Here are the rules. Responses that advance the story must end in 3, 6...

Here are the rules. Responses that advance the story must end in 3, 6, or 9 and must be replying to the most recent story event. Here we go.

"Who are you?" You ask of the stranger before you.
"I am a god. I have made a wager on you, and therefore, your life is no longer your own. You must go on an adventure, as it were, and retrieve something for me. I may grant you one boon. You may have super strength, super speed, or unlimited charisma. Which do you feel would be most useful? Remember, no variations."

Well Sup Forums? whats your super power for this adventure?

hurry up Sup Forumsois

...

Unlimited charisma

Unlimited charisma

oh hey, a 9!

Bump

Hey OP does this count even if it wasnt replying to your post?

OP decided to abandon thread so adventurer with his unlimited charisma convinces "God" to retrieve his own "something." Turns out to be the Krabby Patty formula. "God" is plankton.

"with this charisma, you may convince anyone to do nearly anything. As for your quest, I require a diamond necklace, worn by the duchess Elaine."

"Does this mean I can convince you to fuck off?" You ask the god figure.

"Of course not. Best of luck."

You find yourself transported to an unfamiliar local. There is an estate before you. giant cast iron gates with gold decal take up more of your vision. Two armed men stand guard with automatic weapons. There appears to be a gathering going on inside. A dance maybe?
There is also a town, or small city behind you. Maybe it would be better to prepare in town. After all, you were given very little information about your mission, or the duchess Elaine.

what do Sup Forums ?

Not clear enough, what super speed we're talking about? Is it light speed, fap speed? Same goes for strength..

And unlimited charisma? Do you lose points whenever you socialize or what?

Go to the town

Trying this again

Once more?

You say fuck it and walk up to the guards, you use unlimited charisma to fuck them both into submission and steal thier clothes.

stop rolling 5's

Fuck this shit man someone else roll
How about you roll?

Long story short you start dating the necklace chick. Because unlimited charisma.

Go to the bar in town.

>
>You say fuck it and walk up to the guards, you use unlimited charisma to fuck them both into submission and steal thier clothes.
This.

This

>this counts. we go to town

You head away from the estate, ending up on the main drag of a town that you don't recognize. There are no street signs, no landmarks that you can place, and no cell service.
There is a store that where you may be able to find a nice suit, a weapons store selling military surplus, and a bar.
You also notice a cutie working the desk in the convenience store. As useful as the other destinations are, it wouldn't hurt to try out this charisma. Besides, you were given no reward for completing your task, no punishment for failure. Why play by someone else rules?

Where to now?

Go to the convenience store

Unlimited charisma I choose you! You fuck the inn hag, weapons dealer, and cutie chick and gain info on the necklace bitch.

Using unlimited charisma turns out as invalid action for beta flirting and as a result mission failed.

You walk into the convenience store, pretending to browse the shelves. The girl behind the counter catches you glancing at her and blows a bubble with the gum in her mouth. She has her stereotype down to an art. She couldn't possibly look any more bored.

"Can I help you?" she asks tersely.

"I was thinking about... getting some beef jerky," you reply. As soon as you speak, her entire attitude changes. She jumps over the counter and starts pulling beef jerky off the shelf and shoving it into your arms until you can hold no more.

"Go ahead. It's yours."

"What? For free?" You ask with eyebrows raised. This charisma could be interesting.

"Well.." She hesitates a moment. "You're supposed to pay. Don't worry about it. I'll cover it if my boss finds out."

What the fuck, Sup Forums ?

Tell her she's your bitch now and make her your human shield.

Eat all the beef jerky and get Swoll off the life points.

>
>Eat all the beef jerky and get Swoll off the life points.
Reroll

>
>
>
> (You)
>>
>>Eat all the beef jerky and get Swoll off the life points.
>Reroll
This

Check inventory.

>
>Check inventory.
This

Make her eat all the jerky and an entire pack of gum so that she has a meat bubble

The food has been expired for a long time.

Current inventory:
1 cellphone, 98% battery, 0 reception. You wonder about that, since this isn't a backwoods area. Maybe its just your phone.

1 car keys. No car. up the creek without paddle

18 lbs beef jerkey

1 pair of nail clippers, You just trimmed your nails, nbd

1 button with the words "Wanna talk?" Inscribed on it. You have no recollection of this strange button.

inventory is looking pretty bleak at the moment, but that's why you're in town, right?

Pause game and save
>Open Sup Forums
>Start thread about your adventure
>Devolves into waifu rate

you're making the choices here. it only devolves if you want it to

Unlimited Charisma. Speed & Strength even if above the worlds average will most likely be matched/over powered eventually. Charisma lets me make friends and friends with powerful people that can join/train/enhance me in my quest.

Trade beef jerky to weapons dealer for 4 grenades, a 9mm fully loaded, a recurve bow with 6 arrows, and an Ak with a drum mag loaded with 100 bullets... Holsters included for no extra charge.

You ditch the store with your ass load of jerky and head for the weapons shop. The man behind the counter is another predictable stereotype. He's missing an eye, is smoking a cigar, and weighs easily 280 lbs
"Sup, g. I've found myself with an excess of beef jerky. You clearly need the protein to keep up your mad gainz, and I need weapons. Think we can make a deal?"

"You've got yourself a deal," he replied before even finding out the parameters of the trade. You pass him the list, and he quickly begins outfitting you with the items you asked for.

"Good, good. Thank you. You can have... half of this beef jerky." You pocket the rest.

"Is that everything?" he asks, happily taking his share of the meat.

"Yeah. I'm a walking arsenal. Time to fuck the world. Thanks, friend."

Where now?

Ask the man behind the counter how he lost his eye.

Back to the cutie and ask her to fuck at the local inn

Go kill bubble gum slut and fillet her flesh. Salt and cure. Make beef jerky out of her.

>
>Ask the man behind the counter how he lost his eye.
I want this story.

go to /qst/

Oh no well now god hates us...

Fucks sake op negate this shit

Tell the weapons dealer “maximum kek” and give him a high five and leave the store

Gotta have a little bad boy in us. No one likes a goodie two shoes.

You walk out of the weapon shop feeling like a god. Everyone does anything you ask. This is power like you've never felt. Killing cats ain't gonna cut it anymore. You walk into the convenience store again, smiling broadly. The clerk lights up upon seeing you again.

"Come here," you order. She responds immediately. Her pupils dilate as she nears. There are obvious signs of attraction.

"Yes?"

"I'm going to skin you alive. You're going to become mine, and mine alone. Take off your clothes and lay down." Your voice penetrates the deepest parts of her mind. Fear wars with lust on her face. She undressed and lays down on the cold floor, squirming in panic and ecstasy as you pull a knife from your belt. A freebie from the man with one eye.
The knife bites into her flesh easily, peeling it from the muscle. She screams in pain, though she can't bring herself to move. The second slice feels even better than the first. Your hands are shaking with anticipation. Blood is starting to pool on the floor.

"Am I doing a good job?" she asks weakly. She's starting to go into shock and her frantic, pain ridden movements are starting to dull.


Damn, Sup Forumsoys. You made this go in a weird direction.

I completely agree but dont mean we have to kill the cutie she could be our sex slave or we can recruit all the townspeople including her with our charisma and make an army to storm the fort

He kills himself

Roll

character has will to live. try again.

You hit the wanna talk button

He knows death is not the end

if you roll again for this with a 3 6 or 9 i will run with it.

You didn't make her into beef jerky faggot

And in case roll,
Make the guards at the estate give you a piggy back ride everywhere you go from now on.

Nah we don't need an army, this could literally end with us talking our way into the fort and asking for the necklace. So we have to spice it up before we just use talking.

Good point user, nvm what i said earlier, im with you

When someone shows up, you convince them that the real killer is inside the duchess' mansion party thing, you don't know the details because you weren't invited, but if you could get inside you're positive that you'll find out who injured(killed?) this girl.

Whoever it is makes it their solemn duty to help you get inside the party for the sake of this girl.

>
>He knows death is not the end
Roll

Rolling for this user

I guess at this point we've killed ourself though so... Maybe a little to much spice.

Again?

This

>
>Again?
Roll until we revive!!!! Ah ah ah ah staying alive.

We dealing with a god entity type shit he'll probably just respawn us or some shit

Sirens blare outside, breaking your concentration. Oh well, most of this girl is now stuffed into plastic bags labelled as beef jerky.
How did the cops know you were here? You look around. Security camera. Shit. Must be remotely monitored. A police officer bursts through the door, gun leveled at you.

"Officer, wait! Don't shoot!" Your voice makes him immediately lower his gun. "I didn't do this! The killer is with the Duchess Elaine! He's planning on killing her, too. We need to stop him!"

"Shit. Alright. I'll call in backup." He holsters his weapon and heads for the car, but you stop him.

"We don't have time. If you can get me inside the estate, I know I can find him," you say.

"Of course. Why didn't I think of that? Hop in the back." He puts you in the back of the cop car, while his partner looks at you in confusion.

"You didn't cuff him?" Time to work some magic.

"I'm tracking down a killer. You're going to help me." Your words fall over him like a spell.

"Yup. Of course I'l help you. What's the first step?"

"Need to get into the duchesses party," You order. The car takes off towards the estate. You relax in the back with your new personal assistants and your mini arsenal of weaponry.

the numbers aren't in your favor

We stumble upon a warp pipe that makes anyone who enters 2D. We hop in and run into back to the cops car, now we are virtually invisible from one direction and can fit through the tightest spaces.

Offer the cop some Cutie Jerky

Tell cops to give you the keys while they go inside, hightail it to compton to go coon hunting.

Followed by this

Kill cops and flip car

Mr. Quacks a duck blocks our path. You grew up with this duck but he chose the dark side and now is you rival. Mr. Quacks can only be killed by rolling an even number odds will kill you.

"Would you like some jerky?" you offer, though the cage between the front and back seeats inhibits the gesture.

"I would love some jerky. Jerry, take the back seat." The driver forces his partner into the back so that you can ride shotgun. "Whats up with this jerky? It's a little slimy..."

"You don't like it?" you ask him with a look of concern.

"Ah.. no, i love it! it's really good!" he says around a mouthful of raw flash.

You pull up to the gates, but the guards seem to have no intention of opening them. The driver exits the car to speak with them, but no guards aren't having it. This could go on for a while if you don't intervene.

"Kys fags!" You yell out to the guards.

You get out and throw a grenade klling both guards and the driver.

>
>You get out and throw a grenade klling both guards and the driver.
Roll

Tell the cops to rape the guards to create mass confusion

You don't intervene.

Reroll

Hop into driver seat and drive off with your new best friend, Ryan. Drive to Kentucky and buy a ranch, main export, Beef jerky. Slowly, over time, you and Ryan become closer and closer, eventually becoming lovers. You share your time on the farm together in love and gay as fuck. After 7 years of a happy marriage, you kill Ryan in his sleep. Another package of fresh human jerky.

Re roll

You turn the radio up to drown out the bickering. Why should you have to do everything? As you wait, a tall man in old school knight armor walks past your car. He's wearing a giant sword on his back, but the real danger becomes apparent when he grabs the cast iron gates and rips them free of their hinges. He tosses them to the side.

"What the fuck?" You sit forward in your seat, intrigued by this turn of events. The guards seem even more taken aback, and move to open fire with their automatic weapons. The knight reaches out and grabs the barrels, crushing them and rendering the guns useless.
Fucking useless guards. Might as well be mall cops.
This could be an opportunity, though. You could use him as a distraction, or possibly even bring him to your side.

You yell out the window, "hey knight fag, it's me ya boii!" And become instant friends.

Persuade him to give you his armor, after he takes the armor off, you take pictures of his naked body and black mail him by telling him you will release them to all his friends and family of he doesn't support you in your quest.

Reroll for this

Kek'd this is good

"hey knight fag, it's me-" Automatic fire shatters the windshield of the car and peppers the cobblestone around the knight. He dives behind the wall for cover. You open the door and roll for the other wall, seeking protection from the gunfire that's coming from the upper levels of the mansion. Screeming is coming from the estate now. Rich dumbasses scared by the gunfire, no doubt.

"I am not a fag!" the knight shouts back to you.

"You didn't let me finish!" you yell back through a break in the gun fire. "It's me, ya boii."

"My son? How? No... you can't be my boy." He looks incredibly troubled, on the verge of a panic attack.

"No, not your boy, your boiii~ I'm your friend, right? You gotta help me out."

"Ah! That is good news. I'm happy that we are friends. I wouldn't have known what to do had you been my son. I am a virgin, and believed it to be impossible."

"Ya, k, whatever, listen-"

"Have no fear! I will help you! This place is dangerous, I will escort you to safety." The knight makes a mad dash across the open gate, risking gunfire to make it to your side. He immediately tried to pick you up under his arm and flee.

"Hey! Stop! We're not leaving! I need something from here!" God damn it. This may have been a bad idea. Idiot was likely to cause more problems on my team than not on my team.


what now Sup Forums?

Knight fag takes you back to town. You book a room at the local inn to let thing settle down. You also buy knight fag a whore and pop his cherry.

Order him to storm the castle gates and got to the duchess

Ask the black knight if he likes beef jerky.
>Says yes
>Go back to castle whatthefuck with him
>Become jerky bros
>Smoking hot queen
>ThiccerThanABagOfCutieJerky.jpg
>Use unlimited babe works and score
>Make jerky out of queen

Do dub 3's outrank ?

"Listen, we're busting into this place. I need you to take the vanguard. I'll cover you if I can. We need to get in there at all costs, understand?" You lay it out for him "We need to get to the duchess."

"Ah, so it is, friend. I was headed her direction myself. It is good we are working together."

"You were? Wait. Why?" you ask.

"I was asked to retrieve her necklace. In exchange, Armageddon on my planet will be forestalled." Son of a bitch. He was after the same necklace. Why was he given more information than you? Did that mean that Earth was doomed should you fail? Not a big loss for you, maybe, but that definitely added some weight to the game. You were making some assumptions, but they weren't baseless.

"I'll get the necklace for the both of us, I just need you to get me to the duchess. Can you do that?" you ask.

"I won't fail you." The earnest look in the knight's eyes speaks to his conviction.

"Let's go, then." You follow his lead, dashing through the gate and into the perfectly sculpted foliage inside. Two bullets bounce off of the knights armor. You take up your 9mm and take aim at the window. One shot and the gunman drops to his death. 250 meter head shot with a hand gun. Too much time spent playing COD.

"We should go through the building. The duchess is in the back yard, but if we stay outside, we will be taking heavy fire the whole way." The knight seems sure of his battle plan, so you follow along. He punches the wall of the mansion as you reach it, blowing a large whole in the brick and mortar. What gargantuan strength. A mass of heavy footsteps to the left reveals 8 more guards.

"Keep moving!" you yell. "I got this!" You pull the pin on a grenade and toss it down the hallway, obliterating your pursuers.

Do we keep going like this, Sup Forums ?

Sneak out the back and let all the guards get murdered by black boy slim.

Loot the bodies for fresh jerky meat.

Tell black knight she escaped to bottom of cliff and the only way to catch up is jump straight off of it.

Reroll

We will become the meat man. A god among man.

You yell a echoing yell that fills the castle Hall's "next person that fires a bullet must fire it at himself!!!!" Then drop your last 3 grenades down the knights helm slot with pins pulled sliding you knife between the openings sealing it shut. And make your way toward necklace lady.

"Hey, I'm going out the back. Once you take out all of the guards, meet me there. Make sure you check every floor. Once you get to the third floor, just jump out the window to 'meat' me." You are sure the instructions are thorough enough. The knight nods in understanding. On your way out, you see someone in much fancier clothing than your own.

"Excuse me, sir. Think I could borrow your clothes?"

"Why certainly. It would be an honor," The man replies, stripping down until he's entirely nude. You have no intention of wearing his underwear, but you light them on fire so that he can't have them either.

After moving your inventory over to your new boss ass outfit, you head out into the back yard, which is filled with the aristocratic youth of this region. Soft music plays, but no one is dancing. The sounds of battle have sent everyone looking for cover. Do they really think that snack tables will save them from bullets? Idiots. Everyone is looking at you expectantly. You want to make this quick. There's perfectly good skin back in the manor that could be made into shitty jerky.

As you stand there, thinking how to go about this, the knight jumps from the 3rd floor window. He lands 20 feet away from you, crashing through the concrete patio.

"I'm ok! I'm ok!" He gets up a little shakily and dusts himself off. His armor looks to have suffered some damage in the fall, but incredibly, the knight is perfectly fine.