Alright bitches, here come the truth bombs

Alright bitches, here come the truth bombs.
Luke dies.
Snoke dies.
Phasma dies.
Akbar dies.
Vice Admiral Holdo dies.
DJ is actually a bad guy.
Kylo doesn't turn good.

Ask questions. I will answer.

Y r u a cunt op?

If youre worried about spoilers bucko youre on the wrong fucking site.

who is DJ?

He's the sassy gay black friend who gives the heroine advice.

>unironically liking star wars

How does Luke die?

oh DJ is that Mexican, got it.
Another Question, do they reveal who snoke is?

Who the fuck is DJ? Finn? Poe ?

he just ascends into the force and fades away

Nope

So they kill him off but don't give any reason to care about his fucking character? what a joke.

Man sucks that Luke dies

Sorry OP this is a 18+ website. 5 year olds don't post here

I'm not sure if was seeing things, but did that kid at the end use the force?

Yep, it's pretty annoying.

I could see Snoke being Exar Kun with the nosferatu description they used in trying to describe what he is.

Darth Jojo?

Did you enjoy the movie? I'm seeing it on Friday. I'm 45 and love the original 3 and the Force Awakens was pretty good. Rogue 1 was good too. Will I like the movie?

I'm assuming they did this to try and pander to fans of the original trilogy whilst also getting rid of anyone that doesn't immediately tick at least two boxes on their DIVERSITY QUESTIONNAIRE FORM?

Is that porg thing in this movie and what is it?

>Alright bitches, here come the truth bombs.
>Luke dies.
ok
>Snoke dies.
who cares?
>Phasma dies.
who?
>Akbar dies.
sushi
>Vice Admiral Holdo dies.
who?
>DJ is actually a bad guy.
who?
>Kylo doesn't turn good.
you cant come back from the darkside when youve fucked lena dunham


btw who's the homo?

Looks pretty tasty cooked.

I liked Revenge of Sith and even clone wars. They were bad but not that bad plus Yoda got to fight.

Does your life not have meaning and direction?

Yeah, the first new one with JarJar was the only one that was kinda tough...

jesus who the fuck actually cares about star wars these days
people literally only like it because it's cool to like it

Just as an attempt at humour - they don't talk or anything humanoid - well except they look sad and despaired when Chewbacca cooks two of them over an open fire.

That is a pretty good reason though.

jarjar star wars is best star wars
darth maul ftw

You will probably like this movie

Thanks user. Looking forward to it.

Now I know what all the people who were adults when the prequels came out felt like.

This movie was a fucking abomination.

I think starwars >ep 6 is for leftqueers and shitskins. Give me the best spoilers so i can ruin their day.

Did the movie have a bit of a timeline problem though?

After the rebellion finishes the hyperspace jump, and realize the first order can track them through hyperspace, they start running, calculating that they have 6 hours worth of fuel left

In those 6 hours, Finn and Rose leave the fleet, go to another planet, jumps to the pursuing first order fleet - how the heck can they manage that

Also in those 6 hours, Rey spends several days and nights on Lukes island. I guess you can argue that part is told anachronistically, and it just syncs up - or I suppose it can be explained as time passing differently when travelling at light speed or close to light speed, yet it seemed strange to me.

Also, at the end, when the transports leave the last rebellion cruiser, Holdo turns the ship around and hit snokes ship headon at hyperspeed, decimating the first order. If that is the most effective thing to do, why didn't they just sacrifice a ship earlier, instead of getting picked off one by one until there was just one left?

That being said, I really liked it. It started a bit slow, but just as I kinda thought things were starting to wrap up a bit too nicely, the shit hit the fan and things got kicked into high gear.

The battle on the salt planet (can't recall name, too lazy to google) had some awesome scenes. If someone has wallpaper quality images of Luke and the first order assault force, start posting.

Kill yourself

This
I wish walt disney would unfreeze and activate his army of ethnic cleansing terminators made from his indestructable disnium.

>implying anyone cares about the new crap trilogy

I'm pretty salty about Snoke's death tho, they didn't even explained who he was.

Just another empty CG character so Andy Serkis can play mocap suit dressups.

Cameron Poe
Kylo Ren
General Hux
Your move, motherfucker

Pissed about Luke. I'm a pretty big fan and I felt like in the movies we really did get to see how op he was. I was hoping rey would join Kylo, and then it'd be up to luke to take them both on. Like have them built up as the strongest siths since Vader, maybe hint that they're stronger, and have him fight them both at the same time. I knew it was never going to happen, still a fool could dream

Now THAT would be a movie I'd pay two bits to see.

WOOPS, meant didn't get to see not did

True, but did they really ever explain who the emperor or Grand moff Tarkin was, for that matter? They're the evil overlords in fantasy movies.

>DJ is actually a bad guy.
tfw I can't remember who this is...

you forgot about undead Leia comming back in the spaceship with the force

Did kind of think here's the new Han Solo - or that there'd be more of an explanation of the lapel thing, they didn't even confirm if we actually got the right codebreaker or not. Also, bit annoyed he didn't have a bigger part. I guess there's no coming back in the next movie after this stunt.

He was looking cool It's a shame

Right, I guess that was her being a force user, but that felt lame

Well, they explained who the Emperor was.
Tarkin wasn't a force user nor an disgusting alien mummy, so he didn't needed any explaination: he was a high ranking officer.
Snoke was so teased it feels ridiculous to see him die so quickly, even tho his death was quite cool.

I'm impressed that chick lasted as long as she did... She was held together by plastic surgery scar tissue, cocaine residue, duct tape and spite.

And Rey who have shitty parents who sold her to do shoping on Jakku

I do prefer that she's just a random rather than Obi-Wan's forgotten niece or Luke's daughter.

Yes but every fanboys was waiting to know her real parents

The Yoda muppet was cringy as fuck tho.
And where the hell is Obi-Wan ? Couldn't they just hire Ewan McGregor and mix his voice with Alec Guiness's ?

>Well, they explained who the Emperor was.
In the movies, or are you actually remembering stuff from the extended universe?
Other than him being sith, I can't recall a single thing - he was just this puppet master that everyone was scared shitless of. Even the force lightning came right out of the blue.

Well, it was pretty cool to see that she was "a" Chosen One rather than "The" Chosen One.

Why is Star Wars so bad?

Well, they at least explained how did he became the Emperor.
Snoke is just a weird looking guy, who became chief of the First Order, without further explaination.
Maybe they are going to focus on his resurrection in the 9th movie. Why didn't they choosed Plaeguis ? It would have been a far better choice imo.

I just want to know who gave the green light saber to luke

He builded it on Tatooine.

>Well, they at least explained how did he became the Emperor.
Remind me

And where are the fucking Ren knights ?!

Disney's goal is to appeal to the greatest amount of people and right now we're in the middle of a culture shift where an inordinate amount of people have been infected with social justice horseshit. This means Disney is walking this tightrope of "white people are okay" to "fuck whitey."

Kylo is sniveling character because he's male and his skin pigmentation isn't dark as pitch.

Poe is gay so he gets a pass and can not be a wannabe JRPG hero.

Rey's a strong powerful Mary Sue and probably has spent 18 years pursuing a degree in gender studies so she gets to be the main lead, and all the background characters are either aliens or illegal aliens.

Arbitrary "diversity" is all it is, you know it's all it is.

Sheev Palpatine, senator of Naboo, get elected Chancellor.
He creates a fake civil war between the Republic and the Confederation of Independant System, and manipulate Anakin Skywalker, the Chosen One.
His fake civil war is a good reason for the Republic he controls to get a brand new army Palpatine already created. This is army only obeys to him, and once it's time and Anakin felt to the dark side, he ask them to "remove" every jedi and burn their temple. Once its done, he convince the Senate that the Jedis launched a coup d'état against him, and they volunteerly accept him as an Emperor.

Aren't they the Red Guards ?
They looked fucking awesome imo

I call for a genocide of people who cheer during movies at the cinema, however there is a neat fear and loathing reference in there

no It's not them

Call me dumb, I didn't even consider ep 1 to 3, but my point was comparing to the original trilogy. I can't recall any background info there.

Mmmh yeah that's true, but in the trilogy, the Emperor was more "mystic". You only heard of him once or twice in A New Hope, and the hologram scene in Empire Strikes Back just show you enough to imagine whatever you want.
With Snoke, there's nothing to imagine.

I mean, didn't they became the red guards ?

People like you will unironically watch Steven Universe, see the that the main character is white, and completely shrug your shoulders at the fact the sweeping vast majority of female characters literally have super powers.

You'll be all like, "What do you mean forced diversity? Steven is white?"

Like how do you go through life being this stupid, user? You think it's a coincidence that the fat lumpy human girl has hairy legs? How all the super women are lesbians, or at least bi? Not noticing the neon-colored hair yet?

"Oh, but a white male is still in the lead!"

Yes, so idiots like you can shrug their shoulders at the plausible deniability and go back to sleep only to wake up to wag your finger at any naysayer that's completely and total right.

(Different user alert)
the red guards being Snokes permanent personal guards makes more sense - "but maybe they had a ton of red guards, and Kylo brought a few of them" - nah I think they were different guards, and they kinda forgot about them in the last jedi.

Better than hating everything and everyone - I get to enjoy stuff occassionally

So, who was Snoke before he becomes Snoke ?

What is the point of introducing a gang of badasses then forgetting them?

Well, if you're a big multinational company with a toy licence, increased revenue

who cares about feminist wars?

while we're on the topic of steven universe it's funny that the main author chick used to draw child porn before doing the show. i mean i think that fact is hot but it's also funny.