ITT: Doctor stories

ITT: Doctor stories

>be me
>be doctor
>shaking around a jar of pickled snakes because im a doctor
>priest comes into see me with a young wench
>"Good Doctor, my daughter is suffering from urges of the flesh, would you please cure her?"
>"I, the town doctor shall cure your wretch of a daughter by the end of the week! she shall come to my office and i shall cure her!"
>beat the daughter with a crow on a stick as to ward off any evil spirits and instruct him to do the same thrice a day

>later on a woman and her son enter my doctors office while i am in the process of setting up a crab fight
>beat the woman for interrupting my research
>"m-m'lord, my son wants to become a doctor ,his father is an alcoholic and i cannot work"
>actually feel sorry for the boy
>beat the woman with a pickled snake for making me pity her
>beat the boy for good measure
>"FINE! woman, you have convinced me to take on this boy, come now lad! we will begin your doctors training!"
>first day went well, the boy could make potions and elixirs like no other
>second day i instruct him to put pickled snakes up his ass. not because it was training, it was for research because im a doctor
>day three it is his final test
>take him to cure the girl from earlier, who was suffering with urges
>shes sat naked waiting for treatment
>my apprentice leaves the room
>allofmynay.parchment
>he returns with a crow on a stick
>beats her into a coma
>ive never been so proud of someone in my life
>we are doctors

Other urls found in this thread:

youtube.com/watch?v=LEKuX8arORc
twitter.com/SFWRedditGifs

Kek

>be doctor
>polishing my badass doctors stick
>woman comes in with retarded child
>beat bot of them for disturbing my polishing
>beat them again for making me have to polish my badass cane again
>"me'lud, me son is suffering from fits of the limbs and wont stop shaking and gnashing his teeth
>"i shall cure your son! bring me three silver pieces per treatment and i promise you on my doctors honour that i shall cure him"
>boy begins seizing and chattering his teeth
>ihaveanidea.scroll
>"woman, treatments starts immediately, leave and return in an hour, bring your boy back every week for two months and he shall be cured"
>bitch leaves
>boy is still seizing and chattering
>pick him up by the legs
>use him and his chattering teeth to clip my lawn
>i am a doctor

>be plague doctor
>man comes to be covered in buboes
>beat him for getting too close
>one of his buboes pops
>thatskindafun.parchment
>keep prodding his boils
>he keeps popping like ye olde bubble wrap
>demand his daughter as payment
>tell him he is cured
>hes not listening as he is already dead from bloodloss
>carry on popping his boils anyway
>i am a doctor

Screencap, pls

>be doctor
>shaking pickled snake in a jar
>bored as no one is ill today
>get frustrated and throw pickled snake in a jar out of the window
>hear a scream from outside
>look out of window to see that pickled snake has hit a man
>"THIS LOOKS LIKE A JOB FOR THE DOCTOR! DO NOT FEAR GOOD CITIZENS"
>Beat some of the good citizens for standing too close to me
>check on man who was hit by pickled snake
>hes dead
>ohshit.parchment
>bored again
>go back to office
>take pickled crab out of cupboard and start shaking it
>i am a doctor

>"use his chattering teeth to clip my lawn

fucking kek

Put me in screencap please, ive never been on creepsworks

bumping for more keks

i like these threads

Holy shit lol

>bump
>i am a doctor

All of these made me chuckle my sides off

>be doctor
>patient comes in with a severe case of chuckling sides
>reccommend he drink 3 liters of oil while upside down and naked
>he thanks me, chuckles and leaves
>he trips and falls down the stairs
>i begin chuckling
>ohshit.etching
>bastard gave me the chuckling sides
>beat him to death while chuckling
>i am the chuckling doctor

>i am doctor
>trying to wrap a snake around a stick to ward off evil spirits
>faggot lord calls me to his throne room
>cantyouseeimbusybeingadoctor.parchmenent
>as i enter his faggot throne room i can see qt3.14 lord daugther
>o'lord.erection
>doctor clothes hide erect dickle
>asks what the problem is
>says daughter refuses to marry a prince and is hurting the family's honor
>lol
>daughter says shes a lesbian
>fear not, doctor is here and will cure daughter of evil demons of homosexuality
>bring her to a closed room
>only qt and me
>its time
>beat her with stick with a snake
>shes in a coma
>cant refuse sex from prince
>lord thanks me with a bigger doctor office filled with all the doctor stuff i could ever want
>even gives me a scarier mask
>i am doctor

>sitting in office stroking my beak
>i am best doctor in town
>because biggest scariest beak
>a man walks in
>"doctor help a mad dog bit my leg and hurts"
>tell peasant to rub pickled snake juice on the wound
>cured in a second, i really am best doctor
>beat peasant with crow stick for good measure
>week later
>stroking beak in office
>man comes back
>"doctor leg is not good"
>shows leg
>it is all black
>I am smart doctor
>diagnosis you're turning into a nigger
>beat nigger with a stick
>no niggers allowed in office
>man stops moving after the beating
>a good nigger is a dead nigger
>cured
>I am good doctor

...

>be Doctor
>called to kings throneroom for another pickled snake treatment
>cant find any pickled snakes
>ohshit.parchment
>hear noise outisde door
>find legions of pickled snakes that are on strike
>pickled snakes refusing to work anymore due to inhumane conditions


Im a doctor and i need help, what do other doctors?

You not have big enough beak

Include me in the screencap

stop being faggots pls its embarrasing

bump

kek

i see you need a bumper sticker in here

Hey guys, what's going on in this thre-

bumping for a doctor to cure my ailments

kek

>be me
>be doctor
>naked guy comes in
>he's holding a wooden bowl
>taking stick with nicely braided crow intestine at its end in preparation
>"Who dis?"
>fucker proceeds to pee on me with leg raised up
>whatintarnation.hyeroglyph
>dude tells me he needs the cure to the disease called greed
>tells me he needs it for everyone else
>kek
>proceed to give the traditional stick beating
>dude thanks me for giving
>gave a beating
>thanked me
>kek
>proceed to give more beating
>guy thabks more
>tell fker this is the cure to greed
>give fker a stick
>he thanks and tells me he needs to go home first
>he enters one of my barrels
>he picks up a dead featherless chicken
>proceeds to beat it with stick
>keeps caliming it is a person
>kinda shell shocked at this point
>"Pls who dis?"
>"Diogenes"
>"Do u even timeline"
>"Time is a human construct"
>guy runs out and beats entire village with stick
>suddenly I have a shit ton of customers
>i am doctor

My sides, they have gone

Someone please compile this. See you all on reddit

smarter than this thread is worth

>i am doctor
>writing ingredient shopping list before next appointment
>woman barges into office
>"doctor help, i think am dying "
>beat woman for barging in
>beat her once more for speaking loudly
>had so much fun i forgot why she is here
>"calm yourself. what ails ye, wench?"
>"am covered in pustules and skin is falling off"
>take a look
>bythegods.scroll
>decaying skin and yellowing boils
>"Here apply pickled snake juice on wounds"
>wench asks how soon it will heal
>knock upon the door
>"doctor I require urgent healing!"
>slap the wench silly for such questions
>"do not worry dear wench,"
>"FOR I HAVE LOTS OF PATIENTS"
>beat her for being so hasty
>boot her out my office
>"next patient, please"
>i am doctor

Check'd n Kek'd

TO BE FAIR.....

not funny

it looks like you need some stick beating
>i am a doctor

Perhaps a good cure is what you need my dear lad
Have ye been to the doctor lately?

i am regularly beaten with throbbing wood
mostly around the face and anus
does wonders

i need that treatment too

Put me in the screencap

Then as a doctor, I suggest ingesting toad droppings
Helps with the sanity issues you're experiencing
>i am doctor

>be me
>be towns only doctor
>peasents show up at my door in droves covered in boils
>spray peasants with freezing water
>peaseants thank me and leave.
>half the peasents come back next day
>accuse me of killing the othet peasents
> beat the current peasenents with snake stick
>they all fall to floor
>they all walk the dinosaur
>i am a doctor.handwrittenmanuscript

and you never will faggot

Fuck I missed these, but if some fag does a screen, put me in

Beat them with pickled crabs

>be me
>Sweet medieval doctor with scary mask
>Beating local dog in filthy peasant town
>Overhear commotion in next street
>Observe disgusting peasant townfolk arguing over which daughter shall be raped next
>typicalgermany.lute
>Beat peasants out of my way with my pointy doctor stick
>"I, the amazing doctor, will solve this!"
>Peasants look in awe of my spooky doctor mask and scary cloak
>Pull out dead rat from my sexy doctor bag
>Proclaim that whoever can keep rat in their dress longest shall win the raping
>Small, young wench approaches
>She smells so bad I almost throw up in my doctor mask
>soerect.parchment
>"I'll do it m'lord"
>Two days later town are angry that she caught the plague
>Hand me rat back and say it caused it
>Convince them she was a witch and I did them a favour
>Stupid plebians believe me
>Pay me sweet medieval Bitcoin
>Buy even pointer stick
>I am greatest doctor

Top kek

>even gives me a scarier mask
I lost

>Be rich doctor
>Have pointiest doctor stick in land
>Playing with dead frogs in my doctor room
>Some Lord faggot enters my Chambers
>Can't beat him because he knows the king but I really want to
>"The king wishes to see you, doctor."
>duck.byzantinechapel
>Go and see fag king
>Tells me the stupid bitch I killed was his daughter
>Tells me all of his guards are now sick
>Says I must be drawn and quartered on the morrow
>The sheer thought of this sends shivers through my body
>But I'd rather not die so tell him without me, the best doctor, his faggot guards can't be cured
>King reluctantly agreed but says I must cure them all for free
>imnotafuckingcharity.trebuchet
>Hauled back to Chambers and faggot guard sent in
>He's foaming at the mouth and spewing blood all over my spooky doctor cloak
>ihavenoideahowtofixthis.cataphracht
>Collect mouth foam for later research and tell him to place mound of dirt in mouth before he sleeps.
>Tell all the other faggot guards to do the same
>Collect all their foam too
>After long day of doctoring I bathe my dead rats in foam
>iaminheaven.rapier
>Mfw all guards die in their sleep
>Mfw king can't have me killed because all guards are dead
>Mfw when he kicks me out
>Mfw when I realise I haven't beaten a single peasant with glorious doctor stick
>Throw a rat in town well for the fun of it
>yourproblemnow.veniciancloth
>I am a doctor

Shit man, this is awesome, someone screencap this. I'm getting the urge to draw all of these into short comics

>Be homeless doctor
>Roaming lands because faggot king kicked me out
>Carriage passes
>It is another doctor
>His mask is far scarier than mine
>"Doctor" he says, "come with me, the next town requires a double doctoring."
>whathefuckishetalkingabout.verulanium
>Don't want to appear stupid so agree and hitch a ride to town
>On arrival, peasants are beating each other with rocks
>definitelypoland.vomitorium
>Other doctor takes me to large hall filled with bodies
>"They are all sleeping but cannot awaken due to their humor deficiency!"
>These people are definitely dead
>Other doctor fag is pissing me off so I tell him I am a humor expert and will cure them all.
>Faggot doctor leaves
>I stack all the bodies together
>Set them on fire
>The stench is foul so huff many special doctor herbs I keep in my spooky beak
>The flames rise high and soon the hall is ablaze
>Get the fuck outta there and run into other doctor
>"What did you do? You were meant to cure them?!" He cries
>Tell him that a lack of Mortimers Magnesium meant I could not do it
>He doesn't want to admit he can't prove I'm lying so agrees
>I go and tell the king he set his great Hall on fire
>King throws him in jail
>I steal his extra scary doctor mask
>King pays me large amount of medieval Bitcoin for my troubles
>Buy a large castle
>I am the doctor

Bump

youtube.com/watch?v=LEKuX8arORc

>Beat her with a crow on a stick

> be doctor
> wench walks in with 18y daughter. Both 10/10 qtpy
> boner.runes
> mi. Milord I caught nteresting daughter fingering herself
> show me doctor needs to see
> also need comparison from nother
> also give garlic snake juice libido enhancer
> leave then for half hour
> orgasm.parchment
> beat them for cumming with snake on sick
> fuck both of them and give them cum elixi
> tell both they needed to come back every day to get treatment.
> beat then again for good measure
> am doctor.

Poor effort

>be doctor
>busy chopping snakebits, never enough snake bits
>man comes in
>doctor, mine eyes be sick
>beat him with traditional crow stick for interrupting my work
>treatment for eyes require healthy eyes
>take pig eyes from eye jar
>fed patient with pig eyes
>patient come back everyday for a week
>patient eyes got better
>whatthehell.papyrus
>only wanted to get rid of eye jar

>user goes on anonymous image board
>user begs to be put on screen-cap for recognition
Not even the plague doctor could cure a retardation as serious as yours.

>be doctor
>stroking beak while shaking pickled snake jar
>door swings open as a deformed thing enters
>whatingod'sname.tapestry
>was going to cure him with marvelous crow stick
>man looked like he was already cured by 999 crowstick
>cure him anyway
>become 1000th doctor to cure him
>he's on the floor not moving
>he's spazzing out all over my new rug
>cureshimagain.scroll
>throw frog brain at him to be safe
>I am doctor

>be me
>be doctor
>be bored
>shaking my jar of pickled snakes whilst stroking by beak
>fat woman bursts in, clearly with child
>she requires help for birthing her child
>aboutfuckingtimesomethinghappens.canvas
>lay her down on table, tell her to lift up her dress
>average vulva, seen better
>after a couple hours, baby comes out
>somethingisclearlywrong.parchment
>tell the fat wench I have good news and bad news
>tells me she wants bad news first
>"it be black"
>asks for good news
>"it be dead"
>pickle the baby for research because I am a doctor
>beat woman with crow stick for birthing a niglet and wasting my time
>I am a doctor

Please someone compile or archive this shit. Its amazing

Im compilling them, i also want to draw them

snf.. this.. this was... beautiful.

>be doctor
>collecting leeches near pond
>wench sees me and asks what I'm doing
>beat wench for interupting
>beat wench for being woman
>beat wench for asking question
>beat wench for good measure
>"what do you want wench"
>wench asks again same question
>beat wench once more for asking question
>"I am looking for thy cure to blood illnesses"
>tells me she's actually bleeding
>shesonherperiod.gross
>"I the amazing doctor can cure this!"
>put leech in her vaginas
>wench screams in agonizing pain as leech eats her out
>she died after a few days
>she no longer has her period
>cured.parchment
>I am doctor

Bumping lads

In this thread OP was totally hetero. Thank you medico, I owe my health to you.

~Sup Forums

...

Do NOT put me in the screencap

Aaaaand you're screencapped...
How're you feeling now?

>I am doctor
>You better put me in the cap for screen peasant
>Lest I tread on your only son

>be doctor
>get plague

one of the best threads i seen in a while

agreed

And the award for the most epic waste of dubs goes tooooo...

>.parchment
hue

>Be me
>Be doctor
>Busy pouring salt in blind mans eyes to cure his blindness
>Filthy peasant barges in
>"Doc, me head feels like it's on fire and me stomach keep churling"
>peasant vomits in my office
>absolutedisgust.parchment
>tell him not to fear and I have the cure
>take him out to the fields and make him dig a hole
>he gets into hole and I pour hundreds of leeches on him
>next day while researching how to replace human hands with lobster claws
>angry mob barges in
>oh shit.parchment
>mask covers sweat
>"we found Heinrichs body out in the fields, what say you?
>tell them he was a witch
>simpletons believe bullshit
>village rewards me with gold and makes me witchhunter
>I am a doctor/witchhunter

>Be me
>Be doctor
>Finish curing a filth-laden peasant of dropsy
>Peasant tells me that he was once a powerful merchant
>Has kept most of his within-legal-bounds-but-ill gotten gains buried behind the dunny
>I smell a Cantabrian scam
>Tells me I can have my pick for hy reward
>The buried silver
>Or as many leeches as I can haul off from his pond
>One thousand seven hundred eleven leeches later I am home
>I am doctor
>I am resupplied for the month
>HeyNonnyNonny.parchment

this thread still alive? wow

>

>i am doctor
>still dont know why i am doctor
>it must be the devil's work
>fidget around trying to make another snake stick
>the last one i broke the snake fangs into the lord's qt daughter ass
>shes still in a coma
>no snake anywhere
>lots of sticks for some reason
>realize i must not be beating peasants with sticks enough
>it must have thrown one of my humors out of balance
>go to town square and gather every peasant
>"THERE IS GREAT EVIL IN THE AIR, I CAN FEEL IT, EVERY PEASANT NEED TO BE HIT WITH HEALING STICK"
>spend two days hitting peasants with sticks
>outofsticks.shit
>still cant remember why i am doctor
>now i need to go to doctor's supply shop for sticks and snakes
>everything goes well, doctor there had small doctor mask
>laugh at him, get my snakes and sticks without paying
>i will not pay doctor with less scary mask
>remindertothanklordformask.parchment
>while i was out the town got a huge plague infestation
>not enough snakes and sticks to cure everyone
>lock my self in my doctor office while every peasant screams in agony due to plague
>as i try not to focus in their screams for long enough to make snake stick for myself
>i remember
>i am doctor

>remindertothanklordformask.parchment
Kek

>be common doctor
>i am among many doctors and have nothing special to offer
>am experimenting on gutter rats to try find how to infect everyone with the Plague to get more customers
>rich man walks in with his two servants
>ohfuckyes.limestonekishtablet
>i beat the living fuck outta the two servants and gentler on the rich man
>"what'dya need, sire?"
>"my two servants here, Gnim and Gany have cancer"
>"i have just the cure"
>proceed to take out pickled Malaysian huntsman spiders, Heteroboda boiei.
>"crush these and SPARINGLY feed them to your servants, these are rare spiders imported from the South-east Asias"
>are actually common spiders i found outside by the gutter
>"the price is 240 dollars, sire"
>give them a goodbye beating to tie up any loose ends
>they leave without breathing a word
>go back to experimenting on my gutter rats

...

>i am doctor
>after great epiphany wait for peasants to heal
>a single day goes by without someone complaining about the plague
>there is something wrong my mask says so
>finally go out
>whole town dead
>i have a town for myself and hundreds of specimens for study
>lock town gates so no one ruins my party
>first thing first bury lord as a thanks for scary mask
>second thing second hit every dead corpse with stick
>nopetheyreallyaredead.stick
>spend months cutting bodies open
>write it all in parchments, what organs look like, how body decays
>and the smell oh god the smell
>even rub one piece of rotting flesh on a page to make sure the reader understand the horrible stench
>finally my studies conclude
>book after book on human anatomy
>cant be doctor here anymore because no peasants to heal with sticks
>travel to another town there is already a doctor here
>travel to another town faggot doctor with small mask
>convince doctor and town's lord that i have a great deal of knowledge i'm willing to share
>hit lord with a stick before to make sure he isnt possessed, other doctor too
>he hits me back
>whatthefuck.why
>the lord is convinced there is no devil's work on play here
>says to give knowledge to town's doctor
>i give him all the books
>it will take weeks for that faggot to understand all of my detailed writings
>lord gives me special room in castle
>living the doctor life
>on the next day there guards breaking down my door
>what
>other doctor accuses me of witchcraft
>ohnoyoudont
>poke guards eye with stick
>run into the doctor's office
>poke his eye with stick
>say it will heal with secret medicine only doctors know
>he doesnt know
>he isnt a doctor
>lord see's he isnt real doctor
>burn him at the stake because of trying to accuse real doctor
>get his place as town doctor
>i am doctor

>I am a doctor
>I have sat inside my mud hutt for two days does no one need a witch doctor?
>In the early hours of the morn a young woman comes into my hut with a turd in her arms
>Wait this is no turd its a child with a bulbous stomach and bleeding eyes the woman begs me to cure her child of his sickness
>I the great witch doctor sit there for hours humming before i pick dirt off the ground sprinkle it on the child and circumcise him
>HE IS CURED.AVI
>i tell the woman as payment she must blow my witch stick or suffer the wrath of the forest gods
>Got aids
>no matter I am a witch doctor

leave the niggatry to the niggers

This isn't copypasta is it?

Is this what old Sup Forums was like?

>be doctor
>faggot comes into my office saying some about pasta
>what
>he continues asking about old b
>this faggot is retarded
>hit him with stick
>still a faggot
>and retarded
>hit him with special stick
>still nothing
>there is no hope for a faggot so faggot

>i am doctor
>all i hit with stick i heal
>most things end up dying after healing stick
>dont care still healed
>one after the other
>create mighty cure against plague one day
>toes from frogs and balls from bulls
>offer it to rich people and they buy it
>read the first word in every line

>be doctor
>nigga comes into office
>try to cure nigga for neggasm
>hit negga with stick
>nigga still nigga
>hit nigga even more with stick
>nigga still nigga
>tell nigga to put head in water
>nigga must not take out head or it will explode
>nigga becomes curred for niggadiem
>beat dead nigger with stick
>put dead nigga into dead nigga storage
>I am a doctor

bump

>i am doctor
>greatest doctor in all land
>peasants and kings all come from far and wide
>for cures to ailments of which I know nothing
>beating stick made from hickory
>indestructible beating stick
>Lord comes to call
>"doctor I am ailing and need your assistance
>chuckle.parchment
>aye, what ails you m'lord
>my trouser snake no longer spits white
>whatthedevil.parchment
>young lord.
>trouser worm should still spit white
>no matter "I shall cure ye come back on the morrow"
>comes back on the morrow
>still have no idea what the fuck is going on
>m'lord I need a cure or will dishonor my family by not impregnating the royal wenches
>beat lord about the face then use hickory to beat the trouser snake
>trouser snake spits red
>curedmotherfucker.parchment
>on last lash hickory breaks
>WITCHMOTHERFUCKER
>lord burned at the stake for breaking that which is indestructible
>fuck it still cured
>i am doctor

bump

> be peasant
> have sex with dead villagers
> foreskin starts to look like plague evil
> locate local doctor
> surprised by splash of pickled dead stuff followed by a severe beating of a stick upon entry
> doctor with biggest mask me eyes have seen
> realdeal.toopoorforparchment
> show doctor the unholy plagued peeny
> immediately beats my stick with a stick
> says to get naked while he fills a cauldron full of sharp rusty knives
> has me hold out my willy nilly while he showers it with sacred daggers
> my peen is missing some flesh
> he then cuts my scalp off and beats me with a stick
> ithinkmynosebroke.bloodycloth
> nose is mishapen, ears drenched in blood, penis is in immense pain
> ..now get as many coins...
> wait what?
> you ar..... ...eh joo.....
> i dont understand
> he beats me one last time and send me out

> i am cured i think.
> he broke my nose, cut my penis, called me joo, and set me free to get coins.
> im cured

>i am doctor
>has scary mask
>jew comes into office
>i want pay before cure
>beats jew for being a jew
>jew want to be cured of aids
>beats aids out of jew with snake stick
>jew does not breath
>good I got money up front as jew is jewing me
>next morn
>jewmom complaints that jew is dead
>of cause jew is deaded as I beat it with a snake stick
>jewmom wants money
>beats jewmom for wanting money
>tells jewmom to make my other stick spit white
>jewmom does not reply
>i should have gotten payment up front from jewmom
>i just got jewed
>i am still a doctor

bump

Ok this one is my favorite.

Sometimes i think my brain is too stupid to get such Shakespearean masterpieces.

great... i have something in common with a filthy degenerate queer...

ARE YOU HAPPY OP YOU MADE ME SYMPATHIZE WITH A FILTHY FUCKING FAGGOT! ARE YOU HAPPY! YOU AND YOUR CRINGY FUCKING NEWFAG FAIRY FUCK REDDIT COMEDY MADE ME A SUPERIOR HETERO MALE BE IN THE SAME THOUGHT AS A FILTHY FUCKING Sup Forums FAGGOT!

...

>i am doctor
>be sitting in my office, sharpening my cane into a sharp object
>i shall call it "a stake"
>wench barges through the door
>didinotfuckinglockit.engravedstone
>too busy sharpening cane to beat her with it
>"M'lord, I have the pains in mine head"
>sharpen stick some more
>noideahowtohelp.parchment
>"M'lord it hurts, make it go away please"
>fucking peasant, can you not see I am making my badass doctor cane
>she grabs my mask and begins tugging
>ohyouvegoneanddoneitnow.magnacarta
>drive the sharp end of my cane straight through the bitches skull
>she stops complaining
>cured
>idea begins to form
>stab my "stake" into her chest, replace her front teeth with snake fangs
>throw her into the street
>"BEHOLD PEASANTS FOR I HATH FOUND A VAMPIRE"
>stupid made up word
>"WE MUST BURN HER ELSE SHE WILL FEAST UPON YOUR GOOD BLOOD"
>pleb uproar
>church gives me enough money to start selling my stakes on mass
>become rich
>i am doctor

>.magnacarta
kek

Bumpung