Give me your best joke Sup Forums

Give me your best joke Sup Forums

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m.youtube.com/watch?v=itkg_fYcneg
twitter.com/SFWRedditGifs

Your sex life

...

Thats your best joke? Its pretty overused lol

It's probably not a joke at that point. Sorry bud.

Whats the difference between a jew and harry potter?
Harry potter made it out if the chamber

What is a group of Canadians called
An apology

It's not, but thats not the point

>Be American
>Love starting wars so I can shoot guns to make up for my mutilated cock and low I.Q
>Never win any
>Have an election
>Lose that too

What's a group of Americans called?
>Ineffectual

My chance of being happy

What do you call an investigator who has alzheimers?
A defective

Liberalism

Knock Knock

...

whos there

9-11

911 who

Me, you dumb cunt.

Bill Cosby

Lord Lucan

Q.Why do they have fences or gates around graveyards?

A. Because people are dying to get in.

and you said you'd never forget

What’s the best part about sex with 28-year-olds?

There are twenty of them.

What’s the difference between a Catholic priest and a zit?

A zit will wait until you’re twelve before it comes on your face.

two nuts were walking down the street and one of them was assaulted.

...

I had a picture framed last week. Now it's in prison doing 10years for armed robbery.

Why does Dr. Pepper come in a bottle?

Because his wife died.

There was a man in Bulgaria who drove a train for a living.

He loved his job, driving a train had been his dream ever since he was a child.

He loved to make the train go as fast as possible.

Unfortunately, one day he was a little too reckless and caused a crash.

He made it out, but a single person died.

Well, needless to say, he went to court over this incident.

He was found guilty, and was sentenced to death by electrocution.

When the day of the execution came, he requested a single banana as his last meal.

After eating the banana, he was strapped into the electric chair.

The switch was flown, sparks flew and smoke filled the air- but nothing happened.

The man was perfectly fine.

Well, at the time, there was an old Bulgarian law that said a failed execution was a sign of divine intervention, so the man was allowed to go free.

And somehow, he managed to get his old job back driving the train.

Having not learned his lesson at all, he went right back to driving the train with reckless abandon.

Once again, he caused a train to crash, this time killing two people.

The trial went much the same as the first, resulting in a sentence of execution.

For his final meal, the man requested two bananas.

After eating the bananas, he was strapped into the electric chair.

The switch was thrown, sparks flew, smoke filled the room- and the man was once again unharmed.

Well, this of course meant that he was free to go.

And once again, he somehow manages to get his old job back.

To what should have been the surprise of no one, he crashed yet another train and killed three people.

And so he once again found himself being sentenced to death.

cont

Why did Hitler get hit by the ball?


He did nazi it coming.

Jesus fed 2,000 people with 5 loaves of bread and 2 fish, but Adolf Hitler made 6 million Jews toast.

On the day of his execution, he requested his final meal- three bananas.

"You know what? No," said the executioner. "I've had it with you and your stupid bananas and walking out of here unharmed. I'm not giving you a thing to eat, we're strapping you in and doing this now."

Well, it was against protocol, but the man was strapped in to the electric chair without a last meal.

The switch was pulled, sparks flew, smoke filled the room- and the man was still unharmed.

The executioner was speechless.

The man looked at the executioner and said "Oh, the bananas had nothing to do with it. I'm just a bad conductor."

...

Al that and a conductor doesn't even drive the train

... ha

A lot of people like steampunk I think it's not that great but it is the healthiest way to prepare punk.

You really fucked that up. In order for it to be funny in print, you have to write it as "twenty eight year olds" not "28 year olds."
>at least you tried

a white lady is in a bar and she feels pretty horny. she sees a nigger and decides she wants to try BBC for the first time. she walks over and asks
"is it true what they say about black guys?"
"u dam rite bitch."
"you wanna get outta here and go back to my place?"
"aw hell ya."
they get to her apartment, go in the bedroom and she gets undressed and lays back on her bed and says
"alright big guy, do what you do best."
"a'ight"
he picks up the table lamp, busts it over her head, grabs her purse and runs out the door.

...

Jack the R-ramen delivery boy.

Heard joke once: Man goes to doctor. Says he's depressed. Says life seems harsh and cruel. Says he feels all alone in a threatening world where what lies ahead is vague and uncertain. Doctor says, "Treatment is simple. Great clown Pagliacci is in town tonight. Go and see him. That should pick you up." Man bursts into tears. Says, "But doctor...I am Pagliacci.”

DO WE HAVE ANY UPDOGS UNDERTHERE?

Q. What do you get when you put a box of oranges in a bath tub?

A. Nothing motorcycles don't have doors.

What's the difference between Jesus and a picture of Jesus?

A picture of Jesus only takes one nail to hang.

what are updogs?

...

NOTHING HOW ARE YOU

KNOCK KNOCK

Doors open come in.

So, how many north koreans are having a good well balanced meal?

1.

Underwear? what are you talkin bout

They're kinda like henweighs.

Q. What did the Germans do when the polish threw grenades at them?

A. Pull the pins and threw them back.

they say swans mate for life, but they usually fly away as soon as I let them go.

So Mickey Mouse is talking to his lawyer...
"I'm sorry, Mr Mouse, but I'm afraid your wife acting a little silly just isn't grounds for divorce."
"I didn't say she's acting silly, I SAID SHE'S FUCKING GOOFY."

*slow claps steps out of the shadows*

Heh.... not bad, kid. Not bad at all. Your meme, I mean it's not bad. A good first attempt. It's pretty dank.... I can tell it's got some thought behind it.... lots of quotable material.....

But memeing isn't all sunshine and rainbows , kid. You're skilled.... that much I can tell. But do you have what it takes to be a memester? To join those esteemed meme ranks? To call yourself a member of the Ruseman Corps? Memeing takes talent, that much is true. But more than hat it takes heart. The world-class Memesters - I mean the big guys, like Johnny Hammersticks and Billy Kahuna - they're out there day and night, burning midnight meme-oil, working tirelessly to craft the next big meme.

And you know what, kid? 99 times out of a hundred, that new meme fails. Someone dismisses it as bait, or says it's "tryhard", or ignores it as they copy/paste the latest shitpost copypasta dreamt up by those sorry excuses for cut-rate memers over at Reddit. The Meme Game is rough, kid, and I don't mean the one you just lost : ). It's a rough business, and for every artisan meme you craft in your meme bakery, some cocksucker at 9gag has a picture of a duck or some shit that a million different Johnny No-Names will attach a million different captions to. Chin up, kid. Don't get all mopey on me. You've got skill. You got talent. You just need to show your drive.

See you on the boards.......

The gaza strip is hosting the world olympics.
Israel wins all the medals

What's the difference between Courtney Love and a soccer team?

A soccer team takes a shower after three periods.

the leaf with the insufferable shitpost.

It's the police, ma'am.
Your son is dead, the driver was an alcohol.

my name jeff

...

Nooooooooo

That's the sound of you being swatted

What do you call a boomerang that doesn't come back?


A stick.

Kek

What's long, brown, and sticky?


A stick.

A priest, a rabbi, and a nun walk into a bar.
The bartender looks up and says "What is this, some kind of joke?"

EPIC MEME THREAD GUISE

le epic so ebin dae le epin win xD pwn?d ftw le bacon narwhale xP

ITT: Enemies that unnerve me - my answer, of course, my peanus weenus :D

tfw no gf xD ayy lmao! :p >>> upboated good sir i tip my fedora to you, fine gentlemen le real men have class xD real human bean!!1 dae cake is a lie lel epic fail!!!!!!!! ;p for YOU!! :DDD XD we r anonymous >:D lol DOGE111 so ebin much le1, for the lulz!! xD le upvote for you :) just epic, simply epin ROFLMAOCOPTER BBQ :o WE ESPORTS NOW :DDDDDDDDD, did u waifu?

le dae EXPLODIN KNEES PUDDI!!!! le epic oldfag here, ama :D, 5get or faget? keke ebin? SHOOP LE WHOOP :D XDDDDD, here have an upboat, lelele so much ebin 420 smoke weed!!!!!11 dae le trees? :D le tree blaze ftw! epic memes, us gamers huh!? >:) tips fedora, le any1 athiest? SJW EBIN WOW memez? RAISE UR DONGERS! 8D YTMD :))))))))

EPIC PWNAGE!???? CUPCAKES (im so randum :) dae la lets players!!! BROFIST :dd dae feel ? le sad frog faec. IM CIA, dae BANE!? PRO TIP: FOR YOU XDddd!!!11 le dubs goy! hehehehada dh?. twitch general /twitch/ @:=] kappa :D

>le maymay arrow is this a le new epic meme? screen kapped for dat sweet karma xD. FUS ROH DAH!!!!!1 i used to be a christmas but then i took an arrow 2 da knee : BAZINGA BAZINGA ZIMBABWE. top kek, toppest of keks. le nyan cat? hahahaha le mayonaise. fucking epic ass meme i love that fucking meme so much man wait let me just gets crack pipe out smoke some of that good 420 shit : rips a bong AHHHHHHHHH YES!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

that sure hit the spot ok now NOTHING PERSONELL...KID! REDDIT PLS GO HAHAHAHA AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA Y LMAO Y LMAO Y LMAO Y LMAO Y LMAO

>Give me your best joke Sup Forums
Donald J. Trump as POTUS
>joke's definitely on us

This is why Hitler must come back. We wouldn't have to see your retaded jew ass make a fool of yourself.

Its really not comfortable to have sex in a sleeping bag.
Its too hot, you cant really move
And your scoutleader is holding your mouth shut.

There's two goldfish in a tank.
One looks at the other and says "Do you even know how to drive this thing?"

These two lesbians walk into a pet shop. They tell the owner they want to buy the biggest

...

m.youtube.com/watch?v=itkg_fYcneg

How do you make a baby drink? you put it through a blender. why do you always put the baby in the blender feet first? So you can get some eyecontact when you Cum,

...

...

So three nazis walk into a BAR...

i don't get it. i mean the pic

We have a war based economy

There's much more that's wrong with the USA besides trump

Implying holocoust happened

Stop replying to every post you tryhard fucking faggot.I am SICK to death of you. You are nothing but a low life piece of shit with nothing better to do than sit behind your damned keyboard playing at the big I am. You live in a fantasy world and take some warped sense of pleasure from posting shit such as this.

I would dearly LOVE to meet you one day - I may be a pacifist but i'd smash your fuckin teeth in without a second thought you tosser - do us all a favour and fuck off back to the sewer you came from.

Other posters - while I apologise for the use of profanities and the nature of my post I do not apologise for aiming it at this piece of shit who does nothing on this thread but wind people up and is the most disrespectful arsehole I have ever encountered on any thread. One or two posts I think I could live with but the fucking diarrhea that spouts fromt his dickheads mouth is constant. Behaving like this and posting like this is absolutely disgraceful and I for one am fuckin fuming that this wanker is still here and allowed to post such shit.

stay mad, kid.

I like puns. Saved

It doesn't matter. Listen kid you don't want to see my other side. I have a wolf inside me with a muzzle on, but the muzzle is about to come off. You broke her heart, and I will break yours. She is a nice girl, how dare you use her like this. How come people like you get to date her? Then people like me have to sit in the shadows and be the shoulders to cry on. Listen Kid, I don't have time for FUCKING games. I am a nice guy, but when you make a nice guy angry; the world shakes. Don't do it again.
... You will regret this the next FULL MOON. You mess with me you mess with the pack bud. FUCK you. Get ready.

What did the blonde and the chicken have in common?

Big Black Cock

i have a full moon right here, if you know what i mean.

Q. His many Polacks does it take to screw in a lightbulb?

A. A million and one. One to hold the lightbulb and a million to turn the house.

so basically you're saying that you're and angsty furry who lets his gf put a muzzle on him

how many liberals does it take to screw in a lightbulb?

just one. xhe holds the lightbulb and the world revolves around xir.

Who the fuck do you fucking think you are you fucking faggot cock sucker? I dont give a fucking rats asshole if you're a Navy Seal or not. All you fucking faggots do is sit around snorting cocaine and jerking each other off to pictures of each others wives. You fucking faggot mother fucking dick head piece of shit. Please send the storm my way. I am a 4 time purple belt in Mixed Martial Arts, I could kill all of you faggots with my left nut. You think that fucking people are supposed to be intimidated by your hollow threats of fucking someone up? Let me tell you something faggot, I will find you. I will cut out your fucking eyeballs with a spoon and stick them in your asshole so you can watch yourself take my dick up your ass while I'm raping you, Fucking queer. You don't know who the fuck I am. Wanna know how much of a sick mother fucker I am? Ask Chuck Norris' wife. She couldn't even take the tip of my cock in her ass without screaming. Chuck Norris is a BITCH to me, and you're nothing but a speck of sand in the desert you're stationed in, to Chuck. So what does that make you compared to me? Nothing. You are fucking NOTHING. You're not even a fucking MOLECULE compared to me you fucking dick sucker. So before you send your arsenal off cock sucking faggot Navy bitches, why don't you stop and ask yourself, "Is it really worth it? Do I want to put myself, my friends, and my family in danger, because I don't know when to shut the fuck up?". Then answer the question by saying no and moving on with your pathetic excuse you call a life, you fag.

oh the things we'll solve when racism is no more

You don’t frighten us, English pig dogs! Go and boil your bottoms, you sons of a silly person! I blow my nose at you. I unclog my nose in your direction, sons of a window dresser. I wave my private parts at your aunties, you cheesy-leather, second-hand, electric donkey bottom biters. I FART in your general direction you empty headed animal food trough wiper.

Man walking up and down the the aisles of a grocery store shouting "Crisco! Crisco! Where are you Crisco?" A stock boy stopped him and say "Sir, Crisco is on aisle 5 on the right". The man replied "I dont need cooking grease. I am trying to find my wife and she hates it when I call her lard ass in public".

Oh my god, you're so beautiful that I can hardly believe it. I'm being totally honest. I hope it doesn't sound creepy that I've been staring at this picture for something around half an hour, poring over every beautiful idiosyncrasy of your body and your sweet skin... Take my word for it that if it wasn't obscenely and blatantly invasive, I would be gushing verbally over every tiny characteristic of your body, the wonderful look of your skin and how it lend to the vision of you represented in his picture, the background and how it not only contrasts your passionate use of grays, but shows the contrast between two different eras, adding to the theme of sexual freedom present, probably inadvertently, in several parts of the picture, how the relatively poor resolution makes you seem simultaneously distant and dream-like, yet relatable and still very wonderfully normal and grounded... etc. etc. etc. I'd love to go on, but I fear that it may seem too... creepy stalker-ish, especially in a public place such as this. The thing I like most is how your wholesome and powerful sense of humanity is omnipresent and very defiant against conservative views about the expression of sexuality. It doesn't seem slutty at all, simply like another facet of your existence that you are expressing like many others you have shown through Sup Forums. It and you laugh at the stereotype that girls who show their bodies are sluts, and it shows in your ironic facial expression. You are incredibly sexy in the way that your sexuality is portrayed as simply being another part of the complexity of your being, and that you mean much more than that. hope I can go on a date with you sometime soon!

Your mother was a hamster, and your father smelled of ELDERBERRIES.

me me big boy

This is a good thread