Anyone here develop some social skills?

Anyone here develop some social skills?
30yo male, been here since forever. Really bad in social situations and want to improve. Not shy just dont have much to say.
Pic related, charismatic george clooney.

Green text a typical convo.

Seriously...? You are asking btards for advice? These faggots are just like the seagulls in this clip when a girl even smiles at them.

>hey user, hows it going?
>im good thanks, you?
>not bad.
>...
My social skill is something ive been really thinking about lately. Been the quiet guy all my life, staying out of the spotlight. When people talk to me Im completely caught off guard because i dont expect it and hence got nothing to say.
have a fiancee - complete opposite of me.

Wrong place if anything the Internet will dampen your social skills further

That's a normal start. Continue from that to ask what he/she feels about a current event/something thats "big" at the moment, even something cheesy as how the weather is if nothing else! It'll flow easier after that I promise you. You start it...

stereotype here is majority of anons are socially retarded. but i believe theres some normal people here.
You also cant regress only improve, so there may be the rare user that has actually improved and just hang around here for lols.
Ive connected with someone from b before and got talking, he knew how to talk and charm people, said it was part of his job but in reality hes rather antisocial, he just switches it on and off when needed. I dont see any reason for him to be lying

And this is the projecting Sup Forumstard. He think everyone here is as sad as he is, and finds comfort in that false hope. Don't be a projecting Sup Forumstard.

did you used to be retarded also? how did you learn social skills?

Practice, practice, practice. Chat up strangers for practice. Try to talk to a stranger at least once a day.

Great how you refute me by nothing but "retard"... I feel for you, I really do.

that wasnt an insult. genuinely asking how you improved. did you used to be socially awkward and get better would be a better phrasing

also since we're here has anyone had any experience with toastmasters? During nursing training my instructor noted my communication skills and suggested it to me. said he himself was antisocial and had to learn social skills and said toastmasters did wonders for him.
Anyone else?

I can talk to hot grill without boner or have her call for help for over five minutes! Charm level maxed

Just don't fuckin talk about anime, tentacle porn or stare at a chicks tits u stupid faggot

...but i dont talk about that. not even interested in that shit. thanks for the bump though.

Hey man I'm in your same boat, but I feel like I'm slowly improving. One thing that I have learned is that "boring" conversation is actually normal and perfectly acceptable to people. When you can't think of anything to say, just ask how their day is going or if they've been doing anything exciting. Anything,

thats one thing i had trouble with. i used to find small talk somewhat superficial and lacking of any substance so really just avoided it. I realise now its actually a skill and something i need to work on to improve everything else.

A lot of the more "social' people that spend time on the internet are like that. I'm the same, i hate talking to people, but i know how to do it. It is a necessary skill to develop, so being able to 'switch on' is very valuable, regardless of whether you're a sociable person or not.

It's easy.

(Smiles) "HI!".

I'm over fifty, over 200 lbs, and have chicks hit on me all the time. So easy.

Now you try it.

HOLY GUACAMOLE THATS INCREDIBLE!

how did you develop this skill? Ive been told more than once by people who dont consider themselves social that they learned how to switch on this socialable 'facade'. how did you develop this 'facade'?

just drawing some attention to this post

This user is right on the money.

There's no trick, no secret, you just have to get out there and do it over and over and over again. Sitting in front of your computer where you can take the time to compose the responses you want isn't real life. You have to talk face to face with people and make an ass of yourself over and over again. You'll get it in time.

I know it sounds ridiculous, but the best thing you can do is completely throw away the idea of having a successful conversation with anybody, whether male or female. Go into the conversation knowing you'll screw up, and it'll relieve a lot of pressure.

Take talking to girls as an example. When you see that hot girl whose number you'd love to have and whose ass you love to pound... forget it. You know deep down that girl ain't giving you her number, let alone the rest of it. So remember that and just go say "hello". Then walk away. Keep it simple. Go say "hi" and GTFO. The next time you see a girl somewhere else, go say "hi" and ask if she has the time, or something stupid, then GTFO.

Have small and simple conversations and build on that slowly. Do not go into any scenario expecting anything in return. No number, no trying to make her laugh, no anything. Just have a short chat and leave. The rest will happen on its own.

ok looks like i have to stop avoiding social outings then. I get invited by my fiancee all the time but never go or reluctantly go because it feels like such a drain of energy for me.
So I go into these situations feeling like theyre a waste of time and energy sucker. How do i change this mindset? Do i need to psyche myself up before heading into the party?

how did you get a gf if you don't even know how to talk to people?
seriously wondering cause I never had one for the same reason.

will smith bump.
if one continues practicing talking will they eventually develop will smith levels of charisma?
or is that another skill entirely?

I joined a coed team sport. dragonboat. there was alot of partying and drinking. I become a totally different person when drunk. life of the party and generally fun guy.
I guess i won her over with my drunken charm?
Still had to work on her without the alcohol after. but i guess i was already on her radar and in the gates which made the dating part easier. still have some trouble communicating with her at times but she is a nice and understanding person. so I guess i got lucky

Yes, 100% over complicating things.

Don't wait for the party, go out before hand. The fact that you have a fiancee says you have enough ability to carry a conversation to be part of the way there. At every opportunity you get, just have a one-liner conversation.

"Do you know if it's going to rain tomorrow, by chance? No? Cool, thanks." and GTFO.

"I'm looking for (insert random store), is it in this area? Cool, thanks." and GTFO.

"Sorry to bug you, but I'm looking to buy a purse for my fiancee, and I recall her pointing the one you have out to me, but can't remember where. Can you help me out and tell me where you got it? Awesome, thanks" and GTFO.

This last one is handy because you're volunteering information of your fiancee, which immediately "de-threats" you. Girls are approached constantly and 95% of the time, they're being hit on when it's not welcome.

If you're stuck going into a party, a good idea is to have some current events in mind before you go. Not too many, because you'll fuck it up, but not too few, because you might run out. Watch the news, check out some sports scores, etc. I used to have the Premier League scores sent to my phone so I could bring that up at an awkward moment to save face. When you go to a party, the idea is to NOT use those topics and pull from the room around you. Only dive into those in an emergency. If you have five in mind and you use one or two in a convo, if you need a third, it's time to bail. LESS IS MORE, so bail before the conversation gets awkward.

"Well, I'm going to take off and find my fiancee before she gets into trouble. Nice chatting!" and GTFO.

so at a party. youre making the rounds and talking to groups using your one liners and gtfoing. what do you do when youve gone through everyone? do you start again? do you ever run out of material? do you just leave the party?

james bond bump.
make believe. cold blooded but is able to switch on the charm when necessary.

old georgie is a renown homosexual. you should turn gay first

No, perhaps I didn't word that correctly.

In public when you're practicing, you want to stick to one liners. At a party, you'll have to dig in a little and engage in the conversation.

That said, at a party, you should have some kind of relationship with these people, either by acquaintance or otherwise. Build from that. Try to get them to do more talking by asking questions requiring more than a yes/no answer. If they say something you can relate to, remember that for when they stop talking. Bring it up and try to put it into another question to get them going again.

lol, 'false hope'?
i'm married... i get pussy whenever i go to bed. not feeling exactly sad. talk about projection...

do you ever hit a blank wall when talking to someone? this happens often to me. we'd be talking and then i just have nothing to say. like i dont even have a question to ask.

rock bump.
seems like hes always 'on'.

this is me so much. I always have a blank mind when talking to people. it's like the harder I try to come up with something to say the more impossible it gets.

Yeah, and that's when you bail.

do you also get the impression that people think youre a jerk?
because i hardly talk to people or have nothing to say, i think people think that i think im too good for them.
this is one of the reasons i want to get better socially. i think some of my fiancees friends arent too fond of me

do you just say nothing and walk off?

obama bump.
hes cool and he blacked the white house

No, you make an exit. Like my example earlier:

"Well, I'm going to take off and find my fiancee before she gets into trouble. Nice chatting!"

Or something else. Pull from what you see in the room, not just in that moment, but be observant the whole time.

"Well, I thought I saw user on the way in, I'm going to go catch up with him. Nice chatting!"

"I think I'm going to go find myself another drink. This one tastes like piss. I'll catch up with you shortly."

"I'm feeling kind of hungry. I wonder if I can find any food in the kitchen."

"I wonder if there's a game room with a pool table. I'll go have a look around and maybe get one going."

"I saw a painting in the main hall when I came in that interested me. Did you catch that? I'm going to find out who the artist is and I'll come find you in a bit." Okay this one may be a bit lame, but I wouldn't hesitate to use it if I couldn't think of anything else.

I'm literally making these up on the spot.

tell me about yourself user. how do you work in a group? are you charismatic? pick up girls?
just wondering
seems like you used to be reatarded also and learned how to be social going off how you explain your methods.

ironman/tony stark/RDJ bump.
how do i become him?

Anyone still here?

hugh jackman bump.
most likeable guy ever
last attempt to keep thread alive

Yeah, still here. Just working on something at the same time.

I work well enough in a group now, but yeah, I could honestly say I used to be socially retarded a good 15 or so years ago.

In grade school, I was always struggling to be a part of the in crowd. I struggled because I wanted the popularity, but hated the douche-bags that were part of it. In my final year, I started getting fed up with pleasing people, but it wasn't until after that I decided I wanted to be more socially involved.

It's helped more than just at parties. Being able to interact with colleagues and supervisors has come in handy. It's almost better to be second best in a crowd, because although a lot of attention is given to the guy on top, a lot of animosity is there too. Aim for second best.

To get more complicated, if there's a window you want to be in, where a bit to the left means you're a pushover, and a bit to the right means you're a dick, it's better to be on the dick side than pushover side. You'll never land in the middle of the window, but if you always try to be around the right side of it, you'll make it out ahead.

drug dealing

It's just the initial small talk that's a pain. Once you know eachother and you can just talk about whatever, you're in the clear. Since you have a fiancee you clearly have enough social skills to handle general chat with friends well enough. So keep that in mind that it's the initiation of friendship or acquaintanceship that can be difficult and is really what you have to practice on just being yourself and positive usually works out fine once they know you.

when and what age did you start trying to change?
how did you start the change?
how long did it take for you to notice results?

>Pic related
>Charismatic George Clooney

any tips on the small talk? i think thats the part i have a lot of struggle with.

Less is more is very true. If you can leave a conversation on a high note even if it's a bit short that's a good thing and leaves a good impression on the person you were talking to. (It's also helped build momentum for online relationships by needing to 'leave for work' or some other excuse when you can tell the conversation is starting to get boring for everyone involved and you were going to end it soon enough anyway)

ask questions, sound genuinely interested, I don't really have anymore advice another user hasn't already very well stated

...and then theres Tom Cruise.
Surely they all practice something to get like this. How do they do it?

bruce wayne

...

I was probably around 15 when I wanted to change, but wouldn't really commit. I kept falling back to "white knight" mode, thinking that offering Lifesaver mints to girls would make them like me (guess what... it didn't work). I was about 17 or so when I really began getting pissed off with myself and started putting myself out there.

A lot of guys just get resentful and angry outwardly at the world when the world won't talk to them, but I believe they need to look at inward, which is what I did. You have to play the "world's game". So I learned. I saw that hot girl and asked myself what it was that she really wanted and not what I thought she should want. Turns out, in my pursuit to getting that hot girl, I learned she's not at all what I really wanted. Don't get me wrong, I'd still bang her six ways from Sunday, but I'd never want a relationship from her.

Things really started changing when I was around my mid 20s as I started getting more confident. I did those things I suggested such as striking up random short conversation. It doesn't take much, just a little bit at a time.

I'm now 35 and honestly wouldn't change anything about myself. I know this may seem like a brag-fest, but if you could, please interpret what I'm saying as genuine advice. I go to the gym regularly, I feel great, I dress well, and I never have problems approaching girls. I've dated models (guess what, they're about as three dimensional as a piece of paper), professionals (much more engaging), and everything in between. I've been able to stand up to my boss at work and even yelled at him once in a meeting for being an idiot (he's a business man and made a stupid technical decision, which was my department) and he ended up giving me a raise later that day (I know that sounds far fetched, but I'm completely serious).

If you want to change, you will. If you don't, then you didn't want it badly enough.

What questions do you have and use?
Seriously thats how bad i am. I dont even know what to ask to start and keep the conversation going.

weather, recent local news, hell trump's been a great icebreaker just bring up the lastest crap he pulled and you both can vent about that plus if they're a trump supporter NOW YOU KNOW and can avoid them as much as possible. Vidya games/sports if they're a guy though I don't know jack about sports so I avoid that if I can.

this is why i want to change. guys like me that keep their head down, stay quiet and dont build relationships dont get anywhere in life. Im 30 now and ive only just realised this. I actually broke down when i told my fiancee how unhappy i am with how i am and genuinely want to change this.
I just want to hear some other peoples experiences with changing, i guess so i can know that its possible

but is politics such a great talking point? seems like a bad move especially with something as polarizing a trump

if you just talk about trump it's fine as you don't bring the parties into it just the bafoonary of one man though of course this depends on where you live and the likelihood of the person you're talking to having voted for him. I've had good luck with it in my mostly liberal state of WA

I'm not done. This hits home more than I realized and I feel like I need to share.

There's no reason that anybody can't do what they want to do, or be with who they want to be with. I will say that along the path to getting there, the end-goals may change, but that's okay and is almost always for the better.

A lot of the time, faking confidence can be a good starting point. I always found that by dressing well, I would give myself the upper hand in a social (or professional) situation. After getting comfortable, I don't need to rely on my presentation to be confident, but I still put in the effort.

In my early to mid 20s, I found some fashion guides online to help me get an idea of what's fashionable. Some would argue that how you dress shouldn't matter, but it's a shallow world and people judge you the moment they see you. Sure, you can rely on your charisma and charm, but it's nice to have the upper hand right before you even open your mouth. Put together a collection of man-items, like stainless collar-stays, a set of shirt-tail garters, a couple tie clips. Learn why it's important to starch your shirt's placket, to wear a brown belt with brown shoes, or why you don't wear a tie-clip AND a waist-coat at the same time (that now bothers me...). I cut my hair once a month and trim it myself after two weeks. I have things like beard brushes and combs, beard oil, and beard balm (find yourself a man-shop in your town).

Once you have a good presentation, you will feel differently when you walk up to people. The key is always "less is more". It's better to bail from a conversation before it gets awkward than to stay just a little too long.

And go to the gym. Seriously. Don't worry about what you do there, just go, because going is 80% of the way there.

If you tell me you can't do it, I say, "fuck you, you don't want to do it, is all." Because it's true. I've run into people from high school and they can't believe who I am now. You can do it.

It's entirely possible, smile more, much more. Be upbeat and positive. People want positivity around them and you will be more willing to put yourself out there if you are feeling positive.

also how do you fill up you time when not working?
dop you have a group of friends you hang with regulary?
do you keep busy with activities? socials?
are you handsome? interesting?

You're Canadian. Ontario?

no. sydney, australia. why?

you give me hope user. thank you.

This is what ive noticed when i used to get drunk. Id become just a really fun person and people would just hang with me.
When im sober its an entirely different story. I actually feel stupid when i smile. I know i shouldnt but i do. Im always thinking about how people think of me. I guess the difference between drunk and sober me is not caring. How do i not care?

It makes absolutely no difference what your genetics define you as. I'm a firm believer that an ugly guy is just a guy who doesn't take care of himself.

I would say I wasn't the most attractive guy in high school and all I wanted was to be a bit taller, a bit heavier, have nicer hair, a better smile.

Well after growing to full height (and I used to wish I was taller), and putting on weight (started at 140 lb, now I'm 200 and go to the gym five days a week), and getting my hair cut once a month (where I used to let it go all crazy, which is a major no), and, well just stopped being such a pessimist... but after all of those things, I realized that those things don't matter. They're just the stepping stone along the way, so don't tell yourself you're "too ugly" to be cool, or "too short" to be liked by girls, because it's 100% false and you're just telling yourself because you want an excuse as to why you can't do it. Get up and get out there.

I don't have a lot of time to participate in social activities because of work, but I do make time to see my friends. I'm still friends with one friend I had in high school, who also made these changes I made. He's now married to a stunning, hard working woman, has three kids with her, and is happily married. I have a poker night with some friends and a guy from work once a month, I volunteer once every other week, and I do a sport. I never did anything when I was in my late teens and early 20s.

If you want to change, you will. If you don't, then you didn't want it badly enough.

So, do you want to change? Or not?

I took notice to the way you were spelling certain words, is all haha

single? married? kids?
can you tell me about your friends experience?
I definitely want to change. As i said before i actually broke down to my fiancee when telling her this. she had never seen me cry before. i hate my current self

This is a good thread. I picked up a few new things to try to strangers this week :)

thanks anons

I think you have the right idea... but I'm not sure how to explain it.

The idea of "not caring" is the right direction, but you have to put a limit on it. I would definitely not say to get drunk all the time so people like you, but caring what people think is what's probably getting you hung up.

This is where the whole talking to random strangers comes in. If you're so focused on saying the right thing, you're going to tense up. Keep it simple and just have that one liner conversation, then bail. As you get used to it, you'll be more comfortable.

When I started on my power-dating phase in my mid 20s, I used to use the same stories over and over. I noticed how certain things I talked about would get similar responses, so I began gauging what I should say, how much detail I should give, and what I should omit altogether. It didn't take too long (too long as in a couple years) before I became totally comfortable plunking myself down in front of any girl I saw.

My friends know me as the guy who will talk to anybody. I've literally seen girls sitting in coffee shop and approached them.

"Hi, are you waiting for somebody?" Then sit down.

I'm not saying jump right into that sort of thing right away, but I swear to you, I'd never have done that in my early 20s. Another one my friends laugh at is how I stopped a girl crossing the road in the middle of my city. The way I stopped her had her thinking she had something stuck to her suit, but right there in the middle of the crosswalk, I convinced her to have coffee with me at the shop right there at the corner, the next evening at 7 PM. And she agreed, and was there. We dated for month. (She was vegan... couldn't do it haha)

You care, you just do it anyway. It'll always feel dumb and goofy. I was the biggest emo edgelord growing up and thought people smiling ear to ear looked like suckers, I also had crippling depression and very few friends, these things are not unrelated. I realized about when I graduated highschool it's better to be happy and be considered bad things by unhappy people than be unhappy and feel like you're better than happy people.

Actual happiness far outweighs any delight in seeing yourself as superior to another. Also I have perfectly lined up teeth that aren't particularly yellow (smoke weed a lot) but I still smile with my mouth closed because it makes me feel more secure. Perhaps do that to start especially if you're insecure about your teeth. Smile even when you don't feel like it at home at work wherever. It literally releases endorphins and makes you feel better which helps. It also strengthens your face muscles so it doesn't hurt as much if you've been smiling a long time. Being in decent shape and eating right also helps with brain chemistry. Sometimes being happy is just being content and positive. Doesn't have to be powerful it can be as calm and quiet as your sober quiet moods you've been having.

seems like you started with a very processed and thought out way. do you need to think about interactions anymore? is it just natural now?

Currently single, but by choice. No kids. I've had four long term relationships (over three years) and lots of short ones (less than a year), and countless flings (you learn much less from flings than you might think).

My friend had very similar experiences and we kept each other motivated. We didn't have anybody to tell us we were on the right track, so we leaned on each other. Eventually, we stopped leaning and it became more of, "guess what happened today!"

Breaking down is not a bad thing. Guys will tell you to "man up", but in reality, it takes a real man to cry. It says it's important to you, which I think your fiancee believes, and despite just being a bunch of text on my screen, I think I believe you too. Now hold to that and do something about it.

I wish there was a way I could help. I'm reluctant to give out my personal information to keep chatting beyond /b... but I also know how it might be helpful to have somebody to talk about this with now and then.

its funny because my fiancee would always ask me to smile when we take photos but id always do it with no teeth showing. she says how good i look with a full set of teeth showing.
I went in front of the mirror and just tried smiling to myself yesterday.

Completely natural.

Think of it like when you first started driving. The first time you're behind the wheel (especially driving a manual transmission) is so stressful. You have to think about the cars around you and how much gas, or clutch, do you signal or wait for the car, is that guy going to cross, are those birds going to fly away before I get to them?!

Now I just drive. Get in, turn key, go. I don't even think about it.

do you kik?
its funny i used to come on b for laughs and pics but now ive been trying to connect with other anons.
the last user i connected with on kik was what started me really thinking about what i want in my life. but i think he got tired of my constant messages.

Your fiancee sounds really supportive. You're lucky to have her and it sounds like she's ready to put in the extra miles for you.

Practicing smiling in front of a mirror is a bit like kissing your hand for practice as a teenager. It just doesn't work.

Go to a comedy club and relax. Be in the room, feel the atmosphere, and feel how it feels to smile and laugh. That's better practice. Forget what it looks like in the mirror, go by how it feels when it's real.

Negative. No kik for me. Let me see what I can do, though.

jsmith.Sup Forums

is my g mail account. Fire me a message there if you want. And I guess that's open to anybody else who's been following along.

For everyone else, I'm trying to help. Don't be a dick.

this. you're never going to do your rehearsed fake smile in real life when you actually laugh embrace your real smile it'll feel more comfortable that way

yeah thats probably true. I just did it so i could see what it looks like.
i think i have some insecurity issues

sent

so are you always 'on' now? do you ever go back to the old ways?
if you do how do you turn back 'on'

No, you DO have some insecurity issues. It comes with social issues really. Nothing to be ashamed of just something to work on.

not him but from my experience your mood can affect it. If something happened that put you in awful mood that old personality can rear it's head again, but it fades as the depression fades back to contentment.

so other than putting myself out there more, dressing better, gym. Is there anything else i can do to get over these issues?

idk, getting a little high or buzzed helps get you out of your shell, cut the nerves a bit. I'm a stoner so this part might not really apply to you. If you don't want to do that thinking about positive things can help. Looking up uplifting messages online as silly as it sounds can help too. If you don't meditate (quiet time alone with your thoughts and nothing else if not an actual meditation technique) that can as counter intuitive as it sounds help too as it helps you find your center and inner peace. Which also cuts the nerves.

In short, I'm always "on". It honestly feels more like the real me than how I was before.

Yes, mood will always affect one's social performance, but I would say that it's affected me differently now. I wouldn't say I revert back to my old ways, but I do revert in that direction.

I've not only learned to identify how I react to things, but more importantly identify what people around me are doing, so I can counter it before it outwardly affects me. This has proven very helpful in meetings when I'm going up against somebody who's trying to discredit my argument. If they're sloppy, they'll show their cards by making something personal, and usually too obviously. I've learned to catch that and throw it out on the table... making them look immature. At the same time, it tells me they don't have anything else for an argument, or else they would have used that first.

Before, I'd just sit down, clam up, and pout. Now, I turn it against them.

"be yourself" is actually the best advice for social interaction and feeling natural in conversation. you just need to actively make yourself into the person you want to be, and it will start to fall into place.

if you don't have anything to talk about, try to explore a few hobbies that a lot of people are interested in. exercising, sports (participating or just being a fan), or other interactive things are easy picks. learn about them, get involved, and then talk to people about them! you'll find it much easier to talk about something that you care about. even if you don't care about those things, go out on a limb and try to care. there's a reason so many people like those things

I know pretty much every major video game that comes out, makes it easy as pie to have a vidya game convo with a guy or cool chick. If I can get them talking about games and they like games we might as well call ourselves friends already because the convos gonna do great from that point on.

how do you go with people not interested in video games?
I guess what i can take from this is become knowledgeable in many things so i can relate to anyone?

i avoid confrontation like the plague. even when my fiancee is angry with me, i just shut the fuck down.
shits unhealthy

Event DJ, event coordinator, and sound guy here, I can help you user. What do you need to know?

I didn't read the thread yet...sorry

The problem with knowing everything about something, is knowing when enough is enough. Just because the other person has interest in the subject, doesn't mean they're as into it as you are. Not saying they couldn't be, but it's something to look out for.

I worked with a guy who had an obsession with Nokia phones, and if you even said "Nokia" or "cell phone" or anything along those lines (even leaving your cell out on your desk), he'd jump in and go on and on and on about Nokia's newest products and their history, etc, and it became really annoying. He became known in the office as Mr. Nokia. Want to avoid being that guy.

Yes, this was about ten years ago, but the story still applies.

30 year old male. unable to carry conversation with people. unapproachable. only realised i need to learn how to build relationships and be social if i want to get anywhere in life.
so at the age of 30 im trying to change my socially awkward ways.