>Hello and welcome to the mental health hotline
or ROLL YOUR JAILFU
>if you are obsessive compulsive press one repatedly
>if you are co-dependent ask someone to press two for you
>if you have multiple personalities press three, four, five & six
>if you are paranoid we know who you are and what you want,
stay on the line and we'll trace your call
>If you're delusional press seven and your call will be transferred to the mothership
>if you are schizophrenic listen carefully and that small voice will tell you which number to press
>if you are depressive it doesn't matter which number you press, nobody will answer you
>If you are dyslexic press six nine six nine six nine six nine
>if you have a nervous disorder please fidget with the hash key until the beep.
>After the beep please wait for the beep.
>If you have short term memory loss please try your call again later
>if you have low self esteem hang up all our operators are too busy to talk with you
