Save yourself the damn movie ticket, Star Wars is over. Is Rian Johnson retarded, or just an asshole...

Save yourself the damn movie ticket, Star Wars is over. Is Rian Johnson retarded, or just an asshole? Where do I fucking begin.

Luke's lightsaber and how the fuckity fuck it got to Rey is never explained. Luke doesn't care either because at the beginning of the film, he promptly throws it over is shoulder, one of several cringe-worthy gags.

Luke literally presses a bottle against some big up-right walrus's nips to get some TIDDY FUCKING MILK.

Rey's parents were just drunks who sold her for booze.

Kylo likes to get sexy when he force-communicates with Rey and made her beg him to put a shirt on.

Finn and asian bitch wasted an hour of screen time with irrelevant shit no one wanted to watch.

Porgs.

Leia needed to die in the film, but Kathleen Kennedy thought it'd be cooler if she gets shot into space, uses the force to stay UNFROZEN AND CONSCIOUS and float herself toward an airlock. Then she's concussions half the film.

Leia's temporary replacement seems like a cool double-crossing plot twister when Poe orchestrates a mutiny, but plot twist Poe just made himself look like a dumb ass and she's good.

Kylo kills Snoke by switching on the lightsaber by his side with the force. Snoke's origin is never explained and then he just gets killed.

Luke battles Kylo at the end but surprise he was just being a force hologram and never left his shore-side estate. Then he just dies for no reason because he was at peace.

Episode 9 won't be able to pick up this mess. I though Phantom was bad. George Lucas is officially vindicated.

Other urls found in this thread:

imdb.com/title/tt2301451/
camsexter.com
twitter.com/NSFWRedditGif

>George Lucas is officially vindicated
Nah, it's just another pile of shit compared with his prequel piles of shit. It's all terrible.

Meesa wanna make munny for Georgie, meesa don't care how many childhood meesa gonna destroy, look what weesa happened to Anni, no one issa safe

This this is perfect

I enjoyed it . . .

...

>don't care, took your shekels

>Luke's lightsaber given to Rey is never explained
You've obviously never seen the force awakens

Good movie

The only reason for VIII is to establish a new generation of characters to replace all the originals. They have to get a new generation of kids hooked on the Stars Wars thing to sell crappy toys to. Besides, Disney paid out the ass to own this franchise, and by god, they're gonna do whatever they need to in order to make a buck offa this thing. The more gaps in the story, means more movies to fill the gaps, means more tickets to sell, and more lucrative licensing deals to supplement the movie income. It's all about commercialism now, not being true to the Jedi story arc. I have a feeling that the old "canon style and timeline" is going to go to shit, in regards to plot and storyline. Replaced by whatever lame ideas the next group of directors/producers cook up on the cheap.

You obviously hasn't seen TFA or ESB. Maas just happens to have what previously was seen falling down through the sky of a gas planet with Luke's hand. Maas tells Rey that it's a good question for another time. That other time wasn't this time.

Honestly I enjoyed it. I watched it out of morbid curiosity expecting to hate it but I thought that was a damn good movie. I mean not the kind of thing you pat yourself on the back for liking, but Star Wars has never been that.

what about the stupid pursuit? a rebel heavy cruiser is faster than anything the order has??? what about some backup and hyperspace in front of the fleeing rebels? OR USE THE SAME TACTIC THE FUCKING GENERAL DID AT THE END, HYPERSPACE ONE SHIP INTO THE REBELS FLEET DESTROYING THEM ALL. you can fucking destroy a death star with this tactic, just use a remote controlled ship or build hyperspace torpedoes. is everyone fucking stupid in the star wars universe??

Titty milk

dude chill it was a long time ago, they didn't know any better

kek

ignorance is so powerful, just ignore every fucking plot holes this movie has and stupid decisions of the writer so you can draw enjoyment from it.
Being stupid is the key to happiness.

You forgot the part where Finn and whoever were standing in a room surrounded by over 200 storm troopers, then captain HODOR jumps through the ship and everyone in the room is dead except them, but there are only like 3 bodies on the ground and Phasma, who was just standing right next to them is now across the room with a small group of troopers walking dramatically toward them? What? And they opened the door into space to get flying Leia. Even if they have tech to somehow block the temperature and vacuum of space, it's not going to be on a random door that is in the interior.

Slam.

is it possible to read this post without jar jars voice in my head saying the words?

Block the... temperature?
What, you mean prevent them from overheating via sun radiation?

kh

Ryan Johnson directed a pile of shit called Looper, and some retarded faggots at Dizzy thought it was smart to hand him the keys to the most valuable franchise in the world? Wat???

When was the last time a big movie was plot-hole proof? Millions of dollars and no nerd or autist hired who can point out stupid plot holes?

who gives a shit about star wars? I only ever watched the original three and didn't care for even those.

Hope you snuck in to see it. Your first mistake was thinking it would be anything but sjw psycho babble.

when leia flew back into the breach, you can see a force field surrounding the hole. but why wasn't this safety measure instantly activated in the first place`?

some old fags like me wanted a continuation of the story for 30 years now but never expected such horse shit. star wars is officially dead for me. the continuation story from timothy zahn were kinda nice. I think I stick to them as the 'real' star wars

>Blade Runner 2049
>Captain America: Winter soldier

I mean it's negative 500F out there, opening the door to that is going to get a cold blast going. Not to mention suck out the o2 etc. Whatever, space magic. Still doesn't explain the vanishing guards and shitty plot device inside an already shitty plot device.

yeah those are some nice pearls in a sea of shit
remember aliens prometheus/covenant? another saga dead
and of course indiana jones 4

THAT is the mother of all plot holes... in a movie full of them. never mind that the Rebels let a dozen ships get destroyed one by one rather than use them as lightspeed torpedoes.... never mind that there is apparently no countertactic for this MASSIVELY overpowered tactic, never mind that the Imperial commander was suddenly surprised that a capital ship they knew was abandoned and running out of fuel would use that tactic...

never mind all that....ARE YOU TELLING ME THAT THE ULTIMATE WEAPON IN THE GALAXY IS JUST STRAPPING A HYPERDRIVE TO ASTEROIDS AND COMPLETELY ANNIHILATING EVEN THE LARGEST FLEETS AND SHIPS WITH NO COUNTERS ?

I loved it.

There was no good surprising answer for who Snoke is or who Rey's parents are. The movie surprised us in a different way: by saying they didn't matter.

Star Wars has never had tight, coherent plots because it's never had a coherent universe to begin with. The technology changes depending on the plot. But I care about what the characters do.

Brick and The Brothers Bloom were both quite good. Not so much Looper. But Rian-directed Ozymandias had an IMDb rating of perfect 10.0 at 80,000 votes. Think about that. Johnson is a quite excellent director.

imdb.com/title/tt2301451/

...

I thought it was made quite clear that Leia could only use the Force after she was dead.

You should drown yourself. It's people like you that make the world a terrible place. You should feel bad.

There are few star wars fans bigger than me.

I hate the movie. 3/10 or worse.

Plot is shit, pacing is shit, zero character development, so many flaws.

Like laser bolts ARCING DOWNWARDS THROUGH SPACE LIKE THERES FUCKING GRAVITY UNDER THEM

Proof positive that the only star whores movies worth a shit are:

Star Wars
Empire
Return Of Jediman
Christmas Special
Rogue One
Suck my balls that's it you fucking numpty.

Luke drank dat titty milk

...

What kind of loli is this? it looks way too real camsexter.com

Op is kinda nitpicky imo - the only thing he's right about is the Finn and Rose detour - which kinda brings me to another question regarding ship speed - the first order is chasing the rebel cruiser, and while this goes one, Finn and Rose has time to leave the cruiser, go to another planet, catch up to the first order in hot pursuit. Was the pod they used the actual fastest vessel in the galaxy?

Also, Holdo being able to take out the first order by crashing into them face first, was kinda dumb. Not only could the first order have done the same to the rebels, but why didn't the rebels sacrifice one ship to do this earlier? I guess because small sacrifices to win a bigger goal isn't rebel policy, as evidenced by Poe being chewed out for the attack on the first order in the opening, but then they go and do the same thing after losing all their cruisers first.

What's entertaining is watching grown men need kid's movies to be Citizen Kane.

Okay, so here's the fucking rub. Everyone is getting their dicks in a tangle over this movie. I think it's a decent fucking film.

> Plot Holes!
It's not fucking cost-effective to have to build a cruiser-sized missile to use against every imperial ship. Smaller ships would probably make a dent, but not even make it past the shields. Lasers move at light speed and can't pop the shields. So you'd be wasting a ton of money on this giant kinetic space battering ram when you can do the same job with much smaller ships and explosives for cheaper.

> We never found out who Rey's parent were
It's not confirmed that Kylo was telling the truth in this scene. And, even if he was, I think it's an important message that you can make something great of yourself, no matter if you come from something so small.

> Snoke just FUCKING DIED!
What kind of backstory could the fans have possibly wanted with Snoke? Everything about the First Order is relatively unknown. There's room for pre-sequel style movies that delve into Snoke and his history, but it's just off-topic for this movie.

shamalan did a nice comeback with 'Split' best movie from him since 'Sixth Sense'
first matrix, memento (and some other nolan movies), fight club, seven (david fincher is one of the best), shutter island (scorsese is still fine), 12 monkeys (terry gilliam), identity, edge of tomorrow, silence of the lambs/red dragon, being john malkovich, jacob's ladder, first cube movie, moon, dark city, the others, the machinist, total recall (old one), limitless

I wonder what that giraffe is thinking.

>wahhhh my childhood

NOW it's dead? 18 years after The Phantom Menace. You're generous.

Everything they built up to be a badass, he just ended. Luke? Dead. Snoke? Dead. Phasma? dead. The resistance? like 40 people left. In the entire fucking galaxy of trillions. The first order? basically gone. The jedi? Destroyed except for some books. Nobody to train.

And hey, this girl who has "used the force" for less than a week? Yoda said she knows everything she needed to know. Nevermind jedi were trained from childhood to adulthood, and the sith pretty much the same.

In fact, in the prequels, they should have just handed little anakin a lightsaber and said "well, you' won the pod race, you obviously can beat him because...whatever. Go kill darth maul.

He did an okay job with what he was given, which was nothing. He said that when they did force awakens, they had no idea where the story was going to go. A huge departure from where the marvel movies are going, where everything is basically planned out and interconnected.

So he got it and said "fuck it. Burn the whole thing down." Because now he's done this, it's up to JJ to end the skywalker films, and then they'll start a whole new series, maybe in the old republic or in the far future (if they're smart) or maybe it'll just address a whole other group of people in the same time.

At this point i consider the whole skywalker storyline done and over with, i'll see the last one the same way I saw this one - via a torrent. but i'm basically just totally de-vested in the star wars thing. They already made their money back from buying it, so even if it tanks and is totally destroyed, they made their money.

They should just turn the entire thing into hardcore porn.

yeah, imagine a room full of people munching popcorn and swallowing that plot without questioning it. you can serve them flavored dog shit without problems. what kind of dumb cattle did humanity become??

>Christmas Special
>Better than the other movies
Check out the edge on Brett

Mmmm.... if edited down carefully, I could maybe see it.

Temperature is a bit irrelevant in near vacuum. You freeze to death pretty slowly in space as all the heat has to be radiated since there's no medium to conduct. And the vacuum won't kill you immediately, either. No, your lungs are deflated and you suffocate.

the fact that nerds think this is bad makes me think that it might be the second good Star Wars movie

Rey got the saber in episode 7 from that old alien lady. Did you not see that part?

>I wonder what that giraffe is thinking.
It's wondering if it'll get photoshopped sometime in the future. Kinda funny that he had that exact thought in the moment that would be used for a shop.

always the same excuse:
'it's entertaining'
'it's only (insert any movie universe)'

I have no problem getting surprised, just don't contradict your past movies with 'new' things. 8 movies, lots of series and not a single hyperspace kamikaze? come on.

Technically, there is. Gravity's kinda everywhere.

Titty milk luke drank...

This dude is woke.

I meant a force field of the ship, holding back the atmosphere, so you can enter the destroyed section. similar to star trek. if you look closely, you can see a change of color and a nearly invisible edge near the breach

Luke drank dat titty milk tho son.

this is a huge 'fuck you' to the fans and it's great. everyone they built up? they were nobodies. just people. no special-ness. no ancient sith lords. no secret skywalkers.

and then of course they kill everyone. the entire franchise is essentially in smoldering ruins. what is the 3rd one going to be about. The answer is of course "who cares"? It could just be 3 hours of ewoks fucking porgs. It doesn't matter. Everyone is on dead either on screen or in real life, so there's nothing for the original cast. Everything is decimated. Johnson basically wrote the entire franchise into a corner. It's fucking hilarious.

but his vision for star wars is shit. or his background knowledge of star wars

Yeah I audibly wtf'd at that. Who the hell thought that was a good idea.

This is straight up. I wanted to like it - I actually liked TFA and Rogue One, I even managed to enjoy the prequels even though I knew they were bad movies.

But goddamn does this one suck.

It was legit awful.

The great Han Solo dies a beaten, broken, tired old man. The great Luke Skywalker dies a cowardly quitter.

Luke's storyline is fundamentally wrong. His character was the epitome of goodness. Then this fuckwit makes him raise his lightsaber on his sleeping nephew? Please. He just sits in his hut while R2 is sitting in the Falcon? Please.

The Force Awakens was at least watchable albeit a direct rip off of A New Hope. The Last Jedi was fucking garbage. It's like these motherfuckers never even watched the originals.

TITTY MILK TITTY MILK TITTY MILK TITTY MILK

Yea but like....making it a visible arc downwards when the nearest planet is in front of them and it only travelled like 4km? It's plasma in space. Come the fuck on.

For that matter, when the rebel's fuel ran out, they would have kept moving at the EXACT SAME SPEED BECAUSE IT'S SPACE instead of tumbling backwards.

humans in the star wars galaxy have 2 dicks for double tittyfucking.

Yeh technically it should be possibru, bc your blood doesn't boil and your cells don't freeze rupturing their cell walls for 30-45 seconds, so you have at least that long without StarWars-galaxy medicine that could repair that damage. It would still hurt like eight bitches on a bitch boat to live through though.

And it would fuck your brain chemistry up.

But it would help if the force field that is impermeable enough to block solid projectile weapons and energy burst weapons is also impermeable to contain the escaped atmosphere from the ship, whose life support systems would then kick into high gear to maintain idea pressures and gas mixtures for the slightly greater volume of the ship, extended to the inside of that force field.

That's the only thing about that fucking movie that isn't totally retarded.

It's JJ bro, he doesn't watch anything without lengthy lense flare shots and retarded panning angles.

How about the fact that, in the opening scene, there are bombers.. Bombers "dropping" bombs.. in space.. with no gravity.

This. It's never explained how Maas got Lukes saber

just compare the star wars movies in the 80s to this shit. I don't want to serve my kids a dumbed down version of the original three movies, and those weren't citizen kanes either. the old ones were a coherent 3 part fantasy story. but what have we now? I didn't ask for much more or less, but got nothing instead.

>make munny for Georgie

make munny for Disney

The Farce Awakens and The Lost Jedi are going to need a serious fan edit like the prequels did to make any god damn sense and not be a total travesty.

and don't forget "what's inside the mystery box" and that old tired trope that is in every bad robot franchise: time travel. Wrote yourself into a corner? time travel your way out of it.

Since they're written into a corner, i'd say there's a big possibility they'll do some stupid time travel bullshit

Agreed.

I say go with the ewoks fucking the porgy idea. They could call it Rise of the little furry bastards or some shit.
>Disney could make a movie short to add in to the extended edition release of Jar jar bunks ass fucking jar jar abrams

That just about made me piss myself with laughter.

Reminds me of the original transformers movie where they kill like over half of the transformers to introduce a new line of toys. It failed miserably, and transformers has been trash ever since.

Cool movie though, other than optimus prime getting killed.

Was the entire point of that character to piss me off?

Because if so, it was written and acted perfectly.

I can't wait to see the rule 34's of chebacca playing "hide the hamster" with porgs

they tape them up, shove 'em up chewies ass and finn, rey, luke and leia all gather around with straws to drink the rodents semen from chewies ass.

well you have to understand that this wasn't made for star wars fans but for popcorn munching plebs that come to see big explosions and emotional plots spelled out to them

Sounds like the best part of The Last Jedi is the RedLetterMedia review.

Was this really in the movie??

Well, if we're playing devils advocate, there were bombers in the asteroid scene in ESB

> be prestigous admiral
> war hero
> on a warship fleeing from death from a fucking nowhere base
> somehow I decide to wear a fucking prim dress instead of a uniform or something reasonably efficient

Mon Mothma was a senator so I get her...but an admiral?

smaller ships and bombs pass the shield effortlessly like shown in the intro of the movie.

those bombers were stupid too and why fly in such close formations. half of them got destroyed by hitting each other. I swear, these movies are for 4yr old kids. my 10 and 11 year old nephews were confused why people acted so stupidly in this movie

That's not playing devil's advocate, that's confirming the fact that none of it makes any sense and it's all a bunch of shit.

Yup. Reys following luke around and he pulls out a big ol Sodastream bottle, goes up to the space walrus thing and gives them titties a squeeze in the bottle and takes a big slug of green tittymilk.

> be an admiral
> have a plan
> don't tell staff what that plan is
> get pissy when staff has a mutiny

I wonder when Disney will make some animated shit special of the mouse and the rest dressed up as the orginal characters. Prolly next Christmas

How the actual fuck did Maas get Luke's original saber that's also originally Aninkin's? That's the unanswered question.

well, it's space fantasy, not really science fiction.

I mean, if you fired a big ass laser at a planet, it's not gonna blow up either.

the imperial bombers dont just drop bombs, they project them. if they felt like it they could shoot the bombs straight forward but the bombs are slow moving so are better for bombing runs.

>sees Rebel ships being blown up
>waits for more ships to be blown up
>waits for even more ships to be blown up
>one ship remaining
>"Hey, let me finally do something.."
>kill self

Well, she did one thing right.

br2049 has several significant plot holes you twit