I have the job in the palm of my hands if I can pass this drug test. I'm not sure if it's urine or saliva...

I have the job in the palm of my hands if I can pass this drug test. I'm not sure if it's urine or saliva. Help a Sup Forumsro out?

>Lanklet
>Not /fit/
>Habitual smoker
>5 Days to prepare

The only foolproof way is to buy some synthetic urine and use that. Is is 100% effective. I used to use QuickFix or UrineLuck. You just heat it up, there's a small temperature sticker on the bottle that tells you when it's hot, comes with a hot hands packet to keep it warm for hours. Tape it under your sack or stick it in some tighty whiteys.

DO NOT listen to any "detox methods" or waste your money on drink that don't work, especially in five days. The only way you will pass is by using fake pee.

If you cared you wouldn't smoke knowing your future is on the line. Enjoy flipping burgers, faggot.

>Habitual smoker
>wants job
>doesn't quit smoking

Sounds good to me!

If it means anything, before I had the interview I hadn't smoked in a week.

I would not hire you. There's a reason you must not have drug issues when doing this job. You fail nevertheless, either now in the drug test or later in your job.
stop smoking...

I'm just wondering, if I smoke cigarettes, I won't be able to pass that test?

You type like you're high as fuck. Are you just stupid?

Listen to this guy..detox are scams to the max. It even tells you to drink ass loads of water with them which is why people sometimes pass with them. Synthetic piss is guaranteed especially for the cheap ass test an employer is gonna use, just make sure temp is right and you're solid.

I'd still dilute myself if the test is at an occupational health clinic though, my last test they had a specific bathroom and toilet that had this blue chemical in it and they told me to fill the cup and then take the rest of the piss in the toilet without flushing. Nurse went in after I was done and flushed the toilet, i can only assume he took a sample from the toilet. Should be no problem if you put the synthetic piss in the cup and your diluted piss in the toilet. Good luck OP.

Forgot to add, if it's a saliva test just don't smoke for a few days and brush your teeth well a couple times a day and maybe use some mouthwash. Don't mouthwash directly before the test though, I have heard of it failing people because of the alcohol in it.

They don't test the toilet water. The blue stuff is there so you can't scoop up water to dilute your sample. They also put tape over the faucet to prevent you getting water that way. They also use it to see if you actually pissed, so all you have to do is pee in the toilet after you fill your cup with synthetic urine.

Protip: If using fake piss and the employer uses one of those piss flasks with the temp strip on the side, piss over the outside of the flask to trip it

>Take piss test for first time
>"Just pee in cup and hand us the sample"
>Go to take piss
>Think to myself "Why would I piss in the cup when it could splash all over my hand?"
>Piss in toiled and scoop up sample
>Mixed with blue liquid
>Hand to staff
>hfw

Ahh okay makes sense, I was clean at the time so I didn't even trip about it but it did make me think a little lol.
Lmao never thought about that either

...

>be me
>work many years in computer field
>never given a drug test
>join new company
>they drug test
>well, fuck it, I want the job
>company is the worst most butt-hurt one I ever worked for

never fucking taking another drug test again for some butthurt company

Passed a pre-employment drug test with QF a few months ago. Its easy as piss

>have jobs that drug test/ random test.
>im absolutely miserable and broke
>have job where I randomly smoke with boss
>pretty happy with work and make 3x what I used to

Drug testing in the computer field?? Jesus what an invasion of privacy. I can understand testing in a dangerous environment where someone can be hurt or killed.

It is totally unfair to test someone for a drug that is just hanging in someone's system anyway. I work with high voltage and yes I don't want fucking Billy Bob to be hitting the meth pipe while I'm testing live circuits. On the other hand I like to smoke weed frequently after work but guess what I could be fired at any moment because of it (also I live in a state where weed is actually legal), yet everyone of my coworkers can go out and get absolutely hammered on the weekend and not have to worry.

You'd pass, tobacco is legal.

It's all liability for the company. If they can find a way to say "hey not my fault, this dude had pot in his system when he got blown up in an electrical panel" then they will. I agree though there needs to be more sophisticated immediate testing for thc, total bullshit that if you're above the threshold you're fucked no matter what.

You could try jazz total detox. I heard it works but I haven't used it

Just exactly how common are drug tests in the states? I have a job I excel at but I'm a daily smoker.

Do employers really think a bit of weed is gonna do anything to work performance?

>Be me. Chairforce fag.
>Random drug testing all the fucking time
>New guy straight outta tech school gets summoned with our group to go piss
>The dickwatchers are on their game today. Leaning over to watch your dick touch the lip of the cup
>Newbie nervous as fuck. Can't piss for two hours. We can't leave without him so we all wait.
>Fucker finally drinks enough water to overcome stage fright.
>Fills cup and as he is handing it to the collector he trips and all his hard earned piss spills out all over the dickwatcher.
We were both pissed we had to wait for another couple hours but were laughing our asses off that dickman got drenched with hillbilly pee. Good times...