Sup Forums, I need advice

Sup Forums, I need advice.
My ex broke my heart. I'm over her now but still care about her as a person. But it hurts me to care about her. Should I give in to hating her? That seems like such an easy and unhealthy way out. I don't like hating people. It just hurts to care.
Is it better to hate her, or care about her like a decent human being even though it hurts?
>pic not related

Other urls found in this thread:

youtube.com/watch?v=kGXWDqQB3NU
twitter.com/SFWRedditGifs

i dont think about my exes unless prompted to. What you have going on is unhealthy as fuck

oh i forgot to add, you're not over her. the fact you think about her proves it. that was the point of my post

I think about that a lot. I don't feel for her romantically if that counts for anything. I forgot to add in the OP that she went really downhill and ended up in a psych ward a few months ago (We broke up last year). That's why I'm concerned about her. And I've been through that whole routine, I feel like I could help her. It hurts though.

Also I never really got the chance to talk about any of the breakup or aftermath with anybody at all because I felt like a pussy saying it. But I'm anonymous on here. If people keep this bumped, can I share my story?

reject all thoughts. They drain your sanity faster than you think.

Find yourself something to do, and more importantly, to fuck and never ever look behind.

It shouldnt hurt if you're over her. Shes her own person capable of helping herself. and if she's not, you sure as hell cant if its actual mental illness.

You need to chastise yourself when your mind wanders to the past, as if it is trying to ruin your mood.

They're just memories user. When you let your brain dredge up the past, you relive those moment but they're the past. The past is gone. She's a different person now.

The more you control how you reminisce about the past and her, the better you will feel.

you know what, fine dude. I have nothing going on for a while, and this will actually help you get closure and stop thinking about her because you'll get a random ass person's opinion on the matter. go ahead and share but dont include random ass details that random people wouldnt understand or care about

Get yourself laid bud, nothing better to help you move on, and that's just what you need to do. Move on.

Also this. She's her own person, and not your responsibility. Either she has her own support network, or she doesn't. If you want to be that support network, then fucking do it. If you're not up for it, like I said. Move. On.

I've been running from this for too long and while I don't actively think about it, I get intrusive thoughts about it. It's time to deal with it.
I've slept with a few girls since her but they haven't been very good. I've been having trouble with my confidence as well because of this shit.

Thanks. We broke up because I was going through heavy depression and anxiety and stress and it made our relationship difficult. I never lashed out or treated her badly because of it. I talked to her about it sometimes and she was there for me and supportive. But she told me that I needed to work on myself and we could try again in the future when I'm better. I felt abandoned but I understood that it was taking a big toll on her and it wasn't fair to her.

youtube.com/watch?v=kGXWDqQB3NU
Come on Toshi!
Come on!
Toshi!
Toshi come on!

We hung out as friends for another month or so and we obviously still had feelings for each other. But I started meeting some of her friends and they automatically didn't like me because my ex must have been talking shit about me to them. Then I heard from a mutual friend that she'd been fucking someone else which she lied about and then admitted to. Which hurt me but it's her right and stuff, whatever. The way she did all this though was very manipulative and made me feel guilty the whole way.

Then I started losing a lot of friends because according to them, she told them that I was manipulative and abusive. Which is not true in the slightest. Then she started going to the local concerts I went to every weekend and turned most of the people in the scene against me. I lost my confidence, my motivation, and a lot of people because of her.

And that's what worries me. That's not the girl I knew. Something must have been going on that made her turn into such a shitty person. I thought she was just growing into that kind of girl but then I heard she was in a psych hospital for a bit and wasn't doing very well.

Shit on her car.

Post story...

I know the girl I knew is still there somewhere but she's going through a lot of heavy stuff. And I've gone through heavy shit all my life and I wouldn't wish that stuff on anyone, especially someone who I used to love.

>local concerts

oh man, your life is really going to go to shit without THOSE people in your life.

Guess you could just work, save your money, and invest your time in having a productive life. That would show them.

Been posting it. Not greentexting because I've never been a good storyteller, let alone greentexter.
Dude, $5 tickets, punk bands, cheap beer, and meeting awesome people? Not a big price to pay for the fun.
So I don't know if I should just give up on this person and give into hate or what. I don't like being a hateful person.

alright here's my two cents. Bear in mind this is assuming everything you said is actually true and not through your bias. It's good you took time off for yourself and your mental issues, and her breaking up with you over that is absolutely warranted. And then she changed and said a bunch of shit which isnt true. That's not uncommon of women to do at all, especially because she probably still really likes you deep down and doesnt want her friends to think of you as an option at all (which happens all the times in friends groups, just partner swapping until you figure shit out).
>she's not the girl i knew
dude you have an idealized version of who this person is based on your anecdotal experience, but now she's giving you additional experience which is shitty when things turned difficult. This is a huge red flag, just run. Either way, she's either not the perfect person you thought who is perfectly capable of doing shitty things and being a shitty person or she is mentally ill which causes her to act shitty. Either way, just get out. you're worth more than that, especially if you dont have any of your own mental burdens. It's somewhat shitty to say but it's true, unless you're one of those people who really gets a kick out of helping someone else's inherent problems. It gets really old really quick though

am based on your story, tell me this, how long did you date and how old are you? The way you talk about this experience makes me think late teens/early twenties and you dated for maybe 6 months to a year tops?

see a doctor
get therapy

just from reading your op i can see you need help dude. sounds like you're looking WAY TOO MUCH into it and you are going to become mentally ill unless you start fixing this shit, NOW

I was 23, we dated for about a year and a half. So you're not too far off. I'm almost 25 now.
You're right about a lot of that, nobody has said it like that before. I guess I am seeing her for the person she wasn't and isn't. I really should just stay away.

> I'm over her now but still care about her as a person.

She does not care about you at all. Face the facts. You caring about her is not going to get you up in the morning, it's not going to make you money or tend to your dogs needs or get you an education.
You are stuck in a cycle, an addiction that only goes away when you realise what you are doing to your physcial and mental health.

protip: what you think now will be different in a year or so and you'll look back and think 'was i reall so fucking retarded?'

Been seeing a doctor/therapist for years. Diagnosed PTSD, anxiety, and depression, all really heavy. Lots of crazy stories about that stuff.
I recently realized that I attach to certain bad things happening and hide behind them so I don't have to deal with my past trauma. That's something I've been working on over the last 6 months or so.

yea closure is a funny thing. Sometimes you just need to hear someone say what you were already telling yourself for it to really sink in or to accept it. Im gonna give you random girl advice though, avoid anyone who acts in revenge, lies, or is manipulative at all. also dont be in a relationship which you question or doesnt make you happy, maybe i just lucked out in life but I cant recall being in a relationship and being unhappy, or confused where i stand, but im pretty good at communication so yea. Life is too short to waste your time feeling shitty because someone wants you to. and women are very replaceable

Thanks. I try to find girls who look/act like her because I feel like that's all I'm attracted to. I need to really look at what kinds of qualities I like in a person and broaden my horizons.

dont question your sexuality or who you are attracted to. Dont let others tell you who you want to be with either. Sometimes someone you didnt think was conventionally attractive becomes such after you get to know them. Just dont limit yourself because of others. I know if i had, i wouldnt have pursued certain things and would have very much regretted it.