I don't have the balls to hang myself so am drinking myself to death...

I don't have the balls to hang myself so am drinking myself to death, 26 been at it for +10 years heavy drinking now I'm finding my heart is beating strange and if I turn my head when crossing the street it feels like I'll pass out, my plan to die by 40 seems to be working well, how are you doing user?

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Enjoy your painful death as doctors struggle in vain to save your life, thus wasting resources on a craven piece of shit such as yourself. You deserve every minute of it.

probs should get some help bud, been there myself

what you probably don't realize is alcoholic death is one of the most horrible ways to go

cirrhosis and wernicke/korsakoff syndrome means you completely lose your mind, go in and out of super painful withdrawals all the time, and die shitting yourself alone or on the street.

oh and if you live through it the brain damage is permanent.

I don't want to waste resources, I wont be phoning any ambulances and no one really cares about me, basically at some point someone will find a corpse. I wouldn't want to waste anyones time

You already are.

I keep trying to quit and get this, sweats shakes etc I'm shaking right now, drinking still and its 7am. I'm a lost cause and horribly depressed. Thanks for your input though, at this point I'm honestly not sure what I'm doing and my dreams are insane. Plus people have started to avoid me (basically 0 friends and family are slowly getting rid of me) I don't think I'm any different but maybe my brain is rotting

>Andy likes GG Allin.
>Favorite GG Allin song thread?
>Favorite GG Allin song thread.
>"When I die"

I want to just close my eyes and it all to go away, fuck I sound like a super faglord but I feel like dirt.

Its not copy pasta I'm just sad and wanted to vent

I can't put a finger on why I haven't killed myself yet. I'm not fearful of death in the slightest, I guess I'm just kinda hopeful something cool will happen and distract me from my constant thoughts of dying.

>drink alcohol all day every day
>feel like shit
Gee you think genius

I know how you feel, when I was a kid I thought I'd maybe some day have a wife and kids etc and lovely stuff like that.
Alas I'm a washed up border-line homeless alcoholic and have never really had a girlfriend.
It seems maybe I'm not suited for life and my existence is just bad decisions, loneliness and pain.

>it's everyone and everything's fault but my own
nope

Go to a hospital and detox. I was suicidal during the end of my drinking too. Stealing 5th everyday, dry heaving not sleeping or eating, it was horrible. After your sober a while you see that your thinking was off and your not depressed your just putting a depressant in your body. Pic is my room befor I quit.

Emotionally not physically you idiot, I'm hungover almost all of my life it doesn't really effect me, I just have shitty emotions that make me sad all the time

I am not blaming any one at all. I am aware I am missing something that prevents me functioning as a normal human being. Sometimes I wish ISIS was in my country so they wold just behead me and it could all be over

I'm getting ready to go through that all over again, no hospital going to just be ghetto and stay in bed, drinking the last of my cans atm to hopefully ease it, man its harder than when I quit cocaine, I fucking hate myself Im a horrible excuse for a person and I feel like I want to cry atm which is the first time that's happened on this fucking site

27 same plan but started at 12. Boy you are in for a ride.

Right now my body doesn't accept any form of nutrients. If just a drop of water/sweat or a grain of salt touch my lips or nose I vomit for hours.

I had to sleep at my parents home yesterday because they were worried but just left before they woke up (coughed up.a lot of blood last night)

...

What kind of prom queen started so many beers but finished none ?

OP here, I've shit blood a few times, and recently vomited a lot of blood.
I want it all to be better but its so damn painful and depressing.

Don't be a pussy, speed it up with heroin.

OP here, don't know any dealers, can you send me some?

Piss

OP here, that's not actually that bad, certainly doesn't look anything like the cespool I created for myself

Did you take anything to fuck with your liver or kidney ? If not the ride will never end.

I haven't eaten in a long time and can't even control my body temperatures. I take like 3 hot baths a day.

I daydream of cuddling a girl, smelling her hair etc but it'll never happen so I console myself with alcohol and thus the viscous circle continues. I can't wait until my liver fails no matter how painful it is it will be easier than my having to deal with my shit existence and inability to appear normal

Hospital detox is way better, you get benzodiazepines and Iv s of fluid. Plus they have to take you even with no insurance.

Perhaps. I keep telling myself maybe I can control my own destiny but maybe life just isn't mean't for everyone. It's depressing but true.

Are you for real? You are doing this because you are lonely?

I just drink, haven't showered or bathed in a while, I usually feel hot not cold, sleeping is fucking hard and I haven't had a solid shit in about 5 years, always shit myself because accidentally letting out farts. I honestly should die but its taking too long

Still not blaming yourself. "Oh, it's just the way I was made QQ." Take some personal responsibility for once in your miserable wretched fucking life.

More depression but Ithought I'd just throw that statement out there because why not.
I'm not doing it because lonely, its deeper than that and started when I was 14 and it never left

Those emotions are called depression. There's medical treatment for that. You refuse to get it.

Stop the food - will be hard for like 4 days but after this you get like a small on going high. You won't kill your liver with just alcohol in the next 15 years sorry

I know its my fault that I'm bad, I have tried to change but can't and so at 14 decided its time to play the long suicide game by drinking myself to death. No one cares, no friends, family find me disgusting, I find myself disgusting, I know I am to blame, what more do you want?

Waahh wahh I can't, I can't.

More like you've never really tried.

Been there, if it wasn't for a near-death experience I would have succeeded. You need a life changing experience

Is there something I could do to cause this in a controlled environment? EG like some sort of exit bag shit or something?

>depression
>there's medical treatment for that
Unless you deal with whatever caused the depression, there's no drug in the world that will get rid of it.
Relying on drugs to avoid emotional issues will only make it worse in the end.

This isnt the way to go man... I went through alcohol induced delirium tremens last winter and should have died. Wouldnt sleep for atleast 24 hours at a time and sometimes two days. When i did sleep it was about an hour. Couldnt eat, id just be sitting there and my heart rate would shoot up to 150 bpm. I couldnt sit still for more than a minute at a time. There was not one second i didnt feel like i was gonna die. I was paranoid and i got to the point where i couldnt understand anything. You could tell me something and i wouldnt remember 4 seconds later
. battled with it all last year and gave it up 94 days ago and wont ever touch it again
Hang it there.

I have, alcohol is way harder to quit than cocaine, fuck its up there with heroin on withdrawals. Not to mention I have absolutely no enjoyment with anything I do and need alcohol to feel good about anything including eating

That's very solid advice from you mr. armchair psychologist that knows precisely fuck-all about the causes and biology of depression.

Well I would give you a piece of advice. Prepare everything for the day - and when you are ready just start walking. Maybe you find something - or get back with a terminal disease which makes it easier to kill yourself.

Thank you for replying, I'm trembling right now sinking a can or two because I know tomorrow is going to be fucking hell. Doesn't help my prescription ran out and the depression is in full force again. Fuck I hate why I'm so pathetic, I wish I could hit a reset button and start again.

Thats why i drank man. Ive had horrible depression for a long time and have seen a lot of shit. For what its worth, working out and diet play huge roles in brain chemistry. Im only on natural stuff right now and if i want a buzz, i take kratom. Alcohol was something i couldnt ever stand the thought of giving up for so long. I just got to the point where it made me so sick when i drank even small amounts. I used to drink an equivalent of a 750 ml of 40% and a 12pk of 9.5% a night. Dont even have the urge anymore

Kratom is illegal in my country so I'm sort of fucked despite I've heard taking it can fix whatever is fucking wrong with me.
I'll start eating better and excercise maybe but god damn its so hard when it gives you nothing, everything feels useless and pointless. FML I'm cringing at my pathetic shit that I'm posting I hate so much about myself you would not believe

Well, an exit bag will kill you, so don't do that if you are looking for a new reason to live. I didn't plan on almost dying, so I don't know if you could intentionally get injured and it was a long hard road to recovery.

...

You sound just like me op. going back to detox in the morning for benzos

OP here, best of luck, its 7am and I'm drinking some 8%ers to try and ease myself into it. Hopefully I wont wake up but I heard god takes the good ones early, so based on that I'll live forever

I have been where you are man. Like i said, after what i endured last winter i have no clue how im still here. I stopped working out when i was in ot heavy.. Unless someone has been there, they wont know. It is udder abyss. The lowest a human can possibly feel. Even when i did sleep i had horrible nightmares. A living hell. Seeing things, hearing things. I had also gone through a recent breakup so it seemed like there was nothing left. Key word being seemed. I know where you are man, believe me when i say that. That depression is so awful it seems like you are suffocating. Seems cliche, but there is a light, if you fight. I cant still sorta remember glimpses of how i felt and how near death i was. I had black circles under my eyes, i looked dead and everyone in the detox i checked into said the same thing. I thought my mind would never recover... It did.. In time.

Your reply actually made tears, I think that's the first ever time something an user posted made me cry. Thank you so much.

do the world a favor and kys. jump of a buildimg or suicide by cop. livestream if you jump off a building i want to see you splat

Thanks man. It's 3 am here, 5 more hours to go. My heart is pounding in my ears and I haven't eaten since Thursday stomach hurts too bad

How about crackers / bread or something, even just a corner, might help but god speed brother so much for 2018 being a better year eh? Everything's fucked.

>udder abyss

If i can get through what i did then so can you. Its a dog fight... Even when you start getting healthy again. I still have good days and horrible days. Im still only 94 days sober and the longest ive gone since i started drinking was 4 months. Started drinking at 17, 23 now. It takes a while for the brain to restore balance and with my depression i have to fight everyday. Just keep fighting. Even if you feel like Rocky when he was in Russia, cold, Barron, odds stacked completely against you... Which you will, theres still someone in your side. My whole life feels like that still some days.. But ive learned to trudge through.

Ontop of all of this shit I got shitfaced yesterday and now I think my foot is broken, my ribs hurt but I can't put preassure on my foot... God fucking damn it

Spelled it like how it usually comes out... But yes, utter.

Thank you so much for your reply

>I keep trying to quit and get this, sweats shakes etc

you gotta learn how to taper off. if you've been drinking for days, try to drink like 3/4 as much tomorrow. even a few drinks less will help. then do like half that the next day and then maybe just have a couple the day after that then you're sober without the hellish withdrawal. trust me i've done this many times

I woulod say more but Icant stop cryying fucing faggot alert or what

Shouldnt have to force words man. Let it flow. Crying can help. Shit, i doubt i was even coherent enough to post anything on this site as i was going through all that. I couldnt even cry i was so far gone. Crying is good.

Mustard gas mustard gas

I can't find anything enjoyable as well, but I don't have drinking problems, pretty much never been drunk either since my tolerance to alcohol seems to be really high, couple months ago I drank 1,5l of rum and 1l vodka and wasn't even a little bit drunk.
I stopped drinking since its just expensive.
To top it off I'm asexual, so I literally have nothing to gain from life, was suicidal when I was younger, chugged down two packs of painkillers with beer when I was 16, nothing happened though since I didn't know that by alcohol they meant vodka and such.
There was one thing I actually enjoyed doing while I was younger, and that was riding random busses throughout the country, wasn't all too expensive and kept you busy for a day, got kicked out of school because of I had less than 40% attendance rate in my last year (because of my bus riding).
You should try it, take some music with you in case you get bored with scenery.

I hope liver Cirrhosis takes you

who is that guy in the pic?

27 currently, functioning alcoholic, knowing it will kill me one day. Have a decent job and my own place but drinking is the only thing that makes me feel any sort of emotions. It's the only reason i've had a gf/sex/friends. I can't stand being around other people when im sober, they jusr repulse me for some reason.I stick to just light beer now and a few swigs of whiskey here and there since the WDs are nothing I want to experience again.

If any of you go through WDs and dont have access to detox/rehab drink a beer every hour til you feel better. And don't get past that point, dont get drunk again. Make it light beer too

youtube.com/watch?v=q77-ggkzWRI

27, alcoholic, I used to get drunk 1-2 times a week...for the past year I had been drinking every day. I used to drink beer only, 1-2 litres of it, then I started adding a bit of vodka. I have been drinking considerably less since new years eve but still going at it pretty strong.

They make money off it so that part of your opinion is nothing

Hang in there OP.

I think you can actually recover to a completely normal life OP. It is just gonna be one hell of a boss. I honestly don't know much about anything you're going though, but I honestly believe that, with the smallest baby steps, you'll be able to ween yourself down from a life-threatening alcohol addiction to a middle ground regular beer junkie. From there, you can keep working towards normal habits, which may eventually open the door to a life with out alcohol. I don't know how long this will take, but you will definitely be in a better place a year from now if you start soon. You might even be able to somewhat stabilize before you reach 30. Maybe I'm too optimistic but you can't tell me it's impossible to at least go halfway back to recovery, or even 3/4ths of the way.

I think doing this will make it easier to become less lonely with time.

Yea its worth hanging around to see shit like Donald Trump

I've been smoking myself to death since 1997, still alive but i'm getting there

Been drinking heavily for 11 years now, I'll be 32 in a month. The longest i've gone sober was probably two months, I always fell back into it willingly. Somehow something always happens to cause me to go into a funk and alcohol is the only thing that'll fix it. Or Sometimes the complete opposite happens, I'll be doing extremely well for myself and reward myself with a drink and go overboard for days on end.

I made a promise to myself to quit after new years, and I started drinking again on Jan 2nd but just for a day. I was clean for a week and drank two days in a row recently. I've stopped again but I actually want to go sober longer. I felt happier with myself when I didn't drink

Just jump off an overpass. Time it so you get hit by a semi.

this shit is def weird. today I had an episode where I got super dizzy I checked my heart rate and it was in the 50s my girl informed me that was kid of low but i have been working out and I know that helps to lower blood pressure and heart rate but still can't help feeling strange...freaked out. (I blame the episode on my severe anxiety)

Normally on this depressing site I see "roll X and I'll livestream my death becoz dying of tb/cancer" or some shit. Just today I've seen about 3 legit depressed people and I consider myself a 4th one.

There was a thread teaching people how to make a quick escape helium mask but I believe the m0ds deleted it after it hit page 3.
If you can get a ventilator mask and a helium tank with a tube (available on amazon) it's the least painful 3-9 minute way to end it your body doesn't feel anything. I would try this but I'm shit scared of death even though I wish I could just leave this earth peacefully.

It's a slow and shitty death. Go an hero or get help asap. Life is pain for all but finding meaning in the pain is the way to find true meaning