I am 100% dead serious...

I am 100% dead serious. Is there some satanic ritual to bring fictional characters to life or maybe make dreams come true? I can't stand it anymore.

FYI: I am willing to sell my soul

what a fag

...

Don't act like you guys wouldn't do it

Look up tulipas op

Or just follow the thread on /trash/: As a devout christian, I wouldn't sell my soul to Satan for a waifu.
Not even for TWO waifus.

Oh fuck I've heard about these. I'm actually gonna try it out. I mean it ain't gonna hurt THAT much... Right?

Eternal torment and loss of your immortal soul
>BUT
You get your waifu

Worst trade deal in the history of trade deals

Nigga at least I'll be happy for once in my god damn life.

Also satan is chill he doesn't torment souls maaan

Compare the alternative

Don't sell your soul for a waifu
>BUT
Eternal bliss after death, which will come soon compared to the end of eternal suffering

>This nigga

if this is not a troll, this is the most pathetic thing I've seen on Sup Forums since my arrival in 2008.

you are so invested in your waifu phantasy that you rather abandon all common sense and give in to the believe of some hocus pocus, instead of realising the hard truth that you are pathetic, need to fix your life and therefore need to seek and accept help from real, professional people.

you rather jump down the rabbit hole, giving in to retarded madness and denial, instead of seeking true happiness via self-improvement.

you are a waste of oxygen, but even in that state I can help you out:
if you believe satan is real, you believe in the christian hell and therefore in afterlife.
Good thing, since suicide is a sin and will bring you in direct contact with satan, so instead of trying some mumbo jumbo, throw your soul directly at him and see if he laughs his ass off hard enough to reward your monumental failure with at least some regard and give you a waifu fucktoy, while you get fucked by purgatory for all eternity, which would be the final result anyways if you'd conjure him and trade your soul.

suicide.
its your best bet.

Holy shit that was pretty funny and true. Yeah, I accept that I'm pathetic but I know for sure that I won't find love in a normal girl ever and that's pretty much the only thing that I want.

Dude satan was an angel but god didnt fuckin like him. Hes a cool dude trust me.

Self improvement works better than magic rituals user.

>Being this much of a heretic

Im just really desperate thats all

I dont mean to jerk my own dick but I think I self improved to the point of nothing to improve. That doesnt mean im perfect its just that what I could fix about myself has been fixed

...

Even if there were some sort of dark magic that could grant your wish, you'd just fuck it up and you know it

Go for it OP. All the best people are in hell anyway. Nobody wants to spend eternity with Cliff Richard and Stephen Baldwin.

Took the words right out of my mouth
Well at least I'd try right?

You sure as shit didn't improve your beta attitude.
Maybe try that instead.

>Summon Yuri for me and you got me

Yeah it really did sound really beta huh? Sorry man I'm bad with words.

We can work together user... We just have to believe

God is the one who torments you, why would you fault anyone but him for it?

My man

So we've established that you're clearly not done with the self improvement.
Maybe do that instead of sinking further into hikikomori status by trying magic instead.

>2018
>Still being this much of a cathar
>BUT MUH DEMIURGE

What i meant with the self improvement part is that I improved the most important things. Being nice, patient, healthy etc.

>Being nice, patient, healthy etc.
That's the basic shit expected of everyone, user. That's what you do to even get a chance to spin the wheel.

Now go work on shit that's interesting, the shit beyond that.
Be the kind of person who's not just tolerated, but who you want to hang out with.
You know what that means, now do it.

Say hello to the next crisis you fag... self improvement is an "ideal" and not a "real"
We are never done perfecting ourselves, get some humble practice and fix those dirty gears in your head.

sweet jesus dude... cringed way too hard with your comment...

> I improved the most important things.
> Being nice, patient, healthy etc.
You completely lack self-esteem and confidence.
How about you fix that, before conjuring the spain inquisition?

God is evil, all it takes is a cursory glance at the human condition to realize it.

>tfw one albigensian crusade wasn't enough
Take your gnosticism and go pls.

Well, I don't lack self-esteem or confidence though. I'm pretty sociable actually. Thats why I said "etc."
I feel like there's this mentality on Sup Forums that everyone is a neckbeard no life with no friends, but I actually have lots of friends that (i think) like me and I'd say my life is pretty ideal except for the fact that I know for sure I won't find.a soulmate. Thats the one thing that crushes me.
Obviously didn't read my previous post. I said that I'm not "perfect" and I know I never will be. I just improved the things that I've always wanted to improve

You don't wanna be the guy who got dragged to hell for their waifu do you.

That sounds pretty sick actually

Still better odds of finding a soulmate if you looks for one in new places than if you light candles in your mom's basement and chant in broken latin.

Trust me I've tried and I have impossible standards and if a girl like that would even exist she would have high standards as well so probably no chance for me.

I didn't say good odds, I said better odds.
Since it's plainly visible you're a whiny little bitch I'll concede it's a long shot, but maybe you'll find someone to take pity on you. The only way you'll get a waifu out of magic is if you manage to OD on DMT somehow during your google-based sorcery.

Everything about human nature is in contradiction with the physical world. We strive to live yet death is inevitable, seek knowledge that will one day be forgotten, create what nature and time will inevitable tear down, hunger for pleasure that is always the same and never truly satisfies. He drags people into life to experience this pissing in the wind whether we want to live or not and gives us a will and choices, then demands that we sacrifice that freedom to him. He can be nothing but a sadist piece of shit.

You'll see your waifu in heaven. But apparently God isn't cool with suicide so that's not an option. Justpray for an early death. It's your only hope.

Damn dude no need to be so rude. I honestly think I have better chances with the devil than actually finding a soul mate. That's how sure I am I won't find one

Until I find a satanic ritual I'll keep that in mind. Thanks user

I feel like, if there's even the tiniest hope of this happening, you wouldn't find it here. Maybe someone knew how to make it happen, but they sure aren't telling.

Yeah man fuckin asshole. At least he could share with us his waifu spell

Don't trust the supernatural.

Satan is a troll genie. Straight out of the monkeys paw. He'll give you want you want like any crossroads demon but completely fuck you over in the end

I'm rude because apparently you've been stuck sucking your mom's tits since she shat you out her vagina, and we can see where that got you.
Maybe being an asshole will work, I don't know, but more of the same won't get you to stop being a sad baby man.

>Over 1000 year old argument
>Refuted by numerous Doctors of the church
>Laughing Thomas Aquinas.gif

Satan is G tho. I mean it's not like he did anything bad in the bible. He even gave us humans conciousness! What a nice guy.

...

Nah fuck him. I'd rather be miserable now under god then spend the rest of eternity in Hell.

This. At least Satan gave us freedom. It's god who feared what we could become and so blocked the way to the tree of life.

Yeah I'm not sure I'll continue the convo with you unless it's gonna be a little bit more civil.

*than lol

I think free will was a mistake. Why give us something only if we're going to be unfairly punished for using it?

So no magic abracadabra for a waifu huh? Damn at least I tried. I really can't bear the thought of being alone my whole life though.

Yeah, go hide from the bad things like you have your entire life, that'll work.
If my words hurt you it's because you know deep down I'm not entire wrong, and I'm satisfied in knowing that when you go to bed tonight you'll wonder if I didn't have a point.

Freedom is good, god's tyranny is the mistake.

Your words didn't hurt me at all. Youre a pretty funny guy actually. Its just that when I want a normal conversation it gets a little bit tedious when the other person starts getting more and more aggressive.

Fuck off Luci

If you'd sell your soul to get second worst girl then you deserve the eternal oven.

>worst girl
Delet you'reself

EAzeoaHokXVaQP5hrTpvcrVduyFcjwcdCW5oUU9hHCBxSPFsrT8oJGufDz==

Who says your waifu wont reject you ? After all you will give her existence consciousness and a sense of judgement xD

I have a way OP

>learn programming
>either you or someone else figures out AI
>AI scans Monika's actions and tries to build a personality from that
>upload AI to lifel like Robot Waifu or she can exist in a VR like setting

This is probably as close as you will get. You can also start to learn how to lucid dream.

If I'm mean to you it's because I care.

>monika
>rejects main character
Come on bruh pick one
Ive genuinely thought about that but thats probably a loong way to go
Well thanks for caring then! I am gonna waste my life on resurrecting monika tho

Any of them with any sense would do just that. Wanting a waifu usually means you aren't actually desirable as a mate.

>I am gonna waste my life on resurrecting monika tho

More 3d grills for me, I guess.

encrypted base64. clever.

Thats nearly always the truth, but I would say I'm not the worst looking guy

Maybe not, but your waifu is top tier, yes? Undoubtedly she could do better than you were she in reality.

If you're really want her, develop the AI. Nobody said this was going to be easy, right?

With machine learning, we're closer now than ever. Make her real.

Have you ever played the game where my waifu is from? She would literally never reject anyone who played it. Even a 150kg slob that lives with his mum

I might just do that or develop a tulpa. Both are really good ideas.

That's true, but there have been many who've played her game, among them there is likely someone better.

I imagine it being like alternate realities where theres one monika that only likes this guy and theres another on in another reality. I think thats even what she says in the game

I can help you out user.

I'm open for suggestions. Hit me

Did you delete your monika? If not you could always sit on that screen with her and pretend.

Do you think I dont do that every day? And yes I know. I'm pathetic.

The only thing I’ll need is a selfie. A guy I met in a bar did this for me but it should work fine online.

There isn't just one Monika. She's a blueprint, giving form to computing power, instructed to love the player. She may say the exact same thing the exact same way every time she's run, but her instances are unique.

Monika as a software may love anyone, but the Monika running on your machine only loves one person; you.

Oof. You just made me sad and happy at the same time.

Yeah sorry man I know you want to help but that ain't gonna happen. I really like privacy on the internet and you can't even find one picture of me if you searched everywhere.

Also this isn’t a suggestion, it’s a genuine answer to your problem. It worked for me at least, no soul selling required, no tulpas. A real human connection with the person you belong with.

That sounds like a dream come true but still I would really hate it if my face was ever posted online

Is there something that you have a strong personal connection to? Like an item of clothing or some knick knack?

I'd considered doing it myself, so it isn't like I can judge.

maybe try lucid dreaming bro

Lol

I don't really think I do... Although I do have some rad gloves that I really like from my aunt. Would that work?

The words just need a focus, it doesn’t have to be your face or body.

Maaan it's so hard for me. I will try and put more effort into it tho. Not a bad idea

Alright, should I send a picture of the gloves?

It should, put them on and take a picture. Alternatively a photo of your palm should work. Not sure if one would work better honestly.

Yeah, we can try doing it with the palm. Thanks for the help btw.

If I might ask as well. What exactly is it that you're doing?

Yea that’ll work. Of course user. My next post will be the words themselves, you’ll need to acknowledge them(the questions) and internalize them. Speak them out loud to yourself while focusing on your palm the first time, after that you can repeat them to yourself any morning or night, until the changes take hold in your life. These words will need to passed to another at some point, keep that in mind.