Be 9 year old me

>be 9 year old me
>get a kick out of locking bathoom stall doors then crawling under them to inconvenience people when they have to take a shit
>go to Costco with mom, go into men's room and lock the door to the handicap still
>return with mom next day to return something
>have to take a shit myself
>go to men's room, handicap still still locked
>no problem, I think to myself
>crawl under stall in one fast, fluid, autistic barrel roll like movement
>lying on floor, look up and make direct eye contact with 400lb old guy, pants and white cotton skidmarked briefs around his ankles >his mouth is agape from the shock of me rolling under the stall, violating his privacy
>I bert stare back
>old fat fuck looks like a combination of a fat hank hill and John McCain
>He does not speak, rather, his mouth opens slightly further and he makes this bizarre half-grunt-half-moan that sounds like a lawn mower starting up
>while he is making the noise, he leans back, tiling his hips upward, revealing a boner that is 90% encased in pelvic fat
>he starts to make the lawnmower groan/moan again
>In my attempt to nope the fuck out, I slam my head on his electric scooter
>the horn on the electric scooter starting beeping, I suppose the impact activated some collision alarm system
>it is loud as fuck and echoing in the men's room
>I do the autistic roll under the stall and sprint out of the bathroom, crying out of disgust and fear of the man
>find my mom, tell her I tripped and hit my head (it was bleeding a little)
>the horn from the scooter can be heard throughout the store, employees go to investigate
>i walk close and survey the mayhem out of direct sight of anyone in the mens room
>door is wide open, you can see yellow strobe light from the scooter flashing in the dim bathroom
>yelling and commotion

cont?

Yes go on

MOAR

Others: "MOAR"
me, and intellectual: "MORE"

This is fake. You stole half of the story from reddit. Nice try

kek moar

...

Keep going

>I hear a low pitched hum, like the noise of a humidifier or old window-mounted A/C unit
>See the yellow strobe light getting closer to the door
>old fat fuck zips out of men's room
>I start to cry and tell my mom I don't feel well
>"do you need to use the bathroom"
>"NO!" I cry, I want to wait in the car
>"we're only going to be another 5 minutes" my mother scoffs
>old fuck is a mere 20ft away from me, his wife who is ambulatory is swapping out his Oxygen tank
>I can tell by the incredulous look on her face he is telling her what just happened
>he turns his massive, fat head and makes eye contact with me again
>I cry harder
>he pilots his electric scooter in my direction
>my heart is pounding
>HRGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHH the scooter strains under his weight
>he is right next to me!
>"h-what in the name of God are you trying to pull on me boy, I say h-what in the hell is wrong with you"


>I sperg out and start screaming at the top of my lungs that he tried to molest me and dragged me in to the stall and blocked my exit with his scooter
>store employees over hear, same ones who responded to the alarm 5 minutes earlier
>my mother screams at him "you sick freak! We are calling the police you pervert!"
>other mothers join in
>store employees join in berating the old fuck
>in a panic, he does a 180 on his scooter and makes a bee-line for the exit
>scooter drives into wall
>old fuck had heart attack

you should have sucked off the old man

user YES HAHAHAHA

>38 minute delivery time
Guess this one's free. No (you) for you.

Neck yourself.

...

Kek

Shoulda sucked him off

Just post the webm this story is based on and be done with it.

AhhHHahah

this
if i was within six feet of an old fat pedocuck with a nine inch pooping boner id be sucking that dick and licking that shotter clean for that ass

Hey OP didn't you steal half of this from an AskReddit thread?

You Sup Forumsrowse reddit?

You don't?

>Look at me- I type with proper punctuation and am a pompous ass.
I am proud of my unique views and tastes and am a highly rated poster on Reddit.

Yeah. AskReddit. People have some pretty funny stories on there

Kek'd hard

You seem a bit insecure about something. Wanna talk about it?

Yes, I think I'd benefit from that. I'll make a thread in r/advice, see you there

I don't go on r/advice. Let's talk about it here? When did it all start?

honestly, i was proud. I thought i had accomplished something, finally i was good at something. I was the gayest faggot. Then i saw you, i honestly could not compete with your gayness, i have suddenly given up all hope.

You ARE the gayest faggot. I know I'm not. I believe in you

Bitch what the fuck that was my post

Everything on this site is fake. Shut up and enjoy the story

I was that old man. And I did try to rape you.