Guys why do I think this way?

Guys why do I think this way?

I analyze the people around me a lot, but I have no idea if I am right about my thoughts or not. For instance, I feel like everyone around me secretly hates me but pretends to be friendly in order to be nice to me (to seem nice to everyone else around them, increasing their respect level or something, and everyone else knows to not be friendly with me too). I also always think that my s/o is cheating on me, and doing so in very short time spans (like 1 hour) so that I don't get suspicious. I also believe that a girl's partner count is actually very high, and the number of men that are responsible for this is very little (say a guy is responsible for having sex with 100+ different women).

When I study men who have incredible amounts of sex, I find that most of them are sociopaths, and lack empathy. They cheat on their partners a lot, and enjoy rattling a girl's emotions (make them very happy, then very sad/hurt). They are have incredible skill in bed. Interestingly, they also don't allow the girl to have an orgasm everytime they have sex, so that there is variety everytime. They can also control the sex, for example, stopping purposely whenever the girl is about to orgasm and repeating this prcoess until they have the best orgasm of their life. They also make sure that in public, increasing PDA is the best option: men get scared away, and girls see the man as most desirable. As a result, I am terrified of relationships, thinking that my girl is secretly hangout with said player.

Why do I think like this?

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Roll?

You might be developing schizophrenia. It's a long shot based on what you've said. But you might wanna visit a therapist and exclude the possibility.

What do you mean by developing?

Meaning that it's early in your development of the disease. People who get paranoid schizophrenia don't just have the crazy hit them suddenly. It's a slow burn. Little by little, they suspect more, they believe harder, they hear or see little things they can dismiss. And then it gets worse, and harder to tell the difference between what they're sure is reality and what the disorder is making them think is true.

Because youre right. I thjnk exactly like u. Holy fuck are u me?

Holy fuck you are scaring me haha. May I ask what made you come to this conclusion?

Do you actually? Do you have other thoughts that are similar to mine?

>Guys why do I think this way?
You asked before you said what it was you were asking about so I'll skip teh reading and just say because you're a moron.

Atypical Depression Disorder. Doesn't mean atypical as in it's uncommon, but just not the blanket statement of Major Depression Disorder. Subtle differences in terms of sleep patterns, eating habits, and most importantly, the obsession/reliance on interpersonal connection. Because you desire interpersonal connection so much, you are that much more susceptible to being damaged by it, even if it's your own perception and cognition that is doing the damage. Very probable that you are also experiencing Borderline Personality Disorder. I'd get checked out asap. Don't do cymbalta, you'll blow your brains out.

Do you have issues with chronic muscular pain in your back, neck, shoulders, insides of knees, and outside of your forearms?

What other kinda shit do you fixate on?

I said it's a long shot. Because for the most part you just sound paranoid. Which doesn't necessarily indicate any mental illness. Usually it just indicates dickhood(sorry to say). But this part,
>I also always think that my s/o is cheating on me, and doing so in very short time spans (like 1 hour) so that I don't get suspicious.

Is... ridiculous. To believe that is bordering on delusion.

You also talked a lot about your _beliefs_ about what other people were doing, but not having evidence.

That could be paranoid delusions that are just starting to develop.

But please don't be scared. You are not clearly schizophenic based on what you've said. But you really want to go to a therapist and EXCLUDE the possibility.

Because schizophrenia is one of those disorders that the earlier you catch it and start taking medication for it, the better off you'll be.

So maybe your problem is something else, or maybe you're totally rational and everyone around you are assholes, but you should check and make SURE that it's not schizophrenia.

I actually do get hurt by relationships. I had one where I kept suspecting that she was cheating on me and it wasn't true until I told her everything and then she cheated.

I think I have chronic pain on my lower back, but I think it's because I squat/deadlift a lot.

Lol, you're not supposed to have chronic back pain from exercising. You gotta work on your form. But that's /fit/s job not ours.

To what degree do you experience distrust with everyone. Like, on a scale of "Everyone has their own agenda and that's cool" to "That person didn't make eye contact with me, they must have found out something they hate about me, what the fuck did I do wrong, how do I fix this, holy shit, why does this happen all the time, what the fuck is wrong with me"

also, regarding the pain question, was wondering if you had symptoms relating to fibromyalgia. Sounds like you're in the clear. Fibromyalgia can really fuck everything up, especially through the pain and fucking up sleep patterns. Once sleep patterns are out of wack and pain overrides the mind, the flawed cognitions get worse, making the fibro/pain/sleep worse. Vicious cycle

As some one who was diagnosed with schizophrenia, this guy is spot on.

You're probably 16 and thinking of doing a degree in psychology. Fuck off with your thoughts. They are common. Surrender that your prospective is naive.

I was in a similar way a couple years ago, and when it was bad, therapy taught me that there's a difference between illusions (the brain coming up with reasons as to why things are happening/coming up with its own realities where information is vague) and delusions (complete dissociations from solid facts/observable simplicities in the surrounding area, like in the case of hallucinations

The second. The "they found out something they hate about me" is extremely accurate.

It is definitely possible that it's not schizophrenia. I am not one of those Sup Forumstards that just comes in and says, "It's cancer, you're gonna die."

But it's a possibility he definitely wants to exclude. And even if it isn't schizophenia, an actual therapist will be able to diagnose what, if anything, he actually does have.

that said, the part about it being a very slowly-oncoming process is very correct, and if untreated, will only get worse. Therapy/counseling/psychiatric evaluation is recommended

I don't think they are common. I have mistakenly told a sociopathic friend about this, and he tells me it's not common at all. I am also on track to get a physics degree.

1.) How are your sleep patterns? Recent weight gain/loss? Tried any prescribed medication in the past for this specifically? Any big events happen in the last couple years, or anything earlier than you were 6 or 7? How long has this kind of thinking been going on?

2.) What helps you most when shit gets really bad? What have you found to help you in the past, and does it still work to the same degree?

To be honest, I hate that I rationalize my thoughts. Especially when my friend sleeps with one chick and she leaves the apartment, and then another chick comes in to sleep with him the same day.

Added question to Do you deal with problems regarding self worth, not only for the sake of wants, but needs as well? Is most of the concern you have for the sake of others, even if it means you feel you are undeserving of basic life needs like water, food, sleep, love, etc?

I gain and lose weight frequently, depending on the year. During summers/winters, I gain 10-15 lbs, when I lift and actually eat. During the semesters, I eat 1-2 meals a day keeping up with my schoolwork in order to maintain a 3.5. I also have taken prozac, when I had depression. I stopped taking them as soon as I realized that I cannot orgasm during sex as a result. The big events I'd say in my life was not winning a state championship and drinking/smoking heavily to cope. This kind of thinking has been going on since 17-18 I think in high school after breaking up with my ex and starting to realize that my chances of winning a state championship is slipping away due to the length of my injury (so basically as I was recovering from my injury).

What helps most when it gets bad is either run/lift or talk to my sociopathic friend. He explains emotions (I suspect that he never experiences them, only understanding them, but he is very smart).

I do have problems that deal with self worth: when I didn't win a state title, I believed there was something fundamentally wrong with me. In addition, it was a record breaking year: many athletes set state and nation leading performances, including from athletes that were previously lesser than me. I felt like I was not included and that it was almost like a punishment from God that said "that's what you get for doing a sport you weren't meant to do, and now that you're gone, everyone who has beaten your marks will be the new legends, and you will be erased from everyone's memory."

>gain/lose weight frequently
>1-2 meals per day
>cannot orgasm during sex as a result [of prozac]
>drinking/smoking heavily
>breaking up with my ex
>recovering from my injury
Please explain the nature of the injury. It seems like a significant part to a lot of this, as it seems your physical fitness is a very big part of your life. The major events you've said revolved around your championship (or rather, the loss of it), and the other issues (such as eating habits and weight control) also seem to have an effect on your fitness

>cannot orgasm during sex
that's a very typical adverse effect of a lot of anti-depressants. I've experienced the same with zoloft. Are there any other adverse effects you noticed, such as nausea/suicidal ideation, or was sexual dissatisfaction the most of it? Also, were you taking them daily at the same time, and for how long did you take them? And did you discuss with doctors that you stopped taking them (either waning off of them or quitting cold-turkey)?

youtu.be/0FLXwCc9kCk?t=193

Schizophrenia my ass, what OP is saying is spot on.
Cease this faggotry.

It's good that you exercise a fair amount. It's one of the best things you can do for your physiological health, which is directly attributing to your mental health as well.

That said, I can comfortably say that you're not schizophrenic. You have flawed cognition, due to a mixture of different "strains" of depression that has gone largely untreated, and it doesn't seem that you've had much opportunity to talk with professionals (counselors, psychiatrists, etc) about all of this.

There are a few different routes you can take, and I'll list them in order of what I think would help you.
>Seeing a therapist
Honestly, seeing an unbiased party who knows what they're talking about, in a confidential manner, is incredibly helpful. They'll be an outlet for your frustrations, and dive deep into the core of what's going on to help you turn it around to better yourself.
>Cognitive Behavioral Therapy
much like the above, expect with a streamlined approach to reassessing how you think about the world. You'd be doing several "reality checks," assessing if what you're thinking is actually relevant or even plausible, and then attacking those thought patterns by telling yourself the opposite.
>back to medication
If these aren't enough, and if you deal with things like back pain or sleep patterns, then I would strongly suggest going back on a regular med. Amitriptyline is an incredibly effective one that would tackle all three, and it's a tricyclic antidepressant, so it doesn't have the same adverse effects as some of the more dangerous, black-label SSRIs like cymbalta

I have actually been injured more than once. I entered a high school sport after breaking the middle school record, so freshman year was exciting. I made varsity, and quickly rose the ranks. By sophomore year, I was the best in the school, and quickly our small town paper talked about my chances of winning a state title, the first in over 20 years. I became obsessed, I had a poster on my ceiling so that when I woke up, I'd remind myself. I trained like a maniac, I read what pros did, and mimicked them. By the time of the state championships, I became ill, and I wasn't able to attend school and thus, I performed mediocre. The next year, same thing, except a physical injury. By senior year, I was in the best shape of my life. I had a girlfriend, a car, everything a high school boy would want. But I didn't want it as much, I was scared that something was gonna happen again, and I started to believe that I became injured because I was taking my body to places that it wasn't meant to go, and I backed off training in order to save myself. I didn't win, and after watching everyone else around me succeed, I vowed that I will never compete again. I started to drink because I never got to drink in high school because of my obsession with winning, and I enjoyed it because I believed the more I drink and smoke, the easier it will be to fulfill my promise to never compete again.

I'll tell you the information that not only saved my life, but turned my shit around. I had a voice professor (music major at uni) who had the words "YOU ARE ENOUGH" painted on his wall. After I ended up on suicide watch due to A LOT of the things you're experiencing (or very similar things, give or take a few), I had the words "I am enough" tattooed on my arm, so I could see it everyday. He noticed this one day during a voice lesson, and after hearing about my struggles, he offered advice on how he overcame his divorce.

"Picture there is a black pit, like a well or a sinkhole. You are tied to the pit with an unbreakable rope, and all around you is a barren wasteland. You can either play at the top of the pit, pretending that everything is fine, but there is always the possibility that you could fall in someday and get hurt again, and every time that happens, it'll be harder to climb back out. OR. You can explore the pit. You can climb down into the pit, spend time there. Make it to the deepest parts, the most expansive bottoms. Explore every crevice, every crack in the walls, every turn. Understand WHY the cave is there. Understand how long it's been there, and where everything leads. Then, you can light the tunnels with lamps and torches, build staircases and ladders, making it safe to traverse again. Only then can you be comfortable with your situation, and be able to build from the ground up, creating mountains and kingdoms above ground level."

>tl;dr, you have to explore your problems in order to understand them and work around them, as opposed to ignoring them or letting them consume you

May I ask what made you rule out schizophrenia?

So after falling a little, you forced yourself to fall further, and then justified it with abandoning self-care, because you believed it was what you deserved. See Even though it may be too late to get back into that sport, or reclaim that championship, you can't allow yourself to think in such a way that shits all over your needs as a human being. It's that flawed cognition that I mentioned before, and that doesn't go away on its own. At times, you may honestly believe that you don't even want to get better, because other people have it worse and this is what you deserve, but as strong as that belief is, it will always be wrong. Completely wrong. Even if it doesn't seem like it. And sometimes it takes help to realize that, and that's okay. But it's that kind of thinking that, after it starts with simple things like your injury and your experience with your expectations in your career/sport, it will spread to other aspects of your life, exactly like it's doing with your perception of the quality of your relationship and the loyalty of your significant other. You need to tackle the root of the problem before you can improve on the rest.

seek professional help

see essentially, illusions such as what OP is experiencing is vastly different from delusions/hallucinations, which is the scare that points to schizophrenia. It may be a stepping stone, and I'm not discounting the possibility, but given what OP has said so far in all of his posts, it seems that he has a very strong touch with reality in terms of being able to take in information that isn't muddled by delusion/hallucination, but is instead perceived in the way that it is as a result of flawed cognitive patterns due to years of depression/disappointment in his personal life, which have spiraled together after stopping taking antidepressants and abandoning self-worth, so the cognitions instead point to "realizations" that things aren't as they seem, especially in terms of his personal life, and as a result of a lot of this coming together over a long time, OP now has trust issues, self-worth issues, personal health neglect, and obsessions over interpersonal connections with just about anyone.

Again, I'm not 100% discounting schizophrenia, but it seems to be MUCH more rooted in Atypical Depression Disorder and Borderline Personality Disorder

It's not anything schizo related lmao you'd have complete psychosis likely. Ask your physician/doctor/tribal witch doctor to look into a diagnosis for paranoid personality disorder. Sounds a lot like your thought patterns.

Dude, this is the most detailed explanation I have ever had someone tell me about myself. I have a question: why did I end up like this and why don't most people?

And finally, what should be my next steps?

A lot of people do, really. Everyone's fucked up in their own way. I honestly saw a LOT of myself in your posts, which goes to show that you aren't alone in this. And despite thinking that this is what your life is, it DOES get better. It truly does.

As for how you ended up like this, it could be something as simple as your injuries/failing to meet your personal goals/expectations in high school. For me, it was being sexually taken advantage of by my brother when I was 5 and he was 12, and then realizing it when I was 19, after having clinical depression from the age of 13. It all just comes to a head, and then shit gets bad, and when sleep patterns/eating patterns fall apart, the physical body stops taking care of the mind, and from that point on, cognitions are flawed.

>tl;dr, you're not alone, you just need to find strategies to not think in the way that you're thinking

see It could just take one, or it could take a combination of those, or maybe other strategies that could be suggested to you by a professional. Nonetheless, I highly suggest you get help, because on your own or with only your sociopathic friend, you'll continue on the same trend you're going on.

Remember, Sup Forumsro. You are enough. You are deserving of food, water, sleep, shelter, friendship, love, success. All of it. You can't allow yourself to get in the way of that because your mind wants to tell you that you don't.

You are enough.

Dude thanks a lot man, I'll look into it.

You are a schizoid. I can say this because I am one myself and I have similar thoughts.

Look it up, you'll find that you identify with most if not all schizoid traits im sure.

Not to “over-simplify” this. I wish that I was more awake to contribute a shit load to this.
If you are not hallucinating, visually, auditory, try to take control and recognize what are facts and truth. If “things” really are happening, it doesn’t make one paranoid. I’ve had variances of this.
Not easy, but what I have done, is block it out, or “ thought blocking”. This thread seemed to have gone off on a broad scope of other mental health disorders. Don’t think that you are fucked in the head op.

Am listening to this album right now. Good taste.

>thought-blocking
seeDistractions help in the short term, but don't fix anything in the long run. It's not healthy, but you're on the right track.
OP is more than likely not schizoid. Read the thread before posting.

I have, unfortunately, a shit ton of experience with psychotropics. The tricyclics have many more side effects than the ssri’s and nsri’s do, such as cymbalta. Not “promoting” cymbalta, or any medication btw.

Personally, I've found the SSRIs to be far worse than the tricyclics, and after this thread, I feel like OP and I are very similar in terms of mental health/cognitive thinking, so naturally, I suggested what's worked for me, as opposed to what's put me on suicide watch.

Ok. I understand. There are people who take the MAOI class of medications as well. Why? Because they work, despite the side effects and dietary restrictions. Whatever works.

I like the effort in this thread

trips don't lie
>checked

Short version. I have ptsd. I was strongly encouraged to thoroughly examine what caused the trauma in detail with a therapist. Well, they made me worse. Sometimes it is better to not “keep the beast alive” by feeding it. Thinking about it. Talking about it. Letting it consume you.
Sometimes, for some people, denial, distraction, keeping busy, and moving on, is the solution.

they=that

Fair enough, I don't have PTSD so I'm not sure what would work for that kind of situation. But OP and I seem to be very similar, at least in terms of how his mind works and how my mind worked a few years ago before I got better, so I offered solutions that worked for me. Also seems that OP is a long way from PTSD range