Be me

Be me
28, chubby, home owner
Order pizza online, less human interaction
Web portal thingy says Tammie will deliver
How do I not autist when she arrives?

answer door nekkid
She'll know you don't have a weapon on you and thus feel comfortable.

Truth. Feeling safe is what all women need. Remove clothes to show you're safe

Kill yourself because you can't take part in society without fucking up

you can't even order a fuckin pizza?

christ.

Whip out your cock and ask if she’s interested in doubling her tip

leave your zipper undone with a full erection.. if she's an older woman start stroking it with intense eye-contact.. institutionally she will understand your sexual communication and automatically go down on you. Trust me bro it happens all the time to me.

this.

stick your dick through the mail slot

Seriously...not even being edgy but you need to rethink what you're doing with your life.
What do you think would happen under ideal circumstances? Pizza sexytime from a 20 sec convo and little monetary exchange?
Women will only want you if you appear to be worth wanting. Work on that, instead of imaginary scenarios.

That's how I met my wife.. she was a mail lady.

Dress normally from the waist up and totally naked from the waist down, Act normal and ask if she believes in love at first sight. Shave your pubes into a heart if you have enough time, that just might seal the deal right there.

...

You are placing faith that a delivery girl will be interested in you I gather and thereby fulfil some sexual fantasy where the roles are reversed and you deliver a hot, large, sausage?

Yeah not likely but my advice is to try and be cordial and have little to no expectation.

This dude knows what's up. You're ordering a fucking pizza even if you weren't a fat fucking retard it would still just be you paying her and her giving you a pizza. That's it dude. Work on you and maybe you wouldn't be worried about a simple transaction with someone just because it's a woman.

Ask her if she wants to see your anime collection

How the fuck do you own a home?

He rapes delivery girls and steals theit money.

>20 dollars and food per instance
>also rape is fun

kid you're ordering a pizza, not a hooker

holy fuck.........

You asked.

I did not. How's your first day on Sup Forums?
>I do this too; I'm sorry for busting your balls.

>No worries. Been a while since June 2005 though. Those were my first
days.

Just fuck already

Say/do:

*open door/gate*

Hello, is that the pizza i ordered?

*Wait for response, she may say yes or tell you what it is.*

Cool thanks. How much was it again?

*after response hand her money then wait for change*

*After she hands you change*

Thanks. Here you go

*give her predecided reasonable tip*

Have a good night

*close door*

WHAT IF I DONT WANT CHANGE
HELP

keep the door locked
playback a recording of a robot voice using festival TTS saying "Tammie, please leave the pizza in front of my door"
Then slip the money under the door or through a mail slot
Then have robo 2000 say, "No change is required, our transaction has been finalized. You may now go"

then you say keep the change bruh this aint rocket science

bonus points if you don't slip quite enough money under the door

Say/do:

*if you don't want change supply say*

Keep it

"Continue with rest of process*

I like you.

You're ordering a pizza from a girl named Tammie. I hope you're really in the mood for Italian, because you're sure going to have a lot of spaghetti in those pockets.

>pay for food
>tell her to keep the change as a tip
>or just give her an extra $5 or some shit nigga idk
>"have a good night"
>close door

You have successfully communicated with another human being.

Answer the door in order to not autism. Pizza delivery women are fucking gross always no exceptions. Good looking girls don’t need to have shit jobs like a fucking delivery driver for a pizza shop. 9/10 chance she is a handsome woman

>I hope you're really in the mood for Italian
>pizza isn't Italian and/or doesn't indicate this already
I laughed, though. Clever.