So i just joined a local board gaming club. I'm really socially akward...

So i just joined a local board gaming club. I'm really socially akward, but i like games and my brother told me it's a good place to find friends. I have a decent salary as a forklift driver in a warehouse.

I bought some games and brought to the club. Love letter, smash up and a marvel dice game. First night nobody came up to me at my table at all, and i didn't dare to ask anyone. I saw a real qt3.14 though. She looks like felicia day, but a little more curvy.

I go there every day after work with my games, but nobody wants to play with me. Until 2 days ago. A really cool guy named steve asked me if i wanted to play settlers of catan with them. He said i could join if he could have all my sheep. So i played with them. It was so much fun. He saw me look at the girl (lisa), and asked if i was interested. I got red, sweaty and said yes. He says she's a hardcore magic player, and only dates the best planeswalkers. I ran to the store and bought lots of cards. But what is a planeswalker? How do i become one? Help

Just have Steve hold that girl down and fart in her mouth. Like direct ass to mouth. If you fill her up with ass gas she will be yours.

Forget magic cards and being a "planeswalker." You should invest in a 55 gallon drum of industrial strength Astroglide, 'cuz you're going to be a "planesjerker" for the rest of your miserable existence.

No, i have decided to save myself for lisa. I don't want her to think i'm disguisting.

They said that my cards aren't really good and that i could only play the pooper tournament or something like that?

I really need to become a planeswalker.,

Is that what it means to be a planeswalker?

...

First things first, if you really went out and bought cards, don't let anyone tell you what's good and what's not, I can't emphasize that enough. They'll try to cheat you out of valuable cards and trade shitty ones in return. Second, you'll need plenty of money to hunt down and buy cards for a decent deck, so be prepared for that.

a planeswalker is a certain type of card u can buy planeswalker decks, i think i have a water one, idk anything about being called a plainswalker as a person tho

I don't have that card. I got alot of green and black cards. Tried to play yesterday, but they just called me a noob and said i can't buy boosters only, that i need land cards too. I got two forests, i think those are land cards?

I put a really cool boar in my deck, it looks buff. Should be really strong.

Ok. Thank you.

Is...is this post for real? I can't even tell around here anymore

I mean it, hold on to all your cards when you get them. If you're worried about getting cheated, look up the card prices online. Typically, the more a card costs individually, the better it is. They're right about not buying boosters right now, unless you get lucky and pull some rares, you're wasting money. Land cards go for like 5$ for a box of 100.

Also, consider going online and finding what deck builds are popular right now. Then, you can find individual cards and buy them that way. I wouldn't recommend this for a newbie, but it seems like you want that Lisa pussy right now, so spending some real money is the way to get a huge headstart to being good.

It should go without saying, familiarize yourself with the rules. Read the official Wizards of the Coast rulebook (or at least skim it), watch YouTube tutorials, etc so you don't look like a retard who doesn't know how phases are ordered.

Yeah. I'm browsing ebay for cards now. I read that i should buy more land cards. And that the best one is some flower. Black krokus or something. But it is really expensive

"Planeswaker" refers to the roleplay element, you travel through different worlds which correspond to each season's theme. It is also a type of cards.

"Pauper" is a format that uses only 'common' rarity cards. Best choice for low budget play.

Lastly, there are tons of free resources for deck building and card purchases like Starcitygames and MTGgoldfish. but DO NOT expect to climb the ladder quickly. It takes FUCKING YEARS to master. If you commit to anything, play 'standard' format. That's only the latest few sets and much cheaper overall. The cards will be current and people around can help you out. Avoid playing 'modern', because a good deck is frighteningly expensive, and you will get absolutely raped. I mean a man will pry open your anus and fuck you so deeply that it will rupture space time and get your mother pregnant and he will become your dad.
Modern is cancer for newbies.

Buy a Planeswalker deck and run a few practice matches with a friendly person. Reply to this post with queries if you want more info.

It's expensive and banned in most formats. It's up to you to buy it, but you'll probably never get to use it outside of casual games.

I found a computer game on steam. Think i will try that and see if it's easier to learn

Black Lotus. Anywhere from $400 - $28,000+ depending on various factors.

Most FNM (Friday Night Magic) shops have thousands of land cards, you should be able to buy a hundred or so of each for a few bucks.

Bingo, that'll work perfectly.

See now I know you are just being fucking retarded

For real though, being even just decent at MTG takes a lot of time, money, and patience. Ask yourself if some chick is gonna be worth all that trouble.

control decks are usually based around blue white or black and consist of controling the combat/playing field. some play styles include milling you opponent out (if you can't draw a card at the beginning of your turn, you lose...so you make your opponent fill up his graveyard with his library). or you get counter cards (stronghold biologist etc) and try to prevent them from doing too much dmg to you while you get your main players on the field (stormtide leviathan... all lands that are nor islands become islands in addition to their current type and it has islandwalk meaning it can't be blocked if you have an island...does like 8 dmg per hit).

or you can get a burn deck. basically monsters and spells that deal direct damage to the player or target.

or just general agro decks.

all sorts of possible mechanics to work with. important piece of advice: the only amount of dmg that really matters is the dmg that takes you to 0. the rest is just a cost of the fight.

Planeswalker refers to farting in a girls mouth. You create a plane.

ideally you want 60 cards with 1/3 of it (20) being mana or lands. you probably don't want to try playing more than 2 colors at once if you are new. you can only cast spells that you have the right mana for.

i made a green black deck that was decent once and a red/white deck that needed work, but i got sick of playing since my friends all had decks that would wipe a player out in two turns... id like to play u if i was in your area but yeah cards are expensive i already put at least 100 bucks in on my collection to even get two playable decks

ok....fucking troll.

"pooper tournament" now "black krokus?"

"pauper" and "black lotus"

The preconstructed Gideon deck out of Amonkhet is like $15-20 and is great for newbies. Super fast aggro deck, and it basically plays well out of the box.

Wow. Thanx. I really appreciate all your advice!

Clearly bait, but every hobby store has an obese redhead that garners perplexing amounts of attention, so now I'm just not sure.

Almost positive ur a troll but if not buy some ones prebuilt deck and have them show u how to use it

>2k17
>They still respond to obv b8

If you have a console, try playing online. It's an easy way to learn the game, with walk-through tutorials and all that.

No. I'm not. That would be terrible when people are so helpful. I'm not answering quickly though. Trying to get all this down for later if i forget. And about to start up the steam game now as it finished install. Sandwich, mountain dew and my favorite "two steps from hell album". I'm ready!