Green text story time, post whatever the hell you want, I dont care...

Green text story time, post whatever the hell you want, I dont care. IF youre lurkin or bumpin i would appreciate some pictures for my asian folder, bonus points for chinese or cosplay outfits. Alright ill start

>Be me
>read lifehacks on facebook from normies
>decide to tryone
>goto walmart for groceries
>look for nair hari removal shit
>its all in pink bottles for ladies har removal
>chuckle.jpeg
>get home
>Turn on shower
>take off clothes and avoid eye conact with myself in the mirror
>apply nair to my assshole
>mfw pic related
>agonizing pain goes by for 2 minutes
> finally wash out nair
>pic related again at teh sight of what was stuck in the drain
>few hours go by
>go to take a shit
>1 swipe and done
>feelsgoodman

wait did you just wiped out the hair of your ass with hair removal shit?

my god

best decision i ever made

Why so confident about it? I mean, i just pick up a gillette and do it without the pain

no accidental ass razor cuts, I dont have the finesse with a razor so this is the hands free way of doing it,

depilatories also have less chance at causing ingrowns, which is a real fucking thing w/ razors in my experience. i actually made a small amount of scar tissue above my dick due to an ingrown. ugh.

Dude you don't need to shave your actual asshole, just around it.

Get a good quality razor and don't be a retard. Use a mirror.

you have to be quite retarded or have ogre hand for that to happen i guess

That's actually quite a good point tho

yo lemme hit you with some real knowledge tho: fuck Nair.

Don't use fucking Nair on your asshole or groin.

I'll repeat this:

DON'T USE FUCKING NAIR ON YOUR PRIVATES.

I researched the living fuck out of the ideal groin and butt depilatory (hair removal cream) and I found the ultimate solution. It's called Magic Shaving Powder, and it's cheap as fuck and you literally whip it together yourself.

Shit was $1.74 at Walmart and ngl I'm not going back to razors on my ass. That said, say goodbye to being able to sneak farts past people. It's just not going to happen.

Also, grab lotions w/ Vitamin E. I use Gold Bond Ultimate Healing formulation and it's p good at knocking down bumps from wearing tight clothes afterwards.

>be 23
>have gf of 3 years also 23
>have interview for fire department tomorrow morning 5 hours away
>left this morning after she got home from work ( she works nights )
>tells me last minute before i walk out the door that shes going to invite people over
>first person she says is her fucking orbiter
>he has numerous times over stepped his bounds in text messages and has even gone as far to confess his feelings to her
>she didnt fucking curb him
>offers to let people stay over tonight
>i wont be home till thursday night

I dont know if its worth openning this can of worms honestly. I want to tell her hes not staying in my house and he can sleep in the fucking snow drift outside for all the fuck i care. But at the same time i dont know if i care about her enough to worry about it. Im most likely going to get this job and she hasnt put her big girl pants on to talk to me about if shes moving if i get the job or not.

So ive pretty much put her out of my mind, got to where i need to be, got a good bbq dinner and just bullshitting in my hotel room now till i go to bed for the interview.

If im offered this job im most likely going to just not say anything to her if i get it and just pack my shit and move and ghost her. I dont play these fucking games and shes obviously not to be trusted. I curbed this shit last time but its too fucking exhausting to be doing shit she should be doing for her
Besides ive got much bigger fish to fry. What do you guys think?

>be me 20 years ago
>Corporal, USMC, Okinawa, Japan
>assigned Marine named MacIntyre, AKA Mac
>Mac looks odd....pic attached
>Mac speaks with his teeth closed and spits
Try it and see what it sounds like, I'll wait
>Mac bullied daily, deservedly so
>threatens to put arsenic on our doorknob
>comes to work drunk a few weeks later
>take him to see the XO
>XO is an uppity english major from HBCU
>motherfucker is the dark night
>asks Mac why he is drunk
>Mac starts talking and spitting in equal parts
>says, "sir i went out with my gf of 2 months.
>we were going to have sex for the first time
>dafuq, Mac scored a jap?
>i got her pants off, and she had a dick"
>IT'S_A_TRAP.gif
>blow snot out my nose trying not to laugh
>the dark night looks like red skull from marvel
>"corporal get him back to the barracks"
>on our way back, Mac turns to me and says
>"can we go by the hospital first?"
>"wtf for?"
>"it hurts when i sit down"
>never laughed so hard in my life

Shave your asshole, that'll sort it.

I think you should remove the hair from your butt and testicles using a carefully formulated chemical depilatory, namely Magic Shaving Powder - available at Walmart.

Honestly, though, how have you known this girl for three years and still not be able to communicate well on shit like this? Are y'all actually that intimate, close, or trusting?

Like, can you give me some more details on this relationship?

Whenever i approach the subject with her shes like "i dont / wont have a job, i like my job now and the people i work with and the pay"

She has this idea in her head that we're just gonna be some long distance lover pair. When i try to explain to her that im going to be able to support both of us regardless if she has a job or not by myself she tells she doesnt want to do that.

Im trying to better myself as a man and be a provider and provide for her and myself and shes not appreciative of that or doesnt see the effort and work ive put in and continuing to do so. Feelsfuckingbadman

lolz
>captcha: trans entry
fuckin lolz

Fag

there ya go op

You like her more than she likes you.

Just go get the new job and find a new woman.

>be me
>be 19
>living in share home with friends
>ex gf sleeps over occasionally
>having fairly noisy sex one night
>room mates has parents over
>try to keep her as quiet as possible
>notworking.jpg
>she likes being choked
>get idea
>put pillow over face
>same shit right
>keep fucking
>she seems ok with it
>5 mins go by
>close to cumming
>starts to starfish on me
>wtf.jpg
>lift pillow
>she's passed out
>HOLY SHIT
>start cpr
>she wakes up
>still inside and rock hard
>she freaks out and starts to cry
>because of all the movement during cpr 1 thrust from nutting
>pull out because she's panicking
>cum buckets
>stray stream hits her eye
>she screams 'you fucking asshole'
>don't say a word
>'take me home you prick'
>get dressed quick af
>walk out past room mate and his parents
>they're all staring at us
>still havent said a word
>driver home in silence
>break up next day

Eh, I get where she's coming from and I totally sympathize with not wanting to be just, like, unemployed and bored off my ass. I don't understand how there was a generation of women as homemakers and caregivers, that sounds so boring I would kill myself.

That said, are you really willing to move for the sake of a job at the, like, fire department? I can't imagine that pays *that* well. That said, long distance relationships are trash and fall apart really quickly. Idk who's being unrealistic or naive here.

>be me , 17
>fucking around with pothead friend one day
>walking around town and buying shit
>find small mexican dude sleeping on bench outside of gas station
>friend dares me to sniff his exposed ass crack
>i do not back away from bets
>kneel down behind this brown stranger
>barely rub my nostrils on the ends of his ass hairs
>suck up air like a fucking vacuum
>he jolts
>stand up and run away with friend before he sees us.

Yeah ive pretty much figured for the past few months that this is what its come down to. Shes stopped trying and got complacent. Sex is so far and few in between its fucking embarassing and when i bring it up with her she apologizes and says shell try to get better but doesnt put any effort in. She nit picks at me for everything because im not doing shit around the house, and rightfully so, you dont take dick or put out any effort to make me happy dont expect me to do shit like cleaning or cooking.

Its exciting to think about being with someone new but at the same time i really do love her and want to be with her but if shes not willing to change im not going down with the ship.

Start a video blog user. You're obviously an expert on assholes now and the world thirst's for your knowledge

Dump her. That's a preview of what life is going to be like for the poor schlub who marries her

I mean im going to be making 54k the day i walk in the door, down south thats really good. Ive been a firefighter for 5 years as a volunteer so this is my dream come true if i get this job. Maybe im being unfair expecting my girlfriend of 3 years would move with me for my career instead of staying behind to work at her dead end job.

I dont know if im willing to leave her if i dont get the job for whatever reason, because at least having someone to be around is better than being alone but if i get it and she doesnt come with me im not going to pretend and even give a long distance relationship a attempt.

I'm a total rookie, I just research the fuck out of shit because I feel like I need to make the most out of somehow not being a high functioning autistic. Also I gave myself p thorough dermatitis from wearing jeans the next day on my butt, so clearly I'm not an expert.

If this is like a life's dream, and the relationship doesn't really sound that, uh, marriage-material-ey... then make a final and concerted effort to get on the same page or just rip off the damn band-aid.

There's nothing worse than spinning your wheels in a relationship that ultimately isn't going anywhere. If they aren't that interested in you or the relationship, then it's just complacent coasting without a real, substantial end goal.

>tell her you are inviting a friend of yours too (lie and tell her he needs to stay at your place)
>this friend must be someone you really trust
>if she does something, your friend will tell you
>if she does some shit, leave her
>if not, you can stay with her
>also, if you get the job and feel confident about it, go with no worries, as you said: you have bigger fishes to fry

hope i've helped

Theres one guy there that i can ask afterwards without worry, the only problem is if he stays the whole time or not.

sounds like its not a good relationship any, why even waste the energy to worry? Sounds like its not working and you should leave her regardless of if you get the job or not

and you've been addicted since that day.

ignore that fucking advice. this is emblematic of a broader problem in your relationship related to bad communication and incompatible life goals.

also y'all sound like you are seriously just spinning your goddamn wheels. re-evaluate what the hell you want in this relationship.

continued from Like, seriously, being young like that doesn't last forever and if you spend too much more time in a dead-end relationship, you're just burning through /prime years/ for the sake of being complacent and comfortable in a relationship that is going to die no matter what the case is.

If this isn't the kind of person you see yourself with in five years from now, then cut the fucking thing off and save yourself your goddamn youth.

>be me
>be in high school
>have tall lanky friend
>call him Lee
>cool dude, likes math
domyhomeworkpls.jpg
>we hang out a lot
>winter rolls around
>we get together every now and then
>come over for some vidya
>have to use bathroom
>notice jar of formaldehyde on shelf
>pee
>look again
>it's fucking filled with eyeballs
Sweetjesuswtf.png
>can't tell if I should call the police or ask why they're there
>decide to man up
>bring the jar back with me to question him
>"It's for a science project, user."
>smells bullshit
>he takes the jar from me, "watch."
>he opens the jar
>takes out an eyeball
>smooshes the fucker between his fingers into a near saucey paste
Canyoucant.jpg
>he then, using the squashed eyeball, draws it, the thing I can't forget and still see in my mind today
>it had three sides, and three points
>mfw he drew an Eye Sauce of Lee's triangle.

If you have to come up with complicated ways to insure a woman doesnt do something youre in the wrong relationship.

Yeah our communcation has definitely gone downhill this laat year. Ive tried to talk to her about things, she will either shut me down, turn it around on me or just avoid it entirely. I dont know if she does it cause she doesnt care anymore or doesnt know how to be a big girl and talk like an adult about real shit.

Go to bed

Dude, don't give me any shit about 'Still loving her' you just love the memory of the good stuff, and that's all gone. What you're left with is what you've got right now, and right now matters.

Get her gone, go get someone better.

This would be the first time i did something like this. Like she didnt even fucking tell me that this faggot confessed to her, i had to find it out by going through her shit cause he was acting out of line and i wanted to know what was up.

>Be me.
>Wake up in the morning, take a poop.
>Painal.exe
>Drive to work.
>Noose.jpg
>Drive home.
>Take a poop, go to bed.
>Do the whole thing all over again the next day, and the next, and the next....

Theres still good things in the relationship, were still really happy as a whole and get along well, its just stupid shit like this that gets on my nerves.

honest to god, you've been together for 3 years, so please answer me this:

do you see yourself marrying this person? do you see yourself with them five years from now? are you able to actually resolve obstacles or is just nothing but easy shit?

I hear you bro, but here's the thing. Go with your gut. Always. If you're gut is telling you something is up and she hasnt checked this guy and is now doing this? And you feel the need to interrupt normal reality to see if she is doing something by doing something like this, then it means you know your gut is right. Why be with someone who puts you on edge this much? You seem to have your priorities in order. Find someone else and let someone more desperate deal with this fish.

Ok

I feel like this is the make or break. If shes able to be a adult about our future together after this interview then yes everything else in the relationship is someone i want to marry and she is the person i want to marry, but if she cant make a decision like this theres no fucking way i would put her name on my kid or house deed or any of that shit.

Agreed. But my gut isnt sure. I might just be on edge because my ex cheated on me, so i might just be overthinking things but at the same time the signs are right in front of my fucking face. Im not oblivious to that, i just dont want to make a rash decision because i got burned in the past.

Remember when you had those same weird feelings about the girl in the past? and they turned out to be right?

The man gut is a powerful thing, user.

Unfortunately i was blindsided by the ex. Looking back i could connect some of the dots but some stuff was still missing. If logic and knowledge cant help my gut is usually right but my gut isnt sure and thats whats frustrating about this in particular, because theres going to be a group of people there, but i know hes going to take the offer to stay ther because he can, and thats where i start to have a problem and get really bent.

I just ended a 4.5 year relationship at the start of the year. It was a long time coming and sounds like a similar situation to yours, minus the moving for a job component. We're both glad its over, she was being shitty to me, including hanging out with other guys though im 90% sure she wasnt cheating, they were betas, and didnt care when i had anything to say about it.
We're even still friends, but i will say its a bit weird to not have all this pressure of being committed to her anymore. We're each still physically attracted to each other, but know a serious relationship just wont work for us. Its nice to just have fun, and we're already hooked up since the break up, maybe she just doesnt want to commit and maybe you dont either?

If one of us doesnt want to commit its her, because im in this 110% im not one to just pick up and leave at the first sign of a rough patch, but this is some highschool bullshit. Committed women have 0 busniess hanging out with guys and vice versa. ESPECIALLY IF THEY KNOW THEY HAVE FEELINGS FOR THEM. Like i thought she wasnt a dumb stupid bitch but this has showed me shes literally a fucking dumb stupid bitch, and doesnt know how to check these faggots.
She always talks about if i ever left her that i promise i would still be friends with her and fuck her, so i dont feel like shes even thinking about cheating but you never know.

Yeah, this sounds so similar to my deal, maybe try separating for a bit and see if it’s better or worse, that shit with hanging out with other guys and acting like it was fine was annoying as hell for me, I know she’s going to really piss off any guy she ends up dating in the future because of this. I’m sure her intentions are innocent, but she just didn’t understand how disrespectful it was considering I never did that shit

Dude I got cheated on in the past before also. And you know what I did that fucked me up the next time? Not trusting what I had learned in the first relationship and getting cheated on again. If the signs are so obvious to you then trust yourself bro

>Be in 4th grade
>Be obsessed with wrestling
>Wrestling aired Monday nights but finished far too late and passed my bedtime to ever see the ending
>Live with grandpa because dad was shit and mom couldn't afford proper housing
>Grandpa always tapes the end of wrestling for me so I can see it Tuesday after school.
>Grandpa also enjoys watching wrestling occasionally but he usually prefers the old school stuff.
>Wake up for school on Tuesday morning
>Grandpa and I eat waffles to start off the day
>Thoughts of wanting to stay home to watch wrestling creep in the back of my head while I eat but I decide to keep it to myself and talk to him about other things instead
>Finish breakfast and get ready for school
>Hop in grandpa's car
>Can't stop thinking about staying home and watching the tapes while in the car.
>Finally pull up to the school.
>Finally get the courage to ask my grandpa if I can skip school and stay home to watch wrestling instead.
>Grandpa refuses as we're already at the school
>I persist and argue that I want to go home and spend the day there instead. Just this once.
>After three minutes or so, we come to the compromise that he'll pick me up early before lunch and we can order a pizza and watch wrestling together.
>Get out of car and go to class
>Fast forward to lunch time
>No sign of grandpa
>Go to cafeteria to eat lunch anyway. I figure he'll pick me up after lunch and he's probably just running late.
>Lunch finishes and we head back to class
>Teacher gets a call and tells me I'm being dismissed early
>Grandpaclutch.jpg
>Get to dismissal office
>Mom is standing there with tears in her eyes and is here to take me home
>She explains to me my grandpa was sideswiped by some druggie in a stolen car a couple minutes after dropping me off
>He died on impact
>Instantly start thinking about how he would've been nowhere near that car If I didn't hold him up by begging to stay home
>Instantly start blaming myself for his death

>Mom brings me to grandpa's to grab my things now that I have to stay with her for a while
>Bring wrestling tape with me
>Plan on watching it that night but don't
>Cry myself to sleep instead
>Fast forward to Sunday night (5 days later)
>Finally watch the tape. Nothing special. Just a typical episode of RAW with a DQ ending and shenanigans.
>Watched wrestling for about another two years after that but eventually stopped
>Now I only watch the old school stuff and matches that I can remember watching with him by my side
>I still blame myself for his death but rewatching the matches and learning about old school wrestling (his preferred era) helps me cope.
I miss you, grandpa. I'm sorry.

>Be me 20 yr old 5"6 man with a feminine body and soft skin that rivals a babys ass.

>Been straight my whole life and had sex a few times.

>every time the girl says her exs was bigger but I still got the job done w/e tho.

>Get into anime start loving traps like saika.

>Start cosplaying as traps eventualy getting a wardrobe of outfits going to cons etc.

>every time I use a mask to hide my face in case I see anyone I know.

>Go to the bar fucc another girl but cant help but wish she was a trap.

>She says My dicc is smol.

>Think to myself thats it I'm done with 3DPD

>It's halloween fuck it ima cosplay using my mask as always

>Go to the bar again meet a cute chad 6"4 military uniform.

>He starts up a convo saying hes seen me at a few cons and wants to buy me a drink.

Cont

>Fuck gotta take of my mask

>He recognized me from highschool

>Says he wont tell a soul If I go to his place with him

>Say fuck it might as well and go anyways

>Undo his pants he says "sorry im small"

>Have flashback

>Sucks his dick so hard he nutts in 2 mins

>I'm talking straight hugging his body swallowing that cocc

>He starts crying says no girl has done that before and that no girl has not cared about the fact he is below average.

>I hold him and tell him its okay.

>Proceseed to take that cocc all night let him hold me.

>Tell him no homo when we are done as per the usual.

>Next morning go home.

>He Realized boys are better at being girls than girls.

>He asked me on a date.

>What do I do I'm not gay?

Is this a pasta?

Hot shit minus the small dicks and big props for Saika, who is clearly best trap.

Guys I need advice. I'm in college and recently an old friend from middle school and me reconnected but he's been making advances like trying to feel up my dick/balls under the cover of "I'm just fucking with you" but we talk and he's brought up the fact that he's jerked/sucked off someone b4 and even offered to do it to me jokingly but it's easy to see that he's serious. I'm slowly giving in to the urge of just having this twink fuck blow me should I do it?

>Be me
>Right now
>Bored
>Open Chan Burauza at work.
>See this post
>Write Greentext

In a few seconds, I will click the send button, and that will be that.

>TFW Button gets clicked.

>TFW NsnalaNLN KOIBw snLnwlal sskLmw ös

he's gay as shit and he wants to unironically blow you. if you want to have that happen, fuck yeah dude why the hell not? that sounds hot as shit.

Nope i posted this in /b a while back

Are you actually gay or what though.

Naw I dont think so, this sums me up

Honestly I would if there were no strings attached but the problem is that he's a clingy fuck and if I give in I know he's gonna be even more clingy and having this twink acting even more gay around me is gonna make me look suspicious

>be me
>be food service worker
>have 450lb bitch for manager
>constantly insults me, gives me worst shifts
>chews me out over bathroom breaks
>one night really have to piss
>bathroom on other side of building
>will get written up for wasting time
>no one around, pee down floor drain
>feels good man
>keeps doing it just for spite, she has no idea
>finally get busted by guy I thought was a friend
>he thought I was fapping, tells her
>we have a talk, I tell her I have bladder issues
>fires me anyway
>now have awesome job, awesome manager, and bathroom 20 feet away

honestly the dude is probably going to blab about blowing you right away, but unf that sounds so goddamn hot though. i'm pretty tolerant of hot twinks, particularly if you can make it a regular thing and start properly fucking.

as a gay dude, gay for play breaks my fucking heart.

I have a different story but the same feelings and thoughts towards my dad. Sorry user. I k now those feels.

Get a load of this asshole expert here. But foreal doe mah daw good work

Got an abusive GF I cant leave because Stockholm sydrom I wish I could do this freely without consequence

reputations are destroyed if you identify as other than straight. If people know i was bi then they would treat me different because they have talked about others being gay and don't associate with them.

Bruh, fuck that. Where do you live where that's the case?

I'm in NC and being gay here is relatively chill. Just don't lisp all over people and be reserved with your private life and it's entirely fine to be gay and out. And that kind of shitty attitude and behavior about cutting gay people out of their lives perpetuates because they don't realize they're actually close to people w/ gay tendencies. You literally enable it, sorry for sounding like a whiny SJW.

Idk, I just couldn't live my life if I was that afraid to be who the fuck I am just because I'm attracted to dudes. I find people take more issue w/ ridiculous flamboyancy than anything else.

It's good advice, ok. I want to save people the pain of heavier depilatories on their assholes.

Exactly why I'm hesitant to do it. I know that once people hear or figure out that he blew me I know that the friends I currently have would probably stop talking to me or treat me like an outsider. I don't think it would really be worth it to destroy my social life to nut down this twink's throat

You can't blame yourself for what happened user, he'd want you to know that