Time to do my thing for all of you sick cucks. Medifag here looking to answer your questions...

Time to do my thing for all of you sick cucks. Medifag here looking to answer your questions. Will tell you to go to a hospital if it's too serious. Now then, what are thine ailments Sup Forums?

im feeling ill what do I do?

Describe your symptoms

i have hemorrhoids for like 7 or 8 months
shitting is extremely painful,lot of bloods sometimes
help me doc

>Be me 31 male
>Wake up throat and back of my nose is dry AF
> Hurts to swallow or clear my throat
>Pain is not as intense as the day has gone on

I ate an ground up apple pip and now i am vomiting. What do i do?

I sneeze and cough but worst of all i sweet very much

not sure wtf but hear me out. i have college monday to friday, starts at 8am, i drink milk or eat smth just a bit and then go, at 1pm i eat lunch. when saturday comes i wake up at noon and drink milk, 30-40 min later i eat lunch and it fucks me up. my stomach starts hurting, i think it's gizzard? when it stops, if i eat soon after it stops it'll start hurting again. i have trouble burping. it's a constant dull pain aswell, help

You need to get some hemroaid cream from your doctor or the store. Use it for a few months and keep it EXTREMELY clean. It should heal up ok

Some weird air-filled bump is growing on my ass, wat do?

Sleep with a humidifier and drink more water. If you smoke stop. Also if you snore look into some anti snoring stuff. That could be what's causing your throat to dry so much.

In addition to that occasionally I get these giant tonsil stones. They smell terrible when I get them.

Apple seed have toxins inside them that are harmful to humans. If you don't stop after a day go see your doctor.

The bump's always been there, suddenly turned into some sort of air bubble today and popped

You have the flu. Get some flu medicine and lots of rest. It should clear up in a week.

I killed my mom and her face is getting purple, what do

Drink less milk, more water. To much milk will cause a problem in your stomach because it's acidic. If your stomach still has problems try some antacids and if it still doesn't clear up go to the doctor.

May be a weird type of blister or cyst, you may want to see a doctor if it doesn't subside.

even if i drink water on saturday it still happens, will try and see doc/try antacids when i get the chance, thanks

See a doctor about those, you may be having a more serious problem.

She is dead, run my dude and hope the cops don't find you.

No problem user

It already popped though
Now it's been wet all day, but it doesn't hurt

Anybody come up with a surgical treatment for congenital radioulnar synostosis that is effective and not fuck off risky? In this case it’s fibrous, not bony, no problems with pronation, supination limited to 105 degrees on the right hand, 145 on the left. Basically, highly inconvenient but not a super huge deal.

You should see a doctor soon if it doesn't heal over. It's good it isnt hurting but it's not something that I've ever heard of.

i think i broke my ring finger about a year ago and didnt go to doctor. i think its healed, but they easily and randomly get hurt and shoot sharp pains every so often

This was left behind by a wart I got frozen off. Is that motherfucker still in there?

>what are thine ailments Sup Forums?
Uncontrollable urge to blow up filthy monkey planets.

how do i cure gay

If it actually broke and didn't just crack then it could be pinching a nerve in your finger. You could also have fractured it and it didn't heal right. I would see a doctor and get an X-ray.

Yeah I found it weird too. Especially since the bumps have been there on both my left and right cheek and turned into an air bubble on the same day

Sometimes the urge to throw up wakes me up and wyd me out of bed. I usually can't eat when I first wake or I'll throw up. What do

I can not answer this

My eyepocket is swollen with whiteish puss on the side, it hurts to blink and it bleeds. Help

Try hitting it with a smaller sized brick

I'm here, it's probably just a leftover bit of the wort that wasn't frozen. It could also just be a zit. Either way watch it and if it becomes infected or extremely painful you should see a doctor immediately.

24 episodes of screaming is perscribed

A worm crawled out of my ear and i can hear scratching noise constantly what the fuck

my leg makes an L-Shape in the wrong direction after getting hit by a boulder. It makes me feel bad and not completely good. What do doctor?

Bible or large stick

I accidentaly got a cats claw stuck on the tip of my penis what do i do (for real it attacked me when i watched incest)

>mfw when apple seeds have cyanide but i ate one anyways

I'm the same way, try water. It won't feel great but it won't kill you. The water will activate your digestive system and make your meals feel better. If it is too muc to bear then you may want to see a doctor and try antacid.

Your eye is infected go to the emergency room IMMEDIATELY!

S’OK. I check every few years but I doubt that we’ll see anything until some more general advances get worked out. Pretty much it just grows back and the location is home to a bunch of vascular bits and nerves. Unless it’s serious fucking up your life nobody ever recommends existing surgical treatments.

For the foreseeable future, I’ll continue to look like an idiot when I have to take change from a cashier.

I did some weird workout at the gym the other day. (it was some type of pulley machine that has you spread your legs in a wide V shape and then you close them together to make an effort) Now my inner thigh area on both of my legs is hurting me, and I can't even stay asleep all night because of it. Can you give me any tips on how to reduce the pain or what I did wrong?

Go to the doctor, it probably has left either eggs or some poop in your ear. Try to go soon because that stuff could mess up your ear.

>Now
I think you have cancer

Get an X-ray and see a doctor, it may be able to get corrected, if not you must live with it.

So, I swallowed a whole bottle of asprin with the safety coating on it, because depressing shit happened to a depressed me, fell asleep and when I woke up, my hearing was absolutely fucked, blood gushing out of my nose and I felt extremely dizzy. I ended up projectile vomiting the vast majority of the pills after a bit, but I still have muffled hearing.

???
How does any of what I typed indicate that I have cancer?
>inb4 im a fake doctor

Go get it pulled out and bandaged at the clinic in the hospital.

Im a pussy

gain height, hit the weights, grow a chin, man up

Do i have to say that i watched incest??

Cancer guy is not me. Your muscles are sore from overworking them. Just take some painkillers and if the pain does not subside after a day or two you should see a doctor. A warm bath may help too.

Im having trouble beating Knight Artorias at SL.55. and i cant find any Gold Pine Resin. Halp me Docter

Yeah my dude its cancer im sorry

The lower part of my back hurts for the last few days(the part above the ass and below the ribs)Help doc

go to the ER now and tell them you overdosed. Also hurry, you may have more serious internal problems.

That cancer cuck was not me

No, just say your cat attacked you while you were horny after a shower.

I have had a bump in my wrist for about 6 months. It feels very stiff and sits just under the skin. When I first got it I read that it's probably something that happens and goes away after like a month (forget the name) but it hasn't gone away. Haven't had it looked at because I'm in the military and medical at my base is notoriously bad.

I mean it's been like 5 days since. No jaundice and my piss hasn't really changed, but I guess shouldn't take any chances. It just felt like a really bad flu.

I can not help with this

I tried to eyeball mdma tldr; i belive i took 1.5 grams and i can literally feel my heart hurting in every beat (i am at a house party) no one listens to me and say that im just paranoid. I cqnt drive.

Not cried in over two years no idea if I physically can anymore, even with feels which I'm unsure I feel at this point, no idea if I just seem entertained and my mind occupied or feeling genuine emotion

It's your posture, try laying down and resting, also try a hot or cold compress. You need to make sure you sit in a chair or support your back when you do anything.

Any cure for thyroiditis? Some asshole xray tech blasted me wrong during a chest exam

i was just 5 minuntes in the room, all you did was saying i'm not sick.
now why do i have to pay 200$ for this shit?

Its quite hard because i have classes for most of my day and the chair in the uni are really bad but thats anyways doc

But Muh Dark Souls

My ears are constantly popped, they can un-pop but will immediately become pressurized again.
>I drink a ton of water
>recently quit cigs

I forget what it's called but basically as long as it isn't hurting you will be fine. Doctors can easily remove it and it just depends on if you want to get it out or not.

Just git gut fag

Trust me you may have ulcers in your stomach.

I have a sore throat that comes and goes every few weeks. Left lymph node swells up every time and hurts in my ear.

Behind my left tonsil along the wall of my throat is a quarter-sized red swelling. It's been there for a year and a half and is there even when my throat is not sore.

Is it throat cancer OP?

Call 911 or get someone to take you to the hospital.

Hello doctor. I got raped by an indian man a year ago and now i smell like curry constantly. What causes this?

my third playthrough, first on dlc, beat every other game but demons souls. i think im gud for th most part

I can help. If you use the eagle shield that you find in blighttown and buff it with great magic shield, you should be able to block most of his attacks with ease and then punish him after his 2-3 hit combos. Another thing, don't fight him for extended periods of time because he will just keep buffing himself over and over until he can one shot you.

That's a mental issue, I can't help you.

Sue the hospital and go to a doctor at a different one.

I just gave up on the first boss on ds 3

I use a Zwei as my main weapon and have trouble hitting and regaining stamina for shield and to move faster. A new weapon would be a bitch to upgrade

>Get migraines every week
>Started 3 years ago
>Feels like someone is jamming a screwdriver in my temple
>Same spot every time
>Neck hurts at the base of my skull
>No relief from anything

I fell off a bunk bed ten years ago and landed on that exact spot on my temple. Had a concussion and basically slept/ didn't eat for two weeks.

Could that be related or just a coincidence?

Sorry about that, maybe look into a posture fixing girdle or something.

I tried to eat a lightbulb and now my parrot is screaming

Brain MRI was normal btw.

See an ear doctor

also no magic, am strength/end/vit fag

See a doctor, probably not cancer but still go to a doctor.

You may live in India.

The Elm and I suffer from is deprivation of knowledge.
If you had to choose one medical book that was the most insightful and beneficial out of all the ones you've read, which would you suggest?

Can't afford it now, but will once I can. Thanks for the reassurance.

Ailment*

>TFW this thread derails to Dark Souls related content

Go see a neurologist and get your brain checked with an MRI

Sickness is just a government lie to make you think your eyes are real

Go to hospital for bulb, parrots are just loud.