No but seriously Sup Forums

No but seriously Sup Forums
How do I get a girlfriend?
legit.
I have no friends.
No social network.
I can't pull off the "hurr oh hey can i have your number?" crap
What's a seriously legit app or site for a girlfriend?
Seriously I'm fucking 29 years old virgin serious lol
Like is Christian Mingle legit?

Tell chicks you know moot. All the panties drop for that.

they hey can i have your number crap?

You're retarded until you do that.

idiot.

...

My attitude is

"Basically, fuck other people, I'm going to get mine and I don't care if you get yours."

Stop being a people pleaser and putting pussy on a pedestal.

grindr, get a guy if girls spook you

fuck off
fuck off i'm a coward
fuck off
fuck off
is this for reals? I make like minimum wage too

Boner is kill.

fuck you that's for gays

here have back your boner

Easiest advice for if you like someone at your job, see if you have anything of the same interest as you. Then use that as a starter conversation to get to know them more. From there slowly get comfortable and suggest to hangout sometime, exchange numbers, become friends, take it from there? For random hook ups you could try Tinder, etc. Find a club that has same interests as you and join, might find a girl there. Also, now would be the time to set any personal goals on fitness or anything that you want to improve on yourself while its a new year. Good luck and take it slow! Don't be too hasty and scare people off or come off as too clingy. They will give you hints if they like you or ask them directly after a while of being comfortable talking and being around them.

is Christian Mingle a real thing?

Too much of a pussy to be honest, ask for a number, hell, you probably can't even talk to women face to face... Do the world a favor and kill yourself, although, I'm sure we don't have to worry about you infecting the gene pool.

i wish there was a co-worker I could date...
that would be great

if i were you i would’ve already put the bullet in my head

nah, life clings onto life

Find a 7/10 that lives in the hood or a trailer park.

even a minimum wage job will impress her if you can keep it

go to a temp agency and start working at a factory for 11 an hour instead of being a retail cuck

Spam girls on okcupid, plentyoffish and meetme. Skip apps like tinder where you have to get matches. Hold a conversation about banal shit for a while. Ask them to go to coffee or dinner eventually. Don't be pushy but you have to be aggressive. A non answer or no means you need to move on. Its just a numbers game.

Be upfront about wanting something serious. Put it in your profile.

Also fuck some escorts so you don't bring your faggot virgin baggage.

i really have no game...
can't i have like a premade dating site?
like in those cartoons...

A couple thoughts from you from a married oldfag:

-Start going to the gym. It'll make you feel better about yourself physically.

-Get a job and save some money. Even if you're in college, work part time.

-Practice talking to women. Women have different conversations than men do. Men tend to focus on "fixing" a situation while women sometimes just want to be heard.

>A good rule of thumb for talking with women is summarize and empathize.

>Eventually, you will find yourself with a woman you badly want to fuck and she's going to tell you a long story about something you don't care about.

>Summarize the story, then say how you would feel.

Ex: She tells you a story about how a co-worker was mean to her for "no reason."

>"Wow, sounds like she was really mean to you. I would be really angry if I was in that situation."

You will know this works if she says either

>Yeah, I was (insert your emotion here)
>No, I wasn't (your emotion), I was (her emotion)

Either way it will turn her on.

From one coward to another, do you honestly believe you are actually supposed to find a sexual partner?

Nature has preordained that our kind be destroyed. The meek shall not inherit the earth. They shall be trodden under foot into vassalage.

Unless you can overcome cowardice and personify bravery, you are consigned to failure and so you should be, and women regard this so.

This for sure... Women love talking, and, you don't even really need to contribute to the conversation, a couple "oh"s, "wow"s, "that's crazy" "I completely understand/agree" and maybe repeat something small she said "wow, she really "blah blah blah"?"

More oldfag thoughts:

-A missed shot is better than a turnover. Who cares if you don't have game. Go talk to a girl. If you don't talk to her, you definitely won't fuck her.

-If you're a fat neck-beard, you probably won't be banging the prom queen. So go bang ugly chicks while you're working out and saving money at your job.

-The hardest part about talking to a woman is starting the conversation. Then, follow the "summarize and empathize" rule.

-Odds are you won't take her home the first time you meet, so don't try. Find a bullshit reason to ask for her number. If you get it, great! Wait a day or two and then invite her to do something. If not, a missed shot is better than a turnover.

-Don't go to bars unless you want to bang STD-ridden trash. The best places to meet women are:

>Grocery stores
>Crafting stores
>Target
>Church (seriously)

Go up to them and talk to them. If you think she's checking you out, might as well talk to her in order to find out.

Easy, don't do this lol. Stop thinking so damn hard about it because it just makes you act like a giant faggot around girls. Stop looking at them as rare legendary unicorns who are made of nothing but pussy and tits and just look at them as other clueless, nervous, retarded monkeys who walk upright such as yourself. Basically, stop trying so hard. Also, lower your standards. You won't get a 10 being a 2. Settle for realistic standards.

Have an impression of how chaddy mc chad would behave, travel somewhere no one knows who you are and put on your chaddy mc chad persona and see where it goes.