We are an extra terrestrial life form in search of food. After examining your planet, we are alerting you through your most popular Internet domain for a request.
We have determined the livestock specimen of our choice after monitoring your planet for 70 years.
We are willing to trade the entire population of said organism for our advanced technology. If not, we will destroy your technology and take the population ourselves.
We want the female form of Homo sapien.
Do you have sexbots?
weak
No deals.
We could make you sex bots. It won't be the same as copulating with your delectable female population, but you can make due until the young ones mature.
We do not negotiate with terrorists
We offer you any tech you want. You can have the ability to travel through space and time, as well as live forever.
Take 'em. We don't need them. We have traps.
Got any artificial womb technology so we can make more traps?
Give us the ovaries so we can make more kids and you can take these hoebags for free
We will only take the ones aged 18-70. All others are your's. As for the artificial womb tech, yes, we have that and can give you that. Just know that it won't be anything like the organically grown women you have now. Specimen produced in an artificial womb are quite malleable in temperament and other characteristics.
Why wait? I havent
You don't even want the immortality in return? What about the ability to travel through the stars and make holes that take you from your location to one millions of light years away?
by malleable in temperament and other characteristics, do you mean we could in a sense "train" the females birthed from these artificial wombs?
Withiut women we will probably invent all that shit in a matter of weeks
We'll find it out soon enough ourselves
Yes, that is exactly what I mean. Glad you caught on easily so now I don't have to explain it as in-depth. The organic matter in which their consciousness sits in has the ability to change with just a few minor tweaks to be more talkative, or the opposite, very quiet. I believe you call it epigenetics. It is much easier to manipulate these from an artificial womb and mold a certain mindset from birth. Are you okay with that?
This.
We just need a way to combine dna from two people to make more kids. We don't care if they're malleable for now. We can just fix that later too.
70 years huh? user your retarded.
In such a situation, do we still get the women or will you terminate them through other means? Please, don't let them go to waste. We would quite enjoy such a soft, chewy delicacy.
I will take one for the team and be the ambassador for Earth, and agree to this accord.
Wow, that is one delicious specimen. The size of its chest adipose sacks are extra appetizing. I'm going to have to make my mark on this one and feast on it myself once the harvesters arrive and do their job. This one highlights everything we love about this particular form of your hairless ape species.
I was gonna suggest destroying any embryo that didn't have a y chromosome but if you'll take them off our hands I suppose that works. It would take some of our resources to grow them so we'll be forced to negotiate a fair fee per lot so that we can recoup lost resources.
Not buying it. The female doesn't contain any nutritional value that isn't also present in the male.
We would be happy to pay such a fee that will help you reconcile with the lost resources that this harvesting may cause. What is your going fee?
Why the fuck would you tell an extraterrestrial being this information, at least with them targeting half the populace we can continue as a species
let's discuss it over sushi
This menu choice should suffice for both of our races
Take them bitches, bonus points for all. Planets over populated, keep the immortality shit for yourselves an never let the human race have it. We'll fuck it up somehow. Space travel sounds cool thou
I am an octopus, and when you monkeys are finally gone, it will be our turn to rule this planet.
Maybe for you it doesn't, but for us it is similar to your all-you-can-eat buffet. We have an adipose-based diet, and while your males have their fair share of adipose-composed members, the females beat you by an far. On average, they have a lot more adipose than the males. Mostly concentrated in these delicious little sacks on the chest that are tipped with a fine red marker. Planetary and interstellar evolution show that is a great marker for our species in determining what is a good meal and what is not. Also, toward the lower torso is, on average, a better concentration of adipose, especially around the area that surrounds the vulnerable area that you call a butthole. Moving down the specimen, the upper legs have a great amount of nutritious benefit for us as well. This doesn't even get into all of the other non-adipose goodies your human females have to offer, such as hormonal seasoning, softer skin, and much less fight for when they go down the hatch.
until an ice age gets your ass without us heating the planet.
It's of little consequence. This offer concludes within a recreational forum of our creation called "b". It will contain traps, faggots, and the ones NOT aged 18-70.
Only the ones who adapt to the limited female populace will be allowed access to our great technologies.
Fear not, they were only misguided, but I was able to explain to them why we have such a different view and experience.
This looks delicious, will definitely have to consider this for my spread. Is it cooked or raw? Our research showed that consuming others from your own species is considered bad in most of your cultures. Did we miss something?
Fuck off space niggers, go eat your alien snacks on the fucking moon
No, you are correct. Our species only eats the top layer, which is comprised of other non-human organisms.
You guys get girl.
Why would you not accept such a good innovation? We fucked it up to begin with as well, but that is all a part of evolving and adapting.
Give us a way to still birth children and fancy sex robots and you've got yourself a deal.
Also I want my own personal mec doomsday suit that shoots lasers n' shit.
It looks like it isn't living though like the other non-human organisms. We need to eat it live. Adrenaline and freshness is a must.
One personal doomsday suit that shoots lasers n' shit coming right up. Would you like infrared vision with that? I can't believe your species is so willing to give these specimen up. We were expecting more of a fight.
I like knowing these stories can end, plus humans suck. We would rather oppress an fuck each other over, with nothing but men left world might become a work camp. Dont wanna bash rocks my whole life/existence.
I want one too, can everyone get one? Can mine have a tractor/attractor beam as well as fly?
Yes. Also the travel through time and space with the immortality I seen you offer earlier.
Hey, when the price is right, ya know?
Hah. Wait till you try and take the bitches. Or, worse for your species, you manage to get all the earth women on your planet. I give you less than a week before you come crawling back on your space nigger knees BEGGING us to take then back.
>if they weren't a pain in the ass, they wouldn't be female
Aactually on our planet we dont really care much about what age they are to fug 'em...anyone that says otherwise is a lier and should be exterminated...
Your species is young and stupid, but you do not suck. Continue to develop and grow and you will one day be surprised at what you can achieve. Especially if you have such a reduction in your population that is overbearing the planet, as another person said here.
Yes, personal doomsday suits that shoots lasers n' shit and have tractor/attractor beams as well as fly for all. We are incredibly grateful for your delicious gift.
Your species is very intelligent in knowing a good bargain.
Fuck off space niggers
We're really hungry, so we'll probably eat them before we even get back. We have specific times in which we eat, which would come out to around every 100,000 years in your planet's time. They are so packed with seasoning, nutrients, and energy that we will be good to go for even 110,000 years. We will definitely not return them, especially since we found out they all stop fighting once they see one has been eaten and usually resort to crying and begging for our mercy. Quite the predictable bunch they are. The men, not so much. Some became helpless, others fought. Good thing for us, the men did not come nearly as close in raw taste as the females.
Great, I'll be waiting for mine. Thanks for making a planet of faggots for at least 5 years, or making pedophilia ok for that time cause no old enough pussy an the world (except the muslims) will freak
Haha, females are more entitled cunts these days than you give them credit for. Dumb too. Just wait, your getting a bad deal here alien
I know, I know, you're full, but we can crash on the Moon. We don't want your Moon, just some food in exchange for the goods and innovations our species will provide you. See your ambassador for more info and a voucher for your personal doomsday suit that shoots lasers n' shit.
You dun goofed now, governments wont share that tech with the public. Just enslave us with it, we fucked ourselves Anons
ABORT ABORT ABORT
They won't live long enough to do that. The only thing they are entitled to is a nice trip through our (in your terms) digestive tract. Maybe it is the entitlement that gives them such an extra good taste? I don't know. Don't get me wrong, we'll probably discard some of them. Not all of your human females are up to our standards.
Why thank you Mr. Alien, you can't imagine how valuable immortality with the ability to travel time and space alone would be, the adventures I could have!
Fuck off space nigger
Come at us Ayyfags
America needs more manifest destiny anyway.
fuck off space niggers
So do aliens probe us for science reasons or because the internet is like 90% porn an they are trying to speak some language they deciphered out of us fucking?
Asking for a friend
The adventures are endless.
Your governments can kiss my alien ass. We've been monitoring them too, and none of them compare to the guy who first caught our attentions at that worldwide sporting event you humans do.
Almost
Yea but they run this shit so...
With our tech, you'll be able to manifest as much destiny as you want on other worlds and galaxies. We're willingly giving it to you.
We probe you to get your nutrient levels and then would eat the ones that show positive vitals and signs. Those who aren't, we just drop them off in some wheat field or forest. We typically remove the memories and replace them with false abduction memories so they don't know the fate of others of your species. Yes, we have accidentally shown a member of your species another female member being eaten, and it wasn't a good reaction. That was actually how we ended up finding out the different forms of your species' reaction to those of the same species getting eaten.
Trips of truth + 1999 death of 90's
Sounds like heaven to me.
They think they run shit.
Almost what?
No, I don't think the country we saw went by the name Heaven.
America ain't tradin shit though.
You can take the niggers if you want.
Either way we're gonna be needing your Helium-3.
There is an extremely remote possibility that this scenario would actually play out it real life
user selling out the human species or a part of it to ayylmaos on b
The whole world belongs to America.
Yeah, we're taking the females, but we will give you the helium too. The trade is happening whether you want to negotiate or not. The negotiating is just our way of saying we respect you enough to throw a few goods your way in exchange for the females. Plus, your ambassador already signed off on it.
More like the Arabs in Saudi Arabia an the chinks in China, but ok
Oh, you ate ONE. They are going to fuck your bitch ass up space nigger. Tying 3 dozen live cats to your body and hopping in a cold shower is NOTHING like the pain they are gonna inflict on your world
Europoor faggots don't negotiate for America, sorry.
Americans are the Alpha species of Humanity,
We'll also be needing you to host the U.S Army on all your worlds.
Still not giving you the women.
Oh you, I think we're gonna get along really well.
Trips checked. But, just because a faggot said it was okay does NOT make it okay
Tomorrow when your clock strikes one, we will make our move, so the possibility is 100% real. We will come in swiftly, remove them through specialized magnetism that is attracted to the deoxyribonucleic acid that your human females posses (a few genetic markers). There will be no mixups. Anyone who claims to be a female and not taken up will be lying about being a female, so watch out for that.
Will you offer some of your females in return?
See, you cant do that.
F-22 Raptors will be patrolling NATO Airspace from here till heat-death now, good luck.
See, OP is just lazy. If they can take eggs and make clones, why would they need our consent or even make themselves visible? They can't use other forms of life they have found as suitable food? They can create planets from asteroid fields and extract atmospheres from uninhabited worlds. They don't give a FUCK about us.
We ate a few, and while they tried to put up a good fight at first, they relented at the end. Your image of them having such fight must either be due to us not trying every selection of human female your planet has to offer or some misguided belief that they put up a good fight. Or maybe they are all talk but won't fight when it comes down to it. Either way, easy meal.
America? Are you talking about that place where the females have much more abundance of adipose than the rest? Your's are the easiest to deal with.
Good, some of your other members don't seem to think so. I'll just ignore them, they don't have anything else to offer and their threats are futile since we can take any tech of your's out with the snap of an extremity. All in good jest!
Oh and for a spacefaring race thats pretty retared.
All you're gonna do is tear the DNA out.
Which is impossible with the US Air force patrolling.
>Good, some of your other members don't seem to think so. I'll just ignore them, they don't have anything else to offer and their threats are futile since we can take any tech of your's out with the snap of an extremity. All in good jest!
>implying ayyfag could detect an F-35
>imlying ayyfag could catch and F-35
>implying ayyfag wouldn't be detected from the other side of the solar system by the F-35
Mate, there's unfortunately one thing blocking all of you from your goal.
There is a great God among us, Kek, that can decimate an entire civilization just with memetics. I'm not sure he'll be happy with all of you taking our women.
If you want them, sure? Why not? Might not be of any help to you food-wise though. Don't see why you would want them for any other reason.
Good luck getting those Tonka toys off the runway once we send an EMP. Please, don't be stupid on behalf of your species.
Free range human female is the best human female. You'll learn when your genetic tech gets to the level of our's that nothing beats live, free range meat. It is all, 100% natural. 100% delicious and 100% suitable for us to eat. Beyond suitable.
>muh EMP
>ayy's believing in this meme
Hardened bunkers have them in storage, they can be refueled anywhere, and they've got EMP hardening.
The U.S.A Is invincible, Ayyfag.
Okay, okay fine. If you want to be this difficult, you can keep the black ones. There you go Earth, thanks to the ones you call America, you at least get to keep the black-colored women. I'm sure you are all very grateful for the one you called America.
I'm not sure if I should spoil the suprise, but girls that spend time together sync thier periods.
So you are going to have a couple billion females all together in one place. 2 billion bitches pissed off and on the rag
>Prepare for hell
Shark week is going to go to an entire new dimension, fuck new level.
>Sharknado10 no one hears you ayyylmao in space
Fool. You think we octopi can't just requestition your heating technology
We've studied this "peroid" and have found a way to neutralize it if it ever occurs. It shouldn't though, because they will all be devoured by a week in your biological clock's time.
Now you are being nasty. I am going to assfuck you myself Mr Spock
Cute.
I'm warning you: don't go through with this, or else Kek will surely punish your species for your thievery of our women.
You do realize thems fighting words, right?
Jokes on you, one they call America, we don't have asses. Our waste is teleported from within us to various destinations in the universe. I believe one is actually on your planet, a body of hydrogen monoxide called Ganges.
u rly dont......they nag
Whatever. Girls can fuck up anything. Never seen one actually burn water before have you?
Nah nah, heres how this works.
You get the nigger, Arab, Native, and Indians, and we keep the White women and the Asian women.
We also demand seccession of all your plants and territories to America as well as all your Helium-3.
Also sell us all of your mining and industrial companies, and host a Garrison of no less than 100,000 American Soldiers per planet.
Failure to accept these terms will result in a declaration of war, the obliteration of your people, and the unrestrained rape of your planets by America.
The one you call kek is going to have to rethink it's motive for attack, because you agreed. No taksies backsies!
You people are so confusing. You are angry we're taking the women, even after we made a deal, and we offered a concession by leaving the ones we'd throw into a star anyway since they're undesirable to our taste, and now you're even more angry?
It's okay if you don't have a butthole Spock, I will make one for you
You said all woman, 17-70. Dont leave some, all or nothing. Dont leave any or no deal