a friend had to pull me out. I first realised I was depressed at 8 years old, nothing to do with car accidents!

It does, yes. I need to keep an eye on my suicidal self.

You're absolutely right about that. Depression is kind of like the word "literally".

I am, just lost the thread for a while.