Be me

>be me
>15
>in school halls
>I'm going to lunch
>I hear screaming
>wut.jpeg
>two tards start running down the hallway naked, shit smeared all over their faces
>evenmorewut.jpeg
>i try to nope the fuck out
>tard kid knocks me over, his ass smears shit all over my shirt
>justboughtthis.png
>he pushes out a loaf and tries to shove it in my face
>I punch him square in between his mongoloid eyes before he gets the chance
>I get suspended for 2 weeks
>local news hears, family threatens to sue, I'm rich so we get the best and most jewish lawyers possible
>school backs down
>school brings me back from suspension and wipes my record
>nothing is done to the tard
>find out his name, it's jerry
>this ain't over
cont?

no.

yes go on

go on

you got it, anonymouses!

>le i get edgy and thrown down all sorts of cussing on tumblr
>dickballs.jpegged
>the professor comes up to me and throws her mouth all over my dick
>he's gobbling my cock hard
>i cum all over his beard
>in the reflection of his eye I see myself
>I'm a jar of peanut butter

go on op

alright faglords
>still me
>first week back
>tards are on a leash and the collar is on their belt
>lol.jpeg
>let's call the other one bill
>so jerry and bill see me
>"UUGUUHGUHUHNNGN"
>I laugh
>mistake.png
>tries to attack me
>he gets restrained and subdued immediatley
>lol.jpeg
>later that day...
>me and friend in gym, playing kickball
>we're killing the other team
>we give and start screwing around
>tard wrangler enters the scene
>walks up to coach
>"Jerry and Bill would like to play, too"
>he doesn't give a shit about anything so he lets them play
>I'm scared
>she keeps them on the leash and just lets them walk the bases will encouraging their excitement
>my friend knows what happened
>as they pass 3rd base my friend shouts "HURRRDURRR"
>fuckthisshit.png
>I instantly try to leave, I'm quiet as to not make a scene
>my friend runs after me to follow
>"user wait up"
>"fuck off"
>tards escape leash
>pants get torn off
>I stand in fear, like a deer in the headlights
>whathaveyoudone.png
cont.

>ohfuck.gif
>I'm a jar of peanut butter!
>I get out of there ASAP, the dude follows me, he desperately wants to guzzle moar of my load.
>I'm almost out of the school when the retarded person that I had an altercation with in the OP comes up to me
>I pull down my pants and let him just fuck my ass right there in the hall way.
>everyone gathers around and starts chanting "crunchy not smooth, crunchy not smooth"
>retard downs takes that as his cue to nut all over my anus
>he put the nut in my butt

>I run as fast as I can
>bill chases my friend "DURRHURRDMABORUR"
>jerry chases me
>crash then silence of footsteps
>they corner my friend
>"user"
>I run to help him, they rub their crotches up against him
>he punches them both, they fall to the ground
>"GEEEETT HIIIIMMMMMM"
>wrangler chases after tards with blood on their faces
>one of them tackles my friend
>his leg snaps
>they turn to me
>full hard ons
>nope.jpeg
>I run into the fitness room, which is connected through the gym via a hallway
>I grab one of those poles 17 pound they use for squats
>I swing it one of them
>tard wrangler catches him
>I run into the teachers office, connected by a door
>I board it up
>jerry punches through glass window in door, and throws shit at me
>misses
>The situation gets cleaned up
>the kid starts screaming in retarded fury
Kids get more restrained, tards can not participate with students
>tards can only walk around during periods
>until one day...
cont.

absolutely no one is reading this. just stop

When you're in this kind of war with tards, when does it occur to you that you too are a tard

Go on

i'm lucky we didn't have tards in my middle/high school, these stories are always a fun read but having the chaos (and the smells) unfold in front of you would be horrifying

>i'm lucky we didn't have tards in my middle/high school
You were the tard, user.

>2 months later
>new tard administrator
>call her "commie"
>she wants tards and kids to interact
>she says that it could "help the tense environment"
>she's more retarded than jerry and bill are
>each class is assigned 2 tards
>my english class
>tards in my period are Jerry and another kid called darren
>I'm in a class with my friend whos leg broke, his name is Aidan
>we're screwing around
>teacher walks over
>hot af, thicc af, nice af
>her class is fun so we pay attention
>wrangler watches them, no leash, pepper spray, or defense
>commie walks in room and chats with teacher
>we start class
>extended period, so kids do "fun days" which are just things about yourself, videos, presentations, etc.
>my turn
>I did a video, I essentially acted like an idiot and gave blatantly wrong facts about myself
>class thinks it's funny
>jerry doesn't
>jerry screams, other tard runs in corner and cries
>jerry leaps over the desks with the might of zeus
>wrangler tries to grab his pants, they come off
>I accept my fait
>teacher gets in way
>thankyou.jpeg
>tard screams, then he stares at her and gets a hard on
> NOPE NOPE NOPE
>he tries taking off her pants
>dafuqqqqqqq
>I white knight her like the hero I am by pushing him off
>he gets mad
>teacher runs
>Class evacuated except me, jerry, and darren, who's still crying
>wrangler knocked out
>I punch jerry
>he stands
> I go by window
>I accept my fate
>he rams head on towards me
>misses
>gets knocked out
>blood everywhere
>commie fired, old way installed, jerry is sent away to an asylum or some shit
>victory

damn son
was the hottie ok? did your heroic display make you closer to her?

Yeet, we kinda developed a friendship, I found out she was a nerd like me, we talk a lot, go out occasionally, nothing romantic

rip

>go out
>nothing romantic
come on man, unless someone already put a ring on it i'm sure you could do someting

I've tried more and more, it's started to work more and more, I'm trying to make it gradual

dubs then the matching trips, i think that's a sign

still, don't go too slow or someone will steal her away from you

I will do my best as a faggot

Duds/trips checked.

Dude - don't fuck her career, okay?

he's right, only fuck her pussy/ass/mouth

Yeah... we got it.

I got one:
>be my friend
>14 in school
>have a phobia of using public restrooms

It's seriously bad, he would call his mom to sign him out of school so he could go home, shit, and come back.

>one day
>get stomach virus
>I can feel mt st Helen brewing in my bowels
>no time to call mom
>have to shit, NOW
>run to nearest bathroom
>thankgoditsempty.jpg
>dart into handicapped stall, lock door, unleash hell
>then I hear it
>the shrieks, grunts, and spoots of the autismos sauntering down the hall
>"alright, bathroom break!" calls the handler
>bathroom door opens
>"THUMBOBY IS MAH STHBALL!!!"
>autismo shrek begins assault on stall door
>I'm in full panic mode, sweat dripping
>"somebody's in here!" I wail
>shrek beats the door harder
>the hinges can't withstand the brute
>the door caves in
>I catch the door to keep it off my face, but I can barley hold the weight of autismo
>I never truly recovered

we need to make an anonymous group of people who've been assaulted by tards
tards attack victims anonymous

Im actually a private duty nurse. I take care of one in his home. The assaults aren't too bad, it's just aggravating that it's politically incorrect to hold them accountable for what they do.

I've always wondered - if you hold them accountable (punish them?) do they learn and alter their behavior? They're tards, after all.

I think they know a lot more than they let on. I mean, what could you expect from people who are coddled their entire loves?

Depends on the level of tardedness. As someone who works with high functioning autists and spergs, I can safely say that those two groups do indeed learn from their mistakes, especially spergs.

In fact, I don't think spergs should be lumped in with tards and potatoes. IMO spergs are directly on the line between normal people and tards.

probably varies from tard to tard, but [do bad thing] = [get pain] is kind of the Pavlovian basic of learning, and it should work with anything that has more than a reptilian brain

Yeah - I guess the spectrum is wide.

>missing link

spergs/assburgers can get crazy smart if they're lucky
or at least creative enough to be cool/interesting

I would join that
So we once had a program at my school for the tards
Like eat lunch with the other charades and shit
Well that changed when they fucking attacked one of my coworkers I work in the cafeteria, and shit went down
This yard we will call durex because his dad didn’t were a condom
He went up in his black yard fashion with a liberal wrangler and said “cAn I gEt A UhH pIzZA with uHHh a HOoTDoOG (you are alowed one or the other)
I told him this and he started screaming
The Ipad he was given was thrown at a girl and she was out fucking cold the yard was let off skot free while I was sent to the counselor

Between normal people and tards, at least.

Look. Nobody considers deafness a major disability anymore. The same should be of Asperger's.

Very true! However, for the purpose of Tard Story Threads, sperg stories should continue to be allowed because of the high possibility of them being very interesting.

Especially if the sperg thinks that Asperger's is proof of evolution at work.

This wouldnt happen if hitler won.
Just saying....