Be me

>be me
> 15 yo
>playing d&d with friends
>my character is a drug addicted werewolf, i think the idea sounds cool
>the drug makes you 10x stronger for 10 turns
>DM decides to make the drug rare within the world, sold for a high price
>i'm constantly in withdrawal though to bad rolls when trying to get it
>full moon appears while we're fighting a orc fleet
>ohyeah.jpg
>i suddenly get the best fucking rolls I've had that campaign
>take a pill of the drug
>realizes i don't have any
>ohshit.jpg
>i am slain by the orcs
>necromancer revives me
> i say thanks
>"here's some pills" he says as he hands me some of the drug
>"how did you get those?"
> i realize my necromancer has had a stockpile of the drug
>tfw

hey Sup Forums, tell me some d&d stories you had.

> be me
>17
>Playing a d&d game inspired by Dwarf Fortress world
>Playing as plump helmet man.
>Imagine a mushroom with legs.
>Cannot speak or hold items, basically can't do shit.
>Live in caverns under fort.
>Dwarven civ right next to me
>Dwarves are under siege from goblins
>Hate this character decide to end it all.
>Leap into the dwarves drawbridge mechanism for their main gate
>Awesome roll
>Jam mechanism, I get pulped
>Door breaks, kek
> Dwarven civ gets rekt

I rrally want to play D&D but none of my friends are into it ;_;

I seen a meetup group in my city but a little nervous about going. Even though they say they welcome newcomers.

Might just be me but "nerds" are very condescending.

Also bump for morr stories this is the best thread on Sup Forums

Awesome nice dubs

Bump, more stories please

As long as they aren’t sperglord /ThatGuy/s you’ll be fine. They’ll probably help you a lot and will show you the ropes

come on guys! get ore stories here!

>be me
>15 yo
>be a half orc druid
>be on the hunt for a defiler
>proceed to find everyone and scream "ARE YOU THE DEFILER"
>eventually find him using this method

>Be me
>In D&D
>I'm a Half-elf paladin with strength, charisma and constitution up the ass
>Neutral Good,
>because they intimidated of me, last game when I was a chaotic evil half-orc berserker
>Be a gentleman in terms
>These women in medium armor, come up to us asking for help in finding the rest of her group
>All the sudden, the dwarf barbarian after trying to use my communication skills to get the truth out, throws an axe at her forehead
>All of my wat
>I stare at dwarf ally
>wtfrudoing.jpeg
>Girl gets pissed and we fight
>Human Healer and Teifling Sorceror use spells while our halfling bard uses a song to confuse the enemy
>Half-Orc rogue using stealth to combat them from afar with crossbow bolts
>Me and the dwarf fights her team like a boss
>At least until dwarf is down
>Don't help, use lay on hands on myself
>I make a joke about masturbating
>party including dungeon master laughs
>Use spells to heal party except the fucking dwarf, he brought this upon himself.
>After turns, Rouge uses potion on the dwarf
>I longsword that main bitch's back, defeating her.
>Finds out later she was an evil spy that wanted to attack the town
>mfw I was being good and help to an evil harlot
>mfw the crazy dwarf was right

>be me
>22
>literally laying in bed with girlfriend right now as you read this
>she's asleep
>had sex because not a virgin faggot who plays dnd
>laugh at dnd nerds
>bdsm>dnd
>feels good mane

>D&D
>pills
Did your campaign have fucking cars and phones, too?

...

>be me
>sociopathic aarokocra monk
>me and friends run into a slime resistant to everything but blunt
>mfw no maces
>friend is dead and being carried by his eagle
>roll for eagle to drop him on slime
>critical roll
>breaks his bones and will be half dex for three days after being healed

My dm's are open. @ me faggot. What are you going to do? Cast a spell of paralysis?

your gf has a flat ass and you should be ashamed

This.
Open D&D groups are mostly made up of people who were like you at the beginning. They know what it's like and they also know that you only get healthy D&D activity by helping people come in. Now, that's not to say you won't encounter DMs who aren't worth a shit or munchkin min-maxxer players, but the will mostly be welcoming, patient people.

>you have a girlfriend
>you should be ashamed
Spoken like a true dungeon master

It's kinda hit or miss but you could try finding an online game through roll20

I was gonna chime in but fucking kek

>being on /b
>thinking anyone cares aboiut how much sex you have
my nigga pls stop embarassing yourself

>Protip:
Bring something with you to contribute to food. Bags of chips, or a gallon of sweet tea from Chic Fil A, or maybe offer to order a pizza. Food is really welcome, and people will appreciate it.

The salt begs to differ

>arguably white-est game in creation
>says nigga online because edge
Man, you got me good

I thought that was you in trap mode tbh is your gf a Thai boi?

Im just looking out for you my dude. Youre wasting time bragging to people who will literally never give a shit about anything you have to say, its a sad sight to see.

playing dnd is a great way to bag some strange son

>on Sup Forums
>has sex
What kind of retarded normie are you? Get off of this site and do something with your life.

Figures a dungeon master wouldn't recognize a woman's ass if he saw one. Imagine my surprise

Like having sex? Way ahead of you, gay boy.

Nigger I don’t even play vidya and that pancake ass is nothing to brag about

Fuck outta here with your Kevin spacey taste in “women”

Yeah. That's exactly what I said. Way to go adding nothing to my comment. Get off of this site and do something.

Not gonna green text so deal with it but...

Found a way in 3.5 to make an almost unkillable barbarian.

I made a half orc barbarian and took the prestige class Frenzied Beserker. That way I had the barbarian' s rage ability and the Beserkers frenzy ability. Taking some feats I found out of several different books I found a at to stay up and fighting as long as my rage or frenzy was active no matter what my HP was.
Between the two I had over 18 rounds I could be in rage and frenzy so as long as I could heal at least once in that 18 rounds my HP would go back to 0.

I got down to -2400 HP and was still fighting. I swam across a river of lava. I killed a Dragon midair and crashed his corpse into the ground with me on its back. It started to really piss the DM off that he couldn't kill me.

Don't Paladins have to be Lawful Good? Or is that old rules.

>having sex with women
>considered gay
Really gets my noggin joggin

Tell me this epic character of characters had an epic name. Like Freddy Mercury.

Careful user. Your stupid is showing.

Lol nearly 2018 and this stupid nigga thinks playing DnD has anything to do with the ability to get laid or physical prowess.

>leather whip for sex play
>obviously a lowlife
>obsessed with trolling D&D players
Yeah you keep winning, there...

I joined a group at Uni cos I wanted to do something that wasn't the pub.

They were all total nerds, but they were friendly and cool in their own way.

DM actually commented to me that I had a unique way of playing cos I wouldn't flirt with npc women or fight straight away.

Still keep in touch with some of the guys.

You should totally make the leap and give it a try. You can always walk away.

>DM actually commented to me that I had a unique way of playing cos I wouldn't flirt with npc women or fight straight away.
In other words you weren't a sperglord, lol. But yeah, playing your character as reasonable and mature will definitely set you apart in some groups.

I'm just bored and looking for fun on 4chins. Pls no hate

Interesting how the edge of the pic is right before we'd be able to see the feminine penis.

Min-maxing was banned in our group.

You've just wrote a paragraph about rules and not once mentioned anything about roles.

I know some people play the game that way, but that was never our shit.

Because we all know how many stud highschool quarterbacks were forged in their mother's basements by playing dnd

>Paladin
>Neutral Good

Either you're a liar or your party and your GM are retards.

Hold on there buddy, don’t cut yourself on that edge.

Probably was during a time when nobody knew the rules very well and made up a lot of stuff along the way. Started that way for me when I first got into tabletop rpgs. I played a Paladin and another player, also the GM, played a Chaotic Evil character. We were just fucking around in the game and didn't really know any better until years later we played a different game and got really into it to the point where we've houseruled it to hell and back and take turns determining what is canon in our 'timeline'.

You're doing that meme wrong

There was a group of alpha sports faggots that played dnd when I was in school

Check'd.
Do this more, mate. For the trips.

>Playing as plump helmet man.
>Imagine a mushroom with legs.
Lost.

>Be me
>Really good looking dude able to pass for a normie no problem.
>Dating nerdy chick below me on a 10 point scale. (If I'm an 8, she's a 7)
>Criticize if you want, was still a mildly good looking, nerdy chick, & freaky in bed. Liked her.
>Introduced me to D&D.
>Her and friends being awkward introverts focus on stats and shit.
>Me being socially outgoing focus on playing a character.
>Be as bombastic as possible, insist on interacting in character while game is in session.
>GF's friends eat it up. Wanna inject more character play into game instead of straight min/maxing.
>GF is fucking upset I am stealing spotlight in game she insisted I try for her sake.
>We stop playing D&D.
>Fast forward a year or so. GF I break up for unrelated reasons.
>Fast forward a bit more & I am back in her old D&D group without her.
>Not sure how to feel about this, but enjoying twice monthly gaming sessions.
>lol?

...

...

...

...

>be over 10 years ago
>be playing Ravenloft
>be Paladin
>be in some town on a river
>town owned bridge across the river
>had to pay a fee and recite a vow to cross
>had the line "pledge eternal loyalty" in it
>Pally so wouldn't pledge
>all the other players telling me to just say it
>wouldn't do it
>spent the next 2 or 3 games traveling 50 or 60 miles to the nearest bridge
>group hated my paladin

Paladins really do piss off the rest of the group.

>bragging about banging an ironing board white chick
uhhh?

>>shit that never happens

Your girl got the body of a choir boy and “she” probably uses that’s baby’s first light kink whip on you
Stop posting nigger I’m tryin to enjoy these nerd tales

>my anecdote proves your rule wrong
Next thing you're going to tell is how bitches love dnd because of that one thirsty landwhale that steamrolled one of your nerd buddies

Funny you should say that. Went to high school with a 6' 6" varsity football player. I hated his guts cuz he was your typical popular football guy. He was scary big. Long story, we met again a few years after high school and he ended up becoming one of my best friends. He wasn't the guy in high school I thought he was. He liked metal and grunge, played DnD in his off time, and wasn't the conceited guy he came off as when I saw him in the halls or at lunch.

Bitch If you honestly think in this day and age that playing DnD puts you in a certain social archetype, you're literally in the autism spectrum.

Are you taking pics of yourself?

DnD exploded in my town over the past few years. We've got all sorts playing DnD and others. Couple nigger"gangstas" playing a star wars rpg. One is a twi'lek smuggler and the other an Ewok Jedi.They're in a DBZ themed homebrew as well because niggers love DBZ

>be in high school
>find out about D&D
>me and 3 friends buy a book each to play
>play Forgotten Realms
>1 guy DMs
>read somewhere that we need a cleric in the group
>i choose cleric
>check out all the clerics, decide on cleric of god of lies
>Leera or Liera or some shit
>start game
>warrior gets hurt, asks me to heal him
>tell him clerics can't heal (cos cleric of lies)
>DM can't do shit cos it's role-play
>play the game for months
>other players think clerics can't heal
>relying on 1st-aid the whole time
>killed me when they found out I'd been lying the whole time

He's still my favorite character I've ever played.

See
>b-b-but I know this one guy this one time so therefore dnd is not for total faggots
Good one

>killed me when they found out I'd been lying the whole time

Thanks for the story. You're all still faggots.

Really? No shit.

Ahh thank you for proving my point about ypur autism. The point, you fucking retard (since I obviously have to write it out in as many monosyllabic words as possible) is that we're well past the point where one hobby defines a person's characteristics as a whole. That is now the rule rather than the exception, unlike How it was in the past.
However I think in your case, your hobby of being an ignorant low-browed troll actually does define you as a person.

>Based cleric fucks whole group of adventurers at once

tl;dr Skipped to last line
Its literally one thread and a few posts on Sup Forums. You're really grasping at straws if you think such a flimsy sample size is any how reflective of my general behavior. Could be that it is late at night and I'm bored on the shitter trying to rile up virgins on wizardchan. Seems to be going pretty well.

>be me.
>be a level 7 arcane thief gnome.
>have a partner in crime. A level 7 thief who is also a gnome.
>we get caught in a heist and forced to do the bidding of some Dragonborn, by placing collars on us both
>have wranglers to make sure we don’t leg it who have effectively a killswitch
>long story short mission goes to shit.
>partner tries to stab us all in the back and leg it via scaling down a window.
>using rope and climbing gear.
>wrangler in his last breathe not knowing that the thief was climbing activates the killswitch but requests to paralyise him only.
>DM rolls badly.
>Thief starts fitting and cracks his skull open, dies on impact.
>DM not finished.
>rolls for strength on the rope and rolls poorly.
>rope snaps
>a spacking dead gnome hurls towards the ground, crashes onto a roof
>player makes us aware he was carrying oil and bombs
>die laughing at the thought of a mangled gnome on fire hurling into a street.

Nigger you must be insecure as shit. Sex with your ladyboy hipped gf was unfulfilling even with that lame bit of kink thrown in so you go around taking potshots at what you consider to be weak targets.
Bet you used to torture small animals when daddy made you do chores. Or maybe he wasn’t there at all which is why you flex on Chan’s and settle for a fuckin frying pan.
Git gud faggot

>be me playing a chaotic neutral rouge who was an alcoholic, I had to be drunk all the time to be effective
>if I rolled shitty I usually just woke up in an alley post blackout with someone dead beside me
>dm sets me up good
>has me cross paths with a wizard broad who has a super expensive necklace
>wizard broad is mysterious
>I devise plan to get the necklace
>befriend her because I had dumb high charisma
>get her to drink with me
>roll good and she gets very intoxicated while I'm at a normal level
>get her to take me back to her place
>smash and while she falls asleep I nig necklace and dip out the window
>8 sessions later we got moved across the map and were at some wizards town or some shit
>previous wizard grill finds me at bar
>she's pregnant
>me being me get her in secluded area and sneak attack stab her in the gut
>get completely fucked by wizard grill she turned out to be super op character is kill and none of the party members can help me
>next character, was the son of my previous character
Been years since I had a group worth playing with

It used to be you could be any alignment but now paladins and monks just have to be some kind of Lawful. LG, LN and LE.

Play call of Cthulhu you faggots