>Be me
>get 1/3 of a long ass critically acclaimed movie dedicated to myself
>My first important task is to go to casino planet and find some hacker guy
>prolly a naughty moose affiliate
>Get there and don't even meet up with the guy
>Too busy talking to kids and animals that are totally tits about me
>Meet other hacker guy
>gooenough.jpg
>Take hacker onto enemy ship
>asshole sells us out before we accomplish anything
>Survive execution by dues ex
>Meet up with friends and escape to rebel base
>Oh shit they have lazer battering ram?!?!?!
>Complete character ark and decide to stop running and sacrifice self for greater good
>Get death blocked by asian bitch
>DUMBBITCHYOUHAVELITTERALLYCOMPROMOSEDTHEENTIREREBELION
>she says it was cause she wants to suck my dick.
>Get credited as a great diverse character in another great Star Wars
>Honored as hero
>Hope no one exposes me for accomplishing absolutely nothing and coulda been absent from the whole thing and nothing would have changed
Be me
TL;DR
Last Jedi sucked
Not Bait.
Last Jedi was a social conditioning film.
All white men are evil or crazy
Leia had to bitch slap a white male, then stun him again
Gingers have no soul
Slavery exists
Only women are fit for command
We have to save the blackman from himself.
Chewie the minority, loves to break into homes, eat chicken, sneak in thru the back door
>Only women are fit for command
yeah and they can't even do that right. Let's make leadership a woman that takes the time to dye her hair purple during wartime, and causes her own mutiny cause for some reason letting her subordinates know about a diversion/evacuation isn't a good strategy.
Like I get there's a "need to know" basis in some tactics, but wouldn't you want your entire crew ready for an evacuation?
it was you
>>Get death blocked by asian bitch
That pissed me off so much. Just when Finn finally became someone I rooted for, all the tension dies. With Ackbar, Luke, and Han dead, and Leia literally dead, there isn't anyone I give a shit about anymore.
>Hope no one exposes me for accomplishing absolutely nothing and coulda been absent from the whole thing and nothing would have changed
This is completely false and you need to stop spreading this bullshit, OP. It would have gone vastly different if he didn't mutiny. Meaning thousands of rebels wouldn't have been blown out of the sky and Luke Skywalker would still be alive.
Wasn't present for the mutiny that was all Poe
Maybe not 100% of those, but not 0% either.
You know what else is crazy? Look at the Rotten Tomatoes ratings. "Critics" put it at 92%; the public puts it at 53%.
I also hated how they made his character retarded. Kinda liked him in 7, but not anymore.
>Only women are fit for command
But they weren't. The purple haired lesbian never bothered to tell anyone the plan which led Edgar Allen Poe to stage a mutiny to bring some sense back to that clusterfuck of a resistance where all but like 40 people were killed because women are in charge.
I feel it;s the new Star Wars high
Remember Episode 1 was well reviewed when it first came out, but once everyone turned around on it once they were able to think about it
Yeah the point I was making, the woman in command fucking sucked at her job
I remember walking out of Episode 2 saying 'that was amazing!'. Second viewing I didn't have rose-tinted glasses on and I found it to be not great. Ever since then it has continued to seem worse and worse. In my opinion its clearly the worst star wars movie. Its even one of the worse movie movies because it has major glaring errors in most aspects of film making.
This film seems to be much worse than 7 on initial inspection and probably will be the worst in 7-9.
>Get death blocked by asian bitch
>DUMBBITCHYOUHAVELITTERALLYCOMPROMOSEDTHEENTIREREBELION
That would have been so bad ass and made Finn a much more enjoyable character if he had succeeded. Nope! Cucked by a woman.
>Gets Criticized as a Mary Sue
writers mend it by showing a total of two scenes of training. On were she gains a grasp of the force and one she fiddles with a lightsaber. Never shown any kind of improvement of skill or practice. Must now be accepted as "The Last Jedi." We are now expected to believe she has mastered the force without even remotely earning it. That'll put an end to that argument.
I didn't even bother seeing Episode 2 in the theater. I was so disappointed with Episode 1 I gave up on Star Wars entirely. Episode 3 I went to see though after reviews said it was pretty good, and it wasn't bad, just rushed as fuck.
"You name is now, umm, Darth...Vader. Ok?"
"Ok. I'll go kill all the children now."
She's a physical embodiment of the force, created by the force itself to counter Kylo.
I think. They'll fuck things up further with IX.
...
>"You name is now, umm, Darth...Vader. Ok?"
>"Ok. I'll go kill all the children now."
The most badass villain in sci-fi history became who he was by being tricked into it and looked confused as he pointlessly gets his new name.
Then all the jedi get killed by regular stormtroopers while 'Darth Vader' gets the difficult task of murdering small children in a church.
That is the shit that pisses me off most about these movies. Not that they are bad and have all sorts of flaws, but that they actively ruin what happened in the original movies.
Those kids didnt want to have sex with a gay man so they deserved to die for being intolerant.
Cause that's exciting an OP protagonist that has a guaranteed win no matter what conflict comes their way.
Remember the mystery about the clone wars from IV? What may have happened, the camaraderie between Obi Wan and Anakin who was a great pilot, and how your imagination conjured up this grand vision of a massive galactic war full of heroics and people fighting clones of themselves?
Yeah we got episode 2 instead.
It's not Game Of Thrones. The hero wins in these movies.
The only thing they can possibly do is pull an old switcheroo and make Rey turn dark and Kylo light and kill her. But they won't. The hero wins.
>Actually paying to be brainwashed
Have fun with that.
Probably a soyboy as well.
Are you me or Mr. Plinkett?
Always loved imagining Anakin and Obi-wan as soldiers that just had force sensitivity going aorund doing awesome stuff. That they were actually friends instead of whiny co-workers. That the clone wars actually meant something instead of one shadowy led group fighting another shadowy led group that both end up being run by the same shadowy guy that apparently controls everything in the galaxy at all times for multiple decades.
Of course the hero wins, but at least give them a struggle.
Luke was clearly not ready at the beginning to
take on Vader or defeat the Emperor, nor did he lack the inner peace to calmly appeal to the good in Vader. He had to search for Yoda, get kicked around and overcome, and overall grow. Rey doesn't have to do shit she's ready to take down The First Order as is
We all knew Luke was gonna win in the end, but it was and endpoint he had to go through the wringer to get to. It was an earned victory.
This is "She needed to save the day so she did" level storytelling
I know that I'm just saying my theory is she's not like any other jedi so far, that she was created by the force itself not just born force sensitive and so her abilities are profound. Remember her parents (so far) are nobodies who abandoned her.
My theory is probably total bullshit but it doesn't make sense otherwise.
So you mean like Vader? Who was innately powerful being born of the force, but still needed to train to gain control of that power. OP characters is terrible writing and not interesting to get engaged with. It's why people bitch about Superman
Superman is favorite superhero. Grew up with Christopher Reeve's Superman and Mark Hamill's Luke Skywalker. My two boyhood heroes.
Vader being born of the force is from the shit prequels though and it looks like they're ignoring almost all of it. Vader wasn't just born of the force, he also built C3PO as a little kid and was able to pilot fighters and destroy capital ships. All bullshit.
>shit prequels though and it looks like they're ignoring almost all of it
This is at least one small victory we have from 7, Rogue One, and 8.
> implying it even deserves 53%
The movie is shit, the more I think about it the worse it is.
Fucking lasers arcing in space as if gravity were directly underneath them? Tiddy milk?
Running out of fuel in space and you don't just keep moving at the same speed?
Bitch is an admiral and somehow managed to do her hair and dress instead of wearing a proper fucking uniform while her people are dying?
"It's a fleet killer!" They have three ships. That's their whole fleet. Pretty much anything is a fleet killer now.
and what they need to do now is ignore almost all of Luke's story arc from VIII and redeem his character in IX. There is a lot of fan backlash. I mean we get that the new movies are about a new generation and blah blah blah but don't do that to the beloved OG heroes that have been around for literally generations now.
And bring back Lando, wtf. But don't kill him too.
They need to go back in time and not let Disney throw the EU away so we can at least have something good left.
Or at least slap Rian to death.
Prequels were superior
Episode rank: 3>6>2>5>4>1>8>7
You rated 8 over.....anything? Why?
...
It's not that kind of movie, kid
Want more?
Casino planet: pointless.
You are telling me they came up with this hairbrained plan to get on the star destroyer, call little orange, get told to find 'the master codebreaker', hyperspace away on a shuttle which the first order doesn't even try to chase despite having three other destroyers doing nothing that can track it, get to the planet, crash the ship, scout the casino, get arrested, break free just happening to find a forgettable slicer, hyperspace back, board the ship, find the thing, get captured and nearly executed in under 18 hours? Hyperspace isn't instant travel. They just happened to be that close to the one dude they needed?
Half the movie is a slow mo chase where, despite the rebels being faster, the star destroyers never seem to fall further behind?
The bombers fly in close lumbering formation and more die to their own bombs blowing up than enemy starfighters?
Rei improves with no training?
Snoke is built up for nothing and replaced by a Kylo who has advanced literally none?
No character development at all?
Phasma somehow survives and comes out of nowhere, then dies like a bitch anyway?
...
7 was shit and atleast 8 had a more original thing going on
What does that even mean? It's a fucking star wars movie.
>Casino planet: pointless.
>You are telling me they came up with this hairbrained plan to get on the star destroyer, call little orange, get told to find 'the master codebreaker', hyperspace away on a shuttle which the first order doesn't even try to chase despite having three other destroyers doing nothing that can track it, get to the planet, crash the ship, scout the casino, get arrested, break free just happening to find a forgettable slicer, hyperspace back, board the ship, find the thing, get captured and nearly executed in under 18 hours? Hyperspace isn't instant travel. They just happened to be that close to the one dude they needed?
The more and more i think over that 'plot' the worse it gets. It accomplished nothing other than be filler and introduce a new character that nobody cares about because we can barely find any reason to care about the characters from 7.
It means it's a popcorn fantasy film franchise. Nitpicking this and that ultimately serves nothing and no one.
Why wasn't Luke's hair wet when getting out of the trash compactor?!
It ain't that kind of movie
Who is nitpicking? The entire plot, pacing, and character development is shit. I'm just giving examples of why it's shit.
I love all the other movies (to different degrees). This one was different. I want to like it, but I can't.