yesterday got pretty wasted and cheated on my gf.
Me and my girl have been together for almost 2 years, and i love her like crazy, i have never cheated before, so i am looking for an advice. should i tell her the truth, or just keep it as my secret? i really want this relationship to work, and i definately wont cheat on her again... i'm just interested if i keep it as my secret, can it affect relationship in long term?
Yes. It will always be in the back of your mind.
Don't speak about it to her or to anyone.
Just forget about it and move on. It never happened.
Is the other girl discrete?
I know you feel guilty about it, and trust me, you always will, and it will come out in strange ways. But don't let it dominate your life. It will get better after a while, and most of the time you will not even remember it happened.
It will affect your relationship as long as you let it.
Honestly, sounds like you're a decent guy who didn't handle his liquor well, made a mistake, and you want to move forward through it. Just don't do that shit again, and learn from ti.
destroy the evidence
never think of it
surpress bad feelings
works fine for me
It will affect your relationship long term, even if she never finds out. You'll know about it. And that knowledge will be at the back of your mind every time she comes home a little late, or says she was out with friends. You won't trust her as much, because you can't trust yourself.
But don't worry about it. You don't "love her like crazy" as much as you think you do, because if you did you would have controlled your behavior and not done something that you know will hurt her.
Hope it was worth it.
Yeah if you tell her you risk losing her or having her cheat on you as revenge and she will use it as ammunition in arguments for years to come. No good is going to come of it. Forget it happened and be more careful in future when you're drinking.
This will go with you in the grave
If you're a scumbag, you'll lie about it, never tell her, and probably fuck up the relationship in some other way because you're a scumbag.
If you retain a few shreds of decency, you'll tell her, and it will probably end your relationship.
This.
been a long time since it happened and it still tears me up inside.
lots of betas here
brain allways forget, so just relax
what did you do? kiss, blowjob, fuck?
how'd it happen?
This OP.
For God's sake this advice!!
Just for fair warning, if you tell her, your relationship is done. How you decide to deal with this is up to you
"definately wont cheat on her again"
but totally did the first time, and you love her the same amount you did before. That wasnt enough to stop you the first time now. So in reality youre actually more likely to cheat now.
I love it when kids do mental gymnastics to convince themselves the path they emotionally want will work. Even when all logic would tell you to eject. You should be a chick youre pretty good at using framing to believe your own pathetic bullshit.
Give us the story op, how did it happen and was it good?
tell her. if youre serious, then you wont keep this secret. work with her to gain her confidence again, and maybe youll think twice before getting blind drink again.
If you really love somebody you wouldnt cheat on them. Youre just infatuated with this chick, what youre feeling isnt love. Love is trust and open and accepting. What you have is hidden for fear or resentment and loss. Thats infatuation buddy. Also you couldnt really be in love with some one and lie to them about that, not if you respected them. You made a poor choice, and it cooked this relationship. Time to be a big boy and move and learn from your dumb ass mistake.
exactly ...how far did it go, did you know her?
Unless you’re a beta/pussy/fag, you’ll keep fucking both of them until it blows up and you can’t get any more sex out of her. Then move on. Tell her?! Bwahahaha who the fuck does that?
i was in a bar drunken and had some lines of coke. I met a DJ girl i have known for years, and she got all flirty. At first i was playing along, but i kinda blacked out and the next thing i remember we were at her place and she was sucking my dick and asked me to fuck her in the ass. She liked it dirty and i basically hatefucked her hard.
I think I'll quit drinking cause it was the root of all this shit. If I really love her as much as i think i do, it won't be a problem. And there will be at least something positive in this.
So your solution here is to blame alcohol and by stopping drinking you have proven that you love your gf. This shit is fucking great. You should write a book on pivoting from reality.
similar story with my gf of three years, we broke up this morning (she broke up with me obviously)
>be me in a good relationship
>last year has been really rough for us. i'm very supportive of her career trouble and she's very supportive of personal goals and passions but the opposites are not true for us
>i've been depressed for a good amount of time about work and she decides she doesn't like it and comes over one day right before i'm about to head on a month vacation with her and says she wants to break it off out of the blue
>we talk and stay together for a few months but i felt really shitty about it and let it just fester in my head
>the other day after hanging with some friends and drinking a lot, an old flame from years ago tries to make out with me and i don't stop her at all
>immediately tell gf the next day because i can't carry it around and don't want to break up with her and say i'm not into the relationship and make it her fault
>probably stupid rationale but whatever at least this way i'm the asshole (which obviously i am)
>she rightfully ends it this morning
>i'm not so upset about the end of the relationship just the shitty way that it did because of me
no, i'm not proving anything, i just hope it will make me more decent human being. I have had 5 girls in my life, and i had never cheated anyone of them.
> but i kinda blacked out and the next thing i remember we were at her place
Oh fuck off mate, cut it out with blacked out shit.
Work on your selfdiscipline because you ain't got nothing like that.
Stop bullshitting and own up to it.
telling her loses her (probably) but hiding it will eat you up for as long as you're with her. and it gets worse over time.
i'd you can stomach the compounding interest of hiding it from her forever, the sure go for it
Actually you cheat on 20% of the women you're with.
Keep it a secret never talk about it
LEEEEEL
THIS!
thanks for your advice user.
I guess it will remain my secret and ill just try to make her as happy as possible. we are planning moving to other country this summer, so I think it'll help. I really hope there is possible a happy ending with this one
this and all the other threads like it and y'all still believe it's just women who are the lying, cheating, emotionally manipulative whores
a lesson in how easy it is to justify your bullshit
Yeah, be a man a tell her, you dont love her, you just like her (a lot), grab your balls and face the reality. If you so much love her, you wouldnt lie to her.
There isnt. This is going to slowly eat away at you. Youre gonna drag it out and hide it, so when she looks deep in your eyes and tells you that she loves you and trusts you more then anyone shes ever known its gonna kill you. Then out of sheer guilt eventually youll tell her the truth because you finally decide shes worth being honest too since you love here. Naturally shes gonna hate you for hiding it for so long, and deep down knowing that you never really loved her.
This is gonna implode and ruin your life because youre too much of a coward to just man up to the pathetic shit you do. Sack up little boy, either continue to cheat on her and realize she doesnt mean shit, or actually love her and tell her the truth.
This is good advice.
Keep it secret, marry her after a while and start a family, eventually cheat on her again (If you can do it once you can do it twice), she finds out, you don't get divorced right away but you feel her indifferent toward you, things have changed so eventually you grow tired of each other's attitude and end up getting a divorce, your kid(s) grow up with a half present father figure, learn that commitment on a relationship is optional, so they repeat the cycle. Or maybe not, who knows...
Fuck it just dont say anything and move on like it never happened. Just dont make it a habit and pray that the other girl doesnt talk.
Don't tell your girlfriend. In fact, don't tell anyone. Hopefully the other chick keeps her mouth shut (except when she's blowing you).
Yeah if youre a sociopath and have no problem pretending you actually love her while in reality running the longest game ever. If thats the drive then why not be honest about it. Game her if thats what you want.
So you had 5 gf, you loved them all, but 4 relationships ended (not that much love huh?) and you cheated on the other one...
Think about it for a second
Just tell her about a week after moving out
you're making this whole thing about you even though you're the one who did a bad thing.
why don't you think about her for a second? doesn't sound like you have any love for anything but yourself buddy. end the relationship for her sake and think about your life.
Dont tell.
And learn from this.
You are a biological animal barely designed with some monogamy pair bonding hormones that frankly arent that strong and you make mistakes.
In this case it wasnt an intention to cheat, scorn for your girlfriend or selfishness as much as it was bleeding ignorance to what you are.
If you are in a committed relationship you care about, you have no business at a party around women with alcohol. The last thing you need is natural good ol' sexual tension attraction and a drug that disables inhibition, logic and smart decision making. Thats playing with fire.
Be mindful.
You keep it a secret.
Your guilt is yours to live with.
If you tell her things will never be the same.
You work hard to never let it happen again.
If you want to do it again the. You might as well leave her. Especially if you care about her.
It’s your problem. Don’t make it hers.
Admit to her that you have low self esteem because you're an ugly fuck and you needed some sort of validation.
If she forgives you then it probably means that she's already cheated on you a bunch of times already lol.
If you really love her, she deserves to know the truth.
This is just sad how people go to these lengths in an attempt to justify their dishonesty. How do you feel when you look into the mirror and a fraud is looking back at you?
If you were wasted, it wasn't really you in your right mind.
The same thing happened to me and best friend told me about it at the party where I hooked up, and I didn't even remember.
I decided to come clean and my girlfriend of 2 years didn't see it as just an accident.
It will forever change the relationship, and the trust will never be the same.
If it was an honest mistake your conscience will deal with it.
>cheated on my gf.
If you did it once, you'll do it again. SCUMBAG.
maybe he should take responsibility for his actions and not burden his gf with it
I’m so conflicted. I used to be a ‘honesty is the best policy’ kinda guy until I cheated on my girlfriend...
Bear with me.
I got really drunk and kissed a random girl in a club for about 30 seconds. Never seen her before, will never see her again.
I didn’t tell me girlfriend for 6 months.
One of my friends (female) convinced me that be honest was the right thing to do.
So I did it, I told the truth.
Is made both of our lives so difficult. I am 100% in the wrong, I have no excuses, but the fuss made was blown out of all proportion.
It would have been so easy to sit on t for the next 60 years. I’ve done a lot of damage to her and I’ve dealt with it in the best possible way (apart from fucking up the first time obvs).
Be careful user, it’s likely you’ll lose everything if you tell the truth.
Do I fell better having told her? In some ways, yes.
Could I have hidden it forever?
Absolutely.
I learned a lot about myself. Didn’t like much of what I found.
If you really, truly love her, imagine yourself dropping down on one knee and asking her to marry you. Then imagine waiting at the alter with all of your family and friends and all of her family and friends watching you and smiling. The guilt is always going to eat at you. Yeah, you could forget. I've cheated in my past and it has always, always, always ended, whether I told them or not. But as old age takes its toll on me, I'm realizing that if you truly, truly love someone, you could never even make that mistake in the first place.You just can't, and I wish I could explain why. You might as well leave her, never tell her you cheated, and break her heart in a healthy way rather than in a way that is going to eat her up alive. All that corny shit they say about a woman never forgetting, it's true. Knowing you cheated on her will hurt her for the rest of her life, she will eventually learn to be happy and forget, but when she thinks of your name she will hurt. Just tell her you want different things, that your life is going in different directions, that you don't want a relationship right now. Because the truth is, you don't. She will be able to move on in a healthy way and you don't have to live with the guilt because you did the right thing.
exactly this. you were drunk. just forget it happened, it's easier than you think. but also never do it again. don't drink a lot if you can't control yourself. but i think you'll be fine.
telling her would just ruin the relationship and that's pretty shitty. accidents happen. however she probably wouldn't see it as an accident so it's better to just not tell her.
Good point, well made.
It’s better to break up with her out of the blue than give her trust issues for life.
tl;dr everything above this.
real talk, if you love her and want to make a serious commitment, don't tell her. NOT TO SAY WHAT YOU DID WAS OKAY, but it was totally your fault. You have to own that, but if you tell her, you hurt her. You hurt her the most you could ever hurt the person you really care for. If you're a religious person, you take that to God. If you're not, you hold that in your heart, remember it, and do whatever you can do to never do that again.
Don't tell her, I mean she's probably fucked some other dude, she probably came home and kissed you with the taste of dick on her breath and his sperm still squirming in between her teeth. Statistically even If she hasn't yet, she probably will at some point.
destroy the evidence.. like kill the bitch?
Is there any possibility that she will find out?
DON'T
TELL
HER
ANYTHING.
old fag here. Trust me. You'll regret it.
I've cheated on my girl 19 times. She doesn't know anything.
well there's always a possibility, but i really don't think so.
DO NOT TELL HER!!!
Jesus Christ, you are a horrible human being.
which statistics are these? from the "random made up bullshit report"?
grow up and stop thinking that your thoughts are facts
Okay, i also cheated on my gf when we were not married.
Now im married to her and everything ist ok.
Do not tell her. NEVER TALK ABOUT THAT AGAIN!
If you don't tell her you're living a lie. Right now she thinks you are all hers, and vice versa. She needs to know it happened, if she forgives you maybe things will reboot and go back to normal again.
>yesterday got pretty wasted and cheated on my gf.
Shit move there
>i really want this relationship to work
You realise cheating affects that, don't you?
>i definately wont cheat on her again
You won't ever drink again either?
>i'm just interested if i keep it as my secret, can it affect relationship in long term?
If you can live with the guilt then crack on.
If you tell her, the relationship will never recover.
Just be aware of how keeping something a secret works, for her to not find out you need the following:
• You don't tell anyone
• The person you cheated with doesn't tell anyone
• Anyone who witnessed or suspects doesn't tell anyone
If you don't tell her and she finds out, you're more fucked than if you did tell her.
I've fucked more cheating bitches than girls that I've cheated on. Seriously nearly half the girls I've fucked told me "I've got a boyfriend" then hours or days, maybe weeks later they're trying to suck my dick. Not one of those bitches at all seemed upset about cheating, most of them were eager to fuck again. One girl I knew used to come home from college for a couple weeks to visit her parents, she was engaged to some guy she been dating since highschool, like 5/6 years. I fucked that bitch stupid for two weeks every summer 5 years in a row, they're married now, she's hit me up on facebook telling me she'd like to see me again if I ever move back or visit. Bitches are ruthless like that, she posts the most sappy, loveydovey bullshit about her 'hubby" , that dude think he's got the most loyal bitch and she's thinking about the opportunity to fuck me.
Telling her makes you feel better and makes her feel worse. Don't tell her unless you want to end it or make her feel worse.
Wow, this is actually really good advice.
op here
the fun thing is that i already took my partying to minimum, this was my first night out in half a year. I stopped drinking because i started to hate the things i do drunk (oh the irony), so i guess this will be the end of my relationship with alcohol.
I can really imagine getting married with this girl. And i know that the guilt will be there forever. Just fuck the booze, i would never even think about cheating on her, if i hadn't been drunk.
stop replying to your comment, it's terrible advice. If he truly loves her, he will never tell her. That would only hurt her, "what you don't know cant hurt you" It's his mistake, why punish her for it? If he truly loves her then he'll never do it again, maybe he'll appreciate her more, do more for her, love her more. this experience might actually benefit their relationship, people make mistakes, put it in the past and move forward
Booze and Coke, I'd fuck anything with tits, except fat bitches and dark skin girls
DO NOT TELL HER.
DO NOT TELL HER OP.
You made a dumbass mistake. We all do. Keep it secret and don't do it again. Take this as a warning OP. Once you tell her, she will NEVER forget, and your relationship either becomes her miserable about it inside, OR you worried she's going to get revenge.
DO NOT TELL HER. Trust me on this.
Are you going to feel guilty? Be honest with yourself, because a fuckup like that can eat at you pretty hard. If so, tell her, get it over with. She'll either stay or go, but at this point, you don't want to live with that guilt.
Let me make this perfectly clear.
I did this. I told her (I thought she had the right to know). It killed her. We broke up. It killed me. There was nothing but pain from this.
Do not, under any circumstances tell her.
You will only hurt her.
You will ruin her self esteem.
You will cause her so much pain.
She will stay but resent you.
Or she will leave, and never be the same.
You will never see her again if you tell her, even if she doesn't physically leave you, she will not be the same person looking back at you out of her beautiful eyes, somewhere inside, you'll have killed her.
Trust me OP. Don't be a faggot. Button your lips and buy her twice as many flowers.
This. Live with the guilt. Consider the price of your mistake.