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My ex wife has done a 180 on how she talks to me, and Im not too fond of it

>Started reminiscing on our marriage and saying shit she misses that I did after shit talking our marriage for awhile after the divorce
>Started commenting on how shes happy me and my gf are still going strong after all this time
>Has gotten kind of obsessed with her, even saying she misses hanging out with her after meeting her, saying how she really likes how happy she makes me
>Started going from constantly talking about her boy toy to shit talking him
>Upset that he doesnt want her talking to me anymore, when before it was obvious she only kept me around for company after the divorce
>Started giving reasons to hang out that eventually started sounding like excuses to hang out with me
>Calls me randomly, once even in the middle of the night
And the big one
>Stopped blaming me for her leaving me, and started apologizing for how shitty she treated me

It took me a year to get over her leaving, and it drained me of all my confidence and will to live in the process. Now that Im back to my old self, she pulls this shit. Words can not describe how pissed I am.

Advice? Anybody else had to handle an ex wife pulling this shit?

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Just play it cool and string her along, sounds like a cunt.

She knows your new gf?
You realize what that means?
If you fuck her, she's going to tell the girlfriend, or threaten to.

I want to stomp this shit out. It pisses me off that she might have the thought of a possibility of us getting back together anywhere in her mind.

Sort of. The ex randomly called me one time, and when her name came over my car's Bluetooth, my girlfriend answered it to see what she wanted. Well, they talked for a few minutes and my girlfriend invited her to lunch with us. There, they talked about all the "amazing things about user." I'm pretty sure that's what caused the 180.

your gf okay with causing the ex some pain too? sounds like you could get some good value humiliation out of her but it's easier to do it if the gf is on board

My gf has a conscience, so most likely no. Any form of petty revenge, or even my being an asshole to the ex, I think she'd have an issue with because of how petty I get.
Now, if the ex straight up admits it that she still has feelings, I think my gf would step back and let me do me.

Just tell her that you think it's best if you two don't talk anymore.
If you've decided you're done with her, don't half ass it.
Honestly just sounds like a bunch of trouble waiting to happen, best to walk away and burn all the bridges.

so no threesome with some nice degrading pictures and videos? shame

you could still lead her on a bit, get her to do some really degrading shit to make it up to you, get evidence of it, then kick her to the kerb and remind her you have all those pictures if she wants to tell anyone.

Ive done that already, but that random middle of the night phone call was AFTER that talk.

Tbh I wish. The ass on my ex, and the tits on both of them, Id kill for a threesome if I knew it'd end there, no questions asked. I know my ex, though. That wouldn't be the end of it. If she's fucking, she's already attached.

Block her number, don't answer, answer and immediately hang up, you need to make sure she gets the message.

Id like to add, she lives with a dude right now who's not cool with us talking at all. Im nice to him since he's a fellow vet, but he's not making it any better telling her not to do something. She's the type to do it out of spite.

>Advice?

Why are you accepting calls and texts from your ex wife?

Honestly not a bad idea, but the divorce isn't finalized yet (it's taken almost 2 years because she keeps making it difficult). Still have one more hearing to go to. Soon as thats over, and I have no reason to talk with her, I will be. Unfortunately, shes the one in control of when this ends.

Because I lost all spine I had when she left and don't have it in me to be an asshole and tell her to fuck off anymore. I know I need to man up and put my foot down, but she always gets me feeling sympathetic to her situation.

Marriage is weighed too heavily in favor for women, you have my sympathies.
Seriously though, she'll probably take longer if you keep talking to her and she starts getting ideas of getting you to try to come back with her.
Wouldn't be good for your case or what ever either I would imagine either.

...

Luckily the one thing the state understands is that she doesnt need my money. They see she has a huge fund her father started when she was born, and that she can live off that. If anything, I could probably get a better lawyer and get her money, but I dont want it. I just want to be done with her.

But her being the one who initiated, Im worried shes delaying to see if I want her back, since she has the power to pull out of the divorce still. I didn't really think about it until a week ago when she apologized for being so shitty to me. I felt bad for my gf because the ex called saying it was urgent, then said that shit when my gf could hear it. Another reason I think this is a ploy.

The only positive in this whole situation is that my gf is being super reasonable about this. More reasonable than any other woman I know would be in this situation.

It really sounds like one. I really think you just gotta put as much distance between her and you as possible.
Don't let a woman dump you like that then try to come back once things start going bad with her new guy. Fuck that shit yo.

I know you're right. Every part of me knows you're right, and I keep wanting to just do it. Tell her to fuck off, and not message me again. Then she pulls this sympathy bullshit, and I can't do it.

To make it worse, her father randomly bought me something on Steam the other day. Out of everybody, he was the one hurt most in this divorce. When she left, she didn't go to him asking for help, she went expecting it. I can tell he misses having me in her life because I knew how to wrangle her in and keep her from making stupid decisions. I can tell he also deeply respected me, and was looking forward to me being his son in law for many more years. I partially dont cut contact with her because I enjoy his friendship. I know it's stupid, but he's the nicest guy Ive ever met. It's hard to believe he raised such a hell spawn.

For one, I don't think you should be with a woman that you need to "wrangle her in".
Honestly dude, you should have a little more pride and dignity, don't let a woman use you like that.
You don't have to be with her to still be friends with her dad, you can still talk to him and go out for a beer or whatever ever now and then.

Whats the deal? Tell her its not your fault shes stupid and that its too late to apologize and actually mean it.

I completely agree. I dont want to be with her. I just don't have the spine to cut her out of my life. I got tired of being the one who had to make the adult decision all the time.
Yeah, I get that. It's just awkward at this point for both of us. He cant really get over the "ex husband" aspect.

She'll pull shit like "I haven't eaten anything today because I cant pay for food." Im never sure if she's lying, but I know she hasn't been spending it wisely. Regardless, I'm not the type that can sit by if somebody is starving. It could a serial killer who killed my parents in front of me, and he could evoke enough sympathy out of me to buy him some McDonald's.

It's hard, but I believe in ya user, you can find your spine and do what's best for yourself.
Every man has a choice and usually he knows what the right thing to do is. Make yourself proud and do what you feel is right.
Start making decisions with conviction for your best interest and there is no telling how far you could go in life.

she's a cunt user that's how some bitches operate. All you have to do is stay on track and not get distracted by the sweet talk/dick munching your ex is gonna throw your way. Eventually she'll bore of trying to get back with you and go on her way

I've been slowly getting it back after making the decision to go back to school on my GI bill. Seeing my accomplishments when she's not involved have been rebuilding my confidence/ego that I had before her.

Thats probably what shes been seeing, which is ehy shes doing this shit.

do you guys have kids together?

Luckily no. Id hate to imagine what it'd be like if we did.

She's a redundant anchor user and she is trying her darnedest to attach her chains to you again.
Her seeing how successful not being being with her has made you is probably what prompted this.
Don't let her hamstring you because you know how to have sympathy for people. Look at it this way, being nice to people and helping them is good if they can actually appreciate it, if she is unable to do that and just use you as a meal ticket, she's not worth your sympathy.

Just stay on the path you're on and keep progressing, a better woman will come along and your ex will just be a faint memory one day when you're happy and in a much better place.
Pretty important moment to build stronger character for yourself too, would be a shame to miss out on it.

It already looks like he found a better woman from his other posts, his current girlfriend is being remarkably nice about this baggage turning back up at their feet.

I can't believe I can't find another man to pay my way through life. I should just try to go back to user, he at least had some money, maybe I can still fuck thundercock on the side and I'll have the best of both worlds.

Lead her on and never let her near, watch her descent into desperation and watch her age into an undesirable gold digger with no skills.

I guarantee it is. Once she left, I was able to take the money I wasted on her and waste it on myself by getting a nice car (bit of a mistake money wise, but Ill manage), while also getting a nicer apartment and shit from my higher paying job, while also going back to school and succeeding at going toward my dream job. I know it also kills her because we both wanted to get into this field, but in her words, "She doesnt have the intelligence to do it."

I know she probably has a lot of envy and wants in on it, seeing what I can accomplish when I cut a leech off of me.

I have a pretty good girlfriend now. She treats me well and is understanding about all this. I feel bad asking her for help on this, though, because she already does so much for me.

I agree, OP sounds like he's already heading down a good road so long as he doesn't deviate or try backtracking.

Well there ya go, so sense on ruining a good thing just to do a stupid thing because your emotions are assholes.

What is that comic?

Well you could be honest with her and let her know that if she is so happy your life is going better, then could she please leave you alone.
Her trying to get back in is not only causing you distress, it is also adding a stressor to your current relationship, which won't be manageable indefinitely.
She needs to respect your need for boundaries, otherwise she isn't really there for you, but for her own potential benefit.

pinterest.fr/pin/499829258636072875/

This might be the best way for me to word it, to show her how well Im doing without her, and to compare it to how I was with her. I think she needs to see how toxic she was in my life, how much she held me back. She needs to see the shit she does to men, because I dont think she fully understands the repercussions of her actions.

Keep it simple & rational- I’d be a man, not a chick.

Call her at 8pm. Calmly tell her that you don’t want to be friends. Glad that things have become civil, and happy to friendly, but not friends.

Fix a core message, repeat same in different ways. Don’t get emotional, don’t get drawn in to drama. Just politely tell her you don’t want to spend time with her.

It’ll fuck her up.

I'm getting strong vibes of her having BPD or something similar.
If you set up your boundaries and make the request that she stop contacting you should be sufficient.
You still sound like you wanna try to fix her, but that isn't your job, it's hers.

I'd like to not get emotional, but Id need to mentally prepare myself for her mind games. She knows exactly what and how to say shit to set me off. She has an intimate understanding of how my mind works, hence why she keeps playing the sympathy card. She knows that that's my biggest weakness, and it's become her trump card.

Yeah, my suspicion of BPD only deepens, don't try to explain to her, just cut it off definitively and block her number.
She isn't actually happy for you, she just sees you as the better deal again.

Pre think those, find your answer, stick to script. Repeat same thing in different ways. ‘I know this is hard to hear, but I think it’s for the best. ‘. ‘ I you take some time to think about it, but I need you to understand I feel it’s for the best’. Repeat. Calm tone, don’t engage on the drama.

Her mom has BPD, so it's not outside of the realm of possibilities.
I understand I cant fix her, but I know deep down I want to. Not for her, not for me, but for the guys she gets with. Like the one shes with now. Hes a veteran whos trying to quit his drug addiction. Ive had experience quitting what hes taking, so Ive been giving him advice to make this easier, and so he doesnt die. I can tell her toxic personality is making it harder on him, so I feel bad for him. This has become her biggest sympathy card.

She is an actual toxic influence in other peoples lives, unless she shows a willingness to change and acknowledges her issues, you can't change her.
Heck it sounds like she is knowingly using the fact that you wanna change her to protect other men, to stay the same and leech onto your life again.

Shit dude, this is crazy... I'm just before you are in the process, getting over her and just starting to have the will to live. I don't know what I'd do if she did a 180, that's scary

Tell her to keep her fucking distance, you don't want her to waste years of your life again.

Use your sympathy to do her a favor and teach her a lesson.

That's a possibility I haven't really considered. It's something I'm probably going to have to sleep on, analyze her past actions, see if that lines up. The part about it that doesnt add up is why she'd want to be so friendly with my girlfriend, if that's what she was doing. Youd think shed want to drive a wedge between us, not tell my girlfriend how highly I speak of her, and advice on how to handle stuff like my anxiety (i.e. parts of my body to rub to calm me, etc.)

She might be going for a different angle, instead of being the girlfriend, she'll be the friend that leeches off of both of you.

"Keep your friends close and your enemies closer"


Stay strong OP

Oh and aside from thisGo look up cognitive behavioral therapy and mindfulness meditation for your anxiety, that stuff pulled me out of Agoraphobia.

This is a real possibility. I think Im going to talk to my girlfriend about this when we wake up tomorrow, point out the evidence and shit. The whole getting back with me thing didn't really seem to fit right because shes aware of how much she pisses me off, and Ive told her a multitude of times it'd never work between us. But friends? I believe she could come up with a plan to weasel into my life like that.
I believe Ive been gooked.

I'm thinking she snapped a little, and is planning on using her charm to get in then doing something go sabotage. Or she finally did realize what a cunt she's been and knows you were the only one that really cared about her. Women are usually pretty good at figuring out weird shit like this, you may get some insight from your gf.

Getting kind of a fatal attraction vibe

Also, ask her point blank what her intentions are and keep the questions fast so she doesn't have time to think up lies, do this in front of your gf

Yeah, the sneakiness of untreated BPD is vast, I know from experience, heck the fact that I am able to think in these lines show some experience with the real deal.

He says millennium, not year!!!

It's something military related, and Ive been working on it slowly in the years after Ive gotten out. It's gotten a lot better, and the ex wasnt aware of that since I don't tell her that kind of shit.

Bum her

OP you're acting more like a bitch than she is.

You're enjoying someone that broke YOUR heart now crawl back and all but say "I'm sorry, take me back". The new GF & EX may have been civil, etc. but human nature is human nature. Your new girl friend will see you, or already does see you, as a beta who isn't into her 100%. That gives her all insentive to now consciously & unconsciously "change" towards you to either exhibit dominance over you and/or gauge how far she can get by the ex's example.

Before you say "she's not like that" you said the same thing about the wife right? Humans are humans. Here you are washing your dirty laundry in public on a board frequented by sociopaths & miscreants (wjich I admit to being too, btw). Bet they both don't think YOU'D do something like that. You have zero idea how deep this hole could get, and you're going full retard beta on a muthafucka. Ex-military? Sheeeeeet...

tl;dr: You're a bitchmade digging your own grave. Divorce final or not, man up & tell ex to leave you the fuck alone or mark my words, you'll lose both before you know it. You goddamned child.

similar thing happened to me user
>get dumped (multiple times over the course of a year)
>newly ex gf, fucks pretty much every guy she meets, basically making sure the news gets to me one way or another
>'friends' tell her when im going out on a date with another girl and she always messages or calls me during/after (nothing for days before or after)
>shows up at my house telling me she's changed her mind and wants me back.
>tries to hook up with me at multiple parties. deny the shit out of her
>end up meeting QT1
>see her for a bit, just having a bit of fun
>meet QT2 same thing, just fucking around (im a heavyset nerdy kinda guy, so having two girls on the chain was unbelievable)
>i think "fuck it.."
>start dicking around with ex as well, using the absolute shit out of her, all the while i can see she's trying to play me
>find out she has a BF (i knew the guy, total fuckbag douchemuppet)
>use the fuck out of her again anyway, totally degraded her, treated her like absolute shit in bed (she loved it, i felt guilty as fuck afterwards)
>she thinks we're back together,
>make it known im with QT1 a week later, but she got scared off because she knew my ex and she was causing shit between us
>QT2 steps up to the plate and seriously pursues me
>QT2 gives no fucks
>QT2 shuts ex GF the fuck down
>I completely cut off contact with ex. quite hard to do, but best thing i've ever done. made things in my life so much clearer
>me and QT2 have now been together for 9 years and i've never been happier
>pic somewhat related

Im really hoping it's just her realizing how much of a cunt she's been the past few yesrs. I dont see that happening anytime soon, but I can hope.

Every time I have to talk with her, my girlfriend is around at this point. I want somebody to bear witness to this insanity, along with not having to explain it to her once it's over. Lately my gf just stays quiet while we talk so she can hear how the ex really is.

I've told her before I thought she had BPD and that she needs treatment, and it didnt go well. Shes very childish in the regard that if she feels you're forcing her into something, she wont do it out of spite, and vice versa.

Ive acknowledged every point you made in this, in some way shape or form. I know my personal issues, at this point Im more concerned with her end game. I asked this board knowing its a bunch of shit bag edgelords, and that somebody on here must think like her. Ive gotten a few good ideas of what it might be, and Im going to talk with my gf tomorrow about it so we can finish this shit.

The thing that's scary is she sounds like a narcissist, and those types are never wrong in their minds but are master manipulators... so I'm still thinking "whats your angle nigga?" seems like she's trying to charm you and your gf, but why? If she can't have a relationship then no one can? I dunno, birches are psycho

Godspeed Sup Forumsrother, I was just trying to rustle your jimmies so u would stomp this out.

I did it twice where a new gf knew a lot about and/or met an ex. They always say "oh no problem, I know you love me now" Like I said, I go from human nature, would I want the dick they used to suck waved in front of me?

Both times I eventually got the ex thrown in my face. "Oh I don't look like so & so?" "Oh, would so & so do that?" It was murder. Now I act as if the chick I'm with is the only one Ive ever been with. I've been married 11 years & the wife heard zero about past relationships. She asked in a round about way once and all I said was "You know, I don't want to now about who you've fucked. Wait, I'm your first right?" and winked. She smiled, said yes, never heard about it again.

If I needed help I'd come here too. Not necessarily to get good info, but to see at least that I ain't alone. You aren't, so cowboy up & squash that shit. End of story.

Going through a slightly similar situation, ex gf dumped me a few months ago reconnected, but is unsure about getting back together but will happily kiss cuddle and make out with me. Had sex with me once but tried it on again and said "she wasn't sure if it was a good idea and is often slightly hot and cold with me. I'd stamp out this ex wife of yours though sounds like a mental bitch and is going to add nothing positive to your life imo also probably has bpd and that shit aint going away anytime soon with a few pills. get the fuck out Sup Forumsro