Music for this feel?

I'm pretty sure I'm depressed but I'm not really sure. I've spent the last 10 months in my basement laying in bed waiting to get surgery on my spine and I haven't really done anything productive, I kinda just waste all of my time listening to music that never impresses me and on the phone with my girlfriend since we're in a long distance relationship. I have a hard time showing my emotions because I'm always really afraid of making people feel bad for making me feel bad so every time I say something that upsets my girlfriend I almost cry because I know I have issues with being empathetic and giving a shit about "hurting someone's feelings" or whatever. I can't get a job or go to college because I have to get surgery first because I'm gonna have to lay in bed for like 2 months while I recover from surgery. Nothing really impresses me or makes me feel anything anymore either so recently I've found it hard to even justify sitting through a whole album.

was gonna post this on r9k but I don't really go there so I'll stay where I know I belong

music for this feel?

Other urls found in this thread:

youtube.com/watch?v=-6iRuav9DtE
youtu.be/1CTced9CMMk
youtube.com/watch?v=7hJt6K9yOwk
twitter.com/SFWRedditGifs

youtube.com/watch?v=-6iRuav9DtE

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>gf

into le trash, normie

trust me, you don't have to be a great person to get a girlfriend on the internet. it's pretty easy.

But being poor and ugly makes getting a gf impossible.

I'm not exactly attractive either (although my gf swears I am but I can't help but feel like she only says it to make me feel better but that's neither here nor there) and I don't have a job, I never buy her anything. So yeah IDK, just join a facebook group for an interest you have and lurk for cute girls and don't be stupid, try to be casual about hitting them up I guess. If you even care anyways. Having a GF really isn't that important.

youtu.be/1CTced9CMMk

thanks for all this fellas, suppose I'll get to listening

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i fully expect you to hate my song recommendation

were you the person that posted the K-Pop song? if so IDK I might like it, I like f(x) and most of the music I listen to isn't really depressing in tone so IDK I guess we'll see.

bumpu

this seems interesting thanks

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>long distance relationship

user...

if she is dating u she thinks u are attractive. sometimes i think that physical attractiveness might actually be subjective..

yeah I know :~( I only really get to see her over holidays and even then it's not for long
I won't be able to be with her really until we're done with college which because of my upcoming spine surgery I haven't even been able to start

and yeah I guess it was wrong of me to say that I don't think she actually finds me attractive, I know she does. she does so much for me and she's such a great girlfriend but that's why it just makes me all the more depressed when it doesn't make me feel anything when she does nice things for me and she gets upset because I lack empathy. It kills me, man.

i'm taking u a little more seriously now. as one clinically depressed user to a probably other, have u tried drugs? i'm not talking about ssris. if a loving gf doesn't make you feel better this may be the only route because those are the only things that have allowed me to feel anything in the last six years.
also i REALLY relate to you on the whole not being able to show your emotions because you are afraid of hurting people thing except only with partners. i'm so afraid of losing them that i tell them everything they want to hear and express myself as little as possible. i have a STRONG feeling this is exactly why i cannot maintain a relationship but i don't know how to stop.

I haven't tried drugs, no. I would start smoking pot all the time but that would be a hassle since I don't have a car and I live with my parents. Maybe it's something I'll look into if I'm still just as indifferent about life after my surgery.
And IDK man I do really love my girlfriend, I feel like she's probably the only thing that has kept me sane these last 10 or so months. It's just that I'm honestly not that much of a romantic person and it feels like she always tries extra hard since we're long distance. IDK man, I really appreciate her for everything she does for me but it never really changes how I feel in the back of my mind. I just always feel kind of empty.
I wouldn't even say I'm sad most of the time, although maybe recently I am IDK. I've been mostly indifferent about things since I was a child. Like just really hard to impress for whatever reason.
And I only have like one close friend that distracts me from how I feel aside from my girlfriend but he's still in high school and he works all the time so I hardly ever get to see him.
IDK man, I could really go on for hours about this shit but I won't waste anymore of your time unless you're interested.

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i'm at peak Will to Die™ right now so i'll comment until your blogthread gets pruned.
it helps everyone else i know but weed makes me feel horrible about myself. i get really caught in my head and i feel like i'm going to die. go ham on your oxys after surgery.
have you considered that maybe you shouldn't even be in this relationship? i only know as much as you're telling me but it sounds almost like the "love" you feel for her is more or less just an appreciation for what she does FOR YOU, as you put it yourself. idk i'm probably not the best dude on the internet to take relationship advice from
also to keep the thread remotely music related this is what i'm bumping during these Real Depression Hours™.
youtube.com/watch?v=7hJt6K9yOwk

that's an abstract feel, but it kindof made me think of Sweet Trip - You Will Never Know Why

I get what you mean but IDK, she's really the only reason I feel any will to succeed in life. She kinda gives my life meaning, ya feel. I do a lot for her and she's super happy with the relationship for all I know. So IDK I think the relationship is fine, it's just kinda hard since she's far away from me and I don't get much human contact outside of the internet. I should probably listen to something too instead of just sitting in silence.
Also yeah I always get really paranoid when I smoke pot but that's just because I live with my parents still. Paranoid highs fucking suck my dude. I have some bad memories of that shit. I know that if I started doing it in a more comforting environment it would really help me feel things though. I don't really wanna have to depend on it but if I gotta do it then I guess I gotta do it.

Love one of their albums but never checked this one out. Maybe I'll listen to this now. Thanks.

>she kinda gives my life meaning
struggling with this. relationships are the only things that make me feel valuable but they're so unsustainable. i know i need to find something to fulfill me that doesn't depend on another person's emotions but it's really difficult.
>that's just because i live with my parents
i wouldn't be so sure about that without the knowledge that this is the ONLY reason you get paranoid. i thought this was the case too but i find something to get paranoid about if there's no actual danger of getting caught. usually it's my heartbeat and i have to tell myself repeatedly that i'm actually not about to have a heart attack.

You probably have dysthymia

I do and music doesnt really captivate me much anymore except some really agressive death grips

Hey man if you haven't picked up an instrument yet, you should. I figured if you're going to be in bed for two months, you might as well pick up a personal skill. Learn a new language or something, anything to distract you. I kind of fell like that when I was unemployed for a bit, I just felt like I was doing nothing productive with my life and it was tough. But you'll power through it.

Also, I like to listen to the soundtrack Alex Turner made for Submarine when I feel a bit down

Drop out of life with bong in hand,
follow the smoke to the riff-filled land.

Maybe you're right but I used to smoke with my sister's ex at his house sometimes and it was usually super chill cuz he'd hook me up after my mom would drop me off at his place and he would go off to work and music always sounded so nice when I did that. That was around the time Atrocity Exhibition came out and I feel like that really solidified it being one of my favorite albums. Same with TPAB because last time I smoked I had a bunch of friends over because my parents were out of town and my friends would go through my record collection and we would listen to a bunch of shit and smoke and it just felt really good.

I'll look into this, thanks. Also I'm seeing Death Grips live next month so I guess I have that to look forward to. TV Girl and Everything Everything probably too.

I got an electronic drum kit a few months ago and I just installed FL Studio on my laptop so yeah I should probably do that. I've had an electric guitar and piano for a long time too but the piano is too god damn loud and I can never play it without bothering someone else in the house and the guitar has needed to be re-strung for like 5 years and I just haven't gotten around to it. Probably has something to do with my depression, huh.
Thanks for the album rec. I'm listening to this Sweet Trip album that was rec'd earlier and it's really comfy.
Maybe after I get my surgery lmao, would hate to live the rest of my life in eternal pain.

>Dysthymia has a number of typical characteristics: low energy and drive, low self-esteem, and a low capacity for pleasure in everyday life. Mild degrees of dysthymia may result in people withdrawing from stress and avoiding opportunities for failure. In more severe cases of dysthymia, people may even withdraw from daily activities.[10] They will usually find little pleasure in usual activities and pastimes. Diagnosis of dysthymia can be difficult because of the subtle nature of the symptoms and patients can often hide them in social situations, making it challenging for others to detect symptoms.

Yeah I'd say you hit the nail on this head with this one. Damn.

bump

>spent the last 10 months in my basement
hahha
>we're in a long distance relationship
lmao
>almost cry
xD
>I like f(x)
HAHAHHAhAhA

What's wrong with f(x) they aight

Download a digital audio workshop and I would say purchase weed but I'm assuming that wouldn't be possible with your back problems. Learn to make your own music, it's difficult at first but it can help with that sense of achievement your lacking at the moment. You're probably not clinically depressed but being in bed for months really will drag you down, maybe look at getting some seratonin boosting pills (you can get some fairly decent supplements, I know a few people who use them to deal with the serotonin depletion you get as part of an ecstasy comedown) for the meantime but don't get yourself prescribed on anything as you'll likely get hooked. In terms of the other stuff, that will improve with time once your back is sorted. Try and listen to upbeat ambient music, listening to the depressioncore stuff will likely make things worse even if you can relate to it. Just keep trucking, things will get better and if they don't make some changes in your life that will improve it, maybe move to another city and reinvent yourself, remember youre not tied to anywhere really.

Thanks man. I think I mentioned earlier in this thread that I have FL Studio so I should really start messing around with that.
Also I typically steer clear of ultra depressing music anyways.
I'll look into the seratonin, thanks for the recommendation.
Also, I kinda am tied down until I can get my surgery. I guess after that I'm not, and as soon as I can pay for it I'll probably try to move into my own apartment or something, but that'll probably be a while.
Again, thanks.