My wife and I live with a female roommate who is a lesbian.
For the last 4 years I have routinely, whenever I get the chance, masturbated and rubbed my cum all over her sex toys.
Today she just claimed she was pregnant.
Says she has never had sex with a man.
She thinks she may have been drugged and raped or something.
Wife is suspicious and thinks I cheated on her with lesbo roommate.
How fucked am I Sup Forums?
Pic a little bit related, but not her.
Other urls found in this thread:
healthline.com
twitter.com
bump plz
you're not fucked, just autistic.
sperm dies instantly upon hitting the air.
bumping with tits of fatty.
Not her, just same body type (dont judge me)
I can live for 24 hours if conditions are right. Op is fucked
Lol and he's the autistic one. Keep your middle school rumors to yourself
What do you want us to do?
Youre a retard and I bet you're all fat fucks
You fucked her didn't you?
Then how did she get pregnant?
Lets assume, for a moment, that she is telling the truth.
That means that:
1. She has never had sex with a man.
2. She is pregnant.
2a. She has been impregnated by me by some glorious 1 in 1 trillion chance.
2b. She actually has been drugged and raped.
2c. She is lying about never having had sex with a man.
2d. She is lying about her pregnancy.
2e. Has had a false positive pregnancy test.
Those are the only scenarios I can think of.
awww maaan u dawg xDDDD
I just realized that 2c and 2d conflict with 2.
Fuck me right?
However, I think my point should be clear.
FUCK. I meant that 2c and 2d conflict with her telling the truth.
Never drink and post friends.
Stay thirsty.
...
Well, assuming you did accidentally get her pregnant and your wife thinks you fucked her, you might as well actually drug her and actually fuck her and cum deep insider her
This thread is pure shit, at least make sure she's 100% pregnant before you a stupid shit thread
not at room temperature.
I'm drinking because roommate is all crying thinking she's been raped or something and cant remember it while wife spent 10 minutes whisper-yelling at me in an argument thinking I cheated on her with a woman who we BOTH KNOW is a 100% lesbian. Like, she is not even remotely interested in men and neither of us have seen her have any interest in a man.
Right now wife is consoling lesbian roommate while I drink and post on /autism.
I mean Sup Forums.
she is lying and suspects that you did something with her sex toys. She wants you to admit it so she can bust you. Dont fall for it
Wait until the kid is born - if he/she looks like you you are fucked. Its easy to do a dna test if there is a question.
If dna negative, you are out of the woods. If poditive, man up and take care of your kid.
You are the only person I have been with in your email for years ago that you’re the best and most person in town I hope your email goes to my next job to meet your email and let them have an answer and I’ll let them be happy with the day of my next time if they want anything to meet up and I’ll talk with my family tomorrow about that time thank
Fuck man, I didn't consider DNA testing.
how do i faked dna test? Is there any way at all?
learn of EXIGENCY OF HUMANS OF MERICA OF LIVING OF EXIGENCY OF STIMULATION OF BODY-MOVING/LIKE-SENSE SINCE OF ELECTRICITY OF CAUSED OF IN OF BODY SINCE 1. tiny metals in human 2. metals moved since of energies striked/hitting metals 3. energies sent/from machine far of miles. UNDERSTOOD
Yeah, no, unless she put her vibe with your dripping cum straight in her after you squirted, no way.
no theres no way to fake a dna test. Why would you want to? If its your kid, its your son or daughter. Think long term.
military of United States of collecting/getting/having/possessing data-of-matter/communication-of-obviousness-of-reality so of warring)...and I am of text of since if you are panicked/terrified/terrored/fearing of coercion/harm/wrong/terrible body movement of not/other-than helpful/effective/useful/good so you live then stay/rest/relax at a one/single safe place ta time your breaths and blinks so of STIMULATION OF BODY-MOVING/LIKE-SENSE SINCE OF ELECTRICITY OF CAUSED OF IN OF BODY SINCE 1. tiny metals in human 2. metals moved since of energies striked/hitting metals 3. energies sent/from machine far of miles...of timed so of less stimulations ta live of STIMULATION OF BODY-MOVING/LIKE-SENSE SINCE OF ELECTRICITY OF CAUSED OF IN OF BODY SINCE 1. tiny metals in human 2. metals moved since of energies striked/hitting metals 3. energies sent/from machine far of miles...since planned stimulations of since you of planned of timing of body movements ta cause vital/healthy/necessary living...and since I time my breaths and blinks ta sense/sensation of touch of pulse of my heart so I am of less stressings of energies at me ta cause so I am living of other-than/not/no harm.
All depends on circumstances
healthline.com
Because if it's my kid I lose my wife and probably get accused and convicted of rape.
Gee maybe THATS WHY I WANT TO FAKE A DNA TEST.
Nope. DNA is either 99.99% or 0%, so it's pretty clear cut.
Play with fire, and eventually you get burned.
dude wut
>2b. She actually has been drugged and raped.
>2c. She is lying about never having had sex with a man.
>2d. She is lying about her pregnancy.
>2e. Has had a false positive pregnancy test.
I guess one of these because gays are always fuckin' liars.
>Play with fire, and eventually you get burned.
Play with dildos, and eventually you get a lesbian pregnant? Not quite seeing the connection here.
ya..choice between wife vs kid...kid is your blood wife is not.
Theres a reasonable doubt about the rape thing...most people are just going to yhink she had sex with you.
Well, as I said, if you're going to get convicted of rape, you might as well actually rape her.
What if I shoot someone else's blood into my bloodstream just before the test?
I don't give a shit if it's dangerous.
Because while the possibility is remote, the fact remains he intentionally put his splooge all over her toys.
they take a scraping from yhe inside of your cheek. Dont be silly.
They don't do blood tests for DNA, they take a Q-tip and run it inside your mouth along your cheek and take cells to test.
Well, I did see on the Forensic Files one doctor that raped some bitch that had it coming literally put a fake vein filled with a patients blood in his upper arm, he got away with it for a fair while, the only reason he got caught is because he raped his daughter and his wife caught him
chances are she fucked some other dude, so relax
Man up and take some responsibility.
You are fucked. Anything you do to avoid it will make you even more fucked.
Pay for the abortion and move out.
Maybe put someone elses' cheek inside my cheek?
What if its cheeks all the way down?
TROLL THREAD
ABANDON AND SAGE
why on earth would you do that op. that's gotta be the dumbest shit.
Play stupid games win stupid prizes motherfucker
I agree with this as the most likely explanation
But , if she is telling the truth , then OP, pretend you are a good samaritan , tell lesbo you feel sorry for her, here's a few hundred dollars for an abortion and a holiday in Mexico afterwards to help you get over it
Once that fetus is gone you will have a bit more peace of miind
Now that you mention it, he could also try and induce an abortion himself. There was another guy on the Forensic Files who gave his wife pills that caused death in the fetus so he could fuck off with his new girl. That way he has to admit no fault and gets to keep his wife in tact
Well technically you sexually assaulted her. According to law. So probably you're going to get a lot of cum rubbed inside your ass in prison.
I call bullshit. Unless lesbian roommate uses a turkey baster filled with op's cum as a sex toy, it's simply not possible.
Op's desperate for attention and making shit up.
Obviously you keep it so that you have a son to explain the story to later in life
I remember a few years ago my gf was telling me how much she wanted a child but I told her to go find someone else to fuck, I wasn't interested
A few weeks later we are lying in bed after a heavy sex session, I am completely zonked out but just before I fall asleep I see her get out of bed , take the full condom from the bin where I threw it and go to the bathroom.In my dazed state I think nothing of it
A few weeks later she finds out is pregnant.Bam! Be raelly really careful where you leave your sperm
Although I think you have found that out already.
Sperm doesn't last very long outside of the body, so it is very unlikely that she got pregnant from the sperm on the sex toys. She probably actually fucked some guy.
Oh, and just to continue my story ...my gf was chinese, not a self entitled western cumdumpster, so she never asked me for a penny of child support , she raised the kid with her family , as she is one of nine brothers and sisters so the kid had plentyf cousins,uncles,aunts, and never wondered who her dad was
Aaaww ~~
Asians really are the race closest to purity after whites
na dude was just me. Your gf is pregnant now too.
>This
It will spawn a nigglet or mexican baby and everything is going to be fine
How does someone retarded enough to do this to another person get married?
There is a lot to admire ( their work ethic, ambition, intelligence) and much to despise ( their driving skills being the worst on the planet)
Agreed, and even then the seminal fluids dry up too fast to even let the sperm swim to their goal even if she somehow used it just half an hour later. Relax, its just a lying cunt being a liar about this and possibly her sexuality just trying for attention. Be sympathetic, offer to help pay for abortion like a good friend if you must but dont say shit thatll make your wife have wrong conclusions
Thank you OP for a very interesting thread.here's my opinion:-
I don't believe that the lesbo could get pregnant from cum on her sex toys.To be pregnant with your child she would have to have access to fresh semen ( see )
I also don't believe that you could put cum all over her sex toys without her realizing it.Let's face it, cum has it's own disticnctive odor and taste and females have sensitive sense of smell.
Therefore the only likely explanations to which I would give credence are:
OR
OR
ie she is trying to get you to confess, she's lying about being preggo or she fucked some guy
You're fucked
Post more of fatty
That's all I have of this fatty except this photoshop/xray I attempted
You're going to prison dumb fuck.
If real story. Why have the test if she's never been with a man?
maybe started getting morning sickness or msised a period ? Or didn't have a test, maybe just lying to catch OP out
This
If she is indeed pregnant, she most likely fucked a man and doesn't want to admit it. I doubt she's trying to get you to admit to it though, as she'd likely just call you out for being fucking weirdo.
Or you're just making shit up which is the most likely scenario
This
It took me 10 seconds to type "How long does sperm live outside the body?" in google. So the answer is: About 20 minutes. About 5 in cloth. And when smeared on a sex toy? I'm going to go with somewhere between 5 and 20 minutes. Every chick I ever dated that liked sex toys would lather those bad boys up with a ton of lube. So even if you blew you load on one and she fucked it 10 minutes later, I'd say your safe.
Occam's Razor dude. The simplest answer is usually the correct one. She fucked a guy and doesn't want anyone to know. The drug/rape story is a way for her to save face. Could she have been raped? Maybe if she's hanging around really fucked up people. But ask yourself, is the the most likely scenario? If not, she fucked a guy. Unless that guy is you, you are in the clear. If she has the kid and tries to stick you with child support, get a DNA test.
Case closed.
Dubs don't lie. Relax OP but keep your degenerate behavior under wraps.