ITT: An hero attempts/stories, psychosis, drugs

ITT: An hero attempts/stories, psychosis, drugs

>be me
>be 27 years old
>have paranoid schizophrenia
>feel more paranoid than usual for a couple of weeks
>hear voices outside talking about how they would rape and kill me
>drink booze all night to keep calm
>listen to the voices and not moving an inch, scared to death thinking its all real
>stay like that till day break, call a friend to get some weed, canthandlethis.jpg
>be awake for four days straight
>smoke some pot to calm down
>anxiety rises, voices get louder, fuckthis.gif
>voices talk about a girl that friendzoned me, how they are going to pay her and my little brother a visit soon
> suddenly hear a chainsaw like noise, think its a threat and that they are coming soon
>voices keep calling my name, telling me that I could pay in blood to get out of this
>grab a razor blade and slit both my wrists, feeling nothing
>never seen so much blood, its everywhere
>the anxiety and fear is gone, voices are calm all of a sudden
>grab a smoke and watch the blood
>bleeding stops, missed the artery
>drink the rest of my cheap whisky and walk to hospital
>get stiched up and sent to mental ward
>spent 8 month in a mental hospital having very paranoid phases every few weeks
>be diagnosed with paranoid schizophrenia
>still hear voices but only when I smoke pot

Ask any questions, this shit has been going on for years, what are your experiences?

1st time : ate enough tylenol to kill a horse dr. said, threw up after i blacked out luckily 0 liver damage lol

2nd time : Stabbed a kitchen knife through my esophagus almost pinning myself to floor, felt the blade poke through back of neck not enough to puncture.. missed spinal chord by milimeter

All of that was derived from a girl cheating on me and years of alcohol abuse, either 1 or 2 bottles of vodka a day or a 24 pack

I've never been a believer in luck but now that i look back on it, i should be fucking dead.. Maybe luck is real.

>ate enough tylenol
>Stabbed a kitchen knife through my esophagus

dude are you fucking retarded, just get some rope

>be manic outta my mind
>think I’m Jimi Hendrix
>write a bad check to guitar center for $3,000 of Jimi Hendrix guitar equipment
>try to drive down to Mexico to become a rock star
>arrested at the border
>I don’t even know how to play guitar

You're right, both attempts i had enough booze in my system at the time i sware my piss could have been flammable.. Humans don't tend to make the best decisions when fading in and out of consciousness.. Sorry for not being smart enough to kill myself

Young and dumb, broke up with gf of 3 years (18 at the time of breakup)... Took 2.5g DPH, walked 45 miles, hallucinating and mostly blacked out.

literally a few hours ago just decided to down the rest of my anti-depressants with a can of beer. felt really sick and dizzy for a while but not too bad now...

That bit cost me two weeks in the psych ward

Most i baned was 650 mg i think of DPH... And that was a fucking nightmare.
A dose that high gives me goosebumps thinking about lol

Was the manic tendencies due to drug or substance abuse? or have u just had some screws loose upstairs since birth?

I've never done it since... It makes me sick to my stomach thinking about it.

How many pills? How many mg's? What antidepressent?

RIP user?

like 7 100mg of sertraline

Yea fuck all that shit man, i did it a few times and i remember 2 things..
For a few hours out of the trip my limbs felt like concrete, hard to move walk..
Trying to sleep afterwards was impossible because my legs kept fucking twitching out of control..

I never saw spiders or any of that weird shit..
I did have some audible hallucinations tho.. i kept hearing my name being called over my headphones music.. that was wonky
DPH was interesting tho.. i will say that.. Not fun but interesting

>Stabbed a kitchen knife through my esophagus almost pinning myself to floor, felt the blade poke through back of neck not enough to puncture.. missed spinal chord by milimeter

OP here, shit nigga that takes some balls of steel

>All of that was derived from a girl cheating on me and years of alcohol abuse, either 1 or 2 bottles of vodka a day or a 24 pack

Bitches be bitches, how are you doing today and how long has it been? You sober now?

Jimi Hendrix man, tbh your post made me lol
Friend mine thought he was jesus after downing 10g of shrooms

Glad youre still here user, bitches can do that to a man.

Why did you do that and what meds are we talking about?

I can't find a threshold dosage of sertraline, but if ur at 700mg with some booze idk m8
Brace urself for a bit lol

Been like 5 years since, sober as a joke, got a puppy, work shit jobs and restore and flip cars as a hobby.. Found a strand of sunshine in this dark fucking world we live in. Its working out.
Do you take daily meds for schizo?

I also have a friend who got diagnosed with a biploar disorder of some kind

When he is manic he thinks he is bob marley, jesus, napoleon, you name it

He became like that after we did shrooms on a regular basis for about a year

How did it start with you?

Congrats on being sober mate, I am having a hard time keeping away from drugs and booze

Yea I take meds, zyprexa, aripiprazol and promethazin, I am also from germany, meds might have different names

Fun fact: the meds block almost all receptors in my brain so most drugs dont have an effect, tried mdma, lsd, coke, speed, alcohol, weed and shrooms on new years eve, only the weed and booze had any effect

Are you me? Does anyone else hear the tv talking to them?

You still smoke pot then? Can you ignore the voices if so? Be safe!

What did your friend do

There are alot of people with this condition, I have had three other patients during those 8 month with the exact same symptoms and delusions, you are not alone user

Yeah I still smoke from time to time, I can ignore them but sometimes they still scare me and sometimes I believe its all real, thanks you too user

Bump

He did alot of... strange things

We used to be crew of 20 people, partying and experimenting with drugs. There is one huge electronic festival here in germany called the fusion. They went there without me 50g of very potent shrooms. After they returned I noticed he was being strange, known this guy since I was 13, we smoked our first pot together, one of my closest friends ever.

He started posting weird shit on fagbook but I didnt pay much attention to it... until he kicked in my little brothers door while he was sleeping and rambled on about how he way the messiah and I was a demon and how my brother should follow him, he ran away and the next day he didnt remember shit, things just went south from that point on, wanna hear more?

YES

Thanks user

The tv tells me I'm dead

>depressive AF during summer
>drink myself to blackouts daily
>drive drunk hoping to kill myself
>eventually some friend called cops saying I was suicidal
>managed to get them off my back 3 bottles of wine in
>be clean for a month
>still taking drugs and drinking myself to sleep everyday

can't summon the courage to just do it, I'll OD or something soon enough.

Coworker women (25yo) of my wife killed herself wednesday. OD on meds. Looks like she was planning it for weeks. Got all her stuff in order, booked into hotel and killed herself. Her family is messed up properly now. She has attempted it multiple times before. Real shock is that she succeeded this time.

Well, after he kicked down the door my brother went to a friend of ours as he didnt feel save anymore. I stayed in his apartment for the time being as my best friend was practicly a neighbour. I followed his fagbook posts about the world coming to an end and him being our savior until a girl from our crew reached out to me because he sent her a love letter, in fact he has sent love letters to all the girls we knew. After he was rejected he threatened to kill her horse and told another girl that he would rape her. I didnt know how to help him or set him straight at the time. My brother wanted payback for the creepy door action and the others were getting pissed since he was harassing everyone at that point, even friends of friends and family members. Shit was fucked up man. The whole crew gathered to visit and talk to him. So we went to his place and brother wanted to be first. Our friend opens the door and my brother says "you have three seconds to prepare yourself, then I will hit you" bam he punched his face and my friend fell to the floor, I stepped in and said that I dont want things to escalate so lets just talk.

We talked alot but it wasnt going anywhere, he was begging for forgivness and apologizing, we left at some point but the next day he continued his bullshit on fagbook posting weird shit, this went on for weeks

Shit fucks a family up. I was 13 when my dad killed himself; and I was a block away. Still somewhat fucked up now in my mid 30's. The "gift" that gives forever. Fuck.

OP here, what drugs are you taking?

I am not trying to tell you what to do since its your life but have you considered seeking help? 8 month in the mentsl hospital changed my views on some things, a year ago I would have said "do it fgt"

how painful is an opiate suicide, i get mixed answers of painful and painless, i got enough to kill myself but i wanna know the result.

opiates, dilau mainly.

Nice dubs user

But I have no idea, what kind of opiates do you have?

someones prescribed oxycodones

Dont know dilau, might have a different name in germany

Whats the reason for your depression?

Oxys man, I loved those
You can die due to breathing paralysis when you OD on those, I believe thats painful, like drowning

who cares about the reason, I can give you one today and tomorrow it'll be a new one. truth be told this shit is boring and I'm over it.

Thanks for wanting to care tho

Read somewhere when you kill yourself you dont get rid of the pain, you just leave it for the survivors to carry for the rest of their lives. My dad killed himself too when I was just out of school. 2 others brothers are dead from seperate car accidents. Sucks losing family unexpectedly.

Yeah dude, that shit really fucks you up. Were u told straight up that he killed himself or were you lied to?

People dont take these attempts as serious as they should, thats why they are shocked now that she has succeeded

Thats what most people who want to kill them selfes arent aware of any longer. I had my brother on the phone minutes before I slit my wrists. He was worried and wanted to check on me,asked if im hearing voices again. I replied very monotone saying its cool he doesnt have to worry, see ya tommorow bro. While I glanced at the razor bladey on my table. It would have destroyed him had I suceeded, I see that now

I've shot myself in the head twice but both times forgot I was wearing a bulletproof vest.

I know the feeling user, trust me, just wanted to ask, wasnt trying to be a moralfag, take care

No one told me anything. I was just thrown into a midst of chaos with a shitload of people around. Figured it out for myself though.

This

There was definitely something not right with her. They took her for help a lot of times. Family was really caring but she did it anyway. Wife is going to see the mother today. She planned it out properly. Sent her mother large flowers a week before, used all her money to order clothes online for smaller brother which will likely be delivered soon, booked into motel, made sure her work admin was completed and killed herself.

My father apparently drank ant poison with booze and ended up bashing his teeth out with a hammer. Fucked up mental image. Never saw body myself.

Mine used the classic and effective gun to the head.

Yours is messed up user. FWIW, I feel ya.

Damn, I didn't even write a note

Seems like she really had enough, sad story man. With a caring family like that its hard to believe that some one would still see it through, but we cant look into the head of other people... it was her choice for whatever reasons she had. No doubt her deed caused pain and misery for others but in the end it was her choice to leave and people should think about respecting that choice, instead of questioning it

hello, i agree. i can feel myself caring less and less about how, my family will react.

First attempt was an exist bag, before i knew it was called that, used duck tape a gas siphon. In the back of my car, on my college campus. as i was fading in and out two students found me and got help.

still working on the second attempt. ill be drunk enough one of these nights to not try and stop the bleeding.

exit bag, also i had a cpr mask

God damn brother, I feel for you. I lost my mother at a very young age to a situation I think was not really an accident.

I've wanted to kill myself so many times. Not because of my mom, but because of shit going on in my life. Before I met my wife, it seemed . . . rational, really. And probably was.

Now that I have kids, it's not possible. I have no choice but to live for them. I could never sentence them to a lifetime of that kind of pain.

Sorry to hear that user, no idea how I would have handled that

Its strange isnt it, how you just stop caring only thinking about "it"

mind telling me your reason for this?

How the fuck is your liver not damaged from all that booze?

well I'm not a doctor but staying away from pot might help your problem

Jesus I know a girl I’m kinda into that’s bipolar and borderline too I think, Thai sort of behavior common, should I avoid?

I think she had some mental issue that caused constant depression. She took the step that she felt would give her relief from it. Hopefully her suicide doesnt make her younger brothers and sisters attempt the same later.

I've had a few really bad bouts of depression/suicidal ideation over the years. In and out of therapy over those years.

Finally hit hard when I had kids. Didn't think I was going to make, then got serious about getting help. I hear ya on sticking around for them, especially since I know what it's like. Thanks and stay strong user!

i was on acid with a friend and we started to act like dogs because on tv were a show about dogs

Did you hump each other?

I have a 6 month old daughter as well. Had suicidal thoughts as well, likely because of father suicide. Now I cannot be selfish since I am her father. Cannot screw her life up like that. If I only have 1 life then I might as well properly experience being alive until I die of whatever reason.

You are spot on user, I stoped smoking for 2 months but then started again at a party, I am moving soon to a village where I cant find a connection...at least I hope so

Pot got me more hooked than cocaine or opium, despite the fact that it makes me psychotic I just cant say no

Woah user, I know a girl like that too and all I can say is: stay away, think about yourself, dont let her problems become yours

Well life sucks for some people, constant depression, god damn

I think her suicide was a tough lesson for everyone involved, I dont think her siblings will follow in her footsteps

You are the man user! Stay strong!

Yeah she literally told me her ex boyfriends completely cut her out of their lives which isn’t a good sign , one time i seen her and she literally had strangle marks around her next from a rope .

Thank you :) you too!

Asshole

doggystyle

Kids man, I love them, no....not like that silly user.


Glad to hear that you guys are on the roll for your kids, I am proud of you anons, I cant imagine what its like to be parent...but I will be a wizard in 3 years, maybe thats cool aswell.


Stay strong, your kids will be grateful someday

I don't really get it but i know i just don't get anything out of living any more. ive lost my faith, hope for the future, will to try. I would be dead by now if my parents and siblings didnt care about me. I don't even get joy out of masturbating anymore, its all just habit. whats worse is that i still wear a smile every day. i dont want those around me to worry, i dont want to see the therapists any more i dont want medicine, i dont want to sleep, i dont know where happiness but im tired of looking for it

I have never heard voice s but the tv has talked to me and I used to be able to break the fourth wall and control what happened on. the tv like every detail shit was fucked

thats interesting i have a friend who has schizophrenia and he only got more awake from lsd now i know why

I have od like 3 times on heroin you don't feel shit just click to instant nothing like a tv screen powering off im gonna kill myself soon with it

wont be enough u will puke it up u must inject almost a half gram of heroin directly into your vein

cont?

I have been in that exact same spot user, and I still am except for one thing, I have found my faith, for the first time. No idea where its coming from but being in a nuthouse for 8 months kinda did that for me. Seeing all those people suffering and struggelimg with all sorts of mental illnesses made feel like I am truly not alone, kinda like discovering Sup Forums in 2005, good feels.

Also happines is only a temporary set of mind, once it wears off you have find something else to make you happy again, just like a drug.

What meds are you taking?


The fourth wall? What does the tv say?

Care to elaborate? Awake how?

Just go to the hospital user.

So it kicks in your mind goes blank? No physical pain?

cant remember if this was real or not depressed closet gay fag on a month long bender decided to hang myself in Canadian wilderness out by my house rope snapped woke up to a empty bottle of vodka and a broke noose think i fell asleep after i tried to hang myself idk it was a while ago cant remember straight

Well, most of us just started to ignore him and block him on social media. Me and two friends somehow convinced him to get professional help so we went to a mental hospital, he was nervous I could see that but he kept quiet and followed us. At some point I ended up being alone with him in some elevator and he snapped, screaming about how I wouldnt understand and how everything he did was necessesary and that the world would end in november. I got ddead serious, lookes him in the eye and just said stop it, he went from enrage to quiet mode in a second and the elevator stoped, we were there. They took him in for questioning, we waited for 30 minutes and he was accepted as a patient. I thought things would go back to normal but he was kicked out after three days for smoking pot with a granny on the station. Meanwhile another friend was going crazy....

My best friend Joan was on the lose again

My other friend Simon did shrooms, alot of shrooms, and was convinced to be a shaman with powers and his parents were demons trying to steal his powers. He attacked them with a knife and was cought by the police running around naked in the city with a knife in his hand, they sent him to a mental hospital

self bump :,)

Stop being a closet fag, things might change for you if you start being honest about yourself, from what I hear canada is open minded, enjoy yourself user.

Also props for using a rope, I would rather bleed out than suffocate or break my neck

am out of closet no bf lonley always sad only interests are in trades doing terrible in all classes but auto meds not doing shit feel like im drifting through life no expectations for myself still let down just want to get in a 81 firebird and drive fucking hell

What kind of trades?

How long did he stay?

right now im apprentice mechanic might go for welding and big desiel mechanics also have background with aircraft mechanics as a kid/pilot why do you ask

For three months but he went back there every now and then.

The crew kinda split up after all that, a small portion of us is still hanging out tho, all of this was 3 years ago.

Simons mother died 2016 due to cancer, he moved out of town with his dad, have no idea how he is doing tho...

After Joan was kicked out of the nuthouse I wanted to visit him...only to be interceptedby his dad Costa who used to be a real thug in albania back in the day. He started beating me, shouting about how I ruined his son by giving him drugs, he was almost crying. I didnt fight back since he only has like 50% lung capacity due to cancer, so I backed off and he stoped, giving me the death glare

Just out of interest

Seems like you got a future ahead of you user, I am currently job and homeless, 27 years old, never did anything with my life, currently staying at my little brothers place. He rented half a house and has a carrier in the making, working for audi

i got something but im not smart enough or too depressed to pass my classes and get my diploma

Do you take meds?
I think there is still hope for you anom, dont give up

Does anyone have any stories with helium exit bags?

yeah zoloft 50mg i dont want to give up but im so dogshit at other classes but it's even worse cause ill never use it in trades

How old are you? You can still do a different training/school that suits you better should you fail

youngfag wont say but yeah none near me live in small ass town by Toronto :^/

Why not move to toronto then?

Bump