I hate life and can't stop thinking about ending it all

I hate life and can't stop thinking about ending it all.
I don't want to do that, but I'm struggling to get myself back on track.
Thinking about trying an anti-depressant, I have been prescribed them but I'm too afraid to take them.

Anybody got advice or experiences they can share to help me decide?

bump for desperation

bump for life answers

Whats the name of anti depression pills? Also any other drugs or alcohol? Therapy?

What's it like being such a failure you can't make the hard decisions at all or stick with anything you want to do?

Been doing therapy for a while.
It helped before when I first had issues with anxiety and depression.
But some recent life events have crushed me completely and I can't cope

I'm thinking of trying Mirtazipine, seeing as my sleep has been heavily affected.

I was on paxil and gabapentin for about a year.
It helped the first few months. But after that they made me more crazy, especially if you miss doses. I wouldn't recommend it bro. That shit just makes you way worse in the long run.

It's called self hate behavior or borderline personality disorder or simply cause of your own distructive.

> anti-depressant pills
There are many different SSRI's that deal with it. The most common I know of are Lexapro, Prozac, and Zoloft

>drugs and alcohol
That's just self-medication and often leads to addiction and reliance on the drug

>Therapy
Recommended to everyone by educated psychologists, even for people who don't have a mental disorder. Which, by the way, is estimated to be at 50% of people by the APA in the course of a lifetime

It sucks.
I wasn't always this way, I think thats the worst part. I know what life, and myself could be.
But it hasn't been that way for a good 2 years now. Struggling to hold out.

What were you being treated for?

Imagine being on a track that is a circle you can't control. Because you can't control everything. Self-fulfilling prophecies, and viscous cycles.

Helplessness is a common feeling even if it's not true

forgot to mention I've been off the meds since May. I feel a shit ton better knowing I don't have to depend on some pharma bullshit for a mediocre induced happiness. I still get down in the dumps from time to time, but I manage it better with meditation, exercise and eating healthier. Just my 2 cents. Hope everything works out for you OP.

Stick with it. Try something else. Everyone's brain will react differently and that's why many SSRI's have an ever-growing list of variants

Depression, OCD, Insomnia

I want you take a deep breath from nose and let it out from mouth. Take another deep breath Now relax. You are being too hard on yourself you are your best friend and you don't know that yet even you know the numbness emptyness will not let you feel it. How was your childhood? Also if it don't trigger you physco wanna talk about recent events?? Also it's very normal what you are going through it's rebuttal you are going through let's make this episode end

Some people have all the luck. My depression isn't chemical, I'm just woke as fuck. I should have taken that damn blue pill.

Fucking glad they make red pills..
For now at least

Well the post you are replying to isn't OP.
I'm OP and I'll tell you whats up.

Bout 18 months ago, developed depersonalisation disorder and GAD and panic disorder out of nowhere.
Broke me down over a few months, had a pretty big breakdown, depression got much much worse. I was dating a girl who I was deeply in love with, and she helped me a lot and was a huge source of support, even when my shit made me afraid of her.
Anyway, after doing therapy and dealing with this shit for like a year, I was making progress, life was getting better, I was coping. Then after about a month of that, my gf cheated on me, I relapsed pretty hard, can't accept the reality of the situation, feel so fucking hopeless and miserable and lonely. I can't handle the idea that she is out there seeing other people now.
Anyway, she didn't take the break up well either, went on antidepressants, but turns out she has bipolar, so they induced a manic episode, during which, she wanted to be raped and killed and was riding her bike around at night finding random people in parks and on streets to fuck and beat her up.

I still can't handle the idea of the person I love going through that.
It's been 4 months since we broke up and about a month since her episode.
I have no contact, but I've seen that she is playing gigs again, and I'm just here unable to work on my music at all. I can barely care about my life, or eating food, I miss her so much and I can't handle the pain of the whole situation, or the love that I still feel for her.

I'm fucking doomed.

>Depression
>Chemical
They're the same thing. All emotions are chemical you ignorant fuck. You're probably not even depressed.

I feel like I'm going crazy, the world feels so terrifying and dead and empty.
I can't care about any of the things I want to be doing with my life, but I feel like they're my only way out, my only way to fall back in love with the world.

All I can imagine is that she is playing gigs and is over it all and living her life, and I'm just stuck here, fucked up.

Oh, fucking excuse me, professor. What I meant was it's not just a chemical imbalance caused by some disorder that can be fixed with a prescription. It's due to continual environmental factors such as the inherent evil in men's hearts.

One you are not doomed two what you are going through is very normal in your case. There are few steps you need to take. You are suffering from depression and self distructive behavior it's very normal for your subconscious to attract someone with similar condition or worse and again it's very normal it's part of behavior disorder and human experience is the most difficult one after break up you developed conjective behavior disorder. I would recommend change meds go for Zoloft 25mg it's mild it will not mess up up your system also start alternative therapy pscotherpay get these self help therapy Rewire by Richard O Connor to deal with self distructive and conjective behavior also get undoing depression by Richard O Connor you will fail at all mind excersises in one week no worries keep trying and you will break the cycle of rebuttal. The hard step it's a decision if you ask me I would recommend get a girl that understand you and love you for you and take care if you..... continue

Do as the doctor instructs. Trust him or her and take your meds user.

> it's not just a chemical imbalance caused by some disorder that can be fixed with a prescription

Then you're not talking about clinical depression. Just temporary sadness.

>fucking excuse me, professor
Not even close to that, just not someone who spouts random shit thinking he has any idea what he's talking about

>inherent evil in men's hearts
ha. Ok.

But if you go back to that girl in B language sorry to say she have daddy issues all that part of rape un protected sex it's a copping Mechanism yo feel what she felt with you her self distructive behavior is worse than yours like you said she didn't took break up well and bipolar is treatable if you go back with her you will have to go in to couple therapy because next break up will kill her and damage you beyond repair our subconscious is our enemy and our friend and if you want to help her you will have to take things way too slow because getting back will be too fast because of your and her state of mind...... Take good warn shower stay under the water as long as you like it's therapeutic and get good sleep. Be alone lay and relax put on some relaxing music and have a good conversation with your self it's mindfulness therapy you can find a lot on it YouTube. In that state of mind fullness ask your self is she the lady you want to spend rest of your life? Have kids? Because in the end we all are humans and our true happiness is in family unconditional love that fulfills depression panic attacks...continue?

Ya

I'm rooting for you, OP.

You'll find the things to balance you out. Stick to therapy. Meditation helps a lot.

Take your damn medicine.

Your doctor feels as though you need them and they know more than you do.

Just so you both know, I'm not currently on any meds.
Have been doing therapy since I first had trouble, was dating the girl much longer than that.

It's just hard for me right now to do the things I need to do to love life again.
I just feel crushed. I hate the world, I can't feel anything for anyone else. I've slept with some girls since then, every time it just makes me feel worse. All I think about is my ex fucking someone else.

I can't get back to doing music, which is my main thing in life, I just feel like whats the point in it all.
I think about suicide all the time. I'm worried I'm going crazy and am just going to snap any second.

Also me and the girl have been broken up since she cheated on me.
I know well enough that I need to respect myself enough to not put up with that.

I don't want her back, and I realise that that couldn't happen now anyway. But I just wish this all hadn't happened.
I can't accept the reality, its all way too dark and heavy.

I am on VPN and it's the same person as me. And I understand your condition the emptyness numbness feelings of being beaten down it's all normal in your case. You went through a hell of emtional roller coaster but it's time to pull yourself together because you are your best friend and try the therapy books I told you get them from piratebay or audiobookbay.nl but take few steps let the rest therapy take care of it. You have passion for music and that fulfills your creative side you crave for that but you need to fulfill your emtional needs first

Thanks man, thise books sound good.
I'll check them out.

If you've been prescribed meds for suicidal depression then you should be afraid NOT to take them. Depression is a life-threatening illness

He's still in control of what happens though. It's not as if he has a virus or something, which is killing him. Depressed or not, he's in control of what he does.

i dunno man, I am pretty much in control of what I do. But I certainly haven't been in control of all the shit that has happened.
And honestly, sometimes it feels like it is just a matter of time before it is too much.
Infact it kinda already feels that way, I'm just balancing on a knife's edge wondering which side this thing is going to take me.

Haha legit sounds like me, except for shit actually happening. Some days I'm convinced that suicide is what I want the most, other days I feel OK with living life normally. It's all about perspective, but tbh, whether or not I kill myself, idc, I'm just waiting to see if I get to a point where I actually do it.

Taking the meds is his best way of establishing control right now. He'll probably get through it even if he doesn't since most people do, but why make it harder? HIs attitude to the drugs is good in the sense that he's not seeing them as a panacea, but why not give yourself every help you can? Do what the doctor says, you'll be alright.