Story thread

Story thread
Tell your stories, lewd or not

Give me her sauce and then we'll talk

Audrey Hepburn
How Gib story

Last week I drove the short distance to my local corner store. When I went inside I saw one of the most beautiful girls that I have ever seen. She immediately initiated an informal conversation and we hit it off right away. I bought some bread and some cheese and went home. That is my story.

Why didn't u tap sat?

>be me
>17 and virgin
>browsing tinder, find cute chick, ask to hook up
>meet at her place, start making out
>tell her I'm a virgin
>she gets turned off but keeps going anyways
>she's in the middle of riding me and completely naked when she stops
>she says "I can't do this"
>kicks me out

kek
please be true

Why she done it?

It is true.

But a few months later I hooked up with a fat chick on tinder and we had some pretty good sex. I consider that to be my first time.

>was at beach with my boy
>he drunk crazy hitting on landwhale/10
>let him go
>he goes back to room to fuck her I stay out to get more drinks
>i got drunk forgot he was up there still
>walk in she was riding him
>looked like the witch from wizard of oz under the house you could only see his feet sticking out

>not telling her to fuck off back on the D

what a cuck

Well I'm not just gonna say no. That would get creepy and awkward as fuck.

did u fuck her too?

lost my job cuz i am a fuck up, i never liked working too lazy, i only like to watch movies, get drunk and play video games. but when you drop out of university and then loose job, nothing can occupy your time so you play games and watch movies again and again and again every day and u kinda get sick and tired of the thing you love the most. last moneys get spent, depression creeps on you, you try to find something to do just not to think about your current situation so i started browsing Sup Forums more often, "eight channel", "master cluster", after some time got into hacking stuff, fell really into it, then comes "dark net with onions", onion links, it pulled me in more and more and after some time i developed those skills i craved in the first place by browsing those places. tried to use them, and it worked. menaged to get in my hands some very rare and forbidden stuff online that people would pay for. so i sold it. sold one, two, three.....and it started growing faster and faster. my income rises, now i have enough so i don't need to work but.....the "audience" around me got suspicious so i had to find job again as a cover up. now i work on that job as a cover up, then get home and don't play games, or watch movies.....just do the work for others, finding stuff they need, for money.....
yup. now i am working two times more than i did before and i fucking hate working. fml

no fat bitches for me

Chick reminds me of the first girl I had a real crush on.

>Be me, Junior year of High School
>Been desperately in love with this girl for years
>Some low key flirting, but nothing major
>Staying after school to study for a test one day
>Teacher has to leave for a meeting and tells us to lock up when we're done
>This is my chance, make my move
>Looks up from the text book we're sharing, and I plant a kiss on her
>Start making out
>She takes off her shirt and bra, and I start playing with her tits
>She unzips my pants and starts blowing me
>She hears a noise and stops blowing me
>Cum right at that moment getting cum on her face, cum on the desk, and cum on the carpet
>Crush freaks the fuck out and tries to clean up
>PaperTowelsLeaveEvidence.gif
>Quickly puts closes back on right before the teacher returns
>Crush turns bright red when she realizes that she still has cum on her face and that there is a clear jizz stain on the carpet
>Crush gets the hell out of there and never talks to me again
>Have the same teacher the following year, every class would notice the cum stain and get hard

what happened to her since then?
and what school has a carpet ?

I have become pretty good in getting my sisters so drunk they pass out. I just like it when they lay there completly out of it, and unable too stop me.

stop what?

She was on of those tom boy type girls, but always really shy when dealing with guys she liked. The situation traumatized her, and she did not date anyone for the remainder of high school. She ended up at Boston University and rows on the crew team.

A cheap ass school who cant afford to tile all of the classrooms,

>and rows on the crew team.
I'm sure she rows the crew's entire team if you catch my drift

Nah man, she's probably in the stroke seat, or more accurately a bisweptual

KEK
As a rower, that's some great word play

There's definitely a cox in her boat

>hate my fucking life!
>i'm 22, work in fast food and will probably never do anything better
>my co-workers make fun of me all day
>and if i told my boss he would probably cut my already shitty pay,
cause he's a cheap bastard
>my only friend is mentally retarded, and all we ever do together is some stupid shit
>i can't even leave my home town cause i never learned how to drive,
plus every time i try, i fail my drivers test
>and you know what the worst part is?
>i live in a pineapple under the sea....

Just have some fun, some brotherly fun that should stay a secret

well your sis are fugly so your family is probs inbred already

>be me
>cute girl
>jerking off in class
>teacher sees it
>get suspended

Nah, indonesian and west european doesnt mix well, all of us look really alike. Not the best faces, but great bodies

>Be 16
>In relationship with slutty emo girl because she's teaching me about sex
>Ditch last period to have extra alone time
>Get home, younger bro stayed home sick
fuck.jpeg
>He's playing Garry's mod
>asks why we are there early
>tell him there was an assembly and left
>can't go down to my room in the basement, would be to suspicious
>His room is right next to the livingroom
>tell him GF likes video games and wants to play on the 64
>go into his room
>Play for a bit, then put on movie
>bro is to into his game to pay attention
>she starts playing with my dick
>door is open
>she loves the excitement
>fuck on my brothers bed
>finish on her belly
>she starts rubbing it on her and giggling
>notice there's a bit of blood on my dicc
wut.jpeg
>she notices, "oh I'm still bleeding a bit"
>pulls tampon out o her vagina
evenmorewut.jpeg
>tampon is clean
I'm so fucking lost
>wipe the blood off my dicc to the painful realization that the tampon had chaffed a layer of skin off just below my head and I didn't notice because of the excitement of getting caught
>she kisses it
>mfw I fucked a slut on my brother's bed
>mfw its the only action that bed has ever gotten in 7 years
>mfw she's in my programming class I started last week
she got fat....... and still wears MCR shirts.

Girls don't have dicks

top left looks ok

Damn it, Sponge Bob!

Yeah my niece, a total slut, but indeed bestv looking of us all.

>Be 16
>In relationship with slutty emo girl because she's teaching me about sex
>Ditch last period to have extra alone time
>Get home, younger bro stayed home sick
fuck.jpeg
>He's playing Garry's mod
>asks why we are there early
>tell him there was an assembly and left
>can't go down to my room in the basement, would be to suspicious
>His room is right next to the livingroom
>tell him GF likes video games and wants to play on the 64
>bro goes play with her
>fucks her silly

here, made a better story

Kek

omg i know who you are talking about she was short as hell to right i thought she was sexy as hell

francis?

bump

I fucked a chick 15 years older than me. she hits me up out of nowhere one weekend says she wants to hang out after meeting me in a class in college (sometimes older people take regular courses especially at nyu) fucked all night, dirties sex I ever had enhanced by adderall, multiple loads in her ass. next day went to book to hit her up cuz it was so good, she had just posted wedding pics.

>be me back in college
>very small town, 7000 people
>townies hate students, students hate townies
>sitting around dorm room during day
>see sheriff's deputy come walking by knocking on all the doors
>this is strange, we have campus police, we don't deal with townie cops
>knocks on mine
>"hello officer, what's happening?"
>deputy: "Hi, I'm running for sheriff of the town and I'd like your vote."
>me: "um...I'm not registered to vote here, and frankly I don't think many students are."
>him: "oh, okay. Um...is it okay for me to be going door to door here?"
>me looks at him
>me: "Um...shouldn't a sheriff know that?"
>him: "yeah, I think it's okay."
>never see him again

true story
P.S. the sheriff's daughter was a very sexy underaged slut who fucked quite a few of my classmates.
P.P.S. I could have fucked her too, but I was dating a cool girl at the time. My gf invited her to my bday party tho.

>After a day with my girlfriend, her mom, and her
>horse, I somehow managed to catch the last
>ferry off the island. That is to say, I barely made
>it after having gone the wrong direction for
>twenty minutes.
>The relief I felt upon both hearing and feeling
>my tires meet that most glorious, in this case, of
>sea vessels, washed over me like a wave.
>Upon docking, that wave started to feel less like
>opiates and more like a gigantic fuck-ton (kinda
>like a metric ton) of water and sand. By that I
>mean I drove my car off the boat and had no
>fucking idea where I was.
>It looked vaguely familiar, but only in the way
>that all fucking cities look familiar in the dark.
>After disembarking, passing dive bars I'd never
>seen, much less patronized, I hung a right in the
>hope that it would take me in a southerly
>direction.
>As it should happen, fate smiled upon me at this
>point. After a bit of time in the hood, I found my
>way to the expressway that would take me to
>my mom's place. Some thirty minutes later,
>circa 0300, I arrived at her doorstep. I banged
>on the door.
>Nothing.
>I banged, this time longer, on said door.
>Again, nothing.
>At this point I realize that not only am I late, but I
>have no flowers, or anything else, to take the
>curse off my late arrival.
>So, I get back in my car, and head south to a
>Denny's or any other place that should present
>itself to spend a few idle hours. It shouldn't be
>too long, my mom wakes up early.
>So, I hit the interstate again, heading south in
>search of the right type of establishment.
>Then I see a Denny's.
>And overshoot it by two blocks trying to find a
>way to turn into it.
>Okay, no problem. I'll just take the next available
>turn, hang a U-turn and head back.

>But no place makes itself available. It's like the
>road is fucking with me. Finally, I see a strip mall
>to the left that would be ideal to turn around in.
>But, in the back of my mind, is the fact that an
>eighteen inch yellow barrier line is between me
>and the parking lot of said strip mall.
>I think:
>"Come on, you have to be able to turn into here."
>So I hang a left and do so.
>Lights.
>Sirens.
>More lights.
>I stop.
>No, you *can't* turn into here.
>A state trooper rocks up to my window.
>He proceeds to tell me that I've made an illegal
>turn across an eighteen inch barrier line and
>that, by itself, will cost me three hundred
>bucks...and, give him my license and
>registration.
>Fuck.
>I do.
>The part I haven't mentioned is that at the time I
>was eighteen and it was a very new car.
>After about ten minutes the Trooper comes back
>and says;
>"I'm gonna save you three hundred bucks. Get
>outa here and don't do it again."
>I, enthusiastically, say: "Yes Sir!" and turn the
>key.
>Nothing.
>Shit.
>During this whole exchange I had my lights on
>and my engine off. I'm now the much chagrined
>owner of a dead battery.
>I jump out of my car.
>For my cat-like performance I get a spotlight in
>the face.
>After I can get the light out of my eyes and
>remember my name, I manage to tell the trooper
>that my battery is dead since I left my lights on.
>He looks annoyed.
>Really annoyed.

>But, he pulls ahead of me and pops his trunk.
>Apparently, this state's troopers carry auxiliary
>jump systems in their trunk.
>He grabs some jumper cables, connects them to
>his system, looks at me and says:
>"Have you done this before?"
>I say:
>"Yes Sir".
>I've already popped my hood, so, cables in hand,
>I look at my battery.
>Remember how this is a new (to me) car?
>I look at the battery, and HOLY FUCKING SHIT!
>The asshole I bought the car from replaced the
>battery cables but put them on BACKWARDS.
>Red is on negative and black is on positive.
>Since this ain't my first time doing this I looked at
>the battery and set the cables like they should
>be, ignoring the fucked up colors.
>But the trooper is watching me.
>He hasn't seen the details.
>Already annoyed at having to help the guy (me)
>he let off, he orders, in a very stern voice that'd
>tolerated no argument, he says:
>"NO! Red on red, black on black."
>The important part is *how* he said this. It truly
>left no room for discussion.
>So, I put red on red and black and black.
>I got in my car and hit the ignition.
>While it wasn't quite like a good Fourth of July, it
>was a fuckload, no, I think it was a *metric*
>fuckload of sparks.
>His entire auxiliary jump system was annihilated.
>After a lot of bad noise I managed to explain to
>him what had happened.
>He was pissed, but still pretty cool.

>He helped me push my car into the nearest
>parking spot. He asks me if I have somewhere to
>go. I say yes. Then he looks at me and asks if I
>have any weapons on me or in my bag. I say no.
>He says: “Ok, the bag goes in front you go in the
>back”.
>As we’re pulling out we see a sheriff chasing a
>dude at about 100 mph in the wrong lane. The
>trooper looks back, tells me to hang on, and
>takes off after them. I’m sitting here think: “how
>the fuck do I get myself into these situations?”.
>The dude suddenly pulls over and jumps out of
>the car. The trooper is unsnapping his holster
>while getting out. He barks at me: “lie down!”.
>So, I’m laying there, trying to think of a good
>story if somehow the dude manages to steal this
>car since I’m stuck in the back. It turns out it was
>just a drunk guy. The trooper trades the drunk
>guy for taking me to my moms.
>I banged on the door until she woke up and let
>me in.

>My girlfriend lived down the street. Yeah, very
>convenient. She was the first girl I had sex with.
>Same for her. So, it's something we tried to do
>as often as possible.
>Most of the time, we had sex at her house. I'm
>not really sure why, but it seemed to work out that
>way. But sometimes, it was at my house.
>But not really all that often so I'm not even
>sure how this happened.
>I got home one day, and saw her panties,
>a little yellow string bikini thing in the laundry
>pile, in the garage.
>I'm thinking "HOLY FUCKING FUCK!".
>So I grab them, stuff them in my pocket, and
>carry on.
>Later that night, I'm having dinner at her house
>and give them back to her.
>She laughed.
>I come back home thinking I've pulled off the
>perfect crime.
>The next day my dad says, menacingly:
>"I want to talk to you."
>Fuck.
>He says: "There were some girls underwear in
>the garage yesterday. They weren't your
>stepmom's or your stepsister's."
>My brain (thanks brain) kicks into gear; I say:
>"So?"
>He glares daggers at me and says:
>"I think they were your girlfriend's and you took
>them out of the laundry because they're gone
>now."
>I say:
>"I don't know what you're talking about."
>neverEVERadmitanything.sys
>He goes on:
>"I know they were your girlfriend's so just admit
>it."
>holdyourground.jpg
>I say, defiant now:
>"I don't know what you're talking about, so if you
>want to bust me, bust me. I didn't see any
>panties, I don't know about any panties, and I
>don't know what you're talking about."
>He knew.
>I knew.
>He knew I knew.
>But he couldn't prove anything, and, luckily,
>wouldn't go further without an admission.
>I got away with it.

user, im sorry to tell you, but your dad totes banged your gf