ITT Times you did some real illegal shit:

ITT Times you did some real illegal shit:

>Be me
>Be 17 and a half or so
>Live in real small town
>Been working for a guy doing odd jobs for about four years now.
>rental management, army surplus, plumbing, electrical. Did it all for him. Made $10 an hour doing it too.
>Calls me one night asking if I wanted to help him rearrange his basement, I’ve done it a billion times as him and I would go through and store paint and shit down there.
>Hour or two in he gets a phone call and starts getting real pissed off.
This dude is easily 270-300lbs so he’s a big scary guy.
>Asks me if I wouldn’t mind sticking around for a couple more hours to help him out.
>Need the cash so hell yeah I’ll help out.
>Load into his truck and drive out to the middle of buttfuck nowhere
>We walk into a house straight off of a movie depicting a redneck criminal.
>Bong sitting around, dude is wearing an American flag cut off, with two girls around his arm (possibly his daughters, maybe his girlfriends, didn’t really ask) and guns strewn about
>Boss and Cowboy Jones start talking about how Cowboys friend ripped him off and didn’t pay for the guns that my boss gave him.
>Figure out that Boss just lost about $20,000 of weapons
This is where it starts getting really intense.
>Load back into truck and drive off somewhere even further into nowhere
>Boss hands me a Colt and tells me to keep it handy
>We get out of truck and Boss starts knocking on door of a house that couldn’t be more than four rooms.
>No answer
>Boss tells me he’s going to go around back,
>”If anyone comes through the front door, end them.”
>Can here boss trying to kick down door in back
>Thud Thud Thud
>Then the loud CLANG of a bullet hitting the lock and suddenly a CRACK of the door being split by his foot.
>Light start turning on, people screaming
>Front door unlocks and opens
Cont.

I'm intrigued.

>BOOM
>Crash
>kick In the door
>everybody walk the dinosaur

>Man pivots around with 12 gauge and points it at my head
I swear to God time slowed down and I could feel the blood pumping through my body.
>I bring the Colt up and shoot the man.
>Two shots squeeze out
Pop
Pop
>First shot contact with his leg and blows his knee cap out.
>I could see chunks of it splatter
>Second shot hits him in the head
>A little bit of blood gets onto me, but most of it goes backwards.
>Boss and I load up everything into the back of his truck and drive home
>Don’t say anything whole ride back
>Boss hands me $1,000 and I go home.

That was a really difficult night for me bros. I still see it happening in my dreams sometime.

I ended up doing a lot more crazy shit for my boss if y’all wanna here abou those times too.

Basically.

>hANDY

Diid he died?

Bump...let's hear it all!!

kek fucking lost clever bastard

>The stories and information posted here are autisticc works of fiction and falsehood.
Only a roody poo would take anything posted here as fact.
Don't care, good storytelling. Continue plz OP

Yes, did he die?

TL;DR

Killed a man by accident
>be young
>be broke
>selling hashish to some old dude me and my friend knew
>get greedy and start taking chunks off
>big chunks
>mix with OXO Cube
>BEEF
>dude doesn't know what actual hashish is coz he doesn't say anything
>old fella like late 50s early 60yo
>few weeks of this
>suddenly goes quet
>walking past his place to go town
>those crime scene guys are all around house
>see body bag
>guys lungs stuck together, suffocated
>basically killed him inadvertantly
>be young at time
feel bad now though, must have been a horrible way to die, ready to answer for my actions

I once tore the tag off a mattress. Also, nice quads.

Found out from our school help teacher, somehow was related to him, told us that while they were cleaning his house out and taking off wallpaper that it was dripping thick tar from walls to ceiling

fuck little shit head kids, wish i had hindsight at time, or a bit of common sense, like maybe OXO wasn't the best thing to mix it with, shouldn have taken any really but dumb shit head kids will be dumb shit headsl kids

Thanks bud, yeah whats with thise, is there an actual law against removing it? i've done it to most mattresses i've owned if they had one

It's fine once you buy it. When it's new/in the show room it has to have its label though. Need to know what materials it's made of.

> Be rookie cop
> First year too quiet, need arrest.
> On patrol with partner in cruiser.
> Car with tinted windows runs a red light.
> We put on our lights and siren and pursue.
> Subject pulls over.
> It's a black man and he's upset.
> Partner asks for license and insurance.
> Subject getting upset, fumbles.
> Partner yells "Gun", shoots suspect.
> Partner tells me to shoot my gun and plant a fake gun in the car.
> We get our story together, partner writes in for a promotion, I get a raise.
> Subject had a history with altercations with police so there was no inquiry.
That was years ago, now I'm a Captain and look down on that kind of thing.

Bump for more!

...

If this is true then it was you or him. Fuck it.

That's fucked up,but I'm sure you've made up for 100x over.

>be me
>bored af and live near police station
>decide to go on adventure
>live in farm right next to city limit and there are only fields around the police station
>walk across field to the parking lot
>police cars are parked behind a fence
>regular cars parked out front in open parking lot
>try a few doors
>two were left unlocked on the drivers door
>first is a little Honda Civic
>find $6 and a carton of cigarettes
>next is a huge dodge truck
>obviously some rednecks
>open it up
>find a load of good shit
>$40
>two boxes of 9mm and a box of .45
>Glock in the glovebox
>sweet ass 1911 under the back seat
>a six back of beer
>some fucking beef jerky
>I gather this stuff into my bag and close the truck
>as I walk around the side of the building to try to get to the cruisers I hear some rednecks walk out
>basically one getting the other out of the drunk tank
>he goes ape shit because his beer is gone
>gets madder after he searches and finds his other shit gone
>I make a dash to the field and lay the fuck down in the grass
>cops come out with the guy
>they check the cameras inside and see I went into the field
>I'm to spooked to move and waited for them to return like an autismo
>they searched the field for two hours and only almost found me once
>cop was blind as a bat and walked right past me on the ground
>they go inside
>I crawled out of the field and ran home
>scary night but free shit was well worth it
>I now check cars in rich white neighborhoods and find a good number of unlocked ones
>good times being a thief

>>cop was blind as a bat and walked right past me on the ground
Liar. He spotted you and told you to suck his cock or be arrested, so you did it and he let you go. Faggot.

That’s what I’ve said to convince myself that I did the right thing. I’m still here alive. That’s what matters.

There is no statute of limitations on homicides. Sup Forums is plain text html with no encryption.

>me
>last year
>work as security guard
>get pissed off my a 8th grader
>pull out a fucking knife
>oshit
>...
>no profit

Gee I wonder who could be trying to get people to admit crimes on an unencrypted website....

Pic related:
It's Op's coworkers

>be me hispanic in school
>hang around nigger gangmembers
>produce their nigger music
>go to nigger party and they introduce me to nigresses with nig nog asses
> big monkey butts shaking and alot of weed & liq in the air
>one of the monkey gals thinks i'm cute
>nigger gal likes my beaner face and sucks my dick in the bathroom
>feels good mayne
>One of the monkeys starts nogging about how somebody stole their shit
>nigger gal gets scared and runs
>nig nog shoots nigger gal in the stomach and head
>music gets shut off
>Niggers saying they need to cut her body parts
>be me
>uh i gotta go ya'll if ya'll need beats hit me up
>niggers points gun to my head to keep my mouth shut
>K nigger
>They all die 6 months later

I once beat a crack head half to death (or to death, don't really no) with a chain and lock.
About a half hour later I was 4 blocks over sitting on a bando porch. The cops drove up and got out the car walking towards me. I immediately ran. After a few blocks of running there were cops everywhere. I hid in a big pile of leaves. A cop literally stepped on my hand and never found me. This is a story I tell in real life and people call it bullshit, but a friend witnessed me crawl into the leaves. He just happened to be walking down the street when it happened.

OP again. Kinda forget about this thread after it seemed to die.

Here’s another story of doing some real shady shit for money

>Be a couple days after last incident
>Haven’t talked to Boss since. Trying to avoid any and everyone.
>Boss calls me after school says he needs me for an hour.
>Says he will pay me $150, plus 10%
>”Ten percent?”
>Says it isn’t drugs, so don’t worry about that
>Fuck it. Really need money. Living ain’t free.
>Walk the block to his house and he hands me a piece of paper.
>Tells me to go to that address and scare the man into giving me the money he owes.
>Own 1987 Camaro.
>First car I ever bought. A little banged up, and loud as a mother fucker.
>Decide to drive by the guys house and rev my engine a couple times to spook him.
>Not a very big town so it takes me all of one minute to get halfway across town
>Arrive at address and drop down into first gear
>Going 12 MPH but hitting 7000 RPM
>Drive by a couple times.
>He finally comes out side.
>Tweaker looking mother fucker, but otherwise seems like nice guy
>OweMoneyToTheWrongGuy.jpg
>Mention Boss’ name and he gets jumpy
>He runs to his backyard and tries to run away
>I barrel down the road and intersect him in a little alley way in between buildings
>Get out of car and chase him down
>He’s on meth, and I’m a fat boy
>I’m smarter tho
>Chase him into a corner that I knew about
>The thought of hurting another person disgusts me at this point so I ask for money politely
>Fucker spits on me and pulls a knife
>Instincts kick in and I lift him up against the wall
>He weighs 120, I weigh 220.
>Bolt him in the face a time or two until I realize what I’m doing and drop him
>Grab his wallet and take the money he owed plus some.
>Hate the thought of being an asshole, but the thought of playing GTA IRL excites me so I keep answering bosses calls.

Ever made it to the final boss?

lurker bump

thats messed up dude. what happened to the guy shot?

You know it bud

They clearly die.

you're a piece of shit.

>hispanic
your a spic wetback.

posted this in secrets thread
back in 09 a cheap cigar brand was going out of buisness and were having a clearance sales
bought like 1000 cigars for $350. I started selling these to kids for 10 bucks a pop, dumb kids who want to look cool don't there not even worth the paper their rolled in. some of them got addicted I know of atleast two that wound with medical problem befoe they finished highschool, and an asthmatic who died.
>never occured to me that I should tell them not to inhale
>oops.png
>panic.exe
>to my surprise I dont get narced
>mfw parents blame a synthetic weed called K2 that was starting to get popular because you could buy it at your local gas station
I pulled in like 7 grand by the time I ran out. wanna do it again but vapings all the rage now and cigar prices are kinda high recently.
>also when I was highschool I used to prank call the police from pay phone and yell allahu ackbar while playing gun sound effects from phone

You are a worthy man of this thread.

thank you. Its nice to know m debauchery is appreciated.

Did cocaine. That's really about it, I'm a good boy

Keep going

what a cunt, you realize you had those kids absorbing a whole packs worth of cancer with each stick right. Stupid fuck

>>never occured to me that I should tell them not to inhale
Wait what?

>plant a fake gun in the car
You just happen to carry around a 'fake' gun with you at all times?

With Cigars you're not really supposed to inhale the smoke. Depending on the size and make, 1 cigar can have as much tobacco as a whole pack of cigarettes . Your just supposed to puff and let it sit in your throat, mabye taking a slight inhale every now and again. Imagine if were smoke a cigar everyday and actually Inhale the whole thing, that be like chainsmoking 100 cigs a week

You dont inhale cigars.

12 btw

>Be me
>About 2 years ago (19 at the time)
>Living with my brother (18) in my grandpa's house because mom's dead and dad's in prison
>Anyway
>Live in a dangerous area of town
>Grandpa tells us not to go too far away from the house or we might get shot or kidnapped or something
>Whatever
>One day in my room, little bro bursts through the door
>"user, look what I found"
>It's fucking shrooms
>"Where the fuck did you find that?"
>"Doesn't matter, I'll try some"
>Want to stop him but kinda want to try too so I shut the fuck up about it
>Try some
>15 minutes later they start kicking in
>Grandpa is not at home so we decide to leave
>The next hour, or two hours, or three (not quite sure) are a huge blackout
>We end up in the touristic part of the town
>The one with all the rich idiots
>We walk a couple of blocks and encounter the biggest casino in town
>I recently got my paycheck so I decided that was a wise way to spend it
>Go in, still kinda tripping, start playing
>Surprisingly I manage to win some games and get about double the money I originally had
>After 30 minutes of winning a lot of games in the casino someone pats me in the shoulder
>Old looking guy, furcoat, 2 tall bodyguards by his side, huge grin on his face
>"Hello son, how are you doing?"
>"Uh... fine, who are you?"
>"I'm the owner of the casino"
>At this point I thought he was going to order his bodyguards to shoot me in the head or something
>"Oh... sorry about this I didn't mean to..."
>He interrupts me by laughing
>"It's OK, don't worry. I'm here to make you a proposition"
>I look at him confused
>"It seems you're having a nice win streak. How about this: you win the next game, I give you every cent in the casino"
>My head starts spinning in it's place because fucking money
>"But if you lose... you both will have to work here, everyday, for free"
>Don't even think about it and start shaking the dice in my hand

Cont.

>Little bro begging me to stop
>Knock him back because I'm the big bro and I do what I want
>Roll the dice
>Lose
>Fuck
>Turn around
>Owner laughing his ass off
>Start pleading hoping he'll change his mind
>Little bro also pleading
>Owner thinks for a sec
>"OK. There's only one way you can get away from this. There are several other debtors who refuse to pay and I want them dead"
>I don't like where this is going
>"I want you to go and teach them a lesson. They're dangerous guys so you might have to get your hands dirty"
>"Do you want us to kill your debtors?"
>Owner just laughs
>Gives us a list of debtors and their locations
>Ask for his name before leaving
>"You can call me... The Devil"
>MFW I have to kill a bunch of guys because I bet too much on The Devil's Casino
>MFW my head is a cup

go on...

I was on Whisper lately, and some girl needed money. She let me fuck her for cash. I think she was actually only 16

is whisper a good hook up app?

eh, not really, most girls are either really fat, or are underage. if you're okay with messing around with that, just be safe

Bullshit you're telling me you don't inhale?

>Bullshit you're telling me you don't inhale?

What?

No, kiddo, you don't inhale cigars full of tobacco.

it depends on every person. Some people don't give a fuck and chug the whole thing in one puff.
>not very smart but too each there own
Some people just inhale lightly every few puffs. But most cigarfags generally let it sit in the back of there throat with a shot of whisky. Its like fine wine for them.

But just like ciggies you just inhale without exhaling ay?

ITT We talk about cigars

so are you just a curious kid or are you a dumbfuck whosactually been smoking cigars like cigarettes?
>enjoy dying a slow painful death at 21 ya little faggot

yea lets do it

blame the kid killerHoly shit you really are gonna die
>i can feel the cancer emanating through my screen

I've been inhaling without exhaling. Still fit as a fiddle, I think.

until you start coughing up blood in the shower you retard

>cancer intesifies
I don't suppose your on of the little shit I used to sell to 8 years ago?

kek wtf

minutes later they start kicking in

yeah nah it takes 30-45 minutes or even longer if you've eaten. Cool story tho!

>Implying he's already 20

you do know "throwdown piece" is an actual term, right?

1,000 dollars is a fucking pittance for getting the killshot on a man. Your boss fucking cheated you.

Report him to the police in about 3-4 months and he won't suspect a thing. He obviously doesn't know how to run shit and he won't be able to pick out the snitch.

0/10

This is some of the most beta shit ive ever heard in my life, theres literally people chopping up people into little pieces and you think shooting a guy is bad?

Nah been smoking for 30 years.

Stole a Civic, fucked up the steering column and got a $200 parking ticket on the owner's history that I never paid. Ended up getting pulled over and arrested for it. Spent 3 mos. In jail at 18

Also stole a $2000 track bike out of some dude's garage with my best friend at 16 and flipped it for a shit ton of weed. Made the trade on the living room table in my parents house to some guy on Craigslist with my friend while my folks were at work. Felt like a mob boss. Feel bad for the owner butt fuck it

Also stole thousands in merchandise as a teen. Parents wonder why I was always rich.

And in 9th and 11th grade I helped jump folks. Second guy was threatening my friend's baby so I don't care

>Second guy was threatening my friend's baby so I don't care
man vs baby; the ultimate showdown

Not like squaring up wit the fuckin baby, kek. He said some dark shit like "and fuck his baby. I'd kill him too" or something similar

>be 15yo
>used to smoke a lot of weed for free since I helped my dealer dealing
>one day he told me he had a fuckton of Xanax but didn't know anything about it
>my dad is a pharmacist so I know a lot about drugs and shit
>I offer to buy all of it for the price he paid since he gave me lots of work but never gave me actual money, just hella weed
>I bought ~1200 bars for 300€
>I thought that I could sell them to some junkies that bought weed from me
>go to the local rehab and sell weed as usual
>I told the most functional of the junkies that I had some bars and wanted to give them away
>he flips his shit and told me how many did I have
>I lie and tell him 10
>he offers 50€ and I accept, since I didn't know the actual price but I got them for dirt cheap since my dealer was dumb
>i stop selling weed and start selling xans all day erryday
>made about 6000€ every week from about 1000 bars
>had so much money by the time I was 16 I really didn't know what to do with it
>one day I take a bar while smoking and get why people were so excited about it
>bought one last load, 2000 bars and kept it
>since I had about 150.000 € in drug money decide to stop dealing entirely and just enjoy my life
this is where it gets fucked

cont.

>my dealer told me that if I don't sell xans anymore he gets killed by some bigger dealer
>he couldn't even buy protection from the mafia since the other dealer was involved with them
>we decide to pick the smartest junkie we can and offer him 500€ for 1200 bars, just to make 100 each and forget that we could get killed any day of the week if we don't keep buying loads of bars
>one day the junkie fucks up and gets locked up
>big dealer comes to my friend to ask why he isn't buying Xanax
>my friend just told him about the junkie and that he is in prison so he can't flip the load
> big dealer shrugs and just stops selling him xans telling him to never deal with junkies and told him that he had found another person to sell xans so he didn't need to kill him anymore
>still had 150.000€ and 2000 bars
I became a benzo junkie after that and wasted 70.000 € on high class escorts and drugs
when i got clean I bought a 7000€ car, a bike and gave 50.000€ to the local hospital

AMA

You piece of shit

You got me

the other day at walmart i knowingly went through the "20 items or less" checkout lane even though i had 21 things

Damn dude, fucking ruthless

yeah, i cant go back there for a while. no doubt security has my photo and as soon as i walk in they will trespass my from the property and/or call the police

We got him, boys

I guess I got a story or two

>be me
>20
>go to local community college, deliver pizzas on the side
>pays well, pretty much everyone was well off here, so tips are good
>drive a modded mini with quite the history, with a big ol moonroof, so no car topper
>paycheck comes, order parts, car gets faster
>pushing 250 wheel, reinforce the clutch, ditch the cats. Baby spits fire like a demon
>17x8s, 235s
>deliveries get faster, I started to get why some people like going fast, pump that adrenaline
>pretty soon I average nearly 20 over the limit
>5:30, Rich kids and dadders come out from car dealerships and onto the road
>see a 350z blow past
>gear down, unleash my inner takumi, and watch his brakelights close in

Con't?

you wont take me alive!!1!

go on

Nsa pls go

MODS/FEDS
THIS GUY JUST CONFESSED A MURDER

this one time i went like 2mph over the speed limit
ALL the way to work
the shit was so cash

My dick is so hard bro continue

>ITT Times you did some real illegal shit:
I posted on teh 4chans

>be me, at age 15
>drinking with friends
>host says we can't drink any more liquor
>parents will notice
>I complain and bitch
>tells me that his friends dad has a refrigerator full of beer in garage
>Idk this friend so I'm willing to put in some work
>empty out back pack and start walking
>get to the house
>go to side door on garage and peep through, see fridge
>he goes back to his house
>I spend a quick minute thinking
>grab 2x4 I see against trailer tire holding up a boat
>smash the square pane and unlock door
>get to fridge, he wasn't lying, load up at least 50 bottles
>leave the way I came in
>get lost in neighborhood because drunk

In the end, I circled around the neighborhood and the owner had come home by then. I walked past the house while he was talking to cops. Smug as fuck, didn't look their way when I was in front of house.
Friend runs into me eventually, we go back to his place.

>Mfw I was the coolest dude that night and got loaded off free beer and Salvia hits I was trading for beer.
Good times.

Cont

>I keep to his rear, we merge onto 50, wheels screamin for grip as the ramp sharpens
>oh god
>it's not just him
>a red foxbody closes whatever gap I had, and a m3 follows
>watch as they overtake me
>hoo boy
>the unbreakable buttons don't take no loses
>have less than no idea what came over me, it's like someone else was driving
>shift to fourth, watch as the cars passing get faster, closer
>the m3 lags as the fox body slams the breaks to avoid some soccermom van, back end even comes loose
>I push foward
>the turbo goes into overboost, feel the wheels break lose in 5th
>holy fuck
>how fast am I even going
>The foxbody was now upfront of the 350, my side to his
>the fairlady fell behind, the foxbody OBVIOSLY wasn't stock
>two to tango boiyo
>close the gap in a few moments
>two remain, the rest were blurs of light
>the traffic clears
>I pull next to the foxbody

Cont

>and got loaded off free beer and Salvia hits I was trading for beer.

Most caucasian thing I've read in a while. Cool story tho

Thanks user.

It was the first thing that crossed my mind when I had to get fingerprinted last year. Like what if my prints came up in the system?

It's been over 10 years, thankfully nuffin ever happened from it

...

I b typing as fast as I can Sup Forumsois

>I pull the lead
>the red fox suddenly fucking roars
>pulls like motherfucker
>pushing 22lbs of overboost, even that couldn't keep up
>he just blasts forward dude
>reality kicks back in
>realise I'm doing 132mph
>coast back to 70
>drive back to shop in silence, buttons the unbreakable had been beat
>glide over the off-ramp, don't even care about the stop sign, no ones there anyway so fuck it
>make my way back home, haven't even had a single thought yet, untill
>police lights
>in front of me, thank god
>see the none other than the fairlady and foxbody as I drove past
>both them blast their horn and thumb me up as I pass
>cops had no fucking clue why
>for the first time In a long time, I felt what it was like to have a genuine smile
>I'm coming for you, red fox

Hi there officer Tenpenny

checked

>a six back

>senior in college
>fall semester
>live in an apartment off campus which my parents pay for
>have part time job at clothing store so I have spending money
>halfway through the semester dad loses his job
>they can't afford to pay my rent
>have to beg my manager for more hours just to get by
>working all the time on top of schoolwork
>always exhausted
>about a month later
>after a shift, I'm standing in line at the grocery store waiting to pay for my ramen noodles with some quarters i scraped together
>glance over towards the lady in front of me with her kid who's about 6 or 7
>she pulls out a hundred dollar bill from her wallet, and I can see that she has alot more in there
>she pays and makes her way out of the store with her kid in hand
>quickly pay for my shit and follow her outside
>it's pretty late by this point and I don't see anyone else outside
>before she reaches her car, I sucker punch her from behind
>she falls hard on the ground and I take her purse
>I run to my car as fast as I can and peel out, while the kid is screaming