I fucked up bad guys...

i fucked up bad guys. i was talking to my dad and he kept bitching at me about how i have no job and future goals so as a joke i told him next week im gonna try to enlist in the army. he fucking hugged me and told me how proud he was and he already started telling our family. i don't want to enlist but im scared im too far in

Operative word is try. You could try to do it and get a job instead.

you're in luck

Tell him because of the government shutdown you've talked to your recruiter and am waiting to see

FUCKING JOIN THE MARINE CORPS U CUNT, if anything join the reserves if ur too fuckin scarrd, u cn do infantry shit 2 days a month n use being in the military to get a good day job too.
>I know from experience, i make 33 a hour because i bullshitted my resume with usmc honor courage commitment shit

holy shit that might actually work. thank you

Enlist. Make you country and father proud.

i can't join the military. i'm fragile

>dad's proud
>not marines
Man, your dad has really low expectations for you user

it did make me feel good making my dad proud but i couldnt make it out there

THATS HOW U UNFRAGINE YA SELF BOI, I was a 4 channer before i enlisted, it sucks because it is supposed to suck. eventually you have to just mentaly say FUCK YOU to EVERYONE who says you cant fucking do it, you cant fucking make it, because FUCK THEM im going to fucking DO IT
>You only live once, plus dropping a shit ton of weight and becoming a marine is almost a pussy guarantee

unfragile, fuck

Ur fuckin done kiddo

Sounds like joining the army will do you some good, maybe you'll stop being a fag

Compromise. Try to join the Coast Guard. Those fuckers work and hazardous areas are a bit more (not totally though) voluntary. And you'll quallify for Federal retirement and other cool shit. Look it up.
P.S. Armyfag here, over a decade. You join the Army and I will fucking rape you for being a retarded, cock biting fuckwit. Don't do it.

What are your skill? And keep in mind that they actually train you. They don't just give you s guy and drop you off in Sandistan.

Do it. You got your Sup Forumsros behind you all the way!

i work part time as a paramedic at a private ambulance in a small city doing 4-6 calls a day in a 24 hour period

Be a defender rather than an offender. Join the Navy. All through those years my dad didn't get killed in the gulf war, even when he was in Egypt.

I thought you said you didn't have a job?

i work 1 day a week. my dad doesnt consider that a "job"

Nigger man up and tell him it was a fucking joke. Retard.

Then why not work more days, assuming you could?

Tell him the recruiter asked if you suck dicks and you admitted you did, and they rejected you.

because we get so few calls i cant go to full time. i could transfer to another garage in chicago but my company only pay $16.75/hr so i cant afford to move

Just fail the physical horribly.

Or you could stare at the sun for an hour, go blind and disqualify yourself that way

Why not cause injuries to random people as to inflate the number of calls?

cause im not a psychopath and i kinda like i have freetime to play videogames, sleep, watch tv, and just hangout

This is the grammar of a grown ass adult.
Low asvab score eh?

Honestly it's not a bad move. It's not a good one, but it's not a bad one. You sound like you're better off trying to go with "Actually, I'll join the Air Force" for now.

Just tell them you wanna kill yourself at MEPS, get marked 51-50 and you're good

My initial advice was "tell them you're a faggot" but nowadays they'd probably give you an instant promotion and a medal of honor

Well you have no qualms about lying to your father, and you've come to one of the most degenerative places on the Internet, so I assumed you were up for anything.

Well, say you go talk to a recruiter and actually want to join. chances are you'd get kicked back from MEPS since it seems 1 in 5 that go actually swear in.

True

take the asvab. test really high. get a cushy job.

legit dude do navy. surface if you can. get hella money, place to live for free, free food, and just follow dumbass easy as fuck rules. fap all you want and play vidja.

This.

Submarine guy for 5 years, we hated the surface pukes. didn't do anything and still complained. we all get paid the same too.

as far as not making it, dude the military is a pump not a filter, they need morons like me. got out last july tho, sitting on 25k cause only bought vidja and pizza

plus you do your time and you get hella benefits afterwords. got the VA health insurance, hella cheap perscriptions and living off the GI bill money. I just show up to class to collect the check, standards are hella low because they assume I'm fucked from service

>Try
The Army will nearly fucking anyone...

*take

you sure you didn't mean to squeeze "hella" in there, a fourth time? 6 years late? you hella okay?

>I swore in to the NG at 18 against my families wishes (2004)
>I didn't want to go to basic
>I hated my first two years
>I didn't want to reenlist but I didn't have anything else going for me in life
>I deployed to Afghanistan and hated it
>I reenlisted for another 6 while there for sweet bonus, plus going back to just one weekend a month opposed to every fucking day in the desert seemed not so bad
>start counting the years until I hit 20
>coming up on my 15th year in, only 5 to go
>can't wait to be done with the bullshit
>all i want to do is grow out beard and hair
>hated 95% of my time in the military

The only thing keeping me going is knowing that some day I'll be 61 years old and realize it was all worth it in the end. I shit my pants when I rolled the dice on a nasty fart when I was 28. That's the event that taught me I won't be young forever. The body just starts shutting down and wearing out. Now I'm just banking on the government not failing completely and jewing me out of my retirement.

You're an idiot OP

>i don't want to enlist
Then don't. But do have a good other option, as in get a good job. Or do enlist but fail out of basic training.

Why not join as a medic? Get some sort of job in military, get the EXP, get out and check that box that says you were in service. It guarantees interviews. Plenty of people in IT do this. work for military, gain a shit ton of skills in a variety of things including the actual job you do, then bank.

Just keep your uniforms spotless and hair trimmed (including face), you'll be in the clear. Navy is weak as fuck now, believe me I know, my div (013) was the last division to run the real battlestations over 10 years ago.

>found the middle of nowhere american

one of the guys in my sociology course got a 1.2 changed to a 3 by telling the instructor after what he saw in Iraq all he does is lie awake at night trying to scream
>he was a computer guy in OK

>from hellafornia but don't having something to prove saying it literally four times in a sentence

What is this military meme of how easy it is now days, yet people IN the military are still elitist pricks referring to everyone as civs lol... This is some straight up islam shit.

medic is a good one and gets you preferred enrollment in all kinds of gov jobs.
>the other guys will love you long time too

shh, little snowflake. Back to Sup Forums where everyone types the same way. You can go back to ur sheeple

Do you take any medications? If you take adderall you could say you tried to enlist with the mc and say you can't because of your medication.

>flunk out of college or near enough (quit before they could kick me out)
>joined the USAF
>hated it
>swore I would tell everyone not to enlist
>enlist should be last option for anyone
>people I worked with in the USAF got out before me and helped me land a job
>that job lead to another job
>now making over $120k/year
>still don't have a degree
>thanks USAF, I guess

It's really not a terrible way to go. Just make sure you look at the jobs and pick your own. Don't let the military pick for you.

Sometimes I wish I'd rode out the 20 years. It's a damn nice deal, 20 years and retirement.

I don't really regret getting out when I did but on the other hand, I would literally be retired as of last year if I'd stayed in.

If you're anti-authoritarian as I am, it's tough to deal with but it beats being a loser.

This. Navy is piss weak. Don't fall asleep on watch '6-8 hours of standing around bullshitting' and keep shaved. in subs specifically rank barely exsists

Why do I get the feeling you were a grunt?

that somehow makes me a snowflake. what are you in real life. hella want to meet you

He's a Marine. Of course he has a low fucking ASVAB score

I don't know, they are elitist pricks hence the reason I'm not still there but for real, it isn't even hard anymore. Most of the completely useless guys are ADSEP'ed before boot camp ends, not sure if they have "pussy cards" anymore but we didn't get that luxury lol.

Yeah, you being crippling butthurt and only replying to him for using a word you didn't like makes you a snowflake. geez. who knew.

artillery

20 years and then you retire? Holy fuck thats a good ass deal

Enlist. Totally fuck up the psych eval by talking about how you want to go overseas and kill sandniggers or some shit. Talk it up like your whole goal is to murder anyone that's not an Amerifag. They'll turn you down and you can tell your dad that you failed the medical.

every guy i've ever known thats enlisted has hilarious stories. it sucks but theres something special about having a shit time with a bunch of guys youre really close with. it isnt necessarily fun during it but you find a way and time flies

Signing up now would mean certain death. And do you really want to die fighting for some stupid war that Trump starts? Die for Trump?

Air force or navy is probably the way to go if you want to be military but not be put in the middle of bullets flying. Doing admin/office shit in aforementioned branches is literally like working a normal 9-5 job. I'm in aircraft maintenance and the hours are pretty shitty and workload always high, so if you're trying to avoid that, become a nonner

Do it user, it will help you. just fucking do it. If you don't ask to go to afghan very low chance you will. Even if you do low arse chance you will actually die. Do it. Start training and liffting weights and whateves and get off the website. Train and be free muther fucker. Ride into the some set on some hot hoe like a glorious bastard and be where we won't. Train and get ready for the best part of your life. Do it faggot.

Go chairforce its easy and unlike the marines you wont be homeless afterwards or a crayon eater