I have a problem Sup Forums. I like cutting myself

I have a problem Sup Forums. I like cutting myself.
-inb4-
>Emo faggot
No I'm actually the most average guy ever
>You want attention
No I really dont. ive always been an introvert And I don't mind the lack of people around me.
>You aren't trying hard enough, just kys
I dont really want to die. I mean I do but that's a seperate issue. When I cut myself I'm looking for adrenaline.

Anyway Sup Forums i like cutting myself. I just like the adrenaline. I don't know, it's gotten compulsive lately. maybe it is linked to depression, who knows. But I've started cutting myself again, I say again because I used to do it when I was younger. No not for attention, I loved the adrenaline and watching myself bleed. I'm fucked up like that I guess. Anyway I've been cutting with a fancy skinning knife lately, and the area on my arm where I've been doing so look like just a bunch of cat scratches that went a little deep. Perks of using a knife and not a razor. Doesn't raise any flags at work especially since they see me as this ultra positive person.

But today I crossed a line, Sup Forums. I was at work and we weren't too busy so I was talking with some co-workers and I said something along the lines of "nobody likes me haha" in a joking sense. No harm in that. My qt3.14 coworker who I've been crushing on said "user, I couldn't possibly see why anyone would dislike you, you're so positive."
>guess i'm good at hiding the depression
>wait
>qt3.14 doesnt realize
I guess that set me off. I got a compulsive urge and said I had to go shortly after that and I ran out to my car, lit a cigarette and grabbed my knife and let loose
>fucking adrenaline
>aaahhhhhhhhh yesss
>shit work uniforms are short sleve
>visibly new cuts in an area they didn't question previously
>good chance if they see the new cuts they'll say something
>fuck
>finish cigarette, throw on nice hoodie to cover arm
>end up having to work with thick hoodie on the rest of my shift

hopefully nobody questioned it

I need to stop. How do I stop.

Just kill your self, problem solved

Like I said when I pick up the knife I'm not looking to off myself.

Go to a fucking therapist not Sup Forums for fucking life advice
Really, helps a lot, not instantly but it really does

>seeking help on Sup Forums

alright my guy, i've never had to worry about self harm (thank god) but if it's just a pain thing, bruh do pushups that shit hurts. like, a fuck ton of pushups. i've also heard holding ice to your wrists works too. hope that helps.

*i'm not gonna tell you to kill yourself or get helps that's what these yutzes are for. all i can say is don use anti depressant/anxiety meds. i just got off them they suck trust me my man. shit's no good

Honestly I should but my medical insurance is absolute trash. First $5k of any hospital bill/medical related bill is on me. Period. So I'd have to pay a therapist out of pocket and I can't afford that. Same reason I don't have depression meds.

Idk, it's the thrill of the cut that gets me hooked. I can try the ice thing though.

I used to have problems with this user so I won't judge. For me what worked was getting rid of all of my hoodies and long sleeve shirts but this doesn't work if you also cut on your thighs. Also try working out if you want adrenaline

I don't like doing it on my thighs. It has to specifically be my forearm or I won't enjoy it too much. Though once I cut an X over my heart n that was kinda fun. Unfortunately though that lightly scarred, hope nobody notices ever.

Maybe I'll try working out again since it was mentioned twice now.

Hope you get the help you need op.

I've thought about seeing a doctor privately for meds but A) don't want anyone finding out and B) Medical insurance is a fucking joke. it's like $700 just to walk in the door and sit down.

Goddamn that's brutal. It really does help to just find a friend you trust and talk to them about it though. Believe me user it helps.

You see I do have a friend or so I could talk about it with but I don't want them worrying about me. That's kinda why a therapist sounds nice because they could give a shit less about if you kill yourself. They're just there to help you problem solve and take your money.

Take painkillers so when you cut yourself there is no adrenaline

Most real post I've seen on Sup Forums.

oof that could work too

OP get help please. You deserve to get a better rush from something healthy rather than hurting yourself. This isn't a random get help user. I hope you go to a qualified professional to work through your problems so you can feel good without hurting yourself.

I like to cut myself because I like pain.

I'll usually have girls, sissies or femboys cut me up with a knife because I have a scaring fetish.

I have a hard time thinking I can put myself in debt to take care of a problem I can probably overcome otherwise. Yeah it sucks and I'd like to see a therapist but it's just not an option for me.

And I don't necessarily have to hurt myself to be happy, it's just a bad habit I've picked back up I guess. It's just odd and compulsive and it'll draw people's attention which is the last thing I want. You can hide things in your head but you can't hide things in your body.

You like Yuri.
Don't you, Squidward?

Have you tried cocaine?