How to get cancer fast & for dummies?

How to get cancer fast & for dummies?

Need a reliable, cheap, fast and subtle way to get cancer. What I mean is:

>Reliable: High chance of getting cancer through that method. If one study says "Eating raw meat increases the chance of getting cancer by 5%", that's not a reliable way.
>Cheap: Self-explanatory. Sucking a clump of uranium would be a pretty safe method but where the fuck do I get uranium?
>Fast: Self-explanatory. Don't want some shit that grows over 10 years. The faster the better
>Subtle: I don't mean getting someone else cancer without them noticing, by that I mean a way after which I can't be blamed for getting the cancer. So for example, smoking would be a pretty good way to get lung cancer but people can say "Ah he was a smoker, that lung cancer is his own fault". Although that requirement is the least important one.

Any ideas, Sup Forums?

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read your fucking post

>drive to closest native reservation
>find nuclear waste dump sites
>jump in

fight putin and wait for your personal polonium poisoning

-get sunburns
-scratch moles (until you bleed if possible)
-use chemical cleaners on your skin (stuff for toilets and windows and shit like that)

skin cancer is pretty easy to get if you actually want it

would be good but living in a nuclear power free country so would be a long journey

also very good but a little too blatant. Though better than smoking

Y tho

To get cancer

Bump

No shit?!

Well the question was pretty unnecessary tbh. Why would you ask how to get cancer? To get cancer of course

change your diet to an all fast food diet and it's possible you'll get G.I cancer within a few years.
Also it'll help if you're really depressed and hate yourself, those are typically the kinds of people that can get G.I cancer.

Fucking win

Already read something like that, but a few years seems a little long, plus my diet already is pretty unhealthy so not much would change actually

If you have money to spend, buy one of these, and use it daily, you should get carcinoma eventually.

fishersci.com/us/en/products/I9C8KVJS/ultraviolet-lamps.html

UV lamps? Well, basically has the same effect as spending time under the sun, though could be useful to also get UV rays during the night.
Definitely gonna keep an eye on that though, thanks!

the uv beams are more concentrated in the lamps than the sun,
and you get longer exposure to the radiation as well
also if you buy a nice one you can get housings for really high power UV bulbs

also it will help if youre white, as your skin will absorb more radiation

True, bright white european, my friend. Could actually really be effective, just have to make sure to dispose of the lamp so it's still subtle enough

Idiots talk about sunburn yet not mention to wrap everything around them in tinfoil so you get maximum bundle of UV exposure.

I see no problem with this logic.
the right question, then, is why would you want to get cancer?

Mind your own fucking business and exclusively advise me on that issue as best you could. Or stay worthless fuckhead

Wrapping the whole room would actually be quite a lot of effort, I think a parabolic reflector is enough and would even do more help (although only on a small surface)

Well, personal reasons. Don't wanna talk about it, talking has never helped

You're on Sup Forums. You probably have cancer already.

Buy a ticket to Ukraine. Go to Chernobyl. Eat all the plants you can. Also go to the elephant's foot. It's a great tourist attraction.

>Get a lot of the smoke detectors with some radioactive element in them.
>Take element out.
>Swallow all.
>Hope for stomach cancer.
Not sure if it would work, but worth a try.

Eat a lot of Bracken shoots (fiddle heads). They contain carcinogenic compounds, and pretty potent ones. It can give you mouth, throat or stomach cancer.

Btw ingesting uranium will have following effects: first metal poisoning, then radiation poisoning, and only you've survived those two will you stand a chance of cancers forming

This. Consume enough americium 241 in the smoke detectors and you'll get bone/liver cancer.

Put plutonium in your ass
Trip to chernobyl
Get Bitten by a Spider

Arc weld like crazy. Naked.

Mocrowave your balls

If you got healthcare you just head to the next clinic and do repeatedly CT scans. This way you accelerate the daily exposure to natural backround radiation 100fold by each session

Simply eat lead and aluminium foil, brush yourself with lead and breath all day long 3d printer or leads meltings fumes

Top kek

Ionizing radiation is one of the few things responsible for double stranded DNA break. That shit will fuck you up quicker than anything else and you will not beheld responsible yourself if you can make it look like an accident.

Sauce?

Would't he die from metal poisoing first?

Spend a lot of time really close to cell towers with a dozen cellphones on your body

Studying medicine, not sure where I've heard it. Here's something at least.

"DSBs caused by ionizing radiation or other carcinogenic chemicals are
considered the most relevant lesion for mutations and carcinogenesis. Unrepaired and
misrepaired DSBs are serious threats to the genomic integrity (Hoeijmakers 2001). DSBs lead to chromosomal aberrations, which simultaneously affect many genes to cause malfunction and death in cells (Rich et al. 2000)."

I know i know that i mean what are good sources of ionizing radiation. Preferably gamma. I know that some medical equipment radiates more radiation in one session than you would get in a whole year with natural backround radiation.

Ex to the fucking dee. Super original.

Why havent you pulled the trigger yet? Youre just another waste of space who clings to social media like youtube and facebook and require validation for your edgy bullshit you put everyone through. Just stop and fucking end it already. Youre the worst kind of cookie cutter shitposter.

Spend a few days on Sup Forums you will definitely get cancer you fuckwit

How do you know newfag?

You are already cáncer, pucciboi

X-rays and radon I suppose. You'd probably have to live in an unventilated uranium mine or something for any drastic effect.

Are you doing it for sympathy faggot?

Buildings with cell towers on the top are shockingly easy to access. Radiation will literally burn your flesh after a few minutes standing in the wrong spot up there.

Yeah man. Dudes creating cancer with this dumb assed thread

i mean the fastest way would be radiation exposure. the more ionizing the better, obviously.

the most accessible way would be to regularly go to tanning salons.

cancer is a chance based thing though, so the more you can do to expose yourself to risk the higher likelihood of actually getting cancer.

so smoke, drink, tan, eat poorly, etc.

Asbestos, Radiation [multiple exposures], the sun [albeit thats more skin cancer than anything], Smoking, although that's through the years.

You told her you got cancer to score pussy, didn't you? Shave your head, fuck her, tell the magical story of beating cancer.

OP! I CAN GET YOU CANCER!
>do you have any fire alarms near you that you can dismantle?
or
>do you have any microwaves you can dismantle?

Nah, I'm tired and conventional means are too boring for me.

Didn't really do that, too beta for that.

Well if there's an easily accessible source of ionizing radiation please let me know

>radioactive fire alarms are a thing in poorest of poor countries, and even there they are ancient
>microwaves cause burns, or poisoning. nothing cancer in there

op where is your nearest fire alarm? take it apart, ill get you some radiation sources

Find some old asbestos pipe insulation grind it into a powder and snort that shit.

radioactive firealarms are a thing in ever single country, basically all fire alarms have an americium source in them. and microwaves have two beryllium ceramic insulators in them that cause beryliosis if they are crushed and inhaled

Pretty much up my head. One is in my room

implying they are strong enough to let someone die in less than 10 years

3-nitrobenzanthrone, found in diesel exhaust, is the most highly carcinogenic compound ever tested (lung). So you could inhale diesel fumes almost to the point of passing out, recover, and repeat.

Aflatoxin, found in improperly stored peanut shells and grains, is also highly carcinogenic (liver). It's found in trace amounts in most peanut butters, but to really concentrate it you'd need to store peanuts in their shell in a moist dark environment to allow the mold to grow that produces aflatoxin. Then eat the peanuts.

If you're looking for cancer in days or weeks, you're SOL. Even acute radiation poisoning, which destroys the cells' DNA strands, takes days to weeks to kill, as the DNA damage doesn't affect cellular structures until the cells try to replicate. Things like aflatoxin and 3-nitrobenzanthrone WILL give you cancer, but it will still take several years even if you intentionally ingest/inhale high doses.

As far as I read into it there are different types of fire alarms. Can't see why a photoelectric fire alarms should have americium in it

take it down and find out if it is an ionization smoke alarm. if it is then it has americium in it.

>basically every country
>basically all alarms
kek
never heard of infrared deflection type?
radioactives are banned in shit yurope for like 25 years

Now that's some good stuff. Cancer in months is still better than none at all

what about instant death that looks like an accident?

Hey, that's not fair. It's not his fault that you're a complete failure.

just go play around with asbestos, all the other answers here involve you getting radiation poisoning first.

remove the americium and grind it up. swallow that shit or snort it if you really want it to mess with you. this will be really, really unhealthy for you. you will have alpha particle emitters throughout your body, producing free radicals which will make your chance for cancer skyrocket

It's an optical one

Hm, what do you mean by instant death?

/thread

either open up smoke detectors or microwaves and eat the radioactive material in them

He is, crying for attention

then it wont work. if you can get an ionization smoke alarm, should be easy if you are in the us, then remove the americium and crush it up and snort it/swallow it. now you have radiation sources inside your body
>instant death by electrocution, as in dead before you hit the ground

Inhale volatile organic compounds as much as you can stand for as long as it takes.

Looking in the internet to buy some right now, living in europe though

Well that's not what I want. I'm trying something fancy

death by carbon monoxide poisoning would also look like an accident, do you live alone in a house?

Not living alone either

What if he accidentally gets super powers instead?

Dude are you Randy Marsh?

household microwaves younger than like 25 years do not have BeO in there.
that stuff is expensive, and pretty much overdrive. there's nothing of the special capabilities that's needed in a normal tv dinner heater.
military/professional/laboratory microwaves are something else.

Eat HPV infected pussy - throat cancer

Not living in a third world country

Any carcinogens in a high enough dose will do.

do you like to go camping? try winter camping and freeze to death. thats kindof romantic-ish

And I'm asking for these carcinogens. Some that are easily available.

Kinda, still preferring the cancer idea. Don't like methods where you can still puss out in the last moment.

or mix up a bunch of industrial strength epoxy in a confined place
>go hiking and "fall" off a cliff
fall out of a boat and drown
go mushroom picking and go hog wild on all the mushrooms you find, guaranteed liver and kidney failure

cancer would be the WORST way to go. because you know that when you are dying a slow and painful death you may want to puss out, but you cant then

...

buy one of those cheap dental xray machines off ebay, fix it to the back of their chair somehow

Still, maybe then I will wish I would have chosen something else but right now this is my choice.
I want to have that "fuck it, i'm going to die soon anyways so let's do it" feeling

>And I'm asking for these carcinogens
Snort asbestos.

Smell the oil you put usually in your car. Like for long periods of time. Leukemia guaranteed

petrol is a know carcinogen, so literally bathing in gasoline everyday with get you cancer pretty quick.

Naah that's to slow. It's like 40 years of latency from a significant exposition. And after that time is not even guaranteed you're getting mesothelioma.

>Smell the oil
The name of the hydrocarbon you are looking for is benzene.

Sure about that? Any conformation?
Definitely gonna try that though. It can't hurt.
I mean, it can't be healthy

my advice though is if you have any good friends, get with them and eat 10 grams of shrooms. you will have a religious experience that will change who you are

Pretty sure none of the current statistics accounted for some anonymous retard snorting pure asbestos multiple times a day because someone on the internet told him to.

have you or a loved one been diagnosed with mesothelioma? you may be entitled to financial compensation

>become spiderman

He wants cancer, not super powers and a dead uncle.