ITT embarrassing stories in green text

ITT embarrassing stories in green text.
Let me try to get this started.

>Be me
>Second grade
>we're on a class field trip to the YMCA
>I'm sitting in one of the weird fucking foam ring things that they had on the top floor
>goodidea.jpg
>I decide that I'm going to hide from my friends and go into a foam tube and put a circle piece on top, like some weird fucking basket thing
>I sit in there, when suddenly the foam circle-thing starts sliding down
>wtf.webm
>For some reason, I thought that it was somebody sitting on top of it
>mfw I thought I was about to get crushed.
>I start crying and I shit myself screaming
>"Get off of it! Get off of it!"
>I decide to stand up and push on it to try and save myself
>mfw I realized that it was only sliding because it was a smaller piece
>it came right off
>I stood there crying with a shit mark on my jeans
>Everyone just stared at me for a second
>Suddenly they all laugh louder than a megaphone that got it's first blowjob
>mfw everyone heard me that whole time
>mfw I wasn't ever in danger
>mfw I'm known by everyone as "Shit-pants" ten years later

>male
>45
>male cousin raped my ass
>will an hero him if i ever see him again
>I was 10
> not embarrassing but pisses me off
>will do it with my hands
>choking him to deathz will b fun
>green text
>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>green
> kill all pedos
>kill
> dont fuck kids cause someone may kill you

I leik

you op?

Had a similar story, OP

>be me
>mid high school
>got an issue with shitting, must feel comfy in toilet or no dice
>3 day trip with school
>been holding it for 2 days already, unable to perform my ritual anywhere
>last night out
>maybe I can make it a few more hou-
>NOPE
>ass has same plans like yellowstone park
>it is coming.jpg
>I rush to the club toilet
>everything explodes right after I enter
>lock door
>stuff my brown jeans and boxers in the trashcan
>put some paper on top to cover it
>call my best friend to bring me something to wear
>slowly wash myself off with tap water
>he brings my pyjamas while laughing his ass off
>managed to sneak away without anyone else noticing

Yes am one pepe

>be me
>14
>standardized testing
>4 hours long
>have to shit in the first hour
>3 hours in
>ask to go to bathroom
>teacher says no
>guts rumbling
>probably registered on the Richter scale
>shit pants
>tell no one but everyone probably knew
>finally get released to bathroom after dumb fuckin tests end
>stay in there after everyone to try and clean up
>throw shit covered boxers in trash
>people were talking about the boxers later that day
>no one ever directly accused me of it

That's a good friend.

nice pepes
i love judy garland
and sorry for you guys shits
> shit my pants too

OP here, these are some high quality keks. I applaud you all.

Gave him free pass for eternal ridicule on the topic as long as he didn't tell anyone else. Don't think he would have done the latter anyway; or not done the former.

>me
>senior year high school
>have to give an annoucement during a school meeting
>my turn
>forget what im supposed to say
>just stutter and jabber really fast

its been like 6 years and i still cringe about it

I remember one day not doing my math homework. A question came up that everyone said had no answer. I could tell it did by looking at it. So I go up and do the whole thing on the chalkboard. Right at the end I notice my answer isn't in the solution set. Feel stupidly embarrassed by it forever.

Here's another of a different theme

>be me
>junior high
>summer at the beach
>resort neighborhood consists of mostly dicks and ONE butterface chick
>her tits have started developing massively
>one day she comes at the beach with a new white bikini
>she gets wet
>it is 60% see-through
>can see nipples, airstrip, everything
>diamonds.gif
>she notices and leaves the beach
>my erection just doesn't go so I stay in water
>rest of the gang gets out for beach volley
>can't, pitching a mount everest tier tent
>15 mins later still no change wtf
>lightbulb.jpg
>I swim near the shore where water splashes and stay prone
>fuck the sand while pretending I sunbath
>cum super fast
>ahhh much better

In all honesty there's a good chance that a couple of people knew there was no solution and everyone else just agreed without knowing why. Just because you took some time to figure it out doesn't make you stupid.

... Nigga you fucked sand and no one noticed you humping the fuckin ground?

>highschool english assignment
>have to do a three minute talk on a made up species
>not_looking_forward_to_this.jpg
>write some shit about hamsters that live in the walls
>my turn comes, super nervous
>get up in front of everyone and start stammering crap out as fast as possible
>feels like it's going on forever
>surely this is long enough, stop talking mid-sentence and sit back down
>>>made it 24 seconds
>next person's turn
>girl talking about ballerina fairies
>she finishes and asks for questions
>I stand up and announce that she said the word "dance" 17 times

Everyone forevermore thinks that I'm autistic.
mfw it turns out they are right.

>be me
>we'll say 5 or 6 (don't know when this happened)
>xmass eve
>in bed unable to sleep
>can't wait for xmas morning
>hear sound coming from parents room
>investigate sound
>hear my mother crying
>open the door
>the room is dark
>mommy why are you crying?
>turns out they were trying having sex but to young to understand what sex is
>the key word here is trying
>parents night comes to a disappointing end
>womp-womp-womp.mp3

My dad and I now laugh about this story when ever the card "why is mommy crying" comes up in Cards Agents Humanity.

I just felt dumb for not realizing there even was a solution set till too late. Had I just kept my yap shut I have forgotten about it, but nope. I had to go up in front of the class and prove how unobservant I was.

At least you didn't give a presentation on Shrek is love Shrek is life like I did

8/7 lad gold

First of all I never said no one noticed.

But hey have you ever been at the beach? It is hard to notice a hip humping the sand where the water splashes, people lay there all the time. Besides jacking off in the sea would be worse, sea glasses and all.

Full story please

c'mon dude , hit us up with it

Sure thing, I'm fuckin shit faced though
>be me 17
>honors English
>supposed to give a sermon about some shit we are passionate about
>walk in unprepared as fuck
>listen to first few faggots then develop idea
>get up there
>say "Shrek is love, Shrek is life"
>give full 3 minutes of presentation on the greatness of Shrek
>class is fucking dead laughing
>got an A
>couple days later get called into that class
>teacher read the fuckin meme to me
>asked me if I thought sodomizing children was okay
>bullshited way out of not getting dropped from class

I remember saying shit like "it will be ogre for you if you don't follow Shrek" "the promised land is his swamp" shit like that. Was only 3 years ago but it feels like forever did a bunch of drugs through hs. It's something you had to be there for I fuckin hear about it from high-schoolers still today if I happen across them at the one person I know that'd still in hs.

That's fucking great.

kek af

That is incredible