I accidentally nutted way too far and hard and shit got on my couch. Roomie gets home in a few...

I accidentally nutted way too far and hard and shit got on my couch. Roomie gets home in a few. How do I clean this and hide it

like, a wet rag? little bit of soap?

how are you this helpless?

Soap doesn't fair well on my couch fabric type

No posible solution in the short term

If I "spill" water will it cover it up? Or if they dry at different rates will it be obvious

Lemon juice and bleach

Soap and water you fucking idiot.

See

Sounds fake

What type of fabric is it then

Not sure I just remember the chink who sold it to us yelling "no soap to clean!"

kill your roomie.

Then just use water or a wet rag

Suicide

Roomie is in driveway, covering with a blanket for now. Will clean somehow when he goes to sleep

obvious murder/suicide scenario

when he comes jump out of the window and become a hobo

send pic

Masturbate backwards so you reverse nut and retract the jisim.

2 parts ammonia
1 part bleach
1 part water

Nice meme
-OP

use bleach mixed with 99% isopropyl alcohol.
2p/bleach 3p/aalcohol

blame it on the dog