Feels thread?

Feels thread?

Shit is getting pretty dark in my head today.

I'm anxious about going back to school in a month. I will have to move back cities and it's going to cost a small fortune. I didn't tell my parents I didn't finish before...now I have to to take a loan or borrow it from my brother. I could do it through a bank, but I don't want to hurt my credit score which is pretty great.. For the first time in a long time I'm thinking about ending it all. It's selfish I know, but I'm stuck with bad thoughts all the time and my dreams haunt me.
Also one of the professors i will have to see is the only professor I've hated and I really wish her fatass was dead from choking to death while she gorges herself.

What do?

Should i just give up on going back to school and thug it out like I know how? Or should I transfer to another college and accept the loss of credits? Or face my fears and move back there?

i feel ya man im in a pretty dark place my self

you are a bit confusing there mate. why cant you just continue at the college you've been going to?

and does your question really boil to

>ugh i dont want to ruin my credit score so i think i might kill my self

seriously? thats what you feel feels about? i mean im glad its not tfw no gf and i think we all have issues, but are you really threatening ot kill your self because you dont want to ruin your credit score? a loan wouldnt even ruin your credit score if you paid it back

i mean, what are you even reading? If you are going to make money after school, loans shouldnt worry you. There is plenty of reasons to live, especially for you since youre going to school.

All i can say is, dont be a faggot. Ive thought about ending it a million times, and the conclusion i allways come to is that im going to have to find an AK and fucking kill some other assholes before I go.

Dont ''give up'' on going to school unless youre reading some liberal arts cancer. Dont throw your chances away.

keep going man
5 years down the road you'll realize all of this was very simple, even if it feels right now like it's the hardest thing you've ever experienced

Op here
Ya it sucks.

I don't know what to do... I have many friends and family, but I can't tell anyone everything.

what happened? are you even going to tell us? cuz your 'dark time' sounds pretty fucking stupid from here no offense man

I mean I have an ex, but it's whatever I get why she left me I was an asshole to her. It's the school I went to. Most of my friends there have moved away from campus and I moved to my states capital to make money/be closer to family.
I intend to pay it back immediately. My employer has fantastic opportunities for me next year so I could pay it back the month after I graduate. I'm scared of fucking it up..
I'll make good money if I graduate. Find an AK? Shit is everywhere. I almost have more access to guns than books. Want an AR?
What if I fail? I need to take risks to survive while I'm there. I'm one of the most unusual cats on campus. This professor is going to see me and he like "oh where have you been all these years?" and all I can say is "doing the dirt for the villains because people like you".

I'm so fucking gritty now. I am told I have a thousand yard stare. The shit I've seen and done..

I just want to finish my science degree to do good...

>THE SHIT IVE SEEN AND DONE...
>wont stop complaining about how his credit score plays into him killing him self

you are talking your self and your problems up way more than you should mate. we all got struggles but you're like a teenage boy who's girlfriend of 2 weeks broke up with him and is now saying no one can understand his pain and wants to kill him self.

you sound edgy as hell with nothing to back it up.

Op here
My ex and I lived together over five years. I found a corpse in one of our buildings. Had violent encounters involving guns. People died around me. She left because I didn't seek help and became a hateful monster who said disgusting things to her. Also she was aware of the revenge I took on others because I was so intoxicated with rage.
Now I know I was wrong and I'm trying to live right and help others.

How's that to start? There's more..

a little better? we still dont understand why you are transferring colleges instead of just finishing at your college or why you are thinkign of killing your self to not get a low credit score

I live hours away from my college I went to. I have to move back there. It costs a lot to live there and I will be haunted by memories as I walk the campus.
I need my credit score good so I can buy a new car if my car fails. If I don't tell my parents and just do it myself with loans I will get over 100k extra in inheritance from my grandparents.
I have grown accustomed to my friends here, but I still have good contact with my friends there.
so basically it's expensive, shameful, and not a certainty to go back there.

why is it shameful? how did you afford it before? why are you so worried about your credit score if ur debts will just be paid off by grandparents in the end?

Because credit score and having money in my accounts are two different things. Once I have the money I can buy everything I need to start my operation and business.

as someone who dropped out of their degree, fucking dont. Suck it up for a year, go finish that shit, your life will be so much better. I have a hard time finding any work at all, so seriously, just go finish your schooling.

that answers one question...

It's shameful because it's later than it should be. My father floated it because it was a big tax write off for him.

I feel it man. I hate working shit jobs and answering to cross eyed double digit iq motherfuckers. I need to get that degree..but my credit and my pride!

floated what?

>its shameful because i took a gap year

so? stop worrying about shame

honestly user i usually welcome anyone iwth feels outside of the 'tfw no gf' variety but look how shitty this thread is. its not a feels thread. you talked about killing yourself for petty reasons then went back and said 'BUT I SAW A CORPSE' a whole thread later when no one wanted to feel with ya.

maybe delete and start overb ut be clear about your struggle and the emotions without going overboard

your credit will be fine, your credit only goes bad if you cant pay it back, and your pride? pfft, suck that shit up and finish something important, thats something to be proud of. ATM you are a piece of shit lying to your family, is that something to be proud of?

Tuition. Are you trying to make me feel bad? I hate saying it...

Shame is hard for me. Pride is my biggest flaw.

I've seen many corpses. I found my neighbors corpse. Touched him, felt his rigamortis, smelt the air leave his lungs when I pressed his chest. It's wild how cold a corpse is. I'm fine with it now. I've had many worse things happen since.
No I'm not proud of lying to my family obviously. It makes me sick. I feel like I have to lie to them about everything otherwise they won't talk to me anymore.

hope you don't mind me posting feels images to help bum

>are you trying to make me feel bad

no, literally trying to understand whats going on cuz you are apparently intentionally being vague not revealing the feelsy parts of your life in a feels thread. whats the point?

yeah ive fucked a dead body too, whats ur point?

then you arent proud, you are lying to yourself, fix it so you dont have to lie to anyone anymore

You want the feels part? When I go to sleep I see my ex and all I can do is apologize to her. That's all i want. I don't want her back, I want her to forgive me for not loving her like I should have.
You're sick you stupid fuck.
I'm proud of some things... When I try at things I do an exceptional job. So to my employers, teachers, partners, and friends I am proud. My friends and employers know me as a man of my word.

>you want the feels part?
>let me devolve to tfw no gf after all the stupid shit i posted

this is the worst feels thread ever man just delete and start over.

I got what I needed out of it.. I have a new younger woman hanging on me now. I don't love her though. It's kind of fucked up. I really shouldn't be looking for a relationship right now.
anyways I'm going to bed.
you guys made me feel better about the possibility of a loan.
somehow my ex seemed buried by her loans, but then again she wasn't very smart.
Thanks for your kind words and advice